The ABCs of PMAD’s: A Red Dress Club Challenge

The writing challenge for the Red Dress Club this week was to write a 26 sentence post with each successive sentence beginning in alphabetical order. Wow. It was hard. I’m glad I took the time to participate and hope you’ll enjoy the resulting post:

 

Among the perception of the multitude of Postpartum Depression & Mood Disorders, there lies a myth of the crying mother. Bawling one’s eyes out is not the only picture of a mother in the throes of a PMAD. Conversely, a mother may become extremely anxious or quite angry and irritated.

Depression may not be the same for every person. Each one of us carries a different set of luggage into the experience, thereby shaping the symptoms which manifest. For instance, if you are prone to anxiety or worry, your PMAD may manifest as more of an Anxiety Disorder.  Guilt also becomes a huge factor for many mothers. Hopes are dashed against the rocks as they struggle to cope with the juxtaposition of motherhood with a Mood Disorder.

Imagine getting all excited for a really big event in your life. Just thinking about all the little details works you into a tizzy. Knowing it will soon be here only increases your anticipation. Litanies of thoughts about things you’ll do on that glorious day dance through your head as you finalize your plans. Morning arrives. Never suspecting that by the end of the day your expectations will be dashed, you awake with anticipation filling your heart. Off to the events you have worked so hard to perfect you go. Picture perfect into the wild blue wonder. Questioning nothing.

Raised expectations, while a fabulous tool for some, are wrought with perils for others. Some may beat themselves up if those raised expectations are not met. Then others may drive themselves mad trying to meet and exceed those expectations. Until one day, they fall. Veiled in the darkness of failure, they stumble. Will they pick themselves back up and change their ways? Xenodochiality from mothers who have been where they are will be invaluable as they dust themselves off. You may never know why you stumbled until someone else drops into your life and needs to hear your story as they pick themselves back up. Ziraleets will be heard once again but only when we band together to hold our sisters up as they reach for the sun.

Postpartum Voice of the Week: @mooshinindy

Happy. Glowing. Ecstatic. Overjoyed. Thrilled. Sparkling. Beside herself with glee.

Glum. Dark. Frustrated. Angry. Irritated. Depressed. Guilty. Scared. Anxious.

Which group of the above words do you expect to hear when the words “pregnant woman” hit your ears?

I am willing to bet it’s the first group. Not the second group.

More often than not, you would be right. But sometimes? Sometimes we aren’t sparkling. Sometimes we’re buried in mud and wishing for a hole to climb in somewhere until it is all over. Sometimes? Pregnancy goes way beyond the every day annoyances. Sometimes it takes a huge emotional toll.

I struggled with depression during my second pregnancy and during the first half of my third pregnancy. It sucked. There I was – pregnant. The very essence of survival hanging out in my uterus – and yet.. and yet… I couldn’t muster a smile. I did not want my child. I prayed for the doctor to not find the heartbeat with out third. Because then it would go away. It would all be a dream. Instead of a rollercoaster car clattering uphill for the downhill I was certain would follow delivery.

After our second, I fell into the worst Postpartum hell I have ever known.

After my third? I had picked up the pieces, surrounded myself with support, and advocated for myself. Thankfully, I was fortunate to not experience Postpartum after my third. (A statistical miracle, I was told by Dr. Jeffrey Newport)

Today’s Postpartum Voice of the Week offers up her insight into a subsequential pregnancy after Postpartum Depression. Kudos to her for sharing it so openly.

Thank you.

Now go. Read. Comment. Share your love with her.

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Whatever Wednesday: Happy Birthday, Dad!

Dearest Dad,

Today’s your birthday. You’re officially well, another year older.

We discussed several things to get you.

Finally settled on a dancing and singing Gorilla.

But guess what?

They are greedy bastards.

The one we found required several thousand tons of bananas.

And wanted a massage every day.

Don’t even get me started on the Mai Tai requirements of this banana munching, massage needing big baby.

SO.

Given that we clearly were not able to meet said Gorilla’s requirements, we did the next best thing.

We borrowed Roger’s.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

We love you and wish you many more years.

Including at least one with your very own Singing Gorilla Birthday Telegram.

Love,

Us

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrriowrtVY0]

Zombies, Celebrities and Postpartum Depression

Earlier this morning, an article over at People was brought to my attention via Twitter.

Gwyneth Paltrow has once again opened up about her experience with Postpartum Depression after the birth of her son, Moses. She described her experience as very zombie like, telling Good Housekeeping in her interview,

“I felt like a zombie. I couldn’t access my heart. I couldn’t access my emotions. I couldn’t connect.”

Who among of us have not felt like a Zombie as a new mom struggling with a Postpartum Mood Disorder?

What grabbed my attention in this particular piece was that she included insight into the fact that it was her husband, Chris Martin, ColdPlay front man, who insisted things were not quite right. His insistence helped to “burst the bubble” of denial in which Gwyneth found herself and allowed her to seek the help she needed.

I appreciate this tidbit of information. It speaks volumes to how important the involvement of a spouse is for the successful treatment and recovery of a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder.

Support starts at home. It’s our Ground Zero. We need our partners to hold us up and back us up as we fight to recover ourselves.

Thank you, Chris Martin, for your attentiveness as a spouse and partner. I can only hope more men follow your lead.