Monthly Archives: July 2007

I’m EXHAUSTED

I am probably going to go to bed shortly after my daughter does this evening.

Her bedtime is between 7p & 730p.

I am feeling very nauseous and am just plain exhausted.

Charlotte’s been teething the past few days and she has quite the temper… if she doesn’t want to do something, she is NOT doing it. No amount of coaxing seems to work. She drank a grand total of 10oz of apple juice today. She’s at least eating – had 3/4 cup of cereal or more for breakfast, probably a whole cup of goulash for lunch (pasta with green peppers, ground beef, onions, and tomato plus seasonings), and about 1/2 cup of apple sauce for dinner. She’s refusing her bottle so she finally took the juice via sippy cup. I’m hoping that she will improve tomorrow. Today seemed to be a bit better than yesterday. She has been sleeping a lot, but when she’s awake, she’s quite the handful and quickly wears me out.

I’m craving spaghetti right now. Maybe that will help with the tummy issues. I think I also forgot to take my meds this morning.. overslept and had to rush off to therapy and then once I got home, I was straight into mommy mode as Chris rushed off to work.

On a postpartum work note, my bookmarks for the Athens Maternity & Baby Fair are being printed up today – got my proof last night and it looked great! I have to run all of the registration stuff + bookmarks over to the Coordinator’s house tomorrow evening. Also, there is a training/workshop coming up here in Athens as well. I’m hoping to be able to attend and plan on calling the office responsible tomorrow. I’ve already spread the word among the PSI Coordinators as well as to Postpartum Progress. And I’ve already put a little bug in my mother in-law’s ear about possibly watching the girls that afternoon. Please pray that I am able to attend. It would be a wonderful educational and networking opportunity for me.

OB Appt this morning…

Didn’t actually get to see the OB this morning – he had 3 deliveries. (Busy week!)

I spoke with his primary nurse and mentioned that I have been having pelvic issues again. I have a history of my sacro-iliac joint becoming misaligned during pregnancy. During my first pregnancy, it was horrific. I couldn’t get into or out of bed, the car, the shower, put on socks, turn over, put shoes on, etc, without tears streaming down my face. My first OB told me “Welcome to pregnancy” HAH! yeah, um, pregnancy should NOT cause so much pain that you’re in tears. Labor maybe. But not pregnancy. My second OB sent me to PT. I’ll be doing PT this time around as well. I’m also trying to get a wedge pillow so that I can sleep on my back – sleeping on my sides is just not an option. My hips are KILLING me.

I was hoping to be able to speak with the OB this morning on a somewhat professional level about PPD and give him some of PACE’s handouts, etc, for him to give to his patients. Of course I wanted to see where he was at as far as treating PPD prior to just handing stuff over. I would have at least been that considerate. But because he wasn’t available, the nurse made a note that I wanted to speak with him about PPD and hopefully we’ll be able to work something out.

As far as the baby goes, they had a heck of a time finding a heartbeat. My babies do NOT like diagnostic equipment while in the womb. Both girls were hiders too. They finally found the heartbeat for just long enough to get a measurement and it was in the 150’s, which is good. Still haven’t gained much weight this pregnancy, if any, which I’m still dumbfounded about because I’m eating so much stuff that I probably shouldn’t be.

So therapy is tomorrow and I am really looking forward to sitting down with Jane and a cup of coffee and just having a quiet hour of reflection out of the house.

Speaking of reflection, today’s appt was kind of odd for me. After they finally found the baby’s heartbeat, I was both  relieved and still a bit disappointed. As before, more relieved than anything because I got sick earlier this week due to something I ate so I had been worried about the baby – I had started to feel movement mid-last week and the past few days not so much movement. I was quite relieved that the baby was still ok – and maybe because I had been thinking that miscarriage was a very real possibility – maybe that’s what caused my emotional response this morning. It was pretty difficult when they were trying to find the heartbeat and couldn’t at first. I started to think that maybe I had lost the baby. *lightbulb* And hey, you know what, I DON’T want that to happen. I am a mother of three. One of them just isn’t here on the outside yet. Wow. I’m gonna go now and just let that sink in. I’ll be back when I get a minute or two.

One step closer….

The following is a press release from Rep. Bobby Rush’s office. GREAT news on the Melanie Blocker-Stokes Postpartum Depression Research & Care Act of 2007 and its journey through Congress! If you haven’t already mailed or spoken with your Congressional Representative, please do so now.

