Every Friday around here is pizza and movie night. This past Friday was no exception.

Dad went out to pick up the pizza and Moi stayed home with the kiddos.

Everything was going okay at first. Then Dad didn’t come right back.

The kids? began to melt into the floor. Yes, melt. Into the Floor. Screaming, yelling, thrashing about, smacking, hitting, stealing of toys, etc.

After I duct taped them all to nicely asked them to sit on the couch and they stared at me like I was a wanton crazy woman peacefully complied, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to turn on a NatGeo OnDemand program for them. You see, around here, I use scientific documentaries as punishment. I figure if they’re gonna be bored out of their minds it might as well be:

A) Something I’d like to watch because I’m a nerd like that

and

B) Something they might actually LEARN from.

And yes, I do know I can turn off the TV as well. I simply choose not to on occasion.

SO – there were no good documentaries on Live TV. Off to OnDemand. Alas, I find a lone Iceburg NatGeo special that’s about 18 minutes. I think to myself, “yay! they’ll love this and learn all about the iceburgs! How fun!”

A few button pushes and wham. It’s playing.

Peace. Quiet. Still Children. I can exhale.

The over-dramatic documentary guy starts talking.

“Iceburgs. Huge blah blah blah blah … melt into the sea … blah blah…world warms up…..blahity blahity blah….flood cities…. blah blah blah…killing tens of thousands of peo….”

“MOMMY!”

Oh.My.Friggin.GAWD.

Make it stop. Make it stop. MAAKE IT STOPPPPPP!!!!!

Where’s the remote Where the HELL did I put the remote? Where the EFFITY is the remote?!?!?! I suddenly need a remote clicker.

I start to sing. Loudly. While looking for the remote control to make this all disappear into a cloud of Curious George or Super Why. Something, Anything would be better than this. (Ok, maybe NOT the Teletubbies but still…)

“Mommy? Is that going to happen? What about the babies? What about the.. are the Iceburgs going to flood the cities? Are they? Why are they so big? Why are they melting? What’s going to happen to us if that happens?”

Wait for it.

“MOOOOMMMYYYY??? What’s Global Warming?”

Sigh.

Al Gore? You? Officially Suck.

NatGeo?

Bueller?

Anyone want to explain all of this to my innocent little 6yr old who really should not be worrying about global warming, flooding cities, and melting iceburgs?

All I wanted was a few moments of peace, solace.

What I got, thanks to NatGeo, was an onslaught of questions and a totally wigged out pair of daughters.

(My 2yr screamed. But he screams at EVERYTHING so I didn’t consider him traumatized.)

I don’t care how annoying Barney is. He’s GOT to be better than this.