I had hoped to write a rather funny and eloquent first post about life with Cameron but alas, I am lacking in both the funny and eloquent departments at the moment. I’m lucky I even have a second to post!
Things have been hectic but going well.
Cameron and I had some nursing issues at first but I think we’re getting past them. He has a tight frenulum but the ped doesn’t want to clip because it’s not interfering with swallowing or weight gain. (Um doc, how about my nipples? It’s KILLING THEM!) I had purchased some reusable nursing pads but have since tossed them because they were sticking to my nipples and undoing any healing progress every time I nursed! (OUCH!) So until I get ahold of some nice comfy SOFT flannel nursing pads, I’m using Lansinoh disposables.
Alli and Charlotte are adjusting well. Yesterday was the worst day yet with both of them acting out but we muddled through. Charlotte’s got her back molars coming in right now so that’s lots of fun. Christmas however is a great time to add a little one to the family because the other children are blissfully distracted by all the new toys!
Now onto the important part – my emotions.
So far, so good. I am still on my med and doing well. I know it’s still early but already I am feeling so much different than I did after the birth of our two girls. The first day home alone, Cameron started crying during a diaper change and I actually laughed at him and told him it would be ok, mommy would be done in a second. Now, had that been two years ago, I would have started to freak out, anxiety would have kicked in and I would have rushed to finish and get him nursing. But instead I took my time, laughed, and everything was ok. I AM HAPPY! I could sit here with him in my arms and just get lost. We have had several moments like that actually – sheer blissful mommy and baby moments. And I have been grateful for all of them – I am not taking any of this for granted – no, I am drinking it in and loving every second of it. Of course part of me is wondering if this is too good to be true and if this happiness will last – but only a small part. I sincerely hope that small little part is wrong.
He’s here! Our unexpected blessing arrived on December 18th at 419am after a short labor, tipping the scales at 8lbs 7ozs, measuring 20in long.
We checked into the hospital at 630p, Pitocin was administered at 8pm, water was broken at 11pm, epidural at about 1am or so, short nap (thank GOD), awoken by epidural fading, feeling like I needed to push, and 45 minutes later Cameron was born. He had to be suctioned and received some blow by oxygen due to his short trip down the birth canal but his palate is intact and he is a champion nursing baby boy!!! He looks just like the girls except that he has brownish green eyes. Chris and I have to keep reminding ourselves he’s a boy! LOL.
I am doing well. Already feeling great, moving around, still sore a bit physically. Mentally I am doing well. I thoroughly enjoyed cuddling with Cameron today and really bonded with him. I spent most of the day with him in bed with me just staring at his gorgeous little face. He nursed quite a bit today and as I said earlier, definitely knows what’s going on in that department.
Chris and I feel that Cameron has been blessed to us as a reward for all our hard work with Charlotte. We truly survived the fire with her and feel so blessed to have her as part of our lives. … and now to have Cameron as well. We already feltblessed to have Alli as well but now we definitely feel that God has smiled upon us and for this we are grateful.
Here I sit, grateful to be out of the house, and grateful to the folks who have allowed me to sit here in their conference room, free of charge, for the entire past year in order to provide support to women in need. It’s been a terrific year, even with the ups and downs and frazzled moments in between. Hmmmm. Sounds like life!
I wouldn’t dare begin to count how many women I’ve touched with my story and support. All I know is what I’ve been doing has been precisely what I AM supposed to be doing.
On the way here, desperate for some blissful distraction, I was scanning my SIRIUS radio for some good music and came across Bon Jovi’s Livin on a Prayer. Yeah, it’s an oldie but God chose that song to speak to me. This past year has been just that – I’ve been livin on a prayer. A prayer to uplift my family and allow us to give back and help others get through what we’ve been through. It’s been a prayer for increased faith, increased trust, and increased strength. And our prayer has been answered over and over again. I know it is just not possible for us to have gotten through the past year without His hand guiding our lives.