Press Release from Congressman Bobby L. Rush
July 19, 2007


Chairman Bobby L. Rush Wins Unanimous, Bipartisan Support, In Health Subcommittee, For 1st Federal Postpartum Depression InitiativeH.R. 20 provides new mothers with tools to treat postpartum depression

WASHINGTON DC: U.S. Rep. Bobby L. Rush, Chairman of the Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection, proudly marked a major step forward today in advancing the rights of women’s health with his successful effort in gaining unanimous support from members of the House Energy and Commerce Subcommittee on Health for H.R. 20, the Melanie Blocker Stokes Postpartum Depression, Research and Care Act of 2007.Today’s action came as a result of more than six years of tenacious work by Rush to gain passage of the legislation to secure much needed resources for research and medical advances in the treatment of postpartum depression and psychosis.

“As proud and excited as I am by the progress we’ve made today, I remain focused on the fact that thousands of women, of all colors and from all walks of life, will continue to suffer in silence without the help they need in what should really be a joyous time,” said Chairman Rush. “I applaud the valiant work of Melanie’s mom, my constituent, Carol Blocker, for turning her pain into a passionate and ongoing effort to help make sure that no other mother suffers the needless loss of her daughter from this terrible syndrome.”

Rush, along with thousands of concerned activists around the country, continues to work to secure much needed resources for research and medical advances in the treatment of postpartum depression and psychosis, which afflicts far too many women in their child-bearing years.

Because of the failure of our nation’s health system to effectively address the medical ramifications of postpartum depression and psychosis, I will continue to urge my colleagues in the House and Senate to join me, Melanie’s mom and millions of concerned families throughout the country to ensure
enactment of this legislation,” Chairman Rush added.

Postpartum depression is a serious and disabling condition that affects approximately 1 in 7 new mothers resulting in about 800,000 new cases each year. Of the new postpartum cases expected to be diagnosed this year, fewer than 15 percent of mothers will receive treatment. However, research has proven that, with treatment, more than 90 percent of these mothers could overcome their depression and lead healthy lives.

H.R. 20 prioritizes research and treatment of postpartum depression and psychosis by expanding and intensifying research through the National Institutes of Health and the National Institutes of Mental Health on the causes, diagnoses and treatments of postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. H.R. 20 also encourages the National Institutes of Health to work in partnership with local communities to coordinate and broadcast heightened public service awareness about postpartum depression and its symptoms. H.R. 20 further provides grants to groups that have a track record of working with women who suffer from postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis.

Following today’s Subcommittee vote, the bill proceeds, next week, to the full Energy and Commerce committee for approval.

Watch A Sitcom? No, I just live my life.

LONG POST!!!!!

 

(The following is an informal attempt at a sitcom script of my afternoon from 4p – 5p)

Characters:

Mom (That’s me, 30 yo, pregnant with third child, exhausted)

Alli (3 yo daughter in the midst of potty training and has sensory issues)

Charlotte (16 month old, napping)

 Open: Living room, toys scattered. Mom curled up in recliner, she’s covered in a soft camel blanket. Cell phone alarm goes off. Mom reaches over and turns it off. Curls back up and goes back to sleep. Five minutes later, Cell phone alarm goes off again. Mom’s arm juts out from under the blanket and hits the cell phone button. Arm retreats back under blanket, Mom shifts a little bit. Nine minutes later, Mom decides to get up. Throws blanket off, shoos the dogs off the chair, and makes her way to the bathroom. On the way, she discovers Alli in the process of pooping in her room. Grabs paper towel. Cleans it up. Carries it to the potty. Alli comes with her.

Alli: “Mommy, I’m all sticky!”

Mom: “Ok honey, well, we’ll do a rain bath. Get in the tub.”

Alli climbs into the tub.

Alli: “I don’t want the toys!” Alli starts to cry.

Mom: “Well then pick them up and put them in the bag.”

Alli: “ok” Alli squats and begins to pick up the toys.

Mom flushes toilet. Not working.  

Mom: “Great.”

Mom reaches over to turn the faucet on. Not working either.

“Alli, we can’t do a rainbath. Water isn’t working.”

Alli: Why?

Mom: I don’t know why.

Alli: Why?

Mom: (frustrated): I don’t know why.

After cleaning Alli with wipes, they leave the bathroom. Alli runs around the kitchen, demanding a snack over and over. Mom goes to living room to get phone to call water company.

Mom: Yes, my water’s been shut off. Is this for non-payment or because y’all are having another problem?

Water Company: Non-payment, ma’am.

Mom: Well is there anyway you can turn it back on if we promise to make a payment in the morning? ALLI! Don’t DO THAT! PUT THAT DOWN!

Water Company: No ma’am. We can’t do that. We have to have a payment.

Mom: Fine. Mom hangs up and calls Dad.

Dad: Hey, what’s up?

Mom: Our water’s been shut off.

Dad: WHAT!?!

Mom: Yup. It’s off. For non-payment. ALLI! PUT THAT DOWN!

Dad: Well, what are we going to do?

Alli: I want a snack! I WANT A SNACK! I WANT A SNACK NOW!

