Monthly Archives: May 2008

Psalm 37:5

praying hands

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.

This morning I spent in the confines of a local courthouse awaiting legal ramifications from my accident on March 29th earlier this year. Chris, his dad, and our pastor were all with me. And God was there, surrounding all of us and comforting me as I sat and waited. And waited some more. And some more.

We spoke with the prosecutor and shared with him my extenuating circumstances. Thankfully he took compassion on my situation and the court was merciful. I am on probation and will have to pay fines as well as restitution. Probation will end early if I pay restitution, fines, and provide proof of insurance and an up to date tag on any vehicle I own. I did not have any points placed on my license for the accident or the insurance and for that I am grateful. They could have taken away my license if they had wanted to do so. And when we called about restitution after arriving home, it had been reduced significantly. Let’s hope it stays that way!

I am relieved court is over and we can continue to move forward. There’s still a long road ahead of us but we are grateful for the opportunity to grow in our marriage and in our relationship with the Lord.

Post-Adoption Mood Disorders

Only natural mothers get Postpartum Mood Disorders, right? Not so fast there… Mothers who adopt are also vulnerable although as an overall group the rate is typically lower than that of natural mothers. Yet it’s still there – the sleepless nights, the anxiety, the panic that sets in when given the care of a newborn child. And for Adoptive mothers, there’s the added pressure of feeling that they have to PROVE to everyone they are truly worthy of parenting this little creature with whom they’ve been entrusted. So these mothers are even more likely to hide their suffering to keep their babies from being taken from them after they’ve gone through so many hoops to get bring their precious angels home.

Read one adoptive mother’s experience from “Singing the Post-Adoption Blues”, an article written by Limor Gal at Haaretz.com, the online version of an Israeli newspaper:

“The first time I stayed alone with her, after a month when there had been people in the house all the time, I suddenly understood that this was not a doll that you put on the shelf and then go to sleep. It’s a little girl, she’s mine, and I have to take care of her. Suddenly I understood that it was a lifetime responsibility, and I wasn’t prepared for it. These were the first signs of the shock and the depression that followed.”

As Post-Adoption Depression is slowly being recognized, one doctor in the article states:

“The phenomenon is at a stage where postpartum depression was in the in the past,” says child and youth psychiatrist Dr. Miri Keren, director of the department for infants at the Geha Psychiatric Hospital in Petah Tikva. “There is almost no research information about it; in effect it is not yet really defined, and there is little awareness of its existence.”

These moms need our support too. It’s not just about supporting natural moms. It’s about supporting EVERY mom.

 

Not just US

I found this story about a mother in Thailand who experienced Postpartum Depression and wanted to share it with you. Doctors across the world (not just here in the US) are struggling to better understand this condition. What’s really sad about this article is that there ARE no statistics regarding the prevalance of Postpartum Mood Disorders in Thailand and not much research on successful treatments available in their culture either.

Here’s an excerpt from the article and you can click on it to go to the full piece:

“During the nine months I was carrying my baby, I was happy with the expectation of her birth and had prepared myself reading child rearing books. But two weeks after giving birth, I started to feel confused and was not feeling cheerful.

“I thought I was well prepared but I felt so drained. My baby had colic. She cried every night for three months. When your child cries and you cannot do anything, you feel worthless.

“I also had to deal with the pain from the surgery and was prohibited from doing many things after giving birth. I could not wash my hair or drink coldwater. And my breast milk was dripping at all times. Both my body and mind were so exhausted. I was unable to sleep.

“At some point, I could not help thinking that I should never have had a baby. I was extremely depressed and had isolated myself. I often cried without reason. This lasted for about a month.

“Luckily, I found a book describing these symptoms and I realised that I was suffering from ‘postpartum depression’. I then talked to my husband and mother who were helping with the baby. They were understanding and took special care of me. When I started to feel tired, I would take a break and listen to songs, watch movies or read a book, while my husband and mother would take care of the baby. Eventually, my depression faded away. I think my family was able to help me handle the depression,” said Suweena Munowvaroc, 29.

