On the Ninth Day of Dismissmas: Nine ladies grinning

On the ninth day of Dismissmas,

my true love sent to me

Nine ladies grinning,

Eight maids no longer nursing,

Seven sins a-lurking,

Six women a-denying,

Five hours of sleep,

Four Just Snap out of Its,

Three perfect babies,

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

Her skin is flawless, make-up covering any flaws, her clothes are ironed and pressed, her over-coat perfectly matches her shoes, her nails do too. Every strand of her hair is in it’s place and as you stare at her, you imagine everything in her home is in the right place as well. The stroller she pushes glows as if Angels themselves were guiding it along. She does not walk. She floats. In and out of your day dreams as you struggle to keep your own infant quietly in the stroller, your hair from slipping out of the 435th ponytail holder you’ve gone through this month because your two year old keeps flushing them down the toilet, and your yoga pants no longer pass as dress pants because they have been perma-stained with strained peaches. And make-up? HAH. Smeared Strawberry and black crayon streaks is more your speed these days.

What you DON’T see is that she swung by the pharmacy before she left the store. To pick up her anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. It’s tucked away deep in her designer diaper bag. In the zipper pouch so it won’t accidentally fall out. That perfected look? Possibly a result of aforementioned depression, anxiety, or even OCD. She’s a broken soul tucked away deep in the zippered pocket of a designer bag. On the outside it looks perfect but on the inside – Oh, on the inside – the seams are pulling out, the fabric has worn thin, and it’s on the verge of collapsing.

My point?

Looks are deceiving.

Just because a woman is smiling on the outside does not mean she is smiling on the inside. Don’t ever assume that a pulled-together woman is happy. She may feel EXACTLY LIKE YOU.

On the Eighth Day of Dismissmas: Eight Maids No longer a-nursing

On the eighth day of Dismissmas,

Postpartum sent to me

Eight maids no longer nursing,

Seven sins a-lurking,

Six women a-denying,

Five hours of sleep,

Four Just Snap out of Its,

Three perfect babies,

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

Breastfeeding with Postpartum Depression. Many say it protects from the mere experience of a Postpartum Mood Disorder. Yet I hear over and over from so many women who ARE nursing and struggling. Then they are diagnosed and faced with this zinger:

“If you want to get better, you have to take these meds. And that means you have to stop breastfeeding.”

Any idea how detrimental hearing that phrase can be for a mom for whom breastfeeding is the ONLY thing going right? You might as well take the last shred of mothering she’s doing right, stomp on it, set it on fire, hose it down, and toss it in the dumpster out back.

As I sat in my first OB’s office, my daughter screaming as I confessed to him my darkest emotions, he had the cajones to ask me, “How important is breastfeeding to you?” The old me merely sat there, jaw agape. The me from today would read him the riot act and tell him he needed to get on the computer to Google a few things, call a few numbers, and find a successful way to treat me AND preserve my breastfeeding relationship with my daughter in the process. What a difference nearly 7 years will make in the life of a woman, eh?

There are indeed medications you can take which are safe for nursing. But if you choose to take psychiatric medications while breastfeeding, let your Pediatrician know so he/she can then monitor the well-being of your child for any potential side-effects.

If you prefer to not take medications, there are med-free therapy options such as herbal remedies, therapy, light therapy, and a myriad of other resources. If you are further interested in these options, email me at mypostpartumvoice (@) gmail.com with a request. I would be happy to get you in touch via email with some women who have beat Postpartum without medication. It IS possible.

There are also these additional online resources:

Kathleen Kendall-Tackett’s PPD page: http://uppitysciencechick.com/postpartum-depression.html

Postpartum Support International: http://www.postpartum.net

Karen Kleiman’s site: http://www.postpartumstress.com (here’s the direct link to Kleiman’s “Is Breast always Best” article: http://postpartumstress.com/pages/breast_best.html)

KellyMom PPD page: http://kellymom.com/ppd/index.html

Thomas Hale/Texas Tech Health & Sciences Infant Risk website: http://www.infantrisk.org/ (includes a helpline open M-F from 8a-5p) They have tabs for breastfeeding and depression.