Mom: Alli, give me a minute! I don’t know what we’re going to do. That’s why I called you.

Dad: Well see if they will take the debit card number and run it in the morning.

Mom: *sighs* Ok. Mom calls the water company back.         

Mom: I just called and was wondering if I could give you the debit card number and have you run it in the morning and you guys could then turn my water back on now?

Water Company: No ma’am. We would have to run it as soon as we got it and besides our guys got off at 4p so they wouldn’t be able to turn it back onto today anyway.

Mom huffs.: Fine! I’ll be calling back in the morning then.

Mom fixes Charlotte’s bottle and calls Dad back.

Dad: What’d they say?

Mom: No go. Plus their guys got off at 4 so they wouldn’t be able to turn it on today anyways.

Dad: Great. You gonna be here to pick me up by 5?

Mom: Yeah. Just gotta give Charlotte her bottle and I’ll be on my way.

Mom and Alli go into the living room to get Alli dressed. She puts on her blinky sandals and while Mom is getting Charlotte up, Alli gets the boppy and sits on the couch with it. Mom comes into the living room with Charlotte.

Alli: I wanna give Charlotte her bottle.

Mom: Ok honey, go for it.

Mom lays Charlotte down on the boppy and helps Alli guide the bottle into Charlotte’s mouth. Alli plays with Charlotte’s hair and gives her kisses as Charlotte drinks her bottle. Mom takes pictures. Once Charlotte is done, she starts to cry. Mom picks her up and turns the TV off.

Mom: Let’s go. We gotta pick daddy up.

Alli: ok!

Alli runs over to the door. As mom opens the door, the family discovers it’s raining. Alli darts outside to play in the puddles. As they get in the rain, Charlotte starts to giggle as the rain hits her. Alli plays in the rain drops. Mom gets Charlotte secured. Alli keeps splashing.

Mom: Alli! Come here! Alli continues to play.

Mom: ALLI! COME HERE!

Alli: OOOH! MUDDY PUDDLE!

Alli runs over and stomps in the muddy puddle. Mom picks her up and puts her in the car. Alli whines about being wet. Mommy explains that’s what happens when we play in the rain. Mommy gets in the car and starts it. The belts squeal a bit so mom turns off the AC. Belts continue to squeal down the road. Mom begins to smell burning rubber and watches the temperature gauge. As they pull onto the main road, the temp gauge spikes. An accident in the left-hand lane ha s traffic backed up. Mom turns the heat on, opens the windows, and prays fervently that the car makes it home. Mom calls Dad.

Mom: Can’t pick you up. I popped a belt.

Dad: You’re kidding.

Mom: Um, no.

Dad: Well, I’ll see what I can work out.

At the traffic light while waiting to make a u-turn, Mom desperately wants to bang her head against the steering wheel but doesn’t because of Alli. Mom begins to pray that Dad can get a vehicle so she can make it to therapy in the morning. If therapy has to be cancelled, that would be IT. Dad manages to get a vehicle.  ____________________________________________________________________________

In summary, from 4pm-5pm pretty much sucked yesterday. I am now watching Radio in an attempt to make myself cry just for the sheer release but so far nothing and I’m an hour and 19 minutes into the movie. Don’t know if it will happen or not. I’m not much of a crier when things go wrong. I get irritable and angry. I almost wish I was a crier. Sure would make releasing all this tension easier… Therapy was VERY therapeutic this morning and I wish it could have lasted longer – even my therapist commented that we probably needed a three hour session or so. It had been two weeks since my last session so I had the poopy painting, chris’ wreck, and then yesterday to vent about. A LOT for just a one hour session. I almost started crying on the way home from therapy but not quite. I know I need to but I just can’t. I almost can’t until I do because I know that once I do, I will feel so much better.

And in an update, water is now back on. My car has been fixed and is ready to be picked up. And Alli hasn’t painted yet this afternoon *knock on wood* and is actually not screaming for me every five minutes. *sighs* Now if I could just have that cry, I’d be good to go!

What does “stress-free” REALLY mean??

Since I last posted, a lot has happened. Ok, well, maybe not that much, but my husband wrecked his car. We’re not sure yet if it’s totalled.

My oldest daughter has painted her walls with well, excrement at LEAST three times (two times with her own, once with the dogs.. fun doesn’t even BEGIN to cover it)

And last but not least, the same daughter is now potty trained and had her first completely accident free day yesterday. I even managed to get an hour nap. (The day before she would call me to go potty as soon as I had finished taking her and managed to sit back down in the living room. I went to bed when she did that evening!)

Our youngest daughter has taken three steps in a row now on three separate occasions. Walking is not far off.

