Category Archives: sharing the journey

Sharing the Journey with you

I thought it would be a nice change to ask some fun questions that have nothing at all to do with Postpartum Depression.

Have fun!

1) What’s your favorite kid-friendly “expletive”? (A few of mine are sugar snappies, fudgesticks, and Oh PEACHES!)

2) Tell us the silliest thing you’ve ever done.

3) Name your favorite pizza toppings.

4) What’s your favorite animal?

5) Coke or Pepsi?

Sharing the Journey with Natalie Dombrowski

Not too long after launching The Postpartum Dads Project, I received a comment from a reporter based in Illinois requesting contact from someone with the project. I emailed and finally touched base with her last week. While doing research for an article about Natalie Dombrowski’s experience, she came across the Postpartum Dads Project site. I began to notice some traffic being directed to Unexpected Blessing from The SouthTown Star’s website and decided to check it out. This is how I discovered Natalie. Like me, she’s experienced Postpartum Depression but to a much higher level. She is also SPEAKing out about her experience and has written a book detailing her journey. I hope you enjoy reading her interview here and if you’re interested in reading her husband’s point of view, I’m happy to tell you his interview is available at The Postpartum Dads Project! You can also keep up with Natalie at her blog.

Thank you Natalie for being brave and courageous in sharing your story. It’s because so many more of us are SPEAKing up and out that the stigma is slowly being stripped away from this very real illness that rips at the very heart of so many American families.

Natalie and son Brian

Natalie and son Brian

Tell us a little bit about Natalie. What does she love to do when no one’s looking?

Well I am thirty-four years old. I am very happily married with one child presently. I love to read when I get a moment, most of the time it’s before I go to bed. I’m usually asleep after fifteen to twenty pages. Currently I am reading ‘The Memory Keeper’s Daughter” for my book club. My mother-in-law is teaching me to crochet. I thought it would be nice to learn. When I was little I used to do latch key kits. I love going to the movies. I love to shop when it is feasible; however I always pamper myself by getting either a pedicure or massage once a month. And, I enjoy having an occasional glass of wine.

As both of us know, motherhood isn’t always smiles and kisses. For some of us it gets very dark with no sign of light and the whispers we hear aren’t search parties setting out to rescue us. How dark did your experience get and what finally brought the light back into your life?

My illness was so advanced that I had to be hospitalized for twelve days. If I think back now I can still remember the immense internal pain. I was so hopeless, I felt like anything would be better than feeling the way I felt. I believe that was the darkest part of my experience. I had never felt like that in my entire life. I certainly didn’t understand why I would feel this way when I just had a baby. A baby that I planned for and wanted. Wanting to end my life was scary, but not as scary as the intrusive thoughts I had to harm my baby. At one point I imagined my son to dying from SIDS. I could not understand these immoral thoughts, but they would not stop coming. I have always fought my way through things. Between the choice of fight or flight; fight always won. This time I saw no way to fight. I didn’t know that I was sick and that I needed someone else to fight for me. That someone ended up being my husband. I remember the first time after my baby Brian was born when I truly felt hope. It was on the Fourth of July. We were going to host the Fourth but decided it wasn’t a good idea. Brian already bought fireworks, so that night I had my own personal fireworks show. Outside, monitor on the front porch, an ear’s length away from my baby, fireworks and my beautiful husband made the hope in me ignite! That is when I knew it was all going to be ok.
You also experienced a traumatic childbirth. Do you think this contributed to your experience? How have you reframed your experience?

I absolutely know that the traumatic birth contributed to my illness. I was not medically diagnosed with PPPTSD. But if more physicians were better equipped to understand and deal with mood disorders, I certainly believe it may have been my medical diagnosis. I can’t say that I have reframed my experience. What I have done is educate myself. I understand what happened to me. With this, I believe I have reframed my previous thought ‘I don’t want to have anymore children.’ I want to give myself and my husband another chance at a happy and healthy postnatal experience. And I want to have more children like I always did.

Back to You, your book about your struggle is now available at Amazon.com. What made you decide to write this book and share it with the world?

The book was originally a journal I set out to write as part of my own therapy. I had replayed everything over and over in my mind. I wanted to move on. I believed if I wrote it down I could. When I was finished I read it out loud to my husband; he encouraged me to share it with others.

What are three things that made you smile today?

Well, today, my son repeated what I said, “what happened.” He had his hands out stretched and had a look of confusion on his face! It was adorable. I smiled when my little brother, not so little – he is 31, told me that he was going to Virginia to visit a girl he met on his New Year’s cruise. I know it’s early but I love weddings. I also smiled today because I know my husband was happy to have completed a long and difficult job.

