Monthly Archives: April 2008

Sharing the Journey with Jane Honikman

Jane Honikman was one of the first people I reached out to while  researching PPD support groups prior to starting my own. She very graciously sent me her books and even included a handwritten note of support (which I still have!)
And that’s the kind of woman Jane is… caring, understanding, compassionate, everything a mother with PPD would ever want to find in their time of desperation and need. She truly embodies what PSI stands for and I consider it to be a true honor to post this interview. I emailed Jane the questions a couple of days in advance but the interview was conducted via phone. The following is what I managed to capture so “listen” in and I hope you enjoy what Jane has to say.

 

 1) In your book, I’m Listening: A Guide to Supporting Postpartum Families, you mention the practice of Mothering the Mother. How important is this concept and why do you think this practice has vastly disappeared from our society?
I think what people have done is found subsitutes because immediate family is not as available as it has been in the past due to geographic separation. My generation subsituted friendship as mothering. We need to be more vocal about the need for mothering the mother and more organizational about it. Mothering is the essence of life – we can’t do anything alone, life is all about connection and partnerships.

 2) What did you find (and continue to find) to be most challenging about Motherhood? The least?

 The most challenging aspect of motherhood is keeping communication flowing. Making sure you are able to make your own wants known and yet listening at the same time to the needs of those around you. I feel that finding a balance between these is the key to successful communication.

 The least challenging is falling in love with your children.

3) How did you develop the Postpartum Mantra (You are not alone, You are not to blame, You will be well with help)?

 When I started getting educated about this in the early 80’s – listening to what was being said through the grassroots & research, it was clear that there were three simple messages. I’ve always tried to take the complex and simplify it. A lot of advocates have used this concept for other purposes as well. I have been involved with self help in the 60’s and 70’s and those experiences fed into this mantra. Blaming and being well is something also used by Alcoholics Anonymous.

4) What advice would you give to partners and families of women with Postpartum Depression? What can they do to best help the mother?

 Hanging in there as with any illness -stay mindful that it is not the person’s fault, just like the person with cancer didn’t get it on their own. With any mental illness, when the behaviour changes and it is harsh and alienating, it is hardest because you don’t want to be there for them. Encourage them to get help and be there for them. Never give up on them or yourselves.

5) When you started PEP (Parents Educating Parents), what was the primary motivating factor?

 We were a group of girlfriends providing support to each other and realized we were motivated to share the support we were experiencing in our small group with all the families in our surrounding community.

 6) Has PSI’s success in supporting women and families with PPD experiences surprised you?

 No, I knew eventually it was a matter of staying committed and patient and given my previous experience of working in communities, I knew it would just take time. I always felt that this was the right thing to do.

It didn’t surprise me – it delights me.

7) What activity refreshes you the most when you’ve had a rough day?

 Most important to me is to not allow intrusions into family life. I will turn off the computer after five o’clock then go start dinner and focus on family. I also enjoy music and play the flute. Another thing that refreshes me is friendship, including my friendship with my husband.

8 ) As a woman who has experienced PPD, what has it been like to guide your children through their parenting experiences?

 We were very mindful and the absolute most important thing is the supportive stuff. Our oldest married someone who had no idea what depression was and the most important thing was finding a simple book (english was not his first language) for him to read to educate himself about this. Once he read about depression, it was amazing to see the light go on and see him grasping an understanding of depression. We focused on getting educated, increasing awareness, and providing a lot of mothering through the child-birthing process. I am grateful that there is improved support for my children’s generation because there certainly wasn’t the same level of support when I experienced PPD.

9) Any advice for other women who want to pay their experience forward and help women with PPD?

  Take care of yourself first. The issues will still be there but you absolutely must get yourself to a strong place first. Delegate, don’t do things alone. Set up an organization so you don’t have to go it alone.

10) If there was one piece of advice you could give to an expectant mother (new or experienced), what would it be and why would this be important for her to hear?

 Listen to your body and enjoy it…every pregnancy is different. You have to focus on staying well and get help when you need it – you can’t do this alone.

 

I’ll take my front yard over Calgon any day….

After a particularly stressful weekend of Cameron screaming his way through it and the girls well, being toddlers, I made it a point to slow down today. You wouldn’t know it though because I did three loads of dishes and laundry (no, I didn’t FOLD the laundry.. that’s for tomorrow), cooked a wonderful rosemary dijon pork roast with carrot souffle, green beans, and stuffing. YUM. And for dessert, we made gum drops. (Jello cut into shapes and dusted with powdered sugar) See.. fun stuff!

After dinner, I decided to fix myself a cup of tea once I had finished cleaning up. Took the tea to the front porch and sat on our bench swing to watch Nature settle in for the evening. I am still breathless and amazed at everything I quietly witnessed.

Bees buzzed, birds chirped and called to one another, squirrels played tag in the gigantic pines, children down the road squealed in delight and called to one another, walkers strode by and bicyclists zoomed past. I watched the goats at the farm across the street scurry toward dinner and felt wind that was stirred up by two birds flying through our front porch. But the most captivating of all was a tiny brown creature with long ears and a twitching nose. A wild bunny rabbit sat in our front yard eating dinner. I sipped my tea slowly and watched as the bunny sniffed and chewed, occasionally stopping to scratch it’s ear. As he slipped away across the yard, he stopped to clean his face. Well-mannered little thing, I thought. The sun continued to slide down behind the trees, leaving an orange glow wrapped around the stand of pine trees in our yard. This glow illuminated all the flying insects and made them seem magical, almost surreal. And that my friends, is why I will take my front yard over Calgon any day!

The MOTHER’S Act

The Mother’s Act is poised for mark-up in the Senate’s HELP committee, chaired by Sen. Edward Kennedy. Below is a summary of the bill. Click here to read the full text.

I plan on contacting all members of the HELP committee to voice my support for this bill and urge you to do the same. There’s a link at the top of the committee’s page to contact them or you can contact them individually.

Let your voice be heard – every one matters!

 And here’s a petition you can sign as well: http://www.capwiz.com/ndmda/issues/alert/?alertid=11246546

SUMMARY AS OF:
5/11/2007–Introduced.

 

Mom’s Opportunity to Access Health, Education, Research, and Support for Postpartum Depression Act or the MOTHERS Act – Amends the Public Health Service Act to require the Secretary of Health and Human Services to award grants to: (1) states to provide to women who have recently given birth and their families, before such women leave their birthing centers, education concerning postpartum depression, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, and postpartum psychosis and to screen new mothers for such postpartum conditions during their first year of postnatal checkup visits; and (2) public or nonprofit private entities to provide for the delivery of essential services to individuals with such postpartum conditions and their families.

Requires the Secretary, acting through the Director of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Administrator of the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, and the heads of other federal agencies that administer federal health programs, to organize a series of national meetings that are designed to develop a research plan for postpartum depression and psychosis.

Requires the Secretary, acting through the Director, to expand and intensify research relating to postpartum conditions to carry out such plan.

Sweet Moment

This morning I went to go and get the girls up and during one of the trips back to their room while cleaning the house before getting them up, I didn’t see them so I went up to their gate. And what I saw next was an absolute blessing and made my heart soar.

Both of them were kneeling, facing each other, and holding hands. Alli was praying for the both of them that God would help them to have a good day. They looked up when they saw that I was there and I apologized for intruding. I shared with Chris what I had seen and we were both just very happy. When we went back into the kitchen, Alli told us she had just finished praying.

AWWWWWWWWWW.