Category Archives: strong woman

Sharing the Journey with Teresa Twomey

Teresa Twomey is a fellow Coordinator with Postpartum Support International. Over the past couple of years we’ve emailed back and forth about a few various issues and I’ve really enjoyed my exchanges with her. More often than not, we’ve shared our mutual frustration regarding the mis-conceptions about Postpartum Psychosis vs. Postpartum Depression.

This past Tuesday, her book, Understanding Postpartum Psychosis: A Temporary Madness, released. I immediately scooped her up for an interview this week. Teresa is a survivor of Postpartum Psychosis and other PMD’s as well. In her book she hopes to present a realistic portrait of PPP and aid in removing the stigma so often associated with this misunderstood condition. With no further ado, here is Teresa’s interview. I am honored to share the journey with her!


Click here to purchase Teresa's book

Click here to purchase Teresa's book

Tell us about yourself – who is Teresa when she’s not a mom or a Postpartum Advocate?

Before I had children I was a litigation attorney and a professional mediator. I am now beginning to re-enter the workforce as a professional mediator. I also do some business consulting. I am currently working on a turnaround project for a packaging company.

I also enjoy writing – I have several writing projects going at any given time. Right now I have three children’s stories finished and another two I’m working on. I also am doing some more non-fiction writing that I plan to develop into a book. (In addition to my postpartum book, I co-wrote a chapter on mediation in a newly-released textbook on Employment Law and have had several academic articles accepted as proceedings or for publication in journals.)

I am active in our PTA, our Newcomers Group, our church and I co-lead two Girl Scout troops.

I enjoy doing new things and my latest “hobby” is working with stained glass (the soldered with lead type). I enjoy designing and creating a variety of pieces.

Sometimes I teach as an adjunct at a local university. I’ve taught Business Law, Business Communication, and Introduction to Women and Gender Studies.

As many of the moms who visit this blog, you’ve traveled down the dark road of Postpartum Mood Disorders. Share your experience with us.

After the birth of my first daughter I began to experience many strange things – I had nightmares, hallucinations, I could not read, I was paranoid. I did not know something like that could happen to someone like me – I was totally blindsided. I did not get treatment at the time, although I told everyone who would listen that I could not cope. I had physical complications and I think those around me thought that was the basis for my frustration and complaints. And I think that even the medical professionals did not understand that something like postpartum psychosis could happen to someone like me (educated, smart, capable, personable, and dynamic). After the psychosis I went into a depression. But still I did not identify it and did not receive help. I did not learn the name for my experience until I was on bed rest during my second pregnancy (with twins!) I was frustrated about the lack of information and misinformation. But I was fortunate – I did not have postpartum psychosis following the birth of my twins. Then when Andrea Yates killed her children and I heard many hurtful and ignorant comments, I decided to do this book. (The more detailed version of my story is in the book.)

At what point in your journey did you realize you needed professional help?

I knew I needed some kind of help almost immediately – but I did not know there was help for what I was experiencing. I did not know there was a name for it. I thought maybe I was going crazy. I did keep telling people I could not cope – that I was a terrible mom – that I wanted someone there to help me all the time – but I was afraid (and paranoid) so I didn’t actually describe in detail what I was experiencing. I just remember telling myself “just hold on – just hold on.”

What roles did your husband and family members play in your recovery? How did they handle your diagnosis?

I was better by the time my family learned of it. They expressed shock, dismay, some denial, and concern — all in a loving way.

My husband, mom, dad and brothers have all been very supportive of my work with Postpartum Support International.

You’re now a Coordinator with Postpartum Support International. What made you decide to become an advocate?

I recognized a need. Plus I was profoundly grateful that we had not suffered any loss of life. It felt right to express my gratitude for that by turning around and helping others. Plus, Jane Honikman asked me to be a coordinator. (I sometimes joke that she roped me in – and am usually met with a response like “you and everyone else at PSI,” or “join the club!”) I am honored to be a part of such an amazing organization.

Earlier this week your book, Understanding Postpartum Psychosis: A Temporary Madness, released. Tell us about this book and the concept behind it. What is your hope for this book?

I was dismayed about how little information there is about the actual experience of women with postpartum psychosis and the amount of misinformation most of us have. I believe those contribute to the ongoing mental anguish many women have as a result of this disorder as well as the occasional loss of life. I passionately believe that professionals and the general public need to know more about this disorder. It strikes so seemingly randomly that if people do not become informed until faced with this disorder it may be too late.

Public ignorance and mis-perceptions lead to:

  • Failure to identify and warn women (and their families) who are at high risk of having this disorder
  • Failure to take measures to prevent the illness
  • Failure to properly identify the illness
  • Failure to provide adequate care
  • Failure to take the steps necessary to prevent tragic outcomes
  • Mistreatment at the hands of police and other law enforcement professionals
  • Inequitable treatment by the legal system based on discredited science and societal myths
  • Misinformation and inaccurate portrayals in the media
  • Oppressive social stigma even for those who do not do any harm

In the short term my hope is twofold: First, I hope that this book will educate medical and legal professionals and the public to effect change regarding how we approach this illness. That this change will lead to aggressive steps to identify those at risk, to prevent the illness and when prevention fails, to adequately treat it and protect the woman and those around her. In the long term I hope this book helps to eradicate postpartum psychosis. I believe that could happen in my lifetime.