And our youngest daughter’s pediatrician seems to think she needs to be on a high fat diet – as according to her chart she lost 10 oz in between March and her July appt. I believe it was a mistake in her chart. She already eats like a horse! I don’t know how to get her to eat more and not get sick! He wants her on whole milk but frankly, we can’t afford to get two different kinds of milk at the store. *sighs* He also seems to not connect the dots between increased activity and typical weight gain slow down. He did this same thing with our other daughter as well.

The reason for the title of this post is because I had an advert link pop up when I was checking my gmail the other day. It was for 72 hour potty training – for a Stress Free mom. Frankly, I was less stressed when she was in diapers. This potty training has been the hardest thing we’ve had to do with her. I’m hoping peer pressure/example will make the second child easier but hey, I won’t know until I’ve done it. But at least now I’ve done it once and have a general idea of what it’s going to be like. Poor first kids. They get experimented on when it comes to parenting!

On another note, I’m going to ask for my iron levels to be checked at this next appt. I’m tired ALL the time now again and just can’t keep my energy levels up. I need to start walking with the girls again but just can’t bring myself to do it in this heat!

Gotta run. I’m being told it’s potty time.

Studies about SSRI’s & Pregnancy

Katherine Stone, who runs the Postpartum Progress Blog, recently posted about two new studies related to SSRI’s & risks to fetus during pregnancy. I thought I would post a link to her story here being that i mentioned meds & pregnancy in my last post.

Staying on your meds during pregnancy is a very personal decision and does have its risks – when I said I advocate staying on your meds – I meant it in such a way that you need to educate yourself about those risks vs. the benefits. The benefit being that if you stay on your med, you are more likely not to relapse during the postpartum stage. It’s also been proven that women who are depressed during pregnancy tend to deliver earlier than women who are not. This has been proven to me with my own two prior pregnancies. I was not depressed during my first pregnancy and delivered a week past my due date. With my second, I went into labor three weeks early. Not a scientific observation, but a personal one.

 That being said, the link to the story at Postpartum Progress is: http://postpartumprogress.typepad.com/weblog/2007/07/two-new-studies.html 

 Discuss the risks with your doctor. Make an educated decision. That’s all I’m advocating. You are part of the care team and these early decisions are just as important as the ones you will make once baby is here. Just because you become a mother does not mean you should stop taking care of yourself – if anything, it means that you have EVEN MORE REASON to take care of yourself….

2nd Trimester Burst

So THIS is how the 2nd trimester is supposed to feel. Wow.

I’ve never had a 2nd trimester burst before…. I’ve gone straight from 1st trimester nausea into 3rd trimester I’m too daggum big to do anything with my previous 2 pregnancies. This is kinda nice.

I’ve managed to clean the front porch, straighten up the dining room, keep the living room clean, and as my previous post mentioned, get caught up with the dishes, and still enjoy life. I haven’t had the energy to tackle the bedroom yet but I know that’s coming.

Right now I need to focus on my presentation for a local mom’s group next Friday. My plan is to create a two-sided handout. One side will specify signs and symptoms of different PPD conditions (Once I get this typed up, look for it here and at my PACE site as well) and the other side will specify what friends and family can do to help a woman and family in need. I plan on just doing a round table discussion with the group that will cover the handout as well as my experiences with PPD – treated and untreated. I also plan to cover what you can do to help prevent relapse.

One of the biggest things that I advocate is staying on medicine during pregnancy – if you’re already on it. That decision is up to you and your doctor but if it is possible – your risk of relapse lessens GREATLY. In Women’s Mental Health (Kornstein, Clayton), there is a wonderfully written section on the risks of staying medicated vs. the risks of not staying medicated. I read it completely prior to my first OB visit and was ready to stand my ground if need be. Yes, I’m doing MUCH better than I was a year ago but as I have educated myself, I am aware of the risk of relapse – and plan to do everything possible to prevent another episode. I am aware that I may still crash and burn – but this time around I already have a therapist I trust, my husband who is awesome, and a great OB who knows the risks. I also have a lot of people in the PPD Support world that i can contact as well. PLUS I’ll have my group. I’m hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I weathered it last time and came out stronger than ever so I KNOW I can do it!

I DID IT!!!!!!

I CAUGHT UP WITH THE DISHES TODAY!!!!!!!!

My sinks were clear, my counters were clear… WHAT a GREAT FEELING!

 And yeah, I fried chicken for dinner BUT everything i used to cook is in the dishwasher right now… everything we ate off of has been scraped clean and is soaking, awaiting its turn in the dishwasher!

WOOOHOOOO!!!!!

I was a little freaked at first b/c my kitchen hasn’t been this clean since I was in the throes of my PP OCD but then I realized I felt SATISFACTION and it was different than what i felt when I had PP OCD.

Oh, and my husband finally got my lap top up and running. Yeeehaw! It’s just been a great week.

See.. that happy magnet IS working! :-)