Monthly Archives: May 2013

The Best Part of Peer Support

One of the things I adore most about what I do is getting to know PEOPLE.

I tell you, people, for the most part, are amazing, especially those who are fighting back against the hard.

Their spirits are indefatigable and their hearts are so full of love they long to let spill out. There’s a lot of laughter because laughter is honestly, one of the best medicines out there. So sometimes, we get crazy. Like last night.

Yesterday’s conversations ranged (at least the ones I was involved in) from mini-woolly mammoths to a full on Twitter-sing-a-long of “Part of Your World” with a bunch of fabulous women from the #PPDChat community. Thing is, the sing along was spontaneously inspired because I was watching a program about Mermaids (which, um.. we won’t ever mention again because yeah…).

Bottom line – there’s that tremendous sense of community and silliness.

You KNOW you’ve found your tribe when they inspire you to draw something like this:

PPDChat Woolly Mammoth

Yep. That’s a mini Woolly Mammoth smooshing Velma (intrusive/negative thoughts).

That’s love, people.

Brown University Researchers Seeking Participants for Postpartum Mood Disorder Study

I met Laura Sockol at the PSI/Marce conference in Pittsburgh, PA in 2010. We had a lively discussion about the DSM-V and Postpartum Mood Disorders in the lobby of the hotel. I still remember sitting and discussing things with her. Laura is a wonderful woman and very dedicated to researching Postpartum Mood Disorders. She’s reached out to me for her upcoming study regarding “The Role of Maternal Attitudes in the Prediction of Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety Among Pregnant and Postpartum Mothers“. Below is the official information Laura sent me. Go check it out and if you’re not eligible to participate, pass it on to someone who is. I’ve been told recruitment closes in the next two weeks.
 
Do you have older children? Are you pregnant again? Or did you have another baby in the past 6 months? Researchers at Brown University are interested in mothers’ experiences when they have more than one child. You may be eligible if you are between the ages of 18 and 45 and live in the United States. Women who complete the full study will be entered into a lottery for a $100 Amazon gift card, the odds of receiving a gift card are 1/50 or better. Interested? Visit www.BrownStudiesMoms.com for more information!

Special #PPDChat Topic 5.24.13: “Spring Into You – Seizing the Power of Positive Self Talk”

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Join me tomorrow as Josh Becker from i simply am chats with us about the power of self-talk and being authentic in using your voice in reference to yourself. Go here to read his fabulous guest post.

We’ll also be touching on this piece, “Selfish vs. Selfless: Conflicting Views of Motherhood and the Role of Self-Care—New Qualitative Data Emerges” from the fabulous Walker Karraa in reference to self-care for ourselves as mothers (and parents). It is beyond important as caregivers to the tiny humans (as Arizona on Grey’s calls them), to take care of ourselves. As I always say, self-care is not selfish, it is self-less as it allows us to fill our reservoirs so we are able to give more. If we are empty, we are unable to give to those around us.

Tomorrow’s chat is going to be a wonderful lift of spirit, energy, and will start your weekend off right!

So mark it on your calendar and pop in over on Twitter. We’ll be using the #ppdchat hashtag. See you at 3:00 p.m. EDT!

Special #PPDChat Announcement & Guest Post: “How Are You Expressing Your Authentic Self?”

During my time on Twitter, I have had the privilege to “meet” some absolutely amazing people. One of these amazing people is Josh Becker of i simply am. Josh’s spirit and his outlook on life is breathtaking. We graduated from knowing each other on Twitter to being friends on Facebook. Josh is one of those people every single one of us should have in our lives, a soul filled with light, gratitude, and ready to lift you up even when you don’t know you need it. His words have a way of speaking truth about whatever I’m going through right when I need to read them. He’s grown so much over the past years and I am beyond grateful to see him do so. I’m even more thrilled to be sharing him with you this coming Friday afternoon at 3:00pm ET for a special #PPDChat. Josh and I will be discussing the importance of self-talk, about being your authentic self as you journey toward healing and life. I sincerely hope you will be able to join us because I guarantee this is a conversation you WON’T want to miss. Go follow him over @isimplyam and say hi!
Below is a guest post from Josh, an intro, if you will, to the discussion we’ll be having on Friday afternoon. Read, comment, and share. And mark your calendar for 3:00pm ET Friday to dive into a live conversation!

