Category Archives: woman

On Speaking with Katherine Stone & D. Jeffrey Newport

Today I was a panelist along with Katherine Stone at a Community Lunch and Learn sponsored by Mental Health America and Skyland Trails of Atlanta.

Dr. Jeffrey Newport was the keynote speaker while Katherine and I both shared with attendees our story and how we had been moved to share with others about our experience. Katherine was wonderful and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting her. (Look for an upcoming interview soon!) Dr. Jeffrey Newport was also terrific and is a great speaker – wonderful sense of humour and very down to earth. His presentation was terrific and once I have a chance to read over and edit my scribbled notes into something coherent, I will certainly be sharing some of them with you!

We had several attendees thank us for sharing our stories afterwards, including a woman recently diagnosed with PPD. That alone made the journey worth it. To be able to reach out not only to women who are currently suffering but to also provide a personal insight to those in the field who are directly dealing with this disorder is an amazing and powerful opportunity. I sincerely look forward to not only continuing with my current work but to being able to have additional opportunities like the one today. God has truly blessed me and I am very thankful!

(Oh, and I also enjoyed having the day off from kiddie-care too! I was gone from about 9a-4p today. Oh the heaven! LOL)

Sharing the Journey with Sue McRoberts

I have had the good fortune recently to get to know Sue McRoberts, author of The Lifter of My Head: How God Sustained me during Postpartum Depression, and 1/3 of the blogging team at Totally New Moms. The following are 10 questions I emailed to her and the responses I received. Enjoy!

(As a side note, interviews with Arlene and Rebecca from Totally New Moms will be arriving shortly as well!)

Sue McRoberts

1) When did you become a Christian and what has helped to solidify or sustain your faith over the years?
 I became at Christian at the age of 8 but I didn’t really understand it until I was 14.  In college I started really living out my faith.  What has solidified my faith is God’s faithfulness.  He’s always done what he says in scripture he will do.  Seeing God’s consistency and compassion has sustained me.

2)      What made you decide to write your book, The Lifter of my Head: How God Sustained Me through Postpartum Depression?
I went to a local Christian bookstore, looking for a book on postpartum depression from a Christian’s perspective.  There was no such book on the shelf.  After doing some research no one at the store could  find such a book on the Internet either.  The clerk suggested to me that I should go home and pray about  whether or not perhaps God wanted me to write that book.  At first I thought that was the craziest thing I’d ever heard.  God gave me no peace until I started writing!  
 
 
3)      What kind of process did you go through to write your book? What part was the most difficult to write?
Writing from beginning to end what happened to me during my PPD experience was excruciating.  I wrote 95% of my book while I was sick.  I wrote the book as these things were actually happening.  Only editing was done while I was well.  I cut about 35,ooo words from my final manuscript. I had a lot I wanted to share!  The process itself was simple.  I had  a brainstorming notebook I constantly wrote in.  I wrote constantly when ideas would come.  Sometimes at 3 a.m I would do my best writing and thinking.  For me the toughest part was describing the darkest parts of my illness.  I wrote the whole thing in faith that God wanted me to do it.  But I never believed for one second that anyone would relate to my experiences with psychosis.  I was wrong!  Other than that, reading the book in it’s entirety for the audio CD’s was a nightmare.  It’s one thing to write it and edit it over 6-8 months.  To read it in 5 hours was tough emotionally.  Hearing those words come out of my own mouth about broke me. 
 

4)      Prior to Motherhood, what was the main focus of your life?

I was a teacher and a coach.  My students were my life.  I miss teaching and coaching so much that it’s difficult to express that emptiness in my life.  I’ve filled that with a great husband, three kids, and much ministry but boy do I miss it.
 

5)      What is the hardest part of Motherhood? The easiest?

 The hardest part of motherhood for me is having strong willed kids only to discover that maybe I’m strong willed too.  That can be volatile so I’ve learned to be a little more passive and easy going.   What else is hard for me is that  I can’t make them choose the right things in life.  I can only guide them and that is scary.  I’ve learned to guide them and pray for them but let God take the reigns. It freaks me out to much to try to control these little people.   They aren’t puppets.  I was shocked when I discovered that!

The easiest part for me is playing with my kids.  I love pitching baseball to them, kicking a soccer ball, riding bikes.  My five year old can’t stand when I want to work on reading or math with him.  He sees me as his soccer pal.  So playing is a very important thing in our house. 