What do you find the most challenging about motherhood nowadays? The least?

I find motherhood very exhausting. I am a stay at home mom, and by the time my husband gets home I am seriously exhausted. I am thankful that he takes our little guy off my hands for an hour or more before dinner. This is an underestimated profession and lifestyle. The least challenging thing about motherhood is in the pure fact that your child makes it all worth while.

I am a strong believer that Postpartum Mood Disorders affect more than just Mom. They disrupt the entire family balance. How did your husband handle your diagnosis and hospitalization?

My husband handled my diagnosis and hospitalization in a very mature and understanding manner. He was truly my rock. However, when I was better he began to get very angry. At first I didn’t understand, but as time went on, I realized what had happen. He had to stop living his life too; not only because we had a child, but because I was sick. He certainly was not prepared for that. He was only supposed to be off for two weeks. One of which was spent with us in the hospital for the first five days of little Brian’s life. He was supposed to go back to work, his life like normal. I think this whole idea of back to work, back to normal should be redefined. New baby = a new life & change.
I read in the news article at the South Town Star that you posted notes all over the house to yourself about how you were a good mother, not to blame, etc. What were some of the other little things you did to help yourself recapture a positive mindset and come back from the dark?

That was a big one. I truly needed to replace my negative thoughts, with positive ones. Even if I didn’t believe them right away. This technique in therapy is called CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This was the approach I was given to follow. Also, the home-health care nurse we hired was a very big part of my recovery. She was my coach, cheering me on and teaching me the challenges of motherhood. We really didn’t have the money for her but we decided to use money from our wedding.
Tell us about SPEAK. What does it stand for and what are your hopes for this project?

SPEAK… stands for (Spread Postpartum Education & Awareness Kinship…) It is a five point presentation intended to educate women. I have created this from my own personal experience and my active role in learning about postnatal mood disorders. I intend to SPEAK… I taught middle school math, algebra, and geometry for almost seven years. Now my goal is to teach moms-to-be, new moms, family members directly involved with the care of a mother, everyone about this under diagnosed and under recognized disorder. Women and babies have lost their lives to this illness. I almost did. This is pointless. I know, from the conferences and books I have read that a lot of people and organizations are taking the much needed steps to push the Mother’s Act through the Senate, hopefully with the new 09’ Congress. In the meantime I feel those that do know about postnatal disorders have an obligation to help all women right now. We need to educate all women about the possibility of postpartum depression after birth. And I am not talking about the brief 15 seconds that were allotted in my own birthing class. I am talking about dedicating 50 minutes or more about the myths of motherhood, the risk factors, the screening tools that are available on-line, signs & symptoms, the law and what they can do to advocate for their health & care right now and finally I offer suggestions of how to treat this devastating illness if it happens to them. Awareness is the key.

Last but not least, what advice would you give to an expectant mother (new or experienced) about Postpartum Mood Disorders?

My advice would be to attend a SPEAK… presentation; however, they may not be in the Chicagoland area, so therefore I would advise them to be aware of the different types of mood disorders. They should know there are screening tools that can be requested especially if they have some risk factors. Her family and friends should be knowledgeable of symptoms as well. (These people closest to her need to be aware!) And in the case that she has a mood disorder, she needs help. A treatment and/or support plan can and should be in place ahead of time. A care calendar should be set up in advance for the mom. The calendar should be for no less than six weeks of care after the birth of the baby. (The mother needs to be cared for too. If she had surgery, a caesarean birth, she is unable to move around even less. Meals and infant care should be a huge part of the care calendar.) Also, the name and number of a therapist in the area that has experience with women’s health needs to be available. This is not an illness that should be learned about after the fact. Measures need to be in place ahead of time. This is the best advice I could ever give. Just like some of us may have forgotten to plan our marriage when we were planning our wedding, we really need to plan for more than just the birth of our child.

I want to thank you for the opportunity to SPEAK… :)

Sincerely, Natalie

Sharing the Journey with Ruta Nonacs, M.D.

Dr. Ruta Nonacs M.D., author of A Deeper Shade of Blue, also serves as Associate Director of the Center for Women’s Health at Massachusetts General Hospital and an Instructor in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. She received her MD from Cornell University Medical School and her Ph.D from Rockefeller University in New York.

She is very dedicated to ensuring women, families, and professionals have accurate information regarding depression during a woman’s childbearing years. In fact, her inspiration for her book, A Deeper Shade of Blue, lies within a strong desire to provide a carefully researched resource for women and their families that lays bare the myths and facts of symptoms, treatment, and recovery. Thank you Dr. Nonacs for your pioneering efforts in this area and I look forward to your continued work!