Secondly, I hope this book helps women (and their families and friends) who have had PPP to heal. I always say there are two levels of healing from this illness: There is the recovery from the psychosis and then there is the recovery from having had this illness — the learning to trust yourself again, dealing with the fear of a recurrence, being tormented by questions of “why me?” and so on. The illness is temporary – women recover from it relatively quickly. However, the emotional pain from having had this illness can last a lifetime. Just as these stories helped me to heal, to know I was not alone, to believe I could be completely well, I want them to be available to help others heal as well.

Name three things that made you smile today.

My girls singing.

Joking with the ladies in my aqua-aerobics class.

Seeing the sunshine.

I know my advocacy has affected those around me and increased their knowledge and understanding of Postpartum Mood Disorders. Have you found the same to be true about your loved ones?

Oh my, yes!

What do you find the most challenging about parenting? The least?

Most challenging: consistency and discipline.

Least challenging: loving, enjoying and genuinely liking my children.

If you had one chance to speak with an expectant mother (new or experienced) about Postpartum Mood Disorders, what would you tell her?

I would tell her that, unless she has a medical history that would indicate otherwise, it is unlikely that she will have a PPMD. But if she does, there is NOTHING she could experience that other women have not thought or felt and that ALL postpartum mood disorders are treatable. So if she does not feel right in any way, she should tell her doctor and contact me OR someone else through www.postpartum.net for peer support and information.

Thank you for this opportunity Lauren.

One Year Later

We have said goodbye to marijuana.

She hasn’t shown her funky green face here for a year now. She is not missed.

It’s been a hard road. There have been fights. There have been tears. Lies, broken hearts, scars, wounds, screams, regrets – both good and bad.

But there have also been long talks. Good talks. Open doors, open hearts, forgiving souls, forward motion.

We’ve learned some difficult lessons through all of this. The biggest lesson of all is to keep moving forward and not linger in the past. For if you are not careful the past will painfully dig its claws deep into your heart and never let go. You will suffer catastrophic heartache if you cannot leave the past behind.

Philippians 3:13 -15 sums it up well: “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things.”

I know our journey is far from over. I’d be an ignorant ostrich if I didn’t admit that there are many bumps in the road ahead of us. Burying my head in the sand won’t do anyone any good in the long run.

This past week has been rough. I’ve been hashing last year’s events over in my head – the soft rain falling as my fingertips and toes went numb after my car crumpled into another vehicle in the dark night. The rescue worker who spread his arms and jacket above me to shield the rain from my face as I was lifted into the ambulance. Memories of sitting in our living room wrapped in two blankets as I clutched a cup of coffee and with a quiet anger read the riot act to my husband for my three hours in jail.

Last night we had a great talk as we sat on the front porch with a couple of pre-embargo vintage Cuban cigars. I admitted I had occasional regrets about not having seized the opportunity a year ago to leave. As good as it felt to get this off my chest, I am glad I’ve stayed.

I’m glad I’ve been here for the rebirth of my husband. He’s truly come into his own and has shed quite a bit of old skin. I’ve been reborn too – learning patience, forgiveness, peace, strength, and love all over again. I’m excited to see what the next year holds for us. Right now, we’re on Day 7 of The Love Dare. I gave it to Chris for Christmas but we waited until Fireproof came out on DVD to start. It’s making a difference already.

I want to take a moment to thank my husband.

Thank you. Thank you for being man enough to admit you had made a mistake. Thank you for growing. For being brave enough to shed your shell and let people get to know the real you. For not hiding behind the marijuana anymore. For truly accepting God’s word into your life and your heart. For stepping it up and coming into your own as a father and as a husband. For finally being here for our family. I’m so lucky to know you. I’m blessed to be married to you. I’m thankful to be by your side as you emerge from your chrysalis. I can’t wait to see your shining colors. I can’t wait to face whatever challenges lie ahead of us. Together. Forever. Just as we promised on June 15, 2002. All I want is you. It’s all I ask for – the real you. I love you.

Is Happiness really a choice?

During my first bout with Postpartum OCD, I could not begin to count how many times I got the lecture “Happiness is a choice” from my husband. But that was then and this is now. We have both come a long way in our sensitivity towards the very real condition of Depression, both of us having struggled with it in our own way.

If happiness truly is a choice, then why are so many of us struggling with depression? I mean, really, who chooses to be depressed? I sure didn’t. My husband didn’t. It just happened. Not overnight, mind you, but it happened. The thing with depression is that you don’t feel yourself fading away. As a Casting Crowns song states, it’s a “slow fade” as you fall away from happiness. Such a slow fade sometimes it’s not caught until it’s too late.

I don’t like the intimations of happiness being a choice. Call me jaded if you want but I just don’t like the idea of someone telling a depressed mom that she made the “choice” to be depressed. Yeah, right. I CHOSE to have horrific thoughts about harming my children. I CHOSE to slide so far down my pole that I landed in a psych ward. Yeap, that’s me. Choosing to be horrifically clinically depressed with OCD thrown in just for kicks. Why? Cuz I like it there. I like it in the dark, all alone, milling over thoughts of how to hurt my kids, thinking that everyone is out to get me.

