Tag Archives: tired

The Insanity of Sickness & Christmas

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Oh how it royally bites to be sick on a holiday. Especially when you’re the one cooking THE MEAL and it’s your first time at the helm for such a big event. I somehow managed to hold it all together and pulled off an awesome Christmas Lunch of (get this) Roast Beef Tenderloin with Beef Mushroom Sauce, Carrot Souffle, Green Bean Bundles, Creamed Corn, and Yorkshire Pudding. I baked a Scripture Cake the night before in honor of the man of the day, Jesus.

Yet once I stopped moving frantically about in the kitchen and sat down, my body realized the rush was over and apparently gave itself permission to implode.

My left hip? Out of alignment for the better part of the afternoon and evening. Only heat and a whopping dose of Tylenol and Ibuprofen cleared that up. And thank goodness it did because I was unable to bear weight on my left side without almost collapsing and crying outloud.

My head and chest? Obscenely Congested. Tylenol Cold did nothing for me. Ended up making a Walgreens run at 10p last night for myself and for Cameron. I got Severe Cold Meds and Nasal Spray. He got a little Flowing Vapors desk thingy by Triaminic. (Have I mentioned Charlotte’s sick too?)

All of this started last Friday when Alli was coughing slightly. The cough got worse and by Sunday evening I was at the ER with her. First thing I did when we got ushered back to a room? Turned on the NY Giants game! (Thank GOD they won!) She had to get a strep swab, flu swab (which is a nasal swab and not an easy thing to watch), take some ibuprofen and tylenol, get some chest x-rays, get said x-rays done again, and finally ended up with a diagnosis of Possible Pneumonia. She was given antibiotics there and we were sent home with a prescription. Half an hour after she took the antibiotics she threw up. Repeated this again in the morning when we tried to give Motrin. Off to the ped’s office with a feverish uncooperative toddler in tow.

Much of this past week has been spent in a headlock with Alli to get her to take her meds and trying to conserve the tissue use because her nose has been running a freakishly long marathon. We’re all coughing (except for Chris) and today has found me in bed for the better part of it – I’ve been awake a couple of times but not very long. I’m due to take some more medicine here shortly (I think – how bad is that!) and am ready to crawl back into bed and rest. I just can’t take being awake anymore. My head is pouding, my voice has apparently bought the last ticket to Clarksville, and this cough and congestion is driving me insane.

And for the record, Chris has been absolutely awesome today. He’s really taken the reigns and let me pass out. I can’t even begin to express how much that has meant to me!

So forgive me if I haven’t posted much the past week or don’t post much for the next few days. I’m taking my own advice and doing some much needed self-care.

Rainy Days

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Today was one of those dreary rainy days complete with darkened gray skies, thunder, and lightning.

We arose with the intention of going to church but alas, we did not make it. Charlotte had a minor issue with diarrhea and ended up having to pop in the shower twice this morning prior to us even getting them ready. We had also run out of formula for Cameron and did not have enough to give him his morning bottle. By this time it was 9a and we would have to be out the door to go to church by 945. This would have included getting dressed, getting Cameron some formula, and Chris getting a shower. Just wasn’t going to happen. So we stayed home and listened to our pastor on the radio through the screams and squeals of toddlers and the babbles of Cameron. (Translation: We didn’t hear much!)

The rest of the day was pretty much a wash – neither Chris nor myself could keep our eyes open long enough for it to count for anything and of course, the thunderstorm started right as we would have been putting the girls down for nap. Chris and the girls curled up in the recliner in the living room as I gave Cameron a bottle. Once he was done, I put him down for a nap of his own in his crib, returning to the living room for one of my own. I curled up on the couch and quickly fell asleep only to be roused awake by Alli shouting MOMMY! at me a short while later.

It’s nearly 1030p here and I am exhausted. I also seem to have caught a nasty case of the blahs. Perhaps some serious rest will cure me. Off to bed with me….tomorrow is a new day and I intend to make it a good one.

When is too much really TOO MUCH?

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I have often wondered at times, heck, even marveled at women who seem to take on the world and appear to excel in all they do. How do they do it? How on EARTH do they keep up with everything and appear so calm and suave? Even with all that I now do and have been through, I have no idea.

There are days that go just right. No one screams or fusses, no one has an potty accident, don’t have to clean up after the girls (or the dogs), and the day just flows.

