Tag Archives: miscarriage

A Father’s Insight

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That’s what little boys are made of !”
What are little girls made of?
“Sugar and spice and all things nice
That’s what little girls are made of!

Snips and snails, and puppy dog tails grow up to be stoic and fearless, handymen expected to fix everything. At least that’s the hole into which society attempts to place men and has for some time now. Men are our rocks. Our shelter in the midst of the storm. Our protectors. As such, emotions are off the table for them. No tears. No anxiety. No fear. Fixers of all.

Men are human too. Capable of emotion. Sure, they may not process it out loud as we women so often do but they are capable of emotion in the face of life’s events. Men love. Men suffer heartbreak. Men hurt. Many may be silent about their loss or their pain. But every so often a man exposes his heart and offers invaluable insight into a man’s emotional world. When this happens, it’s important to pay attention.

I recently met Jeremy on Twitter. He blogs over at 2 Baby Dad about life as “An Expectant, Already Dad’s Blog.” His wife suffered a miscarriage. As we chatted, I asked if he would be willing to write about his view of his wife’s miscarriage. He agreed and posted his insight today after emailing it to me so I could read it over.

Jeremy’s account is raw, insightful, powerful, and honest. As I read through it, I felt the emotion building. By the time I finished, there were tears and my heart felt full as I exhaled. His words, the rhythm, the way he opens and then closes his experience embraces so vibrantly the experience of a father when it comes to fatherhood. There are emotions, even if “concealed by a wall” as Jeremy says.

I strongly urge you to go read Jeremy’s piece entitled “A Father, His Wife’s Miscarriage, and a Lost Unborn Child.” Share it with the men in your life. With the women in your life. Communication is key between husband and wife in the midst of any crisis. The better we understand where the other party is coming from, the better our communication with them will be when crisis hits. Please read this and pass it on to as many as you can.

My Postpartum Voice of the Week: @whodemis – Unplanned

It’s Monday night as I type this. I’ve just arrived home from a small gathering at which Henci Goer spoke. I’m tired. I can’t see straight. But this is important.

I am not sure how Amanda (@whodemis) found me on Twitter. Perhaps through the new friend suggestion feature, perhaps via #PPDChat or another common acquaintance. Regardless, we’re on Twitter together.

Tonight, she posted a very moving blog about her recent miscarriage.

As @KristineBrite wrote about some time ago, there does not have to be a baby in order for mom to suffer psychological distress. A mom who has lost her baby regardless of when, still hurts. And we may not know what to say to her as she struggles to make sense of her world which has just for all intense and purposes, been dumped upside much like a snow globe. All the pieces are still up in the air and she is uncertain as to where they will land.

Without further ado, I want to share her post, Unplanned, with you. Please know though that it is intense emotionally so if you’re feeling fragile and vulnerable, you may want to skip this read.

Amanda  Рmy heart goes out to you as you move through this. You and your family are in my prayers.

Maternal & Child Comprehensive Center: My Dream

As I have grown and continue to grow in my knowledge and support of women and families struggling with Postpartum Mood Disorders, so has a dream of mine. And right now, it is just that – a dream. One day I hope it will become reality. This dream would be realized in the founding of an all inclusive Maternal and Child Services Center.

The Center would be non-profit to allow for sliding scale fees so that no woman or family would have to be turned away. Women of childbearing age would be accepted – intake would consist of consultation with a Nutritionist, a Case Manager to aid in Mental Health, and of course, an OB or Nurse Midwife. Once pregnant, monthly visits with the OB or NM would continue until the eighth month of pregnancy with special appointments with the Nutritionist and Case Manager scheduled every three months or more often as needed. Doulas would also be available. Childcare would also be provided on site to remove the stress of finding child-care for appointments from the mother or family’s life. We would have on-site birthing and recovery as well as Postpartum Cottages for in-patient psychiatric care – homes where a Postpartum Doula and nurses would work round the clock as the family stayed together to recover – rather than being torn apart. Days for Postpartum Care would include therapy for both mom and dad as well as joint parenting classes. At night, Dinner would be a joint effort amongst all patients – creating socialization opportunities for confidence to bloom again in this area.

We would also offer on-site Pediatric Care with Pediatricians trained to recognize signs and symptoms in both mother and child of Postpartum Mood Disorders. Children would be eligible for this care until age twelve.

Regular support for breastfeeding, formula feeding, loss of breastfeeding relationship, infant loss, miscarriage, special needs infants, Postpartum Mood Disorders in both mothers and fathers as well as classes on infant massage, yoga, and other alternative treatment options for soothing stress in families with young children would also be available.

Overall, the primary staff would consist of a Center Director, Social Workers, Psychiatrist, OBs, Nurse Midwives, Lactation Consultants and Counselors, Doulas, Nurses, Nutritionists, Peer Support Specialists, Pediatricians and Childcare Specialists.

During the Childbearing years, it is of utmost importance women take care of themselves, their bodies, and their families. This Center would enable them to do so by informing and empowering them of their options as well as providing quality comprehensive care for every aspect of their lives during this time, something all women deserve to have access to, no matter what their social or financial standing.