6)      How has becoming a Mother changed you? Has it strengthened your faith in God?

 I have three strong willed kids, all of which have worn me out at times.  I’ve learned to focus on what really matters and know what those things are that I will battle on and which ones aren’t so important.  Strong willed kids will get in your face no matter what though.  They love a fight and a challenge.  So I have had to rely on God for strength, creativity in parenting, rest, and most of all some grace for my kids.  It has strengthened my faith in God tremendously.  When my first child got her first spanking at 18 months she looked at me and said, “Is that all you’ve got?”  I knew I was in trouble!  But God has stayed with me!

7)      In your opinion, what aspect of Motherhood should be most celebrated?

 The fact that we  are molding and shaping godly men and women one diaper at a time, one feeding at a time, one school grade at a time, one conversation at a time.  Every day we are impacting our children’s lives.  Mothering matters!   It’s only what you do for Christ that counts.  Leading your kids to Christ, teaching them to walk with and depend on him…these things count.

8)      When you get time to yourself, how do you pamper yourself?
 
I eat breakfast out with my friends, go to dinner and a movie with my husband, or go for a nice  long run.
 
9)      How did the idea for your joint blog, Totally New Moms with Arlene Pellicane and Rebecca Ingram Powell come to fruition?

 I knew when Rebecca agreed to write an endorsement for my book that we would one day work together.  I prayed about it for ages.  I don’t even know if Rebecca knows that.  We both have a heart for girls and women.  That drew me to  her.  Arlene was Rebecca’s special find!  I’m pretty sure the idea started with me and Rebecca talking about it.  Then Rebecca  found Arlene and it took off from there.  I think the three of us have such different styles and personalities, we complement each other well.

10)   If there was one piece of advice you could give to an expectant mother (new or experienced), what would it be and why would this be important for her to hear?

Look for resources around you, they are everywhere.  Printed material, experienced mothers in different seasons of life, your Bible, your doctor, your neighbors.  Listen and learn.  Be open to other’s opinions and take help when it’s offered.  And above all, don’t be so hard on yourself.  We aren’t perfect and that really shows up in our mothering.  But don’t beat yourself up for a decade because you did or said something wrong to your child.  (I’ve done that…)  Kids are resilient.  We aren’t most of the time.  Ask God’s forgiveness and move on.  There’s bigger things to come!   And just think, some day you’ll be entering middle age and you’ll not know where the time went.  Cherish the good, the bad, and the ugly of mothering because it all matters!

A Little Nervous

I have my first “big” speaking engagement on Friday and I can feel myself starting to get nervous. I know I’ll be fine. I’m really looking forward to meeting Katherine Stone and Dr. Jeffrey Newport. I am more in awe that I have been asked to speak along with them than anything else and it speaks volumes to me as to how far I have come since giving birth to my first daughter and struggling through those first dark days of Postpartum OCD all alone. I have found immense comfort in the knowledge that I will never be alone again and that has made all the difference this time around. (Ok, that, and the meds. I can’t forget about the meds.)

I’d like to take this opportunity to again thank everyone who believed in me and has supported me through this endeavor – especially my husband who lived through it all with me and is still here (although snoring at the moment) and as strong as ever. Amazement really doesn’t do this justice – the journey I’ve been on has been such a treacherous and yet fantastically awe-inspiring one at the same time. I can’t wait to share it on Friday and hopefully educate and light the way for other women to emerge from their PPD coccoon with as much strength and energy and support as I have.

GREAT READ!!!! The Lifter of My Head by Sue McRoberts

Sue McRoberts is an amazing woman. Not only did she survive a difficult struggle with Postpartum Depression but she has also raised herself up to share her story with us and for that I commend her. As I know from personal experience, the first step you make to admitting there is a problem is a hard one but making the decision to share your story with others takes a lot of courage. Speaking out against the shame and stigma attached to PPD is a very courageous thing to do.

Sue’s book, The Lifter of My Head: How God sustained me during Postpartum Depression is an amazing read. Not only does Sue share with us how her faith grounded her during her spiral downward and helped to soothe her towards recovery, but she also educates her readers by explaining the disorders under the PPD umbrella as well as points her readers towards reliable sources for help in their time of need. This book is a responsible and respectful look into the world of PPD.

Coming soon I will have interviews with Sue McRoberts and her fellow bloggers from Totally New Moms so stay tuned!

