Tag Archives: Martin Lawrence

Whatever Wednesday: Welcome to hell, courtesy of Facebook

Last night, I curled up in bed with a bilingual copy of Pablo Neruda. Snuggled under a wool blanket, two quilts, propped up with several comfy pillows, I read until I passed out. (Which took all of 5 minutes but I digress.) Point is, I fell asleep happy. Comfortable. Safe. A sense of order and bliss surrounding me.

This morning?

Ripped away from me in mere milliseconds after typing in http://www.facebook.com.


There’s some scrolling status update thing in the corner ABOVE the already annoying sidebar chat list.

And there’s no choice in what you see on your News Update now. It auto-updates. With what it THINKS you want to see the most.

Don’t get me started on the lists. Because really. Automatically added to lists via location or who FB thinks my closest friends are? Wow. Although this one hit me a few days ago, I’m still working my head around it.

I immediately set off to the Twitter. For help. For support. For… OW. Mah head. I may be blind. I may… there… but… wha?

Tech Crunch offered a solution. Change your language to English (UK) in your Account Settings. Didn’t work for me. It’s like I tripped overnight and fell into some massive rabbit hole which then landed me in one of Dante’s circles of Hell which then flew me via Oceanic Flight 815 over to the island with the boys from Lord of the Flies. GET ME THE EFF OUTTA HERE. PLEASE.

Ever seen Nothing to Lose with Martin Lawrence and Tim Robbins? No? The clip below sums up perfectly how I feel about the changes at FB this morning.

“You’re driving on the sidewalk … people got to walk there!”

“I’m blind! I cant.SEE.SHIT!”

Thanks Zuckerburg. Thanks for the massive ass migraine. You’ll be getting a bill.

Whatever Wednesday: Top 10 Veg-out movies

When I’m sick, stressed, or just plain need to veg out, I have certain go to movies. Everyone does, right? In no particular order are my top 5 10 12 go to flicks for vegging out when my brain just can’t take any more reality:

1) Pretty Woman – C’mon. Did you really expect this to NOT be on the list? It’s Richard Gere.

2) Nothing to Lose – Martin Lawrence and Tim Robbins crack me up. My favorite scene? “There’s a spider on your head, man.” Or maybe it’s “Please don’t kill me freaky Jason. I said PLEASE don’t kill me freaky Jason!”

3) Star Trek 2009 – I’m a huge Star Trek fan. No, I don’t dress up and go to conventions. I watch the shows from the safety of my couch. Away from the Klingons and Romulans. Plus, how can you NOT love a movie that opens after the title scene with a car chase scene like this one?A Badass little kid, a vintage corvette, Sabatoge by the Beastie Boys and a tough ass RoboCop? C’mon. What’s NOT to love?

4) The Italian Job – Robbery, Mark Wahlberg, boat chases, Mark Wahlberg, gold, Mark Wahlberg, Austin Mini Coopers, Mark Wahlberg, Ed Norton, Mark Wahlberg, oh, and Charlize Theron. And Mark Wahlberg. Not to mention the kick arse opening of the movie – the opening robbery and subsequent boat race make me drool.

5) PCUIt’s Jeremy friggin Piven. Need I say more? I think not.

6) Funny Farm – Yellow Dog. Ducks. Snakes. Payphone in the house. Bones in the garden. Drunk mailman. Lamb Fries. I think we can stop at Lamb Fries.

7) Blazing Saddles – Farting Cowboys. Yes, Farting Cowboys.

8) Robin Hood Men in Tights – Cary Elwes & Dave Chappelle rock it in this flick. Plus Men in Tights + Mel Brooks? Instantly funny. Plus there’s the bonus of rapping men in tights.

9) Hitch – Quite possibly one of the best romantic comedies I’ve ever seen. I love Will Smith. I love Kevin James. His dancing cracks me up. CLASSIC. Making the Pizza. Q-tip. Moving the feet. Working it.

10) Dirty Dancing – Did you really think I’d not put this on the list? One of the BEST veg out movies of all time. ALL TIME. I miss Patrick Swayze. My favorite scene by far is when Jennifer & Patrick head to the woods & the lake to practice lifts and balance.

11) The Princess Bride – Filled with highly inconceivable ROUS’s, dedicated to the soon to come mawwiage of a Man and Wife not in the grips of “True Love” as well as to the noble profession of revenge, this movie is worth repeating as much as the name of Inigo Montoya. Beware if you killed his father. You will die. It was VERY difficult to pick a clip for this one. However, the clip I chose is one that is not often cited yet hilarious nonetheless. Anybody want a peanut?

12) Spaceballs – If you’ve not seen this movie, go watch it now. Seriously. Why the hell are you still here? Combing the desert, reading scripts on camera, spoofs on the Alien movie, Star Wars, Darth Vader, Pizza the Hut, Jamming the Radar, Going plaid, grown men playing with dolls, Joan Rivers as a virginity alerting robot, this movie has it all. It’s enough to make your head spin. When will when then be now? We’re at now now. Make your now now watching this movie.