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This is one of my favorite quotes and for good reason. The way we think and speak about ourselves has the single greatest impact over the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Yet from a very young age we’re taught that what others think and feel about us is what really counts. As toddlers we were (very lovingly I might add) given praise from our caregivers for the things we performed well. On the flip side, when we didn’t perform as expected, we heard about that too. There was one question we never heard enough of…
“How do you think/feel you did?”
We were never given the permission to explore our own thoughts and feelings about life. We were usually told that something was good, bad, silly, stupid, smart, dumb, pretty, or ugly without any concern about what it meant to us. It didn’t take long from that impressionable age to know that to feel whole, loved, valuable, worthy, and important we had to go searching for it. Obviously these weren’t qualities we could identify and affirm in ourselves (so we believed). Our caregivers, and those closest to us, showed us these are qualities that you obtain after, and only after, you accomplish something. Even worse than having to “work” for your qualities, they would be judged first by them.
The problem with this model is that these qualities, and many others, are Inherent. That means that you were born with them. You didn’t have to do anything to get these qualities nor could you do anything to have them go away. They were there and have been there your entire life. As we’ve seen though, this isn’t exactly what we were taught from a young age. We wound up mirroring what we learned from our caregivers. If we heard we were dumb, ugly, fat, slow, weak, unimportant, unworthy, or not enough in any way then that is what we knew. Even worse than knowing this, we came to believe it as truth.
Our entire value system was taken from us and placed “out there”. That meant that we were drawn to those that affirmed us and turned off by those that didn’t. So much so that it was literally of no consequence how we valued ourselves. Esteeming ourselves came 100% from the outside world.
It’s one thing to have someone shame  you (any comment or action that makes you think you are “less than”) but we’ve been doing it to ourselves. I’ll give you some examples of ways you might be shaming yourself today and not even realize it…
“Let me get my fat ass off this chair.”
“Oh, I’m so stupid!”
“I’m not good enough to do that.”
“I’m ugly and no one will ever accept me as I am.”
“I’m not important.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I’m not vulnerable.”
“She’s better than me.”
The way we think and feel about ourselves has everything to do with how we treat ourselves (our bodies, our thoughts, our feelings, our minds, and our spirit) and everyone else. Yet, when is the last time you corrected yourself for saying any of the above? In fact, often times you’ll stand up for yourself if someone else calls you stupid but then turn around and joke about how dumb you are after making a mistake.
If our goal in life is to become the fullest expression of who we are then we must change our starting place. Your starting place can’t be, “I’m dumb but sometimes I do smart things” or “I’m so ugly but once in awhile I can clean up nicely” or “I’m worthless so I’m going to take what I can get.” Making this your starting place forces you to express that which you think you are. If you really and truly think you’re dumb, ugly, not good enough, slow, weak, and unimportant then these are the exact qualities you’ll wind up expressing to the world.
The difference between who we truly are and who we think we are is that the latter is what’s always expressed.
I hope by now you see that you are not truly what other people think about you. You’re not truly even what YOU think about you. You are your inherent qualities that you were born with and you’ll always be those things. The question isn’t “Who Am I?”. We already know who you are. The question is, “How can I fully express my Authentic Self?” This begins with your self-love and that is expressed through your self-talk. As the Upanishads so beautifully pointed out, it starts with your thoughts but manifests in your destiny.
You are Beautiful, Intelligent, Creative, Compassionate, Important, Precious, Strong, and Thoughtful. Guess what? There’s literally nothing you can do to change that! So stop trying, stop listening to others, and start reminding yourself what is true and express that truth. It’s in that expression that your dreams, your hopes, and your Authentic Life lives!
What “I am” statement can you affirm right now? Even if it hurts to type it, let me know in the comments what the Authentic You looks like!
With Gratitude and Appreciation,
Josh
Josh_800_600Josh Becker is an author, speaker and mentor dedicated to helping you take off those glasses of false belief in exchange for your glasses of inherent nature. Josh is bridging the gap between the needed healing of our past and the tools necessary to live authentically now and in the future. You can find him at www.isimply.am, on Twitter, and on Facebook.

#PPDChat Topic 5.20.13: More than Postpartum depression: Coping When Baby Has Issues Too

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As I have addressed recently on the blog, facing challenges with your baby in addition to a Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorder is hell.

Today, we’re talking about those struggles with a specific focus on the challenges of being a NICU mom during the 8:30pm ET session. Joining me for that session will be @notjustaboutwee, a fellow NICU veteran, and co-administrator of the closed FB group for #PPDChat.

