Monthly Archives: January 2011

An Exercise Program Selling Point: Not losing baby weight leads to Postpartum Depression

I happened across a website for a Mom and Baby fitness routine yesterday. As I scrolled down the page, I got angry. And then I got pissed off.

Here’s one of their selling points from about 2/3 of the way down the page:

If you need help getting back in shape after baby, if you have postpartum depresssion, if you need creative ways to bond with baby, if you need to lose the baby weight —

Okay, so yes, exercise helps with Postpartum Depression. In fact, some studies have proven that exercise has an almost anti-depressant effect.

But do you need THEIR product to achieve that effect? No. All you need is yourself, some clothes, decent shoes, and somewhere to walk or run. Bam.

What got me really pissed off was the sidebar section. I took a screen-shot of the most offensive section to share with you. I have blacked out the company’s name as I sure as hell am not advertising for them. You also will not find a link to them here either.

Clearly, these folks know something about Postpartum Mood Disorders I have never heard:

“Gaining pregnancy weight and struggling to get back in shape after birth can lead to post pardum depression and difficulties bonding with baby.”

First of all, you are SUPPOSED to gain weight during pregnancy. Here’s a breakdown of weight gain expectations as found at the March of Dimes website:

If you began pregnancy at a healthy weight
You should gain 25–35 pounds over the nine months. Assuming you gain between 1 and about 4 ½ pounds in the first trimester, you should put on about one pound every week in the second and third trimesters

If you began pregnancy underweight
You should probably gain a little more than women who are at a healthy weight. That’s because underweight women are more likely to have small babies. A 28- to 40-pound gain is usually best. Assuming you gain between 1 and about 4 ½ pounds in the first trimester, try to gain slightly over a pound a week in the second and third trimesters.

If you began pregnancy overweight
You should gain only 15–25 pounds over the nine months. Assuming you gain between 1 and about 4 ½ pounds in the first trimester, you should put on slightly over ½ pound every week in the second and third trimesters. While you don’t want to gain too much weight, you should never try to lose weight during pregnancy because that could harm your baby.

If you were obese at the start of your pregnancy
You should gain only 11–20 pounds over the nine months. Assuming you gain between 1 and about 4 ½ pounds in the first trimester, aim for gaining slightly under ½ pound every week in the second and third trimesters.

If you’re expecting twins
You should probably gain between 37-54 pounds over the nine months if you began pregnancy at a healthy weight. If you began pregnancy overweight, aim for gaining a total of 31-50 pounds. If you were obese at the start of your pregnancy, you should gain between 25-42 pounds over the nine months. (That means gaining about 1 ½ pounds a week in the last two trimesters.

Another important thing to note here is that if you have a history of eating disorders, you are at a higher risk for developing a Postpartum Mood Disorder.

It’s also important to know that Thyroid issues may also be at the heart of abnormal weight loss or weight gain.

That population is exactly who this spam page is targeting. Get thin. Be happy. Avoid Postpartum Depression. Stay perfect.

Want to know something interesting?

This company has a spammy blog to go along with their website. Postpartum Depression is nowhere to be found when a quick search was done for the term at their blog.

For this company, Postpartum Depression is merely an SEO term they tossed onto their page in order to garner more hits and target an entire at-risk population.

Companies like this make me absolutely sick.

They pray on women who are at their most vulnerable. Granted, this particular company’s product is not insanely priced, but price is not the issue here. The issue is that they are insinuating that their product, not exercise in general, will help you fight off depression. You NEED their product to avoid Postpartum Depression and bond with your baby. Truth be told? You don’t.

Here are the things you may need to battle Postpartum Depression:

  • Professional support
  • Personal/peer support
  • Family support
  • Exercise (any kind will do)
  • Therapy/medication/supplements – IF prescribed and or/approved by your Professional support

Things you do NOT need to battle Postpartum Depression:

  • Products which promise to cure or ward off Postpartum Depression
  • Negative People/Support
  • Sparkly Unicorns (although they are awesome)
  • Leprachauns
  • Wizards
  • The Trix Bunny

Depression happens. There’s a right way to go about getting help and a wrong way. Ending up on a page like the one I have just blogged abut is the wrong way. Unfortunately, many, many people prey on at-risk populations so that they will spend money they don’t have on products they do not need. So how do you tell the difference between a good, solid, and helpful website vs. a bad, for profit, grubby website? Educate yourself starting with these two posts:

The reprehensible spammification of PPD

Tips on Identifying Reliable Health Information on the Internet

Then make sure to involve a medical professional in your Postpartum Mood Disorder care to help keep you safe and well as you travel toward recovery.

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Postpartum Voice of the Week: @ksluiter’s Secret Mommyhood Depression Confession

 

background stock from http://www.sxc.hu/photo/510010

One of the hardest questions a mom with Postpartum Depression harbors somewhere deep within her is “When will this be over?”

A couple of months? A few? More? A year? When? How will I know I am better?

When?

When a doctor prescribes antibiotics, we take them, usually for 5-10 days. And then we’re supposed to be better.

Depression does not work that way. Mental illness does not work that way.