Charlotte and Alli both went to bed very easily last night and didn’t wake up a lot – if they did, they didn’t wake us up. And they woke up in a great mood this morning. We ate breakfast around 8a, then they played in the living room until about noon. Lunch went well, Charlotte went down to nap quite nicely (didn’t even cry) and now Alli & I are watching Home on the Range. (Ok, so she’s watching it and I’m blogging) In a short bit we’ll be cooking some break n bake Snickerdoodles that Chris picked up for me. (They’re my favourite holiday cookie and I’m well – not up for baking right now!)
Apparently whatever was going on with me yesterday as far as pain and potential contractions was productive somewhat – I lost my mucous plug last night around 1030. Had some additional pain between 930p – 1030p but again, nothing regular. I went ahead and packed my bag last night, put the rest of the clothes I need in the wash, (am drying them now), and am also washing the cloth pads my mom was awesome enough to make me. I’m allergic to all store bought pads and decided to go cloth this time around hoping it would speed up the healing process being that I wouldn’t have to deal with an allergic rash on top of everything else!
I’m hoping that labor holds off until at least nine pm or later tonight as I have my last PACE meeting of the year and would really like to make it to that meeting. It’s kind of bringing up some mixed emotions – I’m in awe that I’ve been doing this for a year already and yet at the same time I certainly didn’t expect to be in the position I am – about to give birth again. None of the emotions are negative though, which is rather nice.
As for my OB visit yesterday, I was asked if I was still taking my med and I said yes – which made them happy. I also signed consent forms for tubal ligation in the off chance I end up in a c-section situation. I am so done emotionally and physically having kids that I figured I might as well go ahead and consent if the opportunity arises.
I can barely think straight, let alone well, yeah, think straight. See???
See what having kids does to your brain? Where was THAT commercial when we were growing up?
The commercial with the a calm, happy woman sitting in a room curled up on a perfect club chair, covered in a soft blanket, HOT tea sitting next to her, meditative music in the background….. The voice would have said : This is your life.
Then they would flash to toddlers destroying the room, climbing all over a frazzled woman in a t-shirt and yoga pants, yelling, screaming, crying, breaking things, banging on pots and pans? Then the voice would come on and say “This is your life with kids!”
I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THAT COMMERCIAL WAS! I COULD HAVE USED IT AS A WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously.
Oh I feel so much better now just having typed that out.
Today did end up getting better – Alli passed out on the love seat shortly after I posted – I laid down and managed to fall asleep and putting them to bed tonight went a LOT better than last night did by which I am greatly impressed. Yet still I sit here, watching Hot Shots Part Deux (for the moment) and unable to think straight. I know I will wind down eventually and sleep will help but I am just so frazzled. Gonna go now and continue to wind down. (And by the way, no longer wishing for labor… whatever that was earlier went away and hasn’t come back)
We moved Charlotte into Alli’s room last night. They were both ok until the light got turned out and then they both started screaming. They calmed down rather quickly and went to sleep. Chris says they were up several times, Alli had to go potty. I got up at 430a to go to the bathroom and heard them both giggling.
Today has been a horrible day. I had an OB appt this morning (that went well) however, coming home was a whole ‘nother story. Chris had bathed both the girls because apparently Alli had helped her take off her jammies and her diaper – getting pee everywhere. FUN. Alli had also opened her armoire and threw all of the clothes I just washed all over the floor. Fun. Now I have to wash them again.
For added fun, when I went to put Charlotte down, her crib was broken – missing a cap nut or something so Chris came home at lunch to fix it because I couldn’t find the missing piece. (I have my suspicions as to where it will turn up though)
Alli is spending time with me during quiet time now because if I put the two of them in that room together during quiet time, it will be a disaster – I know this. (she’s driving me friggin insane!)
To top things off, I think i am having a bit of false labor today – had what felt like contractions earlier this morning at the doc’s office and then again when Chris was on his way home. Not sure if it’s the real thing getting ready to rock n roll or just the stress of last night and today. The ones that happened when Chris was on his way home happened while I was sitting down and I had been doing so most of the morning.