I hope you’ll join us as we discuss the challenging road that is a Postpartum Mood Disorder along with the struggles of being a special needs mom. See you there!

 

Welcome to #PPDChat Voices!

Hi there!

My hopes for this faded when I hit a tech snafu this past weekend. Granted, I should have recorded earlier than this past weekend but life has been crazy up and down with recovering from a road trip and days full of pain which induce fog-brain so, yeah, I was totally behind. HOWEVER.

I’m having a decent week now, still taking it slowly but I’m thrilled to be introducing this new feature at the blog! We’ll be rolling it out as we get submissions so feel free to send yours in whenever you want. I had grand plans of doing mine first, but recording is just not cooperating over here so I need to get that aspect ironed out.

PPDChatVoicesToday’s #PPDChat Voice is Lindsay, or if you know her on Twitter, @lilloveandluck. She is all sorts of awesome. Her piece is too, despite the fact that she keeps apologizing for all the uh’s and um’s. It’s tough to put yourself out there on camera, yo.

Huge thanks to Lindsay for submitting. (Check your email for your badge for your blog!)

LindsayLindsay’s bio: Powered by espresso and cake, Lindsay is a jill of all trades trying to find her niche in the world. She became a serendipitous advocate after being diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety in 2011. She lives and breathes New Orleans with her patient husband, sprightly son, and critters. She blogs at www.withalittleloveandluck.com , and you can find her over-sharing on Twitter @lilloveandluck.

LTM III Page 32

The Hidden Stigma of The Perfect Birth Culture

APA-BlogDayBadge-2013Today is the APA’s Annual Mental Health Blog Day. I’m diving into an aspect of Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders which is often swept under the rug yet brings with it a very divisive and stigmatizing aspect to the birthing world. I dove into this topic somewhat with a blog post just a week ago, but today I’m diving in even further because beneath the exposure of THAT post, there is even more stigma and non-discussion going on among some of the largest birth support organizations (Lamaze, DONA, and CAPPA) in regard to Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders.

If you read the post linked in the above intro paragraph, you’ll read that Henci Goer’s view of Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders places the blame for experiencing them on the breakdown of the system of medical intrusions into the birthing experience. If we could just fix the system, she believes, Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders (which are all PTSD related to intrusive medical occurrences during birth, by the way), would disappear and every single mother would be just fine.

Only it doesn’t work that way. We could have the most perfect birth in the world and still end up with some form of a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder. I’ve talked to mothers who have had this happen to them. Do the intrusions add to the potential? Sure. It’s a risk. Know what else is a risk? Being female and being pregnant. Researcher after researcher has proven that while yes, there are actions we can take to alleviate our risks or shorten our experiences, we are ALL at risk regardless of our stature in life or the manner in which we give birth. From those at the highest of society (Kim Kardashian, anyone?) to a woman in a third world country with the most meager access to care, we are ALL at risk. Different language may be used to express those experiences, but going “mad” after childbirth is something which has occurred since the time of Hippocrates and doesn’t show any signs of slowing down.

I’m not saying that we are all DOOMED to experience Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders, absolutely not. I’m saying that our risk factors are similar. Additional stress adds to our risk weight but beyond that, pregnancy itself is a risk factor as it does things to our bodies, to our hormones, to ourselves, that we will never fully understand regardless of how much research we do. The best way, I think, to approach pregnancy, is to advocate for the best care for yourself, whatever that may be. If you need an epidural to give birth, then go for it. If you want to give birth naturally, go for it. But be aware that birth is a fluid and organic process over which we truly have no control. Things may happen for which we are either not prepared or not willing to have happen. However, if you’re open to the possibility that they *may* happen, the result may be less traumatic and therefore leave a shorter impression upon your psyche.

In reading through Lamaze’s Listening to Mothers III report, I’m hit with some thoughts about how well the birth community IS listening to mothers. So I decided to go hit some of the other websites to see where they stand on Postpartum Depression Mood & Anxiety Disorders. How well do they prepare Mothers for the possibility of these issues and/or how well do they welcome mothers who have birthed before and experienced these things and are now searching for a “better” way to birth in order to avoid similar issues?

The answers were not good.

