#PPDChat Topic: Highwire: When Work & Motherhood Collide
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Monthly Archives: December 2010
On the Eighth Day of Dismissmas: Eight Maids No longer a-nursing
On the eighth day of Dismissmas,
Postpartum sent to me
Eight maids no longer nursing,
Seven sins a-lurking,
Six women a-denying,
Five hours of sleep,
Four Just Snap out of Its,
Three perfect babies,
Two depressed parents,
And a wailing mess in a pear tree.
Breastfeeding with Postpartum Depression. Many say it protects from the mere experience of a Postpartum Mood Disorder. Yet I hear over and over from so many women who ARE nursing and struggling. Then they are diagnosed and faced with this zinger:
“If you want to get better, you have to take these meds. And that means you have to stop breastfeeding.”
Any idea how detrimental hearing that phrase can be for a mom for whom breastfeeding is the ONLY thing going right? You might as well take the last shred of mothering she’s doing right, stomp on it, set it on fire, hose it down, and toss it in the dumpster out back.
As I sat in my first OB’s office, my daughter screaming as I confessed to him my darkest emotions, he had the cajones to ask me, “How important is breastfeeding to you?” The old me merely sat there, jaw agape. The me from today would read him the riot act and tell him he needed to get on the computer to Google a few things, call a few numbers, and find a successful way to treat me AND preserve my breastfeeding relationship with my daughter in the process. What a difference nearly 7 years will make in the life of a woman, eh?
There are indeed medications you can take which are safe for nursing. But if you choose to take psychiatric medications while breastfeeding, let your Pediatrician know so he/she can then monitor the well-being of your child for any potential side-effects.
If you prefer to not take medications, there are med-free therapy options such as herbal remedies, therapy, light therapy, and a myriad of other resources. If you are further interested in these options, email me at mypostpartumvoice (@) gmail.com with a request. I would be happy to get you in touch via email with some women who have beat Postpartum without medication. It IS possible.
There are also these additional online resources:
Kathleen Kendall-Tackett’s PPD page: http://uppitysciencechick.com/postpartum-depression.html
Postpartum Support International: http://www.postpartum.net
Karen Kleiman’s site: http://www.postpartumstress.com (here’s the direct link to Kleiman’s “Is Breast always Best” article: http://postpartumstress.com/pages/breast_best.html)
KellyMom PPD page: http://kellymom.com/ppd/index.html
Thomas Hale/Texas Tech Health & Sciences Infant Risk website: http://www.infantrisk.org/ (includes a helpline open M-F from 8a-5p) They have tabs for breastfeeding and depression.
Know this – you do NOT have to stop nursing just because you are depressed. Make the best decision for you. If you need to stop, that’s fine. Do not let anyone judge you for using Formula. It’s there for a reason. But if nursing is the only saving grace in your Motherhood journey, don’t let anyone steal that from you unless they have a damned good reason and can prove it beyond the shadow of a doubt.
On the Seventh day of Dismissmas: Seven Sins a-lurking
On the seventh day of Dismissmas,
Postpartum sent to me
Seven sins a-lurking,
Six women a-denying,
Five hours of sleep,
Four Just Snap out of Its,
Three perfect babies,
Two depressed parents,
And a wailing mess in a pear tree.
“I’m a bad mother.”
“I’ve done something horribly wrong. I deserve this hell.”
“If only I pray for forgiveness, this will all go away.”
Postpartum Depression strikes 1 in 8 new mothers. Regardless of their faith, tenacity, past behavior, current status, income, support, marital status, etc. No one is immune. We do not appear before a judge and jury to be sentenced with Postpartum Depression as retribution for past transgressions. It does not happen that way.
You do not have Postpartum Depression because you said the wrong thing to Aunt Irma last year at the family Christmas party. You do not have Postpartum Depression because you had bad thoughts about your unborn child during pregnancy. Yes, depression during pregnancy does lead to a higher risk of Postpartum depression but it is not BECAUSE of those thoughts – it is not punishment for them.
Bottom line?
Postpartum Depression is SO not your fault.
Then & Now: Why I blog turns three
Three years ago and thirty nine or so weeks ago, I was driving home from my therapy appointment for the Postpartum Mood Disorder I struggled with after the birth of our second daughter. It was THE DAY. The trees were greener. The rain drops sparkled. The sun breaking through the grey clouds summed up my mood perfectly. My heart soared. My oldest daughter would soon be three years old. Our youngest had just turned one. I was heading out to a relative’s house for the weekend with my mom, my first weekend away from the kids in a very long… well, ever. The Sunday after that weekend, I would discover I was pregnant with our son. And would totally freak out.
