Tag Archives: mommy guilt

Just Talking Tuesday: On PPD, Work, & Motherhood

This week’s #PPDChat focused on PPD, work, & Motherhood.

Turns out it was quite the hot topic as both chats were very lively.

Guilt was a primary theme. Seems that nasty Guilt monster has infused himself into every aspect of Postpartum Depression. I hate that little bastard. I know you do too.

Guilt for leaving your children behind. Guilt for not wanting to be a stay at home mom. Guilt for not trusting others to care for your child so you could work.

And jealous guilt when your significant other did the lions share of the childcare because you were at work.

Like I said, I hate that little bastard.

One of the biggest issues I saw come up was that if, as an American, you may use up your Maternity Leave before baby even gets here. Then you’re forced to go back to work. Or, as was pointed out by another chatter, What if you’re the only one who can perform your job and it’s required you be there? Yup. No Maternity leave. FMLA? GREAT in theory. But crappy in execution because honestly – who can really afford to take 12 weeks off without pay? And if the company you work for has less than 50 employees? Screwed because they’re not beholden to FMLA.

One mom made an excellent point to consider when decided whether or not to disclose your diagnosis to your boss. She suggests you disclose ASAP so that all your appointments, etc, are covered by ADA. I would strongly recommend this avenue of protection. Especially if you are concerned about losing your job over required therapy appointments.

Don’t even get me started about Pumping Breastmilk at work. Oy. That needs to be a chat unto itself!

Some folks made it late to last night’s chat so I’m blogging the same topic today in order to give those who were unable to make the chat a forum in which to share, ask, and offer advice to other working moms also struggling with Postpartum Depression.

I hope several of you will comment. I am not a working mom. I worked before the kids and am looking to rejoin the work force (slowly) as I am finally in a space where I can handle the added responsibilities. I’m both excited and nervous. There is one thing I do know though, when I do return to work, it will absolutely have something to do with helping Postpartum families. Anything else would just suck. I am so not interested in going back to mediocrity and frustration. THIS is what I am meant to do with my life.

So… let’s get to Just Talkin!

Need to vent about work? Have a story to share? Did you share your diagnosis? Yes? No? Why? Why not? How did the Guilt monster attack you? Have any advice for working moms struggling with PPD? Share it all right here!

 

Enhanced by Zemanta

Just Talking Tuesday: Wrangling the Guilt Monster Postpartum built

“I’m a bad mom because I have Postpartum.”

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that since I started reaching out to other new moms struggling with Postpartum, I swear I would be richer than Donald Trump.

Thing is, we are NOT bad moms because we have Postpartum.

Postpartum is not like a breakfast cereal. It’s not like we woke up one day, went to the cabinet and chose the Postpartum Flakes with Insomnia nuggets sprinkled with a bit of Anxiety for good measure.

HELL NO.

It chose us.

That bastard came trouncing into our homes, jumped into our beds with glee and announced it had no immediate plans for departure, grinning all the while, daring us to do something about it’s very presence.

Some may spring into action immediately. Others wait to see if it will disappear on it’s own. Still others wait to see if things will get worse before seeking out help.

We may hold our babies closer. We may push them away. We may yell. We may crawl into bed with Postpartum and cuddle close.

Rest assured though that Postpartum mamas are NOT BAD MOMS.

In fact, Postpartum Mamas are some of the most ferociously protective and strong mothers on the face of this planet.

Before our children are one, we have fought to protect them, to keep them safe. We beat ourselves up for yelling at them at 1 week, 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, whenever it was we lost our minds and could not tolerate another second of motherhood because we were literally unable to do so. We defend our relationship with them, redefine our relationship with them – our bond with them, however fragile or deconstructed has truly been born of fire and forged iron strong. We may not see it that first year. In fact, it may be the second, third, or fourth year before we realize just how strong our bond is with our Postpartum child.

More than anything, the lingering monster with which we wrangle on a daily basis is the Guilt Monster. He’s a slippery little devil.

We wrestle with him when our children cry. We wrestle with him when we leave our children, when our children misbehave and we discipline them. We wonder if our Postpartum affected our ability to parent. Are we bad parents because we had Postpartum? Are we harming our children because we can’t “snap out of it”? Guilt asks these questions. Guilt makes us second guess every decision. Guilt is the last monster to leave the nest. Frankly, guilt stays around in some aspect or another as long as we are parents. What changes is how we cope with the questions guilt attempts to force in our direction.

Spill your confessions here. Has Guilt sabotaged your recovery? Your parenting? Your relationship with others? Your job? Your decision to stay home as a parent?

Let’s get to just talkin!