On the second day of Dismissmas,
Postpartum sent to me
Two depressed parents,
And a wailing mess in a pear tree.
Only moms get depressed after baby arrives, right?
Not so says more and more research. The most recent research on the topic, undertaken by Dr. James F. Paulson of Department of Pediatrics, Eastern Virginia Medical School, Norfolk, VA, claims as many as 1 in 10 new dads may struggle with depression after the birth of a child. This same research also found a connection between maternal depression and paternal depression.
Yet additional research shows that NICU fathers have a delayed and stronger emotional than their maternal counterparts. Just when Mom may be overcoming her emotional trauma, Dad is just starting in on his own.
One depressed parent is hard. Add another depressed parent to that picture and you’ve got quite the perfect storm brewing.
It’s important for mom to realize she is not at fault for Dad’s depression and vice versa. Together, they can weather this. It’s important for both to take time for themselves alone, as individuals, and also together, as a couple. For it’s couple-hood which got them to this point in the first place. It’s also important for both mom & dad to attend therapy if necessary. Sometimes separately, other times together.
There is a wonderful resource for depressed dads at Postpartum Men. Postpartum Support International also offers a phone chat solely for depressed dads the first Monday of every month.
Lauren this is SUCH a good reminder. Cort recently was diagnosed with depression too. Part of it is being out of work, but part is being “stuck” home all day as the primary childcare. He wasn’t planning on that, but that is his role. Meanwhile, I am out working my ass off…with a ton of mom guilt. So we are both on meds now and I am in therapy and we are taking date nights again and trying to find time ALONE from the family as well.
It is tough, but I think that Cort being back in class and me NOT teaching night class next semester will be a good thing for us.