Milestones

This year has been a year full of milestones for our four year old daughter.

She blew out the candles on her birthday cake for the very first time. She belly laughed for the first time. She is thriving in an all-day pre-k full of absolutely normal kids her age. We understand almost 99% of her speech these days. Life is good.

Today, a milestone happened for us in the car.

When I walked in to pick her up from pre-k, she grinned widely, jumped up, and ran over to hug me.

The last time I picked her up? Tears. Total meltdown. Temper tantrum complete with thrashing in the floor. She is accustomed to her father picking her up and had not been informed about the change. She was NOT happy. Today she was happy to see me. We started last night to explain to her that Mommy would be picking her up from school to take her to a doctor’s appointment.

I had a snack waiting in the car. Once strapped in, I got her settled with her snack, got the tunes going, and off we went.

Halfway across town, as she snacked and I chowed down on Peanut M&M’s, a favorite song of hers came on Pandora.

I turned it up, she squealed, and we sang as loud as we could together.

Then, it hit me.

We?

Were a mother and daughter rocking it out in the car.

Just an average, everyday Mom & daughter totally grooving together.

I had to stop singing because I started crying. Furiously blinking back tears so she wouldn’t see me and swallowing my tears so I could sing with her again, relishing the normalcy of the moment.

My four year old and I did not bond when she was born. She was born with a condition known as Pierre Robin Sequence. At just 9 days old, she had major surgery and was in an induced coma for a week as the swelling went down from her surgery.

When she was 56 days old, I was hospitalized.

When she was 7 months old, I stopped exclusively pumping and stopped resenting her for all the issues she brought into my life.

When she was 3 years old, she had to have another surgery and I was forced to return to the same hospital she was at for her NICU stay. We bonded that week, the two of us, and have been growing closer ever since.

But today? Today was really the first time I felt that miraculous mother/daughter bond with my daughter.

I cried not only because it had finally happened but because it took nearly five years to happen.

You know what though?

TOTALLY worth the wait.

Just Talking Tuesday: What is your solace?

I often wake up to the sounds of screaming children. Not just children playing, children screaming. And actually, it is more than often. I would say 90% of the time we wake up to screaming and arguing children. Given that I am not a morning person, having to dive right into mediating World War III does not usually go well. One of the first things I do after things are settled is make coffee. The scent of freshly ground beans mixing with boiling water soothes my soul. It takes me back to my grandparents.

I also love to cook. This morning I made myself an egg white omelet with baby portabella mushrooms and swiss cheese. Not only was it delish, but it was very soothing to make.

Music soothes my soul too. I listen to quite a range of music these days – a lot of things I’m willing to bet most people would never picture me listening to, even if they follow me on Twitter and are privy to my random music tweets. I love upbeat pop music, hip hop, latin, alternative, rock, classical and flamenco guitar, you name it, I’m there. Except for the Rolling Stones. And the Beatles. Although, today, for the first time ever, I heard a Beatles song that did not annoy the ever loving tar out of me. There’s hope yet for those young lads from Liverpool in my life.

Making loose leaf tea is also soothing for me.

I also like to drive on the open road, windows down, music blasting, nowhere to go, nowhere to be…. just me, the road, and some awesome tunes.

Sitting on the front porch while staring at the birds, rabbits, the cows and goats across the street at the farm, the zillionth cars getting lost in our neighborhood, breathing the fresh country air – I love all of these things.

Reading. Watching movies.

Going to church. Reading my bible (which I need to do more!)

These are healthy solace practices for me.

I lean toward the unhealthy when I clean. Or brush my hair. Or clean. Mostly clean. I don’t clean a LOT because I get afraid I will go overboard and cross that inappropriate line. And no, it’s not an excuse to keep a messy house. I have to go slow when I clean because if I don’t, I won’t sleep, I won’t eat, I’ll just clean. Which is great for the house, not so great for me.

What about you?

What are your healthy solace practices?

Your not so healthy practices?

Let’s get to just talking!

Protecting yourself: Coping with Negative News & Current Events

I experienced a traumatic birth with my first daughter. When I came home, I ever so brilliantly watched CNN Headline News most of the day when my husband was at work. I also watched a lot of movies and Star Trek: The Next Generation but the CNNH was my default setting.

For the most part, it was background noise.

Until the reporter would start talking about something absolutely horrific. Or they would show graphic pictures. Or they would obsess over the same negative news for hours at a time. Which, let’s face it, happens a LOT on the news these days.

I remember Hurricane Katrina. I was depressed, pregnant with our second daughter, and more than likely should not have turned on the Television. But I did. BAM. Triggered.

After the birth of our second daughter though, I turned off the news. I turned off any medical dramas. She spent almost an entire month in the NICU. For me, my life turned INTO a medical drama. Without the appearance of George Clooney or Goran Visjnic, unfortunately. I did not need to leave the hospital to come home and watch ER or Grey’s.

I limited my exposure to news. I did not go to CNN’s website or watch their channels. Same with Fox, MSNBC, local news, etc. I was safe.

But then I found Social Media.

On Social Media, it is HARD to ignore current events. Especially on Twitter where the majority of stories take off before any news outlet even picks them up.

I follow one news outlet on my feed. Only one. I may even drop them. If my Twitter feed is blowing up with news I find triggering, I close my laptop, shut off my Twitter app on my phone, and focus on the kiddos, myself, and laughing. Sure, I could let myself drown in the speculation, the negative spirals downward, and the ebb and flow of drama. But I choose not to do so. It is not because I do not want to be informed. I very much want to be informed. I just want to be informed on my terms, not on the terms the news outlets seem to think I need to be informed upon.

Much of the time, news is sensationalized in order to turn a profit. It’s meant to make you gasp, elicit an emotional response, and stay glued to your TV or buy the newspaper. There is a reason you do not see happy, non-sensationalized news very often. It is because frankly, it does not sell papers.

If news and current events trigger you, turn off your TV. Cancel your newspaper subscription. Think of other positive things you can do with the money you’re spending on that paper subscription – like a massage or even therapy!

If you MUST read news, go here: http://www.happynews.com/

Think of turning off the news as a necessary step in self-care as you move toward recovery from your Postpartum Mood Disorder.

What other triggers do you find you need to protect yourself from? Share your trigger and coping method below!

 

Postpartum Voice of the Year: Round III

Two weeks of pre-finals down!

This is the final group of nominations before the finalist group goes up for voting next week.

Just was with the previous two groups, these pieces were chosen as Postpartum Voice of the Week here at My Postpartum Voice.

Finalists will go up for voting next Sunday for one week.

The 2010 Postpartum Voice of the Year will be announced on Monday, January 31st.

As more and more women choose to actively share their postpartum mood disorder journeys, we all grow as mothers, as a community, as women who are constantly reaching out to hold the hand of another mother who may be faltering herself.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank each and every one of you for so courageously sharing your stories with the world. You have made a difference in so many lives.

As always, I urge you to go read the pieces prior to voting. You’ll find the titles and URL’s linked below the Poll.

Happy Voting!

P.S. For those of you nominated, email me at mypostpartumvoice(@)gmail if you want a cool “nominated” button for your blog! Go on, brag a bit. You’ve earned it.

[polldaddy poll=4399793]

When there is no light by @litanyofbritt

 

Proof that I am in a better place by Allison from O My Family

 

Post about Postpartum Depression by The Outdoor Wife

 

The no-baby blues? Postpartum Depression in the baby loss community by Kristine Brite McCormick

 

My Story by Miranda of Not Super Just Mom

 

@karma_D finds her Postpartum voice

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