Author Archives: LHale

About LHale

Sassy, outspoken, laughing, football loving, F1 & MotoGP fanatic, coffee and beer snob, bacon addicted Mama blogging about Postpartum Mood Disorders as she tries to figure out her new place in this world. C'mon along for the ride, won't ya?

Whatever Wednesday: Love Thyself

Leave a reply

Today? Better spent stuck in an episode of Fawlty Towers. Specifically the one about the construction workers and the ever changing door. Because wow. It’s nearly 5pm and I thought staying in bed was a better option at 9am. Turns out I was right.

But enough about focusing on what went WRONG today. Time to focus on some positive.

That’s where John from Daddy Runs A lot comes in handy. Wait, that didn’t come out right. I digress.

Two days ago, John posted a Link-up in which he challenges you to list things you love about yourself.

I knew I wanted to write for it as soon as I read it.

Today is a good day to finally write. I could use the ego-boosting. Even if it’s self-inflicted. Yes. I know that makes me narcissistic but hell. Aren’t we all to a certain degree? Besides. It’s really more of an exercise in getting my brain out of the negative rut in which it’s so flawlessly stuck itself today.

Here goes.

(Note: These are in no particular order)

1. My sarcasm. I adore my fluency in sarcasm. I do. It’s allowed me to view the world in a lighter manner, to find the humor in the dark, and then inappropriately remark upon it to others. It’s my second language. It’s allowed me to make some really hilarious friends on Twitter too. Snark, anyone?

2. My eyes. Hazel and flecked with gold as they slide from green to blue to grey, my eyes are quite possibly one of my most favorite things about myself. I’ve been told they’re deep, gorgeous, beautiful, full of soul and heart, seductive, and trance-inducing. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention them in this list.

3. My hair. I have had a love/hate relationship with my hair since the birth of my second daughter when brushing it became part of my Postpartum OCD. I chopped it off then but have finally grown it back. It’s halfway down my back, chestnut brown with lots of natural auburn and gold highlights. It’s also annoyingly straight and silky. Seriously. My hair? Belongs in a Pantene commercial. It’s that gorgeous. I like how it feels on my back when I’m wearing a tank top and how it slides over my shoulders too. It’s comforting now instead of anxiety inducing. Plus it frames my eyes nicely. 😉

4. My writing. I’ve been writing since I was 6. My first short story was 11 pages long. One of my other first pieces was a two page piece about Organisms (you totally read that wrong, didn’t you? Shame.) I attended Duke Young Writer’s Camp in HS instead of going to Disney World with my brothers and grandfather. Okay, so they decided to go after I was accepted to Duke for the second summer in a row. Still. That’s dedication. I have a degree in English. Without writing, I would perish. Writing is my outlet, my peace, my soul. It’s what I do. Yanno, when I’m not doing the postpartum thing. I’ve been told I’m a natural by several people. Asked how I do it so well. Um. I’m horribly unorganized in this department and just write when the mood strikes, pouring everything out in five-ten minutes or less. SO there you go. No trick.

5. My big heart. Again, this one is a love/hate relationship but my heart has taken me some really amazing places, especially this summer. Sure it’s hurt like hell sometimes but there are no regrets. I refuse to look back and be sad because things are over but will instead smile because they happened (thank u, Dr. Seuss!) I believe my big heart has allowed me to see the world differently than most, to be open to embracing everything with love and compassion. I can’t imagine living any other way, despite the pain to which this opens me to as I glide through life.

6. My free spirit. I’m happiest when surrounded by nature. Kind of like a wood nymph. I adore that I can sit in the middle of a forest and be filled with peace immediately. Or stare at the ocean. Or sit by a lake. Or.. you get the drift. I adore that I am able to just “be” when necessary. Float off into the middle of peace and stay there for a bit. I know this is a gift and I am beyond blessed. For this, I am grateful. I totally love this about me.

 

So there you have it. Six things I love about myself right now.

You should go over to John’s place and link up too, by the way.