Then there are days like today where from the moment that I roll out of bed, it’s all downhill. Breakfast snack wasn’t the right thing, Alli got out of her room and got the ice pops out of the freezer, proceeded to yell and scream and throw fits the entire day to the point of being put in her room and left there so I could calm down before dealing with her zillionth tantrum in two hours. Cameron bit me twice today while nursing so he didn’t nurse much today at all, Charlotte needed to go potty every 5 seconds and of course it was gray, humid, and wet from yesterday’s storms so we couldn’t go outside to play, no TV show was the right one for us to watch, the girls wanted to play with what the OTHER one had – of course! Why would it be any different? Oh, and Maggie almost pooped on the couch right next to Charlotte as we all cuddled up to watch TV that we had actually agreed on! *sighs*

I know the whole nursing/supplementing thing is getting to me. It was so hard not to blame myself. After all, I have been Cameron’s ONLY source of food since birth. How do you not blame yourself? And now that we’re weaning (even though I’ve decided to keep nursing as long as he’s interested even with the formula), I know I’ve got a whole ‘nother issue with the prolactin and hormones coming ’round. To be honest, last Monday I was pissed. Pissed because I had finally been doing really well again – had been happy, confident, cheery – more than I had been in quite some time and then WHAM! the whole issue with Cameron and POP goes my happy bubble. I felt guilty about being pissed over my happy bubble being popped. I mean, c’mon – I should be concerned about my son – and I was, I am – but instead there I was, moping about my happy bubble. Everyone kept telling me that I couldn’t blame myself that there was a myriad of reasons that he wasn’t doing well – to which I replied – Yeap, got the flow chart in my head already, you’re not telling me anything new. I almost made the flow chart. Thinking that may have been a bit over the top.  I moved through my emotions on Monday pretty quickly, or so I had thought. I am so hoping this is PMS and not PPD that’s been lying in wait, ready to pounce at the first sign of honest vulnerability. I’ve got a lot going on elsewhere too and as crazy as it sounds have been so busy that I haven’t even had time to do a to-do list. It’s on my mental to-do list to do a to-do list (try saying THAT three times fast) but I just haven’t gotten around to doing it. i’ve got to otherwise this is just not going to get any better and I will become even more lost in the forest of tasks that seem to be springing up around me, especially if I keep having days like today.

I feel like a deflated clown punching bag after a state fair.

Just toss me in the corner and leave me to be covered in hay and dirt and Lord only knows what else.

I’m pissed. I’m apathetic. I’m just well – here. I don’t really want to be awake but not quite ready to go to sleep yet. I can’t think of a darn thing to cheer myself up besides coming here and just letting it all hang out in naked honesty. I need to pray. I need to go lay down and read the Bible and find my answer there.

Hey – Chris is listening to the radio on his computer and it’s my favourite uplifting song – Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. Starting to feel better already. :-)

Here’s to hoping tomorrow will be a better day. It has to be. Alli will be starting music camp so she’ll be gone from 9a – 12n every morning through Friday. I’m ready for another break.

Even the best laid plans

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Goodness it just has NOT been the week to get things done with my PPD stuff.

Between the girls waking up at the crack of dawn, Cameron waking at least twice a night (not last night though – here’s to hoping!) and brilliant me deciding to try and switch OS’s on Monday, it has been the worst work week ever. I’ve been trying to enjoy my forced “vacation” but with the kids running circles around me, it hasn’t exactly been easy. Today has been a smidge better – still fell asleep with the kids in the living room. It doesn’t appear that anything needs immediate surgery or attention so I think I’m good.

On a more positive note, I did get a topic down for the Maternity Fair I’ll be presenting at in August. The topic title needs a bit more work (ie, shorten it up!) but here’s the working title: Not Just a Mom Thing: A Family Centered Approach to Postpartum Mood Disorder Prevention & Recovery. Yeah, wordy, I know. But whaddya want from a sleep deprived mom?

On a more serious note, this sleep deprivation thing is running me ragged. I’m totally exhausted all the time and nothing I do seems to help. I need some serious sleep. SERIOUS sleep. Did I mention SERIOUS sleep???? Ahhh. I think it will be awhile until I get some though. I’ve been napping the past few days – not so much because I don’t have anything better to do but because I simply can’t help it.

So forgive me if things get a little random for a few days. I am recovering from the previously posted Hurricane – we seem to keep getting mini tropical after storms and they’re wearing me thin.