Category Archives: life

What happened to my happy cave?

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Seriously – where’d the happy cave go?

It’s MIA.

Maybe The Others have obsconded with it and the island it was hidden away on. Maybe Jack and Sayeed need to come rescue me. Ok, so no maybe to the rescue. I definitely need some rescuing.

As you know, Alli’s sick. This morning as I was trying to force her medicine into her (she won’t cooperate, I’ve tried every trick in the book too), she threw up. On me. On the bed. On her hair. Everywhere. Fun.

Charlotte is in this fantastic stage of non-compliance with household rules and lack of reaction to discipline. I have lost count of how many times I’ve had to haul her twin mattress back up onto her bed. This morning, she took her pull-up off even though there was poopy in it. Again, Fun. You know that point you get to when you’re so angry there’s nothing left to do but laugh? Yeah. I’m there. SO there. Where the hell is my Margarita? I WANT MY MARGARITA AND SOME FRIGGIN CALGON PEOPLE!

Cameron? Well, he’s the bright spot. He’s been doing great. We have a blast together. He started clapping the other day. I walked in and he was just laying there, staring at the ceiling and apparently clapping for the Amazing Ceiling Dust Fuzz Acrobatic team. He stopped and when I tried to get him to do it again he smacked his face. Repeatedly, while grinning. Silly baby. Thank HEAVEN for silly billy babies!

As I sit here writing this, I’m listening to the bam and boom of the girls tearing up their room. I will admit I’m still sitting here because I don’t want to go back there – I’m scared of what I might find and how pissed off it might make me. I need to shower for the Meet & Greet tonight. I need to at LEAST get my make-up on because as soon as Chris gets home, I need to be walking out the door and will not have time to shower then. So much for planning on getting anything done during naptime. I hate that the house is a wreck but frankly I get run so ragged by the kids during the day that I don’t have time to straighten up. I’m lucky I can keep up with the basics.

Uh Oh.

They’re yelling now.

Perhaps I should go.

And perhaps you should pray.

And send Calgon.

And Margarita Mix.

And some Jose Cuervo.

Why are you still sitting there????

Diagnosis: Strep Throat

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No school until at least Wednesday for Alli.

Hopefully we’ll be able to get through the night without waking up at 3am as we’ve been doing the past two nights. It’s wearing me out!

Tomorrow is Day 2 of Chris’ on the job evaluation. Today went well as he really impresed the Management Development person.

Another big thing happens tomorrow – I will be attending a Meet & Greet for the Spring Interns at Common Ground here in Athens. Two of the interns will be working with me on the overhaul of the support group meetings for PACE. I’m hoping the new format will draw in new attendees, gain additional community support, and also form a strong base for a new nationwide support movement for families struggling with Postpartum Mood Disorders. I’ll be posting more details about the project as they arise. I’m really excited about this and feel that it is the beginning of something really awesome.

Meanwhile, the bulk of tomorrow will be spent at home, resting and hanging out with the kids as Alli recovers.

Ahhh.. the good, the bad, and the pissy

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i am in a grumpy mood today and I don’t know why.

I shouldn’t be. but here i sit. In a grumpy frustrated world into the depths of which I am spiraling further and further.

I need to get up and get my chores done. I know I need to but yet I don’t want to move. I’m sore. I’m tired. I’m grumpy. Maybe the toddlers are winning this one.

(by the way, did you know it takes twice as much energy to frown than to smile? that’s something to think about – being sad is HARDER)

Ok, pity party over. Gonna get moving now.

Thanks for the shoulder.

Proud to be Anti-Depressant Free!

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It’s taken a little over two years (April would have marked 3 years) but I am successfully Anti-depressant free and have been for the past month and a half. I still take some natural supplements to help with my mood (Omega 3.6.9 & B12) but I am so happy to be off medication. It certainly served it’s purpose while I was on it but with my last step down to barely nothing and family life picking up, more often than not I would forget to take my medication and realized after having done this for a month that I hadn’t been taking my anti-depressant and had been managing things quite well – even a crisis that flew my direction. Pleasantly surprised at this turn of events, I made the decision to stay off my medication. I have been laughing, giggling, and really enjoying life with a passion I haven’t known in a long long time. I think the thrill of knowing I’m in charge of my own mind (and doing well) again has something to do with it. The scaffolding worked and I am LOVING the renovation!

So it’s New Year’s Eve…

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It’s been a rough year.

Can I say that again?

It’s been a rough year.

One more time –

It’s been a rough year.

And here I sit, on the last day of it, sick, tired, and trying not to worry about the future.

I’m worn out. Slap worn out. But amazingly enough, still hopeful, still laughing, and still smiling.

I know I should focus on the positive. Focus on the gifts of my renewed faith, my renewed strength in God’s power and plan for my life. I’m trying. Really, I am.

It’s been a good year for my PPD work –

  • This blog has had nearly 20,000 hits since May
  • The PPD Dads Project has over 1,000 hits and has only been in offical existence for 26 days now.
  • An interview at 5 minutes for mom.
  • Lots of interviews here!
  • There’s been the development of a statewide initiative here in GA
  • Several local connections made, one of which has netted me two interns to help overhaul my support meetings!
  • I’ve really had a blast working over at iVillage as the CL of the Postpartum Depression Board and thank God I am able to provide support in that way too.
  • I’ve provided support for at least 1 woman/family each day this past year (that I know of). That’s a minimum of 365 families. Wow.
  • Chat at Pampered, Pregger & Beyond

Personally it’s been a rough year but I’ve struggled to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I know if I focused on the negatives, I would be swept away into the deep dark depths of the sea of sorrow forever.

My car accident taught me we can never know what is coming our way and that the protection we thought we had here in the world may not be there at all. There is only one way protection and safe place in which to rest – on Him. He will never fail.

My probation as a result of my car accident taught me that if you do truly lean on Him, He will bring compassion to those around you and allow the repentant nature of your soul to be revealed to them. He will humble you.

Alli’s diagnosis with ADHD has shown me that we need to be understanding of others and patient with them no matter what. We are all beautiful no matter what because HE made us.

And more recently, my husband’s job loss has taught me that even when things seem irreparably damaged, there is hope as long as both parties are willing to work towards the same goal with the same fervrent dedication.

So while I am not ending the year on a high note, I have truly learned some valuable lessons this year. Lessons that have allowed me to grow by leaps and bounds and have carved a new me. Just as I have in the past, I intend on pulling myself up by my bootstraps (yes, I KNOW that’s a cliche!) and wading into whatever 2009 has to offer. Serve it up, baby. I’ve got God on my side.