Tag Archives: motherhood

On the Ninth Day of Dismissmas: Nine ladies grinning

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On the ninth day of Dismissmas,

my true love sent to me

Nine ladies grinning,

Eight maids no longer nursing,

Seven sins a-lurking,

Six women a-denying,

Five hours of sleep,

Four Just Snap out of Its,

Three perfect babies,

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

Her skin is flawless, make-up covering any flaws, her clothes are ironed and pressed, her over-coat perfectly matches her shoes, her nails do too. Every strand of her hair is in it’s place and as you stare at her, you imagine everything in her home is in the right place as well. The stroller she pushes glows as if Angels themselves were guiding it along. She does not walk. She floats. In and out of your day dreams as you struggle to keep your own infant quietly in the stroller, your hair from slipping out of the 435th ponytail holder you’ve gone through this month because your two year old keeps flushing them down the toilet, and your yoga pants no longer pass as dress pants because they have been perma-stained with strained peaches. And make-up? HAH. Smeared Strawberry and black crayon streaks is more your speed these days.

What you DON’T see is that she swung by the pharmacy before she left the store. To pick up her anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. It’s tucked away deep in her designer diaper bag. In the zipper pouch so it won’t accidentally fall out. That perfected look? Possibly a result of aforementioned depression, anxiety, or even OCD. She’s a broken soul tucked away deep in the zippered pocket of a designer bag. On the outside it looks perfect but on the inside – Oh, on the inside – the seams are pulling out, the fabric has worn thin, and it’s on the verge of collapsing.

My point?

Looks are deceiving.

Just because a woman is smiling on the outside does not mean she is smiling on the inside. Don’t ever assume that a pulled-together woman is happy. She may feel EXACTLY LIKE YOU.

On the Sixth day of Dismissmas: Six women a-denying

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On the sixth day of Dismissmas,

Postpartum sent to me

Six women a-denying,

Five hours of sleep,

Four Just Snap out of Its,

Three perfect babies,

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

 

Not many Childbirth Educators talk about Postpartum Depression during Childbirth classes. (A big thank you to those of you who DO and do take the time to go in depth with it) It’s often glossed over as something that will happen to someone else.

When it does happen, many mothers start out denying their symptoms. Sure, motherhood is hard. The lack of sleep, the crying babies, and the impossible learning curve can all take their toll. So how do you move past denial and into reaching out for help? And how do you tell Postpartum Mood Disorder Symptoms from typical new motherhood issues?

It’s not easy.

Here’s a quick run-down of things to look for that may signal something more serious is going on beyond normal new motherhood struggles:

NUTRITION:

  • Is mom eating?
  • How is she eating? A Lot, a little, just right?
  • Is mom eating healthy foods? (excessive sugar & caffeine can contribute to mood difficulties)
  • Has she rapidly gained/lost weight without explanation? (make sure Mom gets a thyroid screen)

 

SLEEP:

  • Does Mom sleep when baby does?
  • When Mom goes to sleep does she fall asleep right away or is struggling to get to sleep or unable to stay asleep?
  • Does she awake refreshed or is she still fatigued?

 

MOOD:

  • Is Mom acting like herself?
  • Do things seem out of order?
  • Is mom showering or taking care of personal hygiene?
  • Is it hard for Mom to make a decision?
  • Has Mom been crying for no apparent reason?
  • Does Mom seem anxious?
  • Is Mom bonding with baby?

 

Denial will get you nowhere fast. It’s a dangerous and swift flowing river leading bad places.

Reach out for help. Start out with a physician with whom you are comfortable talking about your mental well-being. If he or she dismisses your concerns, talk to another doctor until someone listens to you. I know it is hard. I know when you are in that deep dark place the last thing you want to do is reach out, reach out again and again. I know you are not in the mood to explain your story to yet another receptionist or doctor. But every time you do, you are one tiny step closer to healing. One step closer to recovery. One step closer.

You can do it. You are not alone in this at all. There are so many mothers who have been where you are and they are standing with their hands outstretched toward you. Waiting to grasp your hand and pull you up. Don’t forget to reach for them too when you are reaching for help from professionals. You won’t regret it, I promise.

Survivors of Postpartum Mood Disorders are some of the strongest damned women I know – trust me, you WANT them holding you up!

Postpartum Voice of the Week: Life as we knew it

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Background "hand tag" stock photo from http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1241062

 

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

Winston Churchill

If ever there were a post to embody the sentiment expressed by Sir Winston Churchill, this would be the one.