Know this – you do NOT have to stop nursing just because you are depressed. Make the best decision for you. If you need to stop, that’s fine. Do not let anyone judge you for using Formula. It’s there for a reason. But if nursing is the only saving grace in your Motherhood journey, don’t let anyone steal that from you unless they have a damned good reason and can prove it beyond the shadow of a doubt.

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On the Seventh day of Dismissmas: Seven Sins a-lurking

On the seventh day of Dismissmas,

Postpartum sent to me

Seven sins a-lurking,

Six women a-denying,

Five hours of sleep,

Four Just Snap out of Its,

Three perfect babies,

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

 

 

“I’m a bad mother.”

“I’ve done something horribly wrong. I deserve this hell.”

“If only I pray for forgiveness, this will all go away.”

Postpartum Depression strikes 1 in 8 new mothers. Regardless of their faith, tenacity, past behavior, current status, income, support, marital status, etc. No one is immune. We do not appear before a judge and jury to be sentenced with Postpartum Depression as retribution for past transgressions. It does not happen that way.

You do not have Postpartum Depression because you said the wrong thing to Aunt Irma last year at the family Christmas party. You do not have Postpartum Depression because you had bad thoughts about your unborn child during pregnancy. Yes, depression during pregnancy does lead to a higher risk of Postpartum depression but it is not BECAUSE of those thoughts – it is not punishment for them.

Bottom line?

Postpartum Depression is SO not your fault.

Then & Now: Why I blog turns three

Three years ago and thirty nine or so weeks ago, I was driving home from my therapy appointment for the Postpartum Mood Disorder I struggled with after the birth of our second daughter. It was THE DAY. The trees were greener. The rain drops sparkled. The sun breaking through the grey clouds summed up my mood perfectly. My heart soared. My oldest daughter would soon be three years old. Our youngest had just turned one. I was heading out to a relative’s house for the weekend with my mom, my first weekend away from the kids in a very long… well, ever. The Sunday after that weekend, I would discover I was pregnant with our son. And would totally freak out.

I did not want to go back to that dark place. So I read. Intensely advocated and prepared. Began to blog as an outlet for myself and to help other women.

Little did I have any clue that my first post would lead me here.

To three years and thirty nine or so weeks later. Never did I have a clue that I would interview Karen Kleiman, the author of What Am I Thinking: Having a baby after Postpartum Depression, here on my blog. Her book was what inspired me to begin to blog in the first place as it urged moms facing subsequent pregnancies to reframe them. So I did.

I haven’t stopped yet a nor do I plan on stopping any time soon.

I am ever so grateful for my positive Postpartum experience after the birth of my son. After struggling so hard with the first two, I finally got to immerse myself in the bliss of motherhood. I smeared Vaseline on the lens of my life and it totally rocked. Having been through hell it was certainly even more cherished and certainly not taken for granted.

I remember losing myself in the sweet scent of new baby. I remember holding him close and feeling our hearts beat in sync with each other. I remember him nuzzling my neck as he cuddled closely after nursing. I also remember curling my toes in pain because nursing was rough with him. I remember Thrush. I remember cracked nipples. But mostly I remember all the good stuff.

And these days, he is the light of our lives. Our little boy is a joker, a prankster, a caring and concerned three year old who loves to kiss, hug, and watch Cars. He doesn’t snuggle nearly as much but that’s okay. He will sit down on the couch with his toy laptop and blog right along with Mommy & (now) Daddy.

I am ever so thankful for his presence in our lives. Ever so thankful for his laughter, his camaraderie, his energy, and his caring spirit. Even when things get challenging with him, it is hard for me to keep a straight face. Damn his adorable infectious cuteness.

Who knew that when God decided to bless us with our son, it would also birth in me such a strong advocate for women with Postpartum Mood Disorders?

Thank you, little buddy, for motivating Mommy to put herself out there for so many women. You have no idea how many lives you have helped touch. None.