ACOG, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, has a published Opinion Paper on Screening for Depression During and After Pregnancy. It was issued in 2010 and reaffirmed in 2012. This opinion includes a chart mentioning several different methods of screening, notes the amount of time it takes to go through each one, the sensitivity of the screening method, and if it’s available in Spanish. ACOG then concludes by saying the following:

“Depression is very common during pregnancy and the postpartum period. At this time there is insufficient evidence to support a firm recommendation for universal antepartum or postpartum screening. There are also insufficient data to recommend how often screening should be done. However, screening for depression has the potential to benefit a woman and her family and should be strongly considered. Women with a positive assessment require follow-up evaluation and treatment if indicated. Medical practices should have a referral process for identified cases. Women with current depression or a history of major depression warrant particularly close monitoring and evaluation.”

Not only do they recommend screening, they recommend development of a referral process AND note that women with current depression or a history thereof should be monitored. Kudos, ACOG.

DONA has several position papers available at their website. The one for the Postpartum Doula does not mention Postpartum Depression aside from the following sentence:

“We know that women who experience support from their family members, care providers, counselors and peer groups have greater breastfeeding success, greater self-confidence, less postpartum depression and a lower incidence of abuse than those who do not.”

DONA also offers up a Postpartum Plan worksheet for new mothers. Nowhere on this sheet does it at all mention what to do if a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder appears. To DONA’s credit, however, there are books included on their required reading list for their Postpartum Doula Certification by known Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder experts. The books, however, are older, and the PDF for Postpartum Doulas has not been updated since 2009 while the list for the Birth Doulas was last updated in 2013.

CAPPA’s position paper for Postpartum Doulas makes mention of Postpartum Depression and focuses on the “fourth trimester” as one which must be traversed as carefully as the three trimesters of pregnancy. The Postpartum Doula, according to CAPPA, is not to provide medical care, but to have a network of caregivers (none of which are therapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists) which they can refer the family to if so needed.

According to CAPPA, the Postpartum Doula does the following:

“Postpartum doulas are knowledgeable professionals who assist families during the critical period immediately after the birth of their baby. They “mother the mother” and offer physical, emotional and informational support to the family as well as practical help.”

Makes sense, yes? After all, we do need to be mothered after giving birth. We know how difficult it is to make that adjustment to having the baby on the outside instead of on the inside.

The reading list for the Postpartum Doula at CAPPA has only three Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders books listed, two less than DONA. The Childbirth Educator certification list has NO books regarding Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders.

In discussion with various OB’s, I’m told they spend less than 2 weeks on Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders as they train for their specialty. Two weeks to understand the complexities of Psychiatric issues post-birth.

Bringing things full circle, the Lamaze Listening to Mother’s III report has this to offer about Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders:

LTM III Page 32

I don’t know what’s more disturbing here – that 31% of the mothers were self-reporting as feeling down or depressed or that 44% of these women with regular feelings of depression in the two weeks prior to the survey HAD NOT CONSULTED A PROFESSIONAL SINCE GIVING BIRTH.

Going back to my article about Henci’s comment at a previous post over at Science & Sensibility, you’ll note that she mentions “Furthermore, on-site mental health services would be of little use to women suffering from childbirth-related emotional trauma because one of the prime protective responses is avoidance of environments and personnel that re-trigger traumatic memories.”

I cannot help but wonder if the training, the discussions, the passing down of the believe that if only your birth is perfect and free of all possible interventions (as is impressed upon by the Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices found here), you’ll be just fine attitude held by so many within the birthing community is……

HINDERING MOTHERS FROM SEEKING HELP?!?!?

There are the standard reasons, of course, lack of insurance (due to Medicaid), cost, transportation, childcare, stigma/denial from family members, etc.

But what if… what if this stigma and denial is also coming at women from their caregivers? I know I had it from my OB. I know women who have been told horrific things when they’ve managed to call for help – things from “Well, are you suicidal yet?” to “Oh, just go shopping or take a walk and you’ll be fine…” or what I heard which was “Your hormones slid back into place at 4wks postpartum so this can’t be Postpartum Depression.”

I’m pleading with the caregiving community as a whole – with Obstetricians, with midwives, with pediatricians, with doulas, with anyone and everyone who may come in contact within a medical capacity with a pregnant or new mom to accept what she has to say as truth. To not try to reframe it for her, to not brush it off, to not dismiss her very valid fears and concerns. Listen. Truly listen. Don’t run through all your evidence based research in your head as she’s pouring out her heart to you – because if she’s doing that, it took her a very long hard look inside to be able to do that and if you say the wrong thing, you’re going to shut her down very quickly and do harm to her recovery process.

For those who DO listen, who do educate themselves and go beyond the certification recommendations, thank you. Thank you for bringing awareness to this struggle that so many of us fight.