Seemingly trapped in a fox hole with guilt bombs convening on her very position, this author gets honest and raw about her experience. She begins to dream of death just to get some rest from all the guilt swirling around her. To make matters worse, her fox hole begins to crumble around her.

“I had heard whisperings of “Mothers Guilt”. I never knew what it meant. I thought it went along the lines of “my kid will need therapy because of me!” – but I never thought of Mothers Guilt being a 24 hours a day 7 days a week guilt thing.”

For many, many, many Postpartum mothers, guilt IS a persistent factor in our experience. We are sometimes swallowed whole by guilt even beyond the already difficult symptoms of Anxiety, OCD, Depression, or Psychosis. Guilt exacerbates the pain we carry inside our heart. We have an adorable child. A healthy child. A child who is very much wanted and loved. And yet… yet.. here we are. Trapped. In hell. With guilt bombs firing at us from every direction. It’s our Normandy beach.

Now go. Read this week’s Postpartum Voice of the Week.

Don’t forget to submit your own posts for consideration. You have until Tuesday night!

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5 Postpartum Survival Tips from a Zombie Apocalypse

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Zombie: [zom-bee] n. 1. a person who is or appears to be lifeless, apathetic, or totally lacking in independent judgment; automaton

Who among us has not at one time or another felt as if we were a Zombie? Going through life trapped in repetitive motions, functioning because we had to instead of so desiring to function? Come on.. raise your hands!

New mothers are at particular risk for this – new dads too!

Bringing a little creature into your life is enough to suck the very life blood from your own veins. It’s as if you’ve been infected – it’s your very own Baby Apocalypse!

Nursing, feeding, crying, fussing, playing, mixed up nights and days, toss in a Postpartum Mood Disorder for good measure and you’re totally screwed in no time.

Just as with Zombies, many humans have their own theories about Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders. Some people believe they exist. Others don’t think they exist at all. Those who do believe in PMAD’s are likely to prepare for a second round with them while those who do not believe in them choose not to prepare at all. It’s this population I worry about the most.

A few things you need to know about fighting off a Postpartum Apocalypse:

1) Educate yourself. Get intimate with the signs and symptoms of all of the disorders on the spectrum. Know what it looks like to have Postpartum OCD vs. Posptartum Psychosis. What does Postpartum Depression look like to someone else? What about Postpartum Anxiety or BiPolar? Which one is an imperative medical emergency? (BTW, any of them are an imperative medical emergency IF mom is suicidal and/or threatening harm to others – but Postpartum Psychosis is ALWAYS a medical emergency!)

2) Pull together several sources of personal support. Just as in fending off Zombies, there is strength in numbers. Find a support group. For you, this may be your parents, your partner’s parents, leaders from your church or center of faith, a local support group specifically for Postpartum Mamas or you may find something online like the Online PPD Support Page, #PPDChat, or iVillage’s Postpartum & Pregnancy Depression Message Board. Build up your arsenal of support early. The stronger your support system is, the better chance you have at fighting back and getting ahead of the coming waves.

3) Call in the Army. Well, not literally. In your case, the Army will be your physicians, your Therapist, your Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Midwife, Herbalist, Pediatrician, IBCLC, anyone involved in care for YOU or your baby. These professionals are trained and know just how to zap that depression. If you have these folks on you stand a much better chance of really obliterating the Postpartum Zombification heading your way. If you need help locating an ever-growing group of knowldgeable professionals, let me know. I’ll be happy to help.

4) Don’t stay home. Get out. Get moving .Believe it or not, research was actually done in regards to a popular Zombie movie – Night of the Living Dead. Their conclusion? Quarantine was riskier than Offensive responsive behavior. I know, my jaw dropped too. Get out. Walk. Go to the library. The local track. A zoo, museum, local fitness center. I found out I can join a public county gym for just $60/year. Guess what I’ll be doing in January? Shaking my groove thing around their track, on their elliptical’s, and using their weight machines.

5) Be an active participant in your recovery. Simply sitting on a therapist’s couch or in their office will not heal you. Neither will staring at a bottle of prescription medication or herbal supplements. You have to share your thoughts, experiences with your healthcare professionals and close support people. Twiddling thumbs is not what gets the Zombies off the front porch. It lets them in them in the front door. You might as well serve Sweet Tea and Cocktail Weenies for crying out loud. Skipping this important step is not recommended at all.

With a little bit of preparation, you too can strengthen the your survival of and recovery from an attack of a Postpartum Mood Disorder.

We won’t leave you all alone out there. We promise.

(This post inspired via Twitter discussion with @BrerMatt and @herbadmother. I’d like to thank the poor innocent spider who may have lost his life at the hand of @herbadmother in order to lead us to this post.)

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