I sincerely appreciate her willingness to share her journey here and hope you enjoy her words!

Who IS Ruta Nonacs? What do you do when you’re not teaching or doing research?

I am trained as a psychiatrist and have spent my professional life doing a combination of research and clinical practice, working mostly with women during their reproductive years. I have recently been devoting more time to Postpartum Support International; it is one of my most important professional goals to increase awareness of postpartum depression. To this end, I spend a fair amount of time writing for both medical and lay audiences. Since having kids, I started working part-time and that has worked well for me. I have two daughters, ages 3 and 8, and I feel fortunate to be able to spend a lot of time with them.

How did you come to be interested in Postpartum Mood Disorders? Was there a particular experience or situation that drew you into the topic?

During my residency, the first patient I took care of was a young woman who was in the first trimester of her pregnancy, and I had the privilege of following her for the next three years. As a single mother, it was a difficult time in her life, and I felt that I was really able to help her a great deal. I can’t help feeling that this experience had something to do with my choices later on. I also had the good fortune of doing my residency at Massachusetts General Hospital, where they have a phenomenal perinatal psychiatry program.

As we both know, motherhood is a life-changing experience. How has motherhood changed you?

It has changed me in so many ways. For one, it has permitted me to slow down and enjoy all the little small pleasures in life.

Postpartum Mood Disorder recognition and treatment options have come quite a long way, even since my first episode a little over four years ago. How much further do we have to go and in your opinion, what can we do to facilitate the furthering of positive change regarding these conditions?

Depression in all shapes and forms carries a real stigma, and I think we still have a long way to go here. I think one of the things that has helped women with postpartum depression to get treatment is hearing about other women’s experiences with the disorder.

Moms need to take time for themselves in order to recharge their batteries. What is it that you do to relax and recharge?

I wish I could say that I am good at following the advice I give to my patients. I probably don’t relax as much as I should, but I do love bicycling, being outdoors, and photography.

Of all the research you have done in the Postpartum Depression area, were there any results you were particularly surprised to obtain? If so, what were they and why were you surprised? If not, would you mind sharing a brief overview of one of your favorite research projects with us?

I think one of the things I have enjoyed about my research (and my clinical work) has been the chance to make things better. Let me clarify this a bit. We have done a great deal of research on identifying risk factors for postpartum depression. Probably the strongest risk factor is having a history of depression or anxiety before pregnancy. By identifying women at highest risk for postpartum depression, we have been able to implement certain interventions that decrease the risk of postpartum illness. That means we can actually prevent postpartum depression, and that is a truly wonderful thing.

Tell us a bit about your book, A Deeper Shade of Blue and the related blog. What inspired these projects?

A Deeper Shade of Blue is a book for the lay public that provides reliable information on the spectrum of mood and anxiety disorders that affect women during their childbearing years. In this book there is information about postpartum depression and also about mood disorders that occur during pregnancy, as well as the psychological issues surrounding infertility and pregnancy loss.

I wrote the book because there is so little accurate information out there on these topics. While there has been increasing awareness of postpartum mood disorders, most women knew very little about mood and anxiety disorders that occur during pregnancy. There is also so much misinformation in this area; for example, many women assume that they can’t take medications during pregnancy or while they are breastfeeding, and that simply isn’t true. I wanted to give women a carefully researched resource, a guide that would help them to be better informed and to get the help they need.

What is your philosophy regarding your approach to Postpartum Depression? How did you develop this philosophy?

My general philosophy is that we can never afford to ignore postpartum depression. Even when it is relatively mild, depression takes a toll on a mother and on her family. This philosophy derives from my clinical experience — seeing way to many women who have not been able to enjoy or participate in important aspects of their lives because they were depressed and did not receive any treatment.

What advice would you give to medical professionals who may come in contact with a mother who is depressed? What are some of the best things they could do for this mom? What should they not do?

I think the first thing to do is to educate the mother. Many women don’t know a lot about depression; they do not know that this is a biological illness. They don’t know what treatments are effective. Depression still carries a significant stigma, and so many women are horribly ashamed about being depressed. Medical professionals need to help to enlighten women and help them to see depression as any other type of illness that requires attention. Medical professionals need to help women access the help they need, whether it is support from the family, talk therapy, or treatment with medications. These resources are sometimes difficult to find, and we need to make sure that women get the help they need.

And last but not least, if you had a chance to give an expectant mother (new or experienced) one piece of advice, what would you tell her?

As hard as it may be, you need to take care of yourself first. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can’t be the mother you want to be.