 

A Closer Look at Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Charlotte Perkins Gilman

 

Why write about Charlotte Perkins Gilman at a blog about Postpartum Depression you might ask. She suffered a near nervous breakdown after the birth of her first child, leading her to author The Yellow Wallpaper, an intense short story about a woman’s treatment during a nervous breakdown, a story that one led a Boston Physician to state in The Transcript that “Such a story ought not to be written, he said; it was enough to drive anyone mad to read it.” Possibly so, but a physician from Kansas also wrote that “it was the best description of incipient insanity he had ever seen, and–begging my pardon–had I been there?” (Perkins Gilman)

Sadly, her nervous breakdown led to divorce and leaving her daughter in the custody of her ex-husband. Turning to writing as a way of earning money,  Gilman eventually found herself as a spokesperson regarding “women’s perspectives on work and family.” Perkins Gilman believed that men and women should share household duties and particularly that women should be taught to be economically independent from a very early age (DeGrazia, Jodi), a topic she focused on in her work, Women and Economics, penned in 1898.

The Yellow Wallpaper has been a favorite story of mine since first read, love at first words. I identified with the main character well before experiencing motherhood and my own brush with insanity shortly thereafter. Perkins Gilman did an exquisite job of breathing a realistic insanity into her main character as well as exposing the mental health diagnoses and “cures” of the day for what they truly were – sadly insufficient and ignorant of treating the illness and instead closeting away those who suffered in hopes of recovery or at least not be part of mainstream society and  therefore remain to be a “figment” of one’s imagination, the dark family secret.

In 1887, Perkins Gilman sought treatment for continuous nervous breakdown from the best kThe Yellow Wallpapernown nervous specialist in the country. The rest cure applied and she responded well physically; however, the physician then declared all was well; sending her home with “solemn advice to ‘live as domestic a life as far as possible,’ to ‘have but two hours’ intellectual life a day,’ and ‘never to touch pen, brush, or pencil again’ ” for the remainder of her days. Gilman then writes regarding the effectiveness of this advice, saying “I went home and obeyed those directions for some three months, and came so near the borderline of utter mental ruin that I could see over.” (Perkins Gilman)

Engaging the help of a close friend and gathering what strength she had left, Perkins Gilman picked up her artistic work again and began to recover, finding strength within her work and “ultimately recovering some measure of power.” This experience is what led her to write The Yellow Wallpaper. Perkins Gilman admits to embellishments, stating she “never had hallucinations or objections to my mural decorations”. Written as a celebration of return to her success, her true motivation behind sharing her story, albeit in a fictional world, lay within the hope of saving others from her fate of mistreatment and the nearly paralyzing insanity following soon after.

In Perkin Gilman’s own words regarding her authorship of The Yellow Wallpaper, she states:

It has, to my knowledge, saved one woman from a similar fate–so terrifying her family that they let her out into normal activity and she recovered.

 But the best result is this. Many years later I was told that the great specialist had admitted to friends of his that he had altered his treatment of neurasthenia since reading The Yellow Wallpaper.

 It was not intended to drive people crazy, but to save people from being driven crazy, and it worked.

The number one reason I hear when women have chosen to share their experience with a Postpartum Mood Disorder is the hope that it will provide comfort to another as she travels down the same road. It is with the same spirit Perkins Gilman penned The Yellow Wallpaper that I share my story. Recovery is a hard road and sometimes a lonely road. I said from the very beginning of reaching out to others with a helping hand that if I could help even one woman, it would all be worth it.

The screaming, the agony, the tears, the lifting of the fog – it would all begin to somehow make sense and instead of continuing to drag me down, it would lift me up. The fog did not begin to lift until I reached out for help and found it – drenching myself in the stories of others who had been where I no longer wanted to be and read with new understanding and an intensity I had never known before just how they were able to escape the depths of depression and reach the light, breathing in sweet fresh air again.

Determined to shine a light on the path for those behind me and around me, I dove full force into sharing my story. Every time I shared my experiences with a woman who believed she had no hope left and found herself ashamed of her condition and witnessed what an impact my openness and vulnerability had on her, I knew supporting Mothers was my calling.

So I write about Charlotte Perkins Gilman in order to better explain my mission here at this blog and in life. I refuse to let another woman suffer alone and in silence. Not on my watch.