#PPDChat Short Video Request

Leave a reply

Dear #PPDChat Mamas:

This Saturday, a presentation focusing on #PPDChat will be provided to the Postpartum Support International Conference in Seattle. Originally I was to present in person but some last minute travel issues have prevented me from traveling to Seattle. Instead of presenting in person, I am providing a video presentation. I would love to have a few short snippets from participants of #PPDChat. You can talk for a couple of minutes about what it means to you or simply record yourself saying “I am PPDChat.” Either way, I’d love to get these intertwined with the video presentation because without you, #PPDChat would mean nothing.

The videos need to be submitted no later than tomorrow morning at 9am ET. Email them to mypostpartumvoice AT gmail DOT com.

Please share this with anyone you know who has participated in #PPDChat. Thank you!

Let’s rock this!

Thank you, South Carolina

Leave a reply

This past Sunday.

We all know what the day meant. What it marked. How we spent it.

I spent it in my car, driving to Georgia.

I had decided not to blog about the day after a brief conversation with a friend on Twitter. To spend the day in solemn remembrance and thought about the events of 10 years ago.

At 840am, I turned off my music and turned on NPR. They were covering the ceremonies of the day. The first moment of silence at Ground Zero at 846am. The second moment of silence. A third moment of silence at the Pentagon. Shanksville, PA.

A few tears slid down my face as I listened to the silence. As I listened to the names being read aloud.

And then.

Oh and then.

As my car zoomed at 70+ mph down 85 in Spartanburg, SC, the tears streamed down my face as I rounded a bend and headed toward the first of one of several overpasses in the “metro” area. I wish I could have snapped a photo but given the speed at which I was traveling, I was unable to do so. (I was also unable to safely pull off to the side to get a photo as well – traffic was not amenable to this)

This overpass, covered in huge American flags, filled with Americans, waving, and remembering the tragic events which occurred 10 years ago, dug deep into my soul and heart.

Not the silence in NYC. Not the names read aloud. Not the description of a man who was the only one of 5 to survive at the Pentagon near where the plan struck the building. But this.

Real Americans. Patriotic Americans dedicated to not forgetting.

Sure, those in NY are real Americans. But I wasn’t there. I wasn’t part of their event. I was removed. But this, this in your face dedication and remembrance, I was part of this.

And now, this memory, this beautiful remembrance, has joined the memories I hold in my head as many of us do, of the horrific events of September 11, 2001. While still unfathomably tragic, the memories in my head now have a bookend of beauty and of perseverance.

Thank you, Spartanburg, SC, for giving me this beautiful memory to add to such a dark time in our nation’s history.

Healing through sharing

Leave a reply

Notable tweets from the 09.05.11 #PPDChat.