MOTHER’S Act Rumors – Breaking the Silence

I consider this post to possibly be one of the most emotionally charged and important posts that I have written to date. Katherine Stone recently addressed this issue and having received a comment here at Unexpected Blessing, I am following suit.

On February 11, 2008, I received notification of a comment in response to one of my MOTHER’S Act posts. This comment blatantly challenged and negated the necessity for the bill and raised an alarmist point of view by claiming that new mothers would become trapped by the system and forced to take anti-depressants, masking the “root” of the problem. This comment also claimed that there is no “valid or concrete evidence proving the existence of such a disorder…” going on to point out that the disorders in the DSM-IV are “voted on….” (see: http://www.acnp.org/g4/GN401000082/CH081.html)

Infuriated with this comment and feeling first hand the ignorance of the individual that wrote this, I remained silent until I could calmly and rationally respond.

First, let me assure you, I have LIVED the valid and concrete evidence that proves the existence of this very disorder. It has disrupted my life, it has disrupted my family’s life, and it has changed me as a person. Through this challenge, I have found my way out of the rabbit hole and I have found many others who have also found their way out or are currently working their way out.

I have also suffered without treatment – because my first doctor decided that I didn’t fit the criteria for PPD – and was refused treatment based on this and the fact that I refused to stop nursing – something I was asked to do WHILE MY INFANT WAS SCREAMING TO BE NURSED! I knew from research and contact with others that I could be treated with medication. I also know now that I needed medication – because I tried to recover on my own but was unable to so, resulting in Progressive Postpartum Depression that continued into my second pregnancy, leading to early delivery and ultimately to my hospitalization when I was unable to do anything but curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth, staring out my window, praying that I wouldn’t do anything to my children.

I believe in this bill because I have lived through the very depths of the condition it is fighting to uncover and remove the stigma of so that the next mother who suffers will not have to suffer in silence, will not have to go to her doctor and be rejected and told to “suck it up” and that this is a normal part of motherhood, something that she should get over, something that shouldn’t be happening because she is more than 6wks postpartum and therefore all her hormones should be back to normal by now. Clearly if a woman is seeking treatment (which by the way, is the HARDEST step), she has a reason to do so. And anti-depressants are not always the answer – there are plenty of other therapies that can be explored and may work for certain individuals.

The point is that mothers should feel as if they can work with their physicians as part of a team and not be disregarded nor dismissed when they finally push the tears and anxiety far enough away to make that plea for help. And let’s not forget that these are innocent victims – the mothers, the infants, the fathers, the families that are plagued by this tragic disease every day. It turned our world completely upside down and does even more to other families. I know I was lucky – I got help, I encountered physicians who were open to my plight and willing to lend a hand to help me climb out of my dystopia, encouraging me to turn and fight, making me believe that I could beat this. And I did beat it. I refuse to let anyone fight this alone as a result. If my story saves just one life, it will all have been worth it. I will fight for women and families to have access to fair and non-judgemental care until the day I die.

Ultimately I am pleading the case FOR the MOTHER’S Act. But I will tell you what I tell any woman in the midst of a postpartum crisis I come in contact with. Educate yourself. Get the facts, get them straight, verify them, and then speak. This is a free country and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but everyone should also be entitled to fair and just healthcare and not be afraid to make that phone call for fear of being dismissed or shrugged off. Postpartum Depression IS real. I have been there. I know a LOT of other women who have been there – it has been with us for thousands of years and yet we still live with the stigma. It is only with openness and research that acceptance and fair treatment will come. Please don’t deny new mothers the access to proper care that they deserve and so desperately need. So many times I have heard of doctors passing on bad advice or being dismissive, even in my hometown I have heard stories of women being told “Well if you’re not suicidal or thinking about hurting your baby, you’re fine” Excuse me??? So you want me to call you back AFTER I’ve done something. NO!!!! Preventive care is the best care – any cardiologist or oncologist would tell you that if this were heart disease or cancer we were discussing. But it’s not. It’s a mental illness. A DISEASE of the mind that these new moms did NOT ask for and want to be free from so they can enjoy their new babies and roles as mothers. Trust me, if we could free ourselves from these bonds on our own, we would.

So go forth, educate yourselves, read the text of the MOTHER’S Act, contact your Senator, ask questions, contact Senator Menendez. Contact PSI (who, by the way is NOT funded in any way shape or form by the pharmaceutical industry!), contact your local mental health advocacy group. But please, before you buy into what these naysayers have to cry from their mountaintops, check out the facts for yourself.