Right now I just want to go somewhere and scream. If I have to hear one more friggin excuse about why we can’t watch THIS movie, I’m just going to scream right now.
FRAZZLED is my word for today. Yeah, I think Frazzled sums it up.
Labor can’t happen tonight. Course if it does, at least I’d get some time away from the girls. LOL. Pretty desperate, huh?
I have always loved movies. Especially movies that focus on how an individual overcomes barriers life puts in their way and goes above and beyond expectations of those around them – people who turn and fight and won’t take no for an answer. I am watching one of those movies right now and well, inspiration struck and I figured I’d share my list with you! They are not in any particular order, just listed.
1) Cool Runnings (watching it right now)
2) The Pursuit of Happyness (a new recent favorite!)
3) Erin Brokovich (Probably the first movie that made me feel like helping other people!)
4) The Mission (oldie but a goodie – Jeremy Irons, DeNiro, and Liam Neeson.. great flick but not for the faint of heart)
5) School Ties (Besides the benefit of a gorgeous Brendan Fraser, this film is an amazing story of moral strength and being true to yourself)
6) Rudy (Sean Astin is amazing in this true tale of Daniel E. Ruttiger from Notre Dame!)
7) Patch Adams (do I really need to say anything else here?)
8 ) North Country (again, not for the faint at heart, but what an amazing story of strength)
9) With Honors (Great film about living with dignity and not being afraid to show others your true colors)
10) Instinct (Again, very powerful and not for the faint of heart but this is a great movie featuring Cuba Gooding Junior and Anthony Hopkins. Humanity bares it’s very soul in this flick and leaves you breathless!)
Today I spent the bulk of the girls’ nap time putting together a relaxation slideshow in Powerpoint. I plan on having this going during labor. How effective it will be remains to be seen but I found a plethora of really beautiful photos and finally got them to all cooperate into one big slide show. I contemplated making it a bit… oh, dang it…. um.. SUBLIMINAL! (I hate it when words elude me!) but decided that would ruin the overall beauty and flow of the photos so I opted just for photos. I have also requested DH make a mix cd with songs chosen by me. A very ecclectic group of songs but all of them really just make me relax and/or invoke a positive emotional response.
Here’s the Song List for the CD and I am going to TRY to upload the slideshow but I can’t promise anything… I’m really not that much of a computer genius. (Which is why I married one!) Not so successful with the slideshow. I’ll give it another shot tomorrow.
Playlist Oasis – Wonderwall
The Verve – Bittersweet Symphony
Anna Nalick – Breathe
The Verve Pipe – Freshmen
U2 – Mysterious Ways
Jewel – Intuition
Alannah Myles – Black Velvet
Live – Lightning Crashes
The Eagles – Hotel California
Jewel – Foolish Games
Natasha Bedingfield – Unwritten
Peter Gabriel – In Your Eyes
The Proclaimers – (I’m Gonna Be) 500 miles
Jewel – You were meant for me
Sting – Desert Rose
Shakira & Alejandro Sanz – La Tortura
I am tentatively scheduled for induction on Dec 17th at 7pm. Provided the scan and amnio that morning show the same rate of growth and mature lung development, I’ll be going in for a Cervidil induction that evening. OB and I discussed risks of induction as well as method – and thankfully he likes to go slow with the pit if it’s needed so I’m good with that. To be completely honest, I know that natural spontaneous labor is best but with my pelvic issues, the potential large size of baby, and me just well, having those typical 3rd trimester feelings, I am OH SO READY to be done with pregnancy forever, part of the reason I am not fighting this induction as much as I have fought inductions in the past.
I have another OB appt next monday, a talk therapy appt this friday, and my last PACE meeting of the year a week from tomorrow. Everything is neatly falling into place and I honestly have to wonder if God’s hand isn’t in this somehow. I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that one and just have to Thank Him for this situation!