Monthly Archives: June 2012

On finding Serendipity

One of my favourite romantic movies is the movie Serendipity with Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack. It’s everything romance should be – magical, whimsical, unexplainable, powerful, passionate, indescribable, and beautiful. It’s a perfect romance at it’s finest. The very heart of what we all crave in our own lives which is why movies like Serendipity move us so – they are the wish we long for within ourselves.

Some of us are fortunate enough to find a love like the one portrayed in the movies. We are blessed to find our person – the one meant for us by the universe. That clichéd phrase “When it happens, you’ll just know” and the cued cheesy romantic music as the couple walks off into the distance – none of us ever think it’ll really happen to us. It only happens in Hollywood, we tell ourselves. Unless you’re like me and you still believe in the fairytale, holding on tight and refusing to settle.

Those of you who know me and have seen my tweets or FB updates about happiness lately have probably wondered what’s up with me.

Love happened, that’s what.

I’m madly and deeply in love with an amazing man who is kind, caring, compassionate, lets me be me, and doesn’t require any masks of any sort. He is hilarious, intelligent, handsome, and fills my heart with happiness, joy, love, and peace. He knows my entire story and doesn’t judge me for any piece of it. There are no words, really, to describe how I feel about him. I told him the other day that “love” is a good place to start. The most amazing thing? He loves me right back…more, even, as he tells me often.

We’ve fallen. We don’t want to get up. Ever. We are happy. We are magic. We are love. We are together. And now you know why I’ve been cryptically talking about my insane happiness. I wasn’t looking – neither was he, really. Things just blossomed and BAM. Here we are, completely blown away by the magic unfolding between us.

I am so excited to finally be sharing this with all of you. There are no words to express how truly happy and magical I feel these days – none. I smile, a lot. My heart soars, my mind gets lost, and I am lost in thoughts of him, of us. There’s a freedom here I’ve never known – a joyous, happy freedom. I want everyone to know this kind of love. I am beyond grateful I do.

If this is a dream, please don’t ever wake me. I’ve found my Prince and I don’t intend to lose him.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJvgjH9Tvpo]

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Whatever Wednesday: Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

In 2011, I dove out of my life, headlong into a brand new one. I still have no idea where that life is going but I can tell you that it’s been a hell of a journey.

There were days when I wasn’t quite sure who I was. Days when I fell apart and didn’t want to get out of bed. Days when I reached the bottom, wanted to delve even further, and never come back up for air. There were days when I didn’t want to breathe. Days when I sat, for what seems like forever, in front of my netbook, begging my brain to cooperate so I can write something for this blog. Yet nothing comes so I write for other websites about non-postpartum issues.

After all of this, I finally know who I am. I like who I am.

Here’s the thing I’m afraid to tell you and afraid to tell myself but I’m going to say it anyway – I have no idea how to merge who I used to be with who I am now. I’m at a crossroads, foot firmly on the brake, unable to move forward in any direction.

Frozen.

Do I need to merge the woman I used to be with the woman I am now? Is it necessary for me to move forward? Has the merge already happened as I have grown over the past year? How do I continue to do what I do here as a single woman and no longer an active full time parent? Am I still qualified to provide advice and support? Are my experiences negated now that I have stepped out of the very life which caused them?

These are the thoughts which race through my head. The thoughts which give me reason to stop and wonder about the very future of my blog….about my future. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I fought for my identity as me. Now,  I fight as me for my identity as a mother.

I have no doubt that the future which awaits me is filled with joy, happiness, love, and peace. A future in which I will no longer be lost to myself or to those closest to me. It is faith which has carried me this far and faith which will carry me until my days in this world are done. This is all I know, all I need to know. Learning to fully trust faith, to fully trust the plan laid out for my life, however, is the challenge I face now.

I am learning to lean hard on God with every day. In His time, I will understand and find my answers. Until then…I will wait, with joy in my heart, clinging to hope and fighting the ever closer creeping fear with fierce prayers emanating from my very soul.

This post written as part of a movement, Things I Am Afraid to Tell You. I realize it’s supposed to be more of a list, but this is how mine came out and I am okay with that.

You can find more brave bloggers sharing what they’re afraid to tell you here.