I did not want to go back to that dark place. So I read. Intensely advocated and prepared. Began to blog as an outlet for myself and to help other women.
Little did I have any clue that my first post would lead me here.
To three years and thirty nine or so weeks later. Never did I have a clue that I would interview Karen Kleiman, the author of What Am I Thinking: Having a baby after Postpartum Depression, here on my blog. Her book was what inspired me to begin to blog in the first place as it urged moms facing subsequent pregnancies to reframe them. So I did.
I haven’t stopped yet a nor do I plan on stopping any time soon.
I am ever so grateful for my positive Postpartum experience after the birth of my son. After struggling so hard with the first two, I finally got to immerse myself in the bliss of motherhood. I smeared Vaseline on the lens of my life and it totally rocked. Having been through hell it was certainly even more cherished and certainly not taken for granted.
I remember losing myself in the sweet scent of new baby. I remember holding him close and feeling our hearts beat in sync with each other. I remember him nuzzling my neck as he cuddled closely after nursing. I also remember curling my toes in pain because nursing was rough with him. I remember Thrush. I remember cracked nipples. But mostly I remember all the good stuff.
And these days, he is the light of our lives. Our little boy is a joker, a prankster, a caring and concerned three year old who loves to kiss, hug, and watch Cars. He doesn’t snuggle nearly as much but that’s okay. He will sit down on the couch with his toy laptop and blog right along with Mommy & (now) Daddy.
I am ever so thankful for his presence in our lives. Ever so thankful for his laughter, his camaraderie, his energy, and his caring spirit. Even when things get challenging with him, it is hard for me to keep a straight face. Damn his adorable infectious cuteness.
Who knew that when God decided to bless us with our son, it would also birth in me such a strong advocate for women with Postpartum Mood Disorders?
Thank you, little buddy, for motivating Mommy to put herself out there for so many women. You have no idea how many lives you have helped touch. None.
On the Sixth day of Dismissmas: Six women a-denying
On the sixth day of Dismissmas,
Postpartum sent to me
Six women a-denying,
Five hours of sleep,
Four Just Snap out of Its,
Three perfect babies,
Two depressed parents,
And a wailing mess in a pear tree.
Not many Childbirth Educators talk about Postpartum Depression during Childbirth classes. (A big thank you to those of you who DO and do take the time to go in depth with it) It’s often glossed over as something that will happen to someone else.
When it does happen, many mothers start out denying their symptoms. Sure, motherhood is hard. The lack of sleep, the crying babies, and the impossible learning curve can all take their toll. So how do you move past denial and into reaching out for help? And how do you tell Postpartum Mood Disorder Symptoms from typical new motherhood issues?
It’s not easy.
Here’s a quick run-down of things to look for that may signal something more serious is going on beyond normal new motherhood struggles:
NUTRITION:
- Is mom eating?
- How is she eating? A Lot, a little, just right?
- Is mom eating healthy foods? (excessive sugar & caffeine can contribute to mood difficulties)
- Has she rapidly gained/lost weight without explanation? (make sure Mom gets a thyroid screen)
SLEEP:
- Does Mom sleep when baby does?
- When Mom goes to sleep does she fall asleep right away or is struggling to get to sleep or unable to stay asleep?
- Does she awake refreshed or is she still fatigued?
MOOD:
- Is Mom acting like herself?
- Do things seem out of order?
- Is mom showering or taking care of personal hygiene?
- Is it hard for Mom to make a decision?
- Has Mom been crying for no apparent reason?
- Does Mom seem anxious?
- Is Mom bonding with baby?
Denial will get you nowhere fast. It’s a dangerous and swift flowing river leading bad places.
Reach out for help. Start out with a physician with whom you are comfortable talking about your mental well-being. If he or she dismisses your concerns, talk to another doctor until someone listens to you. I know it is hard. I know when you are in that deep dark place the last thing you want to do is reach out, reach out again and again. I know you are not in the mood to explain your story to yet another receptionist or doctor. But every time you do, you are one tiny step closer to healing. One step closer to recovery. One step closer.
You can do it. You are not alone in this at all. There are so many mothers who have been where you are and they are standing with their hands outstretched toward you. Waiting to grasp your hand and pull you up. Don’t forget to reach for them too when you are reaching for help from professionals. You won’t regret it, I promise.
Survivors of Postpartum Mood Disorders are some of the strongest damned women I know – trust me, you WANT them holding you up!