Today, rather than a guided topic, I’d like to open up today’s Just Talkin’ to the readers.
Have something you need to vent about? Questions about Postpartum Mood Disorders? Something you wish you had known when you were recovering? A general comment?
Share it here!
Let’s get to Just Talkin’ Tuesday!
On October 2nd, 2009, Psych Central posted about an ongoing Baylor University Study. This study examines the response of clergy and pastors to mental illnesses. As I read the post, tears came to my eyes. Turns out that even though clergy and pastors are the most frequently sought during times of crisis (even moreso than psychiatrists or other mental health professionals according to Baylor’s press release), they are also most likely to be dismissive of mental health issues.
Another interesting view point of this study was that these same pastors were more likely to recommend medication for a biological illness than for a mental illness. Referrals were more likely to be given to professionals known to be Christan than to those not known to be Christian. Just an opinion on that – perhaps because the clergy/pastors felt these professionals would back up their dismissiveness regarding the congregant’s condition and also not prescribe medication.
Christians struggle with mental illness just like members of any other faith. Dismissing their symptoms or struggles can do so much more harm than good. “The Gospel According to Prozac” is great article focusing on faith, mental illness and medication. It appeared back in 1995 in Christianity Today. The author really narrows the issue down in just one paragraph:
“Ultimately, the primary concern for Christians is not what Prozac will do to them but the whole idea of relying on a miracle drug for emotional and psychological well-being rather than on the God of miracles.”
When I read the Psych Central blog post and subsequent Baylor University press release regarding this study I was absolutely dumbfounded. I cannot tell you how many times I have referred women to their local churches a source of solace. After all, you should be able to rely on your faith in time of need, right? Forgive me if I am mistaken but that is the purpose of the church, correct? Even Jesus loved those who were mentally ill and healed them. And aren’t we all raised to “Love thy neighbor as you love thyself?” To do unto others as you would have done to you? to LOVE those around you regardless of their state? To not judge?
As the magnitude of this study hit me, I suddenly had to wonder how many women I had sent straight to the offices of clergy who only shot them down and left them blaming themselves for their illness.
I believe choosing to take anti-depressants does not make one weak. I believe in the support of the church for those who are hurting. It saddens me to think that there are those on the front lines with their heads in the sand regarding this issue. This month is Mental Health Awareness Month. I want to urge you to visit NAMI Faithnet to read about how you can approach your own church and help grow their sensitivity and awareness towards those with mental illness. I’ve helped other members at my own church and hope you will do the same.
Ok, off my soap box now – let’s get to the Just Talkin’ section of this post. Did you seek help from your local church? What was the response? How did you feel when you approached your clergy? Have you made a difference in the local faith community when it comes to Postpartum Mood Disorders or Mental Health Illness? Talk to me!
In my pre-kid days, I took good care of myself. Got my nails done, did my make-up, spent hours on my hair and paid attention to detail. These days I’m lucky if I manage to throw a shirt on without baby food stains, have make-up left over from Sunday church and really lucky if I’ve managed a shower. Point is, I could be doing more. But with three kids it is really hard to get even basics taken care of sometimes.
But I do try to make sure to take time for myself each day and breathe. It may be as small as going to a favorite website or listening to some great music. It may even be as little as a bite of chocolate or some awesome tea.
Motherhood is hard work! Through my bouts with Postpartum Depression I learned that self-care is the most important care. So while my priorities have changed from having awesome nails to making sure I’ve managed to put on stain-free clothes, I still work pretty hard at taking time for myself.
So let’s get to Just Talkin’! What does self-care look like for you? What are some of your favorite “I’m just being me and not a mom or a wife at the moment” things? Tell us!
When I was struggling in the trenches I learned some very hard lessons. I’d like to share five of them with you.
Lesson #1: Taking care of myself was not selfish; it was necessary
If I missed out on sleep, skimped on my diet, forgot my supplements or didn’t allow for “me” time, I wasn’t the only one to pay the price. The WHOLE family paid the price. And that’s just not fair. The better care you take of YOURSELF, the better care you are able to take of those around you and the better care they take of themselves thereby enabling those around them to improve as well – you see how this goes and goes on?
Lesson #2: You can’t take people’s reactions to your life personally. They’ve got their own baggage too. Don’t claim theirs – worry about yours to the best of your ability.
THIS one was hard. I still struggle with it on a daily basis. Oh, I’ve drastically improved but I still have to sit on my hands from time to time. It’s that or sew my mouth shut. Sitting on my hands keeps me from typing something I’ll regret AND from getting my sewing kit.
Lesson #3: God has a plan for me and I am grateful for all the hardwork He is pouring into me.
James 1:2-4 sums it up best: “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it’s perfect work that you may be perfect and lacking in nothing.
Lesson #4: Helping others is a powerful source of healing yourself.
I cannot even begin to express how much of my own healing has come from giving to others as they face the same beast I have beaten. It is a harrowing path indeed and I have leaned on those I have helped as they have leaned on me. What is humanity if we cannot help each other through our struggles?
Lesson #5: Riches cannot be counted in monetary value. Riches come in baby food stains, innocent laughter of an infant, the purposeful cuddle of a toddler and the smile of triumph as you kick back your feet richer at the end of the day than at the beginning with even more riches on the way.
(In other words, don’t lose sight of the truly important thing in life – FAMILY)
There are five lessons I’ve learned on the journey so far.
What lessons have you learned?
Let’s get to Just Talkin’, ladies (and gents)!
Communication today is often done via email, text, twitter, facebook status updates. It’s become much less personal and much less formal. For some, this is good. For others, not so good. Some things get lost in translation. It’s easy to type something and hit send without thinking. It’s also easy to apply this short communication style to every day life, leading to quick judgments, misunderstandings, and worse, the planting of grudges and beginnings of the end of relationships. The art of the thoughtful conversation seems to be drifting by the wayside.
Many women and families with whom I’ve worked have expressed to me that the biggest challenge they face is enabling those around them to understand what is going on without increasing stigma or losing their formerly close relationships. It’s a struggle to go through a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder let alone try to explain the complexity of it to a loved one from whom you need support.
When I spoke with my parents about PPD, they were understanding, compassionate, and actually did their own informative research. The one thing that stood out to me when I was hospitalized came from a phone call with my dad. He said something simple yet profound (my dad is full of those – I LOVE him for it). My father told me not to let anyone tell me I was “crazy” for the way I was feeling given my situation. My situation was that two months prior I had given birth to our second daughter who was then subsequently diagnosed with a cleft palate and by then had undergone two surgeries, one major to help lengthen her jaw in order to allow her to breathe safely. I held it together as long as I could but finally collapsed on day 56. Turns out for me, falling apart was precisely what I needed in order to pull it back together.
I’ve spoken with Mothers and their Parents alike who are frustrated and upset by the lack of information, communication, and the subsequent misunderstandings that follow all too often in the wake of a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder. Often these very issues only serve to compound a family’s recovery.
Today, I would like to take the opportunity to check in and see how (or if) you told your parents (or in-laws) or kept up appearances with them. Did you let them see inside the dusty window or did you keep the shade pulled down and pray no one would accidentally flip it up?
Let’s get to Just Talkin’!