Category Archives: recovery time

Introducing our Unexpected Blessing

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He’s here! Our unexpected blessing arrived on December 18th at 419am after a short labor, tipping the scales at 8lbs 7ozs, measuring 20in long.

We checked into the hospital at 630p, Pitocin was administered at 8pm, water was broken at 11pm, epidural at about 1am or so, short nap (thank GOD), awoken by epidural fading, feeling like I needed to push, and 45 minutes later Cameron was born. He had to be suctioned and received some blow by oxygen due to his short trip down the birth canal but his palate is intact and he is a champion nursing baby boy!!! He looks just like the girls except that he has brownish green eyes. Chris and I have to keep reminding ourselves he’s a boy! LOL.

I am doing well. Already feeling great, moving around, still sore a bit physically. Mentally I am doing well. I thoroughly enjoyed cuddling with Cameron today and really bonded with him. I spent most of the day with him in bed with me just staring at his gorgeous little face. He nursed quite a bit today and as I said earlier, definitely knows what’s going on in that department.

Chris and I feel that Cameron has been blessed to us as a reward for all our hard work with Charlotte. We truly survived the fire with her and feel so blessed to have her as part of our lives. … and now to have Cameron as well. We already felt  blessed to have Alli as well but now we definitely feel that God has smiled upon us and for this we are grateful.

Finding Hope on the Farm

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I get email updates from NAMI and through a reprint of an article, “Home on the Farm: Working Therapeutic Communities,” appearing in a recent issue of Schizophrenia Digest, I discovered a really cool farm in MI called Rose Hill Center.

Rose Hill Center is dedicated to the rehabilitation of those suffering from mental illnesses, focusing on schizophrenia and bipolar disorders and was founded by the parents of a young man named John who was diagnosed with schizophrenia in his mid 20’s. While trying to find a group home for John, they became very disappointed in what kind of help was available for their son and through a visit with a farm in Connecticut, they began to raise funds to start a similar farm in MI. The farm encourages responsibility and independence by involving the residents in the running of the farm – from animal care to kitchen duty. The article is extremely well written and what they are doing on this farm is absolutely amazing. I realize it is not postpartum related but I had to share this story with you. I would LOVE to one day operate a farm similar to this one for women with postpartum struggles – the major reason the article caught my attention.

“Clinical Depression is a luxury I can’t afford”

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On October 30, 2007, a story was posted at the living section of www.cnn.com, written by Lisa Kogan, who writes for O magazine and www.oprah.com. The story is entitled “Funny Woman’s Unbelievably Busy Day.” Lisa Kogan is a single mother and her writing is vivid and snappy. However, when she gets to 4:02pm in her busy day, the entry reads as follows:

4:02 p.m. I get up again. I am ghostwriting a book, and four chapters are due by Wednesday morning. Clinical depression is a luxury I can’t afford.

And this is where i take issue with the article.

I have had clinical depression. A Major Depressive Episode topped off with OCD for some added excitement. I am here to tell you that in no way is Clinical depression a luxury. Now she may have been using the expression in a joking sarcastic manner, but that even makes it worse. As a mother who has suffered Postpartum depression, I have judged myself. I have felt as if others are judging me. I have been judged by others. It is a harsh cruel world. The Depression I experienced was anything but luxurious. I was unable to take care of myself, unable to shower, unable to care for my daughters, our dogs, my husband – and he bore the brunt of my outbursts. I was angry with him for no reason. He could say the nicest thing to me and I would yell at him. I spent a lot of time angry, a lot of time with horrible thoughts about myself and my daughters floating through my head. I finally landed in the hospital with my second round of this so called “luxury of depression.” Yes, I slept for two days which may sound luxurious, but trust me, sleeping at a mental ward is miles away from luxury. The pillows are as flat as paper, you are guaranteed roommates who may or may not be as sane as you currently perceive yourself to be, and worse yet, there are the other patients on the ward who are almost guaranteed to be well, frightening to a mother who’s not sure what exactly is wrong with her. We have all walked our own path that has led us to this place where we are seeking and desperately hoping for help – a return to the person we believe we can be. For some of us that dream is a reality, for others, unfortunately, it is not. But we all deserve just as much compassion, care, love, and respect from the outside world regarding our mental health status, whatever the diagnoses may be for us.

I wouldn’t wish clinical depression on anyone – not Ms. Kogan, not any mother. But some of us experience it and this is why I write my blog, why I volunteer with PSI, why I founded PACE – so those of us who do suffer can find hope and compassion. Now THAT is a luxury I can afford for myself and to pay forward – sweet support. (And sweet support is also a luxury that EVERY mother deserves to have!)

Finally getting back on my feet!

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Yesterday was my worst day of that horrible cold I referred to in my previous post. I had zero energy and was just shaky most of the day. The cold had also degenerated into a horrible cough which is finally starting to dissipate as well. I went to bed last night at 8pm, right after putting Alli to bed. It took everything out of me just to cook dinner and care for the girls yesterday.

Today is much better, combination of a ton of sleep (nearly 12 hours) and just general recovery. I’m about to lie down and rest for now though. i do have a couple of posts I really want to get up – one involves a recent online article I read by a columnist for the Oprah magazine that kind of irked me. The other is about a really cool farm in MI designed for rehab of the mentally ill. More on those tomorrow though – right now, I am going to continue to rest. i don’t want to push myself too much on my first good day!