With every birth, a new mother is born. It does not matter if she’s been born into the role before, she is reborn with each child. For each child and each aftermath presents a different set of challenges with which she must learn to live. Be gentle. Be kind. Be supportive. Listen. Don’t shame. Don’t stigmatize. The trust of a new mother is an amazing thing.

Stop abusing it, stop re-framing it, and above all else, wrap it in love and return it with your own level of compassionate honesty.

We, the women of the world, the mothers of all of you, deserve at least that much.

A Word (or more) About the Importance of Sharing Our Stories

This week’s #PPDChat went off the charts with a lively discussion during both moderated hours when we pushed the question of blogging the tough stuff without seeming ungrateful for the good stuff that happens along with it.

Suggested by Jamie over at James & Jax, the topic exploded with several people chiming in. The primary concern about bloggers was not the opinion of strangers but rather that of people they know in real life. The concern regarding the random visitor from the web was visited too with the reminder that these folks only see a “slice” of our lives at our blogs, framed as we choose to frame it. The same goes for in-real-life friends, really, as we are writing for ourselves in addition to our regular readers.

Blogging through mental health and parenting can be such a messy place. So many of us have so many different approaches and we all know how much everyone LOVES to dish advice about how we’re supposed to deal with both.

So doesn’t blogging about these struggles open us up for criticism?

Absolutely.

But dealing with that criticism is also an important aspect of choosing to blog. It’s okay to not share your full story. I haven’t shared my full story here at the blog. There are bits and There is Beauty and Strengthpieces I hold close to me because as I stated in chat, these pieces involve other people so I don’t feel they are fully my story.

There are others who choose not to share because they feel their story is not “enough” for sharing. It’s okay to feel that way. The importance and beauty in our stories is that we choose when to share them, how to share them, and most importantly, how much to share of them. No one can force us to share more than we are ready to share. You are no less of a person, a blogger, a mother, an advocate, or a woman simply because you have not shared your story. Your lived experience is more than enough and if you’re led to share it, great. If not, that’s okay too.

It’s not about if your story is enough, it’s about who you might reach – who is living your exact story right this moment.#ppdchat

— Lauren(@unxpctdblessing) May 7, 2013

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The beauty of us all comes from our nuanced differences. Those of us who speak openly and freely encourage others to share our stories. We also let those who are more guarded know they are not alone in their battles, even if we never hear from them. Those of us who choose to be more guarded let others wanting to be just as guarded know it is also okay to be guarded. There is a camaraderie to be felt in every aspect of your choices. And that camaraderie is a phenomenally beautiful thing.

Wrapping this up, I invite you to this blog on Sunday for a few video stories from mothers who have been through the thick of it, myself included. I’m nervous as all get out about being on recorded video (GASP), but given that this is My Postpartum VOICE, I want to leave my comfort zone and use my actual voice. Give a face to the stories here.

I also invite you to check out Katherine Stone’s Postpartum Progress on Sunday. She’s hosting a bevy of writers for her 5th Annual Mother’s Day Rally for Mom’s Mental Health. I’m honoured to be participating again. My post goes up at 1am! Early! Katherine does great things for Moms and families with Postpartum Mood Disorders. Don’t forget to check out all the posts. I can’t wait to read them all!

Don’t forget about the PSI Blog Hop for Maternal Mental Health Awareness as well! This month is chock-full of stories. Some of them might be just like yours.

Above all, remember, that there is beauty and strength in your story, even if you can’t see it right now.

 

#PPDChat Topic 05.06.13: When Parenting Struggles Hit the Blog

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We all have them – the rough parenting days where nothing seems to go right. We woke up to screaming, grumpy, unhappy infants, we can’t make the coffee fast enough, things that can go wrong ARE going wrong and OMG I JUST NEED TO HIT THE PAUSE BUTTON BECAUSE….

Those days.

The days that we would LOVE to blog about (and some of us have) but some of us are not quite sure how to phrase things to ensure that it doesn’t seem that we’re ungrateful for our little ones although they’re driving us off the cliffs of insanity at the moment.

How do we balance the fine art of discharging our frustrations about the difficult stuff and still seeming to be grateful for the amazing little creatures with whom we have been blessed?

That’s what today’s topic focuses on – the challenges of discussing the parenting struggles -honestly- without seeming to be ungrateful for the joy that goes along with these struggles.

Join us at 1pm ET and 830pm ET on Twitter. Follow using the hashtag #PPDChat. Look forward to seeing you there!