For some of us, just as with any illness, we may heal faster.

For others, it may take some time for our minds to bounce back from the issues we are facing. If we’re on the longer end of the expected time frame, it does not mean there is something wrong with us. It doesn’t mean that we have done something to deserve to continue to suffer. Our road is just longer. We may have more baggage, more to work through, continued external drama, less support, struggling to find the right meds, therapists aren’t working well, etc. There are a whole host of reasons for our road to be longer. Reasons we may not understand in the here and now as we scream for a shorter road. Scream to be able to sit down and rest, to stop fighting with this beast of depression.

We just want it all to go away.

But when on a long road toward recovery, it may not seem as if it will ever go away.

That’s when it gets tough all over again.

Katie Sluiter of Sluiter nation is there. She’s there and struggling with thoughts that her depression may never go away.

This past Friday, as part of Secret Mommyhood Confession, she wrote about her continued battle against Depression. She shared that it may well have gone from Postpartum to full blown depression. This post is worth reading for a few reasons.

One – sometimes Postpartum continues into a full blown depression or other mental illness. Sometimes it doesn’t go away as quickly as we would like it to and sometimes it morphs into a tenacious little monster we are unable to get off our backs. And it sucks.

Two – Katie, once again, approaches this issue with a raw honesty that is absolutely the essence of the Postpartum Voice. Honesty, above all else, is an important element toward recovery. It garners positive support from your doctor, important support from your peers, and it allows you to work through some pretty hard stuff in a very clear cut manner. Once you are honest with yourself, it is hard to be dishonest with others.

With no further ado, I give you Katie Sluiter of Sluiter Nation and her Secret Mommyhood Depression Confession.

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Complain or give thanks? It’s up to you

We are taking a Bible study course at our church on Wednesday nights called “Lord, Change My Attitude.” Authored by James McDonald, it is an amazing course already. Tonight was just the second night.

One of the verses James talked about tonight really hit home with me:

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Did you read it?

Read the first part again: In EVERY THING give thanks.

Every thing.

Not some things.

Not just the good things.

But EVERY THING.

As I sat in class, I thought of everything I have ever been through about which I could possibly complain but instead already find myself thanking Jesus for these events. For this, I am again, thankful.

It is HARD to sit in the middle of trauma, tragedy, tough stuff, and say “Thank you.” It is so much easier to give up, get angry, walk away. But to instead be given the grace of God to be able to say Thank You to God for the hard stuff too? Mind-blowing.

As I thought about this, I realized this practice of giving thanks is a habit I already practice.

For instance:

I could complain that almost three years ago I wrecked my car – my favorite car and best friend from college. I went everywhere in that car. But instead I am grateful. Grateful and thankful because wrecking that car saved my marriage.

I could complain that because of my wreck I spent the night at the ER and in jail. Instead, I am grateful and thankful because that time allowed me to spend time with God and pray before I had to go home and talk with my husband.

I could complain that my husband spent our money on marijuana instead of on insurance for the car. But instead I am grateful and thankful because that allowed me the time I needed to spend time with God and pray before I had to go home and talk with my husband about his confession of addiction.

I could complain that God allowed me to struggle with Postpartum Depression twice. But instead I am grateful and thankful because that hell? Prepared me for the hell I would soon face as the wife of a recovering addict.

I could complain that God gave us a daughter with a Cleft Palate. But instead I am grateful and thankful because she has taught us patience, love, and how to be better parents. Through her, we have both grown leaps and bounds as parents, as husband and wife, and as man and woman.

I could complain that my husband is unemployed. But instead I am grateful and thankful because he is able to be here with us and spend time with his children and family. I am grateful for the budgeting skills it has required us both to develop.

I could complain that I lost a lot of relatives when I was a kid. That I got to know grief a bit too intimately before I was 12. But instead, I am grateful and thankful because all of that? Prepared me for everything I just listed. There’s a reason for everything God has done in my life. To be able to look back and see it laid out before me as clear as day is a sight to behold – and I am eternally grateful to Him for deciding to let me see my road map.

I can’t wait to see what He has planned for my future. I am not scared. I know, that as He has done time and again, He will carry me when I need it most. That I will lean hard on Him because He has taught me well. And for that, I am grateful.

So you see, I could complain. A lot.

But instead, I am grateful and thankful.

What are you complaining about? How can you turn your complaining into gratitude? Spin it. Turn your negatives into positives.

I’m not saying it is an easy thing to do. It is a very hard thing to do. But it is a very FREEING thing to do.

I challenge you – turn just ONE complaint into a gratitude today. And then do it again tomorrow with another one. And again the day after.

On the loss of a Postpartum Pioneer: Ilyene Barsky

No matter what words follow, none could ever hope to encompass the driving and endlessly inspiring passion of Ilyene Barksy.

Just a few short hours ago, I learned that Ilyene has left us here. She has crossed her final bridge and is finally resting. Ilyene struggled with lung cancer for quite some time. Those closer to her are privy to those details.