C’MON.

I hated it there. Abhorred is an even better word. Emphatically detested the place, actually.

But now that I’ve graduated to Survivor, I have a very unique insight into the subjectiveness of this very phrase.

I didn’t choose to become a sufferer of Postpartum OCD. Nope, that part kinda bit me in the ass all on it’s own.

However, I CHOSE to become a survivor.

Like David gathering rocks to throw at Goliath, I turned and sought for my own rocks to place in my bag as I stood strong in the face of the Giant.

My rocks were strength, faith, and endurance. I needed all of them to carry me through. I found strength in stories of other survivors who had gone on to become tremendous advocates for other women and were now reaching their hands out to me as I struggled mightily to stay afloat. I found faith in God’s word and actions. Through my journey with PP OCD, I realized I had not strayed as far from Him as I thought. The wandering path behind me suddenly became clear as I moved forward. Everything, even the traumatic events that had once rocked my world, became illuminating lights that allowed me to develop endurance. I had been through several family deaths as a child, having lost an aunt at just 5 years old. It was through these losses that God prepared me for the road ahead. I knew I could strap on those boots and turn and fight.

Let me tell you something here. There is no feeling more empowering in the entire world than victory over your own personal demons, whatever they may be… mental illness, cancer, heart disease, etc. Those of us who choose to stand and fight know the taste of victory and it infuses into all we do from that point forward. We know we are not immune to the challenges of life. We just know how we’ll handle them no matter what they may be.

The biggest lesson I learned through all of this? Life isn’t about what it hands you. It’s about how you handle life. Looking at life through that lens would make it seem that happiness is a choice and to a certain extent it is a choice.

But sometimes life throws a screwball you just can’t avoid. So what are you to do? You have two choices. You can either let it knock you flat on your ass and stay there for awhile…..Or you can pick yourself up, dust off the dirt and mend the wounds, and go on your way.

What are YOU going to do?

Prayer Request

I’ve had a reader contact me with a prayer request.

She’s been reading for awhile now and has experienced OCD with two pregnancies.

This past January the OCD came back with a vengeance and she’s fighting back with medication.

She shared with me the following:

I’m not in a good place and I wondered if you could pray for me.  I just started back on medication a week ago.  My husband says I’m getting better but I don’t see it.  I’m putting my faith in God but at times I can’t picture that I can ever get back to my vivacious self that I used to be.  Everything is hard right now, sleeping, driving, some days I look at the clock and can’t believe I’ve made it another hour.

If you could send up a prayer or two for her, I know it’d mean the world to her.

Thanks.

Gettin’ my Party On!

This week is Ultimate Blog Party Week over at 5 Minutes for Mom.

FYI, there ARE Prizes!!

My favorites are:

Afternoon Tea in a Box (111)

$25 gift certificate for DOVE Chocolate Discoveries (130)

A surprise box filled with goodies ($50 value) (103)

Any of the prizes related to relaxation or taking a deep breath for Mom are great, actually!

Welcome to those of you who are new here and hopping over via Mr. Linky.

A quick bit of history about the blog for those of you gaining your bearings:

I’m a mom of three who’s survived two episodes of Postpartum OCD and am now dedicated to advocating for and providing support to families struggling with Postpartum Mood Disorders. This blog is a huge part of my work. You see, it was started after discovering my third (and quite unexpected) pregnancy, hence the title. I aim to share my journey and empower others through theirs so they do not have to suffer alone and in silence as I did.

Through this blog I not only share research and information but insight about my own life, which includes not only overcoming PPD, but parenting a child born with a cleft palate, accepting and overcoming my husband’s marijuana addiction, and the challenges that come of course, with the normal motherhood territory.

I also post weekly interviews with moms who have been on the front lines of the PPD battle or those who work with those who have. (Are you a mom who’s survived PPD and willing to answer 10 questions about your experience? Email me at ppdacceptance@gmail.com with Interview Request in the subject line!)

And on Fridays, I post a really cool pic with an inspirational or thought-provoking quote to encourage my readers to slow down and smell the roses. You can search over to the side for “Friday soother” to find some of the recent posts.

Other features include Grace Awards for Journalists who treat reporting about Psychosis with compassion and responsibility. I also scour the internet to point out the misuse of Postpartum Depression. Know of any? Email me at ppdacceptance@gmail.com with Misnomer of Postpartum Depression and include the link of the sighting. (You’ll receive credit and be added to my blog roll if you’re a blogger!)

Most importantly I emphasize self-care. I practice it too and have been known to leave the blog untouched for a week (or two) while I tend to myself and my family. I do return, usually with some really good stuff, too!

I hope you enjoy nosing around and I hope some of you stay or at least help to spread the word and raise awareness that Moms with Mood Disorders do exist, they are not alone, they are not to blame, and they WILL Be well!

Warmest Wishes,

Lauren

p.s. And for the man in your life, I also have a little project called The Postpartum Dads Project. Check it out.