“ Writing your story allows you to reflect on your experience and bring your story into physical existence. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
“ When you do decide to share, be authentic. Be real. Be unapologetically you. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
“ Deciding when and how to share is up to you. Don’t let anyone force you into sharing YOUR story. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
“ Speaking in front of 200+ strangers 3 years after suffering from postpartum psychosis was the most cathartic thing I’ve ever done. #PPDchat
heathercoleman
September 6, 2011
“ @isalwayssick I find that each time I tell the story, it gets easier. It doesn’t own me, I own it. #PPDchat
heathercoleman
September 6, 2011
“ @unxpctdblessing – That temptation to toss an infant through a window is more common than many mothers realize… #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ @unxpctdblessing – When I told a friend that I was tempted to throw the baby through a window for a moment too, she cried. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ @unxpctdblessing – and I told her "You’re not alone. A lot of moms feel that way, but you didn’t act on it. THAT’S what matters!" #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ Thoughts and actions are NOT the same. Thoughts are simply thoughts, and nothing more. Thoughts do not make you a bad person. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ I’ve seen mothers burst into tears when they hear they aren’t evil, horrible mothers b/c of how they were feeling. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ That realization comes from hearing someone else say "I felt that way too" #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ @isalwayssick So important for moms to know they are NOT evil for feeling depressed/anxious/etc #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
“ There’s a level of societal and personal expectation we place on ourselves. When we fail to live up to it, I think #PPD hits hard. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ …knowing that those expectations are pure crap & that other moms struggle too helps so much. Share your story when you can. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ My OCD was very hard to control pp. I am supermom! Did someone forget to tell me she doesn’t really exist. I can’t do it all! #ppdchat
zumbafitmom
September 6, 2011
“ @DrBeckerSchutte my dh found it reassuring to talk to ppl IRL and find out how prevalent it was #ppdchat
signingcharity
September 6, 2011
“ @signingcharity Oh, being a partner to someone with depression, especially PPD, is no cakewalk. They need support too! #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
“ #PPD can happen to anyone! It’s just important to get help and talk it out with someone you can trust. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ @unxpctdblessing @xtina_morrison Agree. Getting help is not an admission that you can’t cope – it’s you being realistic w ur situ #ppdchat
notjustaboutwee
September 6, 2011
“ @unxpctdblessing Yup. No one really wants to hear the bad, they just want to be polite I wrote a post on my ability to say I’m fine #PPDchat
ToBreatheAgain
September 6, 2011
“ Because other moms who have been through it can help you fight the shame and self-loathing that wells up. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
“ The hardest conversation is the one in which we admit we’re not okay to loved ones and friends. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
“ @unxpctdblessing I think the hardest convo is with yourself. Admitting you’re struggling & in pain & being honest w yourself. #ppdchat
notjustaboutwee
September 6, 2011
“ Just talking to other mothers has helped #ppdchat
kate_leigh_
September 6, 2011
“ I kept trying to deny it, after talking with other mothers I knew it was time to pay attention to what was going on #ppdchat
kate_leigh_
September 6, 2011
“ @isalwayssick "I’m fine" and "I’m okay" are two red-flag codes for me. They’re what we say when we don’t feel safe. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
“ I share my story at every childbirth class I teach. I want women to know it’s real & it’s okay to ask & get help. #ppdchat
zumbafitmom
September 6, 2011
“ It’s important to surround yourself with people who care about you and will support you as you heal. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
“ Sharing our scary stories with others creates community while connecting all of us on the deepest level. #ppdchat
yaelsaar
September 5, 2011
“ I think so often that oh how I wish I had Twitter when I was #ttc & when I had #ppd! I felt so alone, especially with the latter. #ppdchat
beantownkate
September 5, 2011
“ I remember how scared I was the first time I talked about my anger in a group. And how much lighter I felt afterwards. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
“ Naming the fear is a start, but it takes concrete support (therapist, pastor, family, friends) to step in & create healing. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
“ I’m still guarded about what I say even anonymously. But this time around I think I’ve been more open overall. #PPDchat
mammacockatoo
September 6, 2011
“ @g8trgirl828 Ill be honest. Im not sure I can "go there" to write worst w/o being in therapy AND having real life support system. #ppdchat
callamery
September 5, 2011
“ I think that sharing is a huge piece of healing-a support group was what pulled me through the darkest time. #PPDChat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 5, 2011
“ Esp. since another round of friends seems to be having babies & I want them to know they don’t have to hide if something is "off" #PPDchat
mammacockatoo
September 6, 2011
“ I guess 1 fear is always not knowing who to trust with our sharing. If we don’t trust ourselves, how do we know who else to trust? #PPDchat
mammacockatoo
September 6, 2011
“ They’re not quite the same, the different kinds of screaming. One traps us in guilt, one gets us toward free. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
“ my motto is it’s better to look good then feel good but the lie is wearing me out I fear being exposed #ppdchat
xtina_morrison
September 6, 2011
“ When I was in the dark, I had to find people who were safe to tell that I was in the dark, then I could begin to look for light. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
“ When I was lost in the darkness, all I wanted was to talk to another mom. To know i was going to be okay and wasn’t abnormal. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
“ I drove to a friend’s house when she admitted having #PPD. I shared my story w/ her, & she said it made a huge difference. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
“ nobody has a clue what I’m feeling because I’m lying Smiles on the outside Screaming inside #ppdchat
xtina_morrison
September 6, 2011
“ @xtina_morrison I know sometimes you have to put on a good face. But think how much it helps you when other moms don’t pretend. #ppdchat
story3girl
September 6, 2011
“ @xtina_morrison I think we’re all afraid of being exposed. There are so many expectations on us, from inside & outside. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
“ @xtina_morrison It’s hard to admit we’re not okay. But an absolute necessity toward healing. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
“ I know that when things got bad, I found some PPD moms’ blogs, and they really saved me. Which is why I want to write now. #ppdchat
story3girl
September 6, 2011