As I feel driven to write about her here, my eyes are filling with tears, my heart is breaking and aching for  the loss which has hit so many, including myself, so very hard. We knew it would be inevitable but it does not make these words or this post any easier to write. It does not make the pain any softer. It’s akin to bracing yourself for a car accident. The stiffer you are once the other vehicle hits you, the more pain you feel in the days after.

I never had the pleasure of meeting Ilyene in person.

She served as the Postpartum Support Coordinator for the state of Florida as well as the Southeast Regional Coordinator. It was through these capacities I got to know Ilyene.

I searched through my email tonight for my correspondences with Ilyene.

It wasn’t the eleven emails we tossed back and forth as we coordinated care for a client of hers between Georgia and Florida that tugged at my heart.

The email that got me was one I sent to her after a Regional call with the Coordinators here in the Southeast.

It read:

“During tonight’s call, my 23 month old son woke up. He was fussy and upset, using his “pain” cry too. (We’ve all had some form of upper respiratory issue here lately) I got him up and brought him into the living room after administering some motrin.  Prior to leaving I had put the call on mute and popped it onto speaker. When we got in the living room, he fussed and kept looking over at the phone. He continued to fuss until he heard YOUR voice. Calmed him right down. I don’t even remember what you were saying or at what point in the call it was but the sound of your voice got him calmed down enough to where I was able to put him back to bed just a few seconds after you finished talking.

I just had to share with you. Thought you’d get a kick out of reading this! (And thanks, by the way! lol!)

Warmest,
Lauren

I remember that night. My son was particularly fussy. Everyone on the call was chatting back and forth. But then Ilyene piped up to say something. He immediately stopped his fussing and stared at the phone. It was as if Ilyene had worked some magic spell on him through the phone.

Man.

If she could do that on the phone with a sick, fussy, grumpy almost two year old, I can only imagine how she must have been as a therapist in person.

And now, I’m saying goodbye to someone I never met but truly was one of my mentors as I navigated my first few years as a peer support advocate and Coordinator with Postpartum Support International.

Within that batch of emails regarding client care coordination, Ilyene asked if we had ever met and if I would be at the L.A. Conference. I was unable to make it to the L.A. Conference but as many of you know, I made it to Pittsburgh this year. Ilyene did not.

Ilyene, I made it to a conference. I got to finally spend a week soaking up everything Postpartum which did not exist when you started your journey of helping others through PSI back in 1987. I got to go.

And one of these days in the very distant future, I know we’ll meet each other. It won’t be quite the way either of us planned, but  I know it will be awesome.

Ilyene, you have been a huge part of what we, as Coordinators across the globe are doing these days. Because of you, because of Jane, because of Karen, and all the other early pioneers who so intuitively saw the desperate need for new moms who struggled with Postpartum Mood Disorders, we are here. Because of you, we are moving forward. You will be with us as we continue to reach out to struggling moms and their families.

There is a flame within the hearts of those of us who work closely with mothers and families struggling with Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders. You are part of that flame for so many.

I, and many others, will never let that flame go out.

Thank you, Ilyene, for your mentoring, your warm heart, your caring nature, and for being you. You too, are a “peach.”

We all love you deeply and miss you more than we can ever possibly express.

(If you are not familiar with Ilyene, visit her website at The Center for Postpartum Adjustment)

Milestones

This year has been a year full of milestones for our four year old daughter.

She blew out the candles on her birthday cake for the very first time. She belly laughed for the first time. She is thriving in an all-day pre-k full of absolutely normal kids her age. We understand almost 99% of her speech these days. Life is good.

Today, a milestone happened for us in the car.

When I walked in to pick her up from pre-k, she grinned widely, jumped up, and ran over to hug me.

The last time I picked her up? Tears. Total meltdown. Temper tantrum complete with thrashing in the floor. She is accustomed to her father picking her up and had not been informed about the change. She was NOT happy. Today she was happy to see me. We started last night to explain to her that Mommy would be picking her up from school to take her to a doctor’s appointment.

I had a snack waiting in the car. Once strapped in, I got her settled with her snack, got the tunes going, and off we went.

Halfway across town, as she snacked and I chowed down on Peanut M&M’s, a favorite song of hers came on Pandora.

I turned it up, she squealed, and we sang as loud as we could together.

Then, it hit me.

We?

Were a mother and daughter rocking it out in the car.

Just an average, everyday Mom & daughter totally grooving together.

I had to stop singing because I started crying. Furiously blinking back tears so she wouldn’t see me and swallowing my tears so I could sing with her again, relishing the normalcy of the moment.

My four year old and I did not bond when she was born. She was born with a condition known as Pierre Robin Sequence. At just 9 days old, she had major surgery and was in an induced coma for a week as the swelling went down from her surgery.

When she was 56 days old, I was hospitalized.

When she was 7 months old, I stopped exclusively pumping and stopped resenting her for all the issues she brought into my life.

When she was 3 years old, she had to have another surgery and I was forced to return to the same hospital she was at for her NICU stay. We bonded that week, the two of us, and have been growing closer ever since.

But today? Today was really the first time I felt that miraculous mother/daughter bond with my daughter.

I cried not only because it had finally happened but because it took nearly five years to happen.

You know what though?

TOTALLY worth the wait.