Monthly Archives: February 2013

Being Me

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Growing up female is tricky business. There’s so much we’re expected to do, expected to say, nod, smile, grin, hide the negative, put on your happy face, kiss ass, kick ass, love this because everyone else does and OH MY GOD don’t do that because it’s not lady like.

I’d like to take a second to thank my parents for not raising me to bow down to those around me but instead taking the time to encourage me to question everything, dig deeper, be strong, to foster my desire and passion for writing, and above all else, raising me to be HAPPY.

Sure there are things they wish I was doing instead of what I am doing right now, a vision they probably had for my life but they have always supported me…or at least made me feel supported in whatever I chose as my path.

So for me, when I’m not happy, I have failed. When I’m not myself, I have failed. I haven’t failed when I don’t kiss someone’s ass just because I should. I haven’t failed because I haven’t achieved some sort of materialistic goal. I haven’t failed because things aren’t in some sort of perfect magical sublime order (although my OCD disagrees vehemently with that statement).

Things could be better, sure. I’d really love to be employed. That would rock. But I’m not. What I am is fulfilled. There’s not a paycheck with that, no, but there is peace, happiness, and a strong sense of self. I am doing, right now, exactly what I am meant to be doing.

What anyone happens to think of that does not matter to me.

It doesn’t matter to me that someone thinks I *should* be getting paid. Or that I *should* be doing this or I should have tried harder at that. Wanna know why? That worry is theirs to bear, not mine. That worry is not on my back.

I’ve survived hell more than a few times. Yes, others have gone through worse hells but this one, this one is mine. Filled with potholes of chronic pain, Postpartum Mood Disorders, loss to cancer, addiction of a spouse, a special needs baby, divorce, and the struggle to redefine myself after living an a hostile environment for so very long – an environment which I allowed to completely turn my sense of self inside out.

I’m writing this in response to a post over at Schmutzie’s place entitled “We Can Become Known”. Go read it. I guarantee you’ll be empowered to write a post of your own. If not, it’ll give you something to think about for a bit.

When I was in therapy, one of the TOUGHEST things my therapist asked me was “Do you know who you are? Really know who you are?” Then she challenged me with this beauty…”I don’t think you’ve ever truly shown your true self to anyone, not even to yourself.”

Wow.

You try sitting across from someone who has just said this to you and stay tear-free as you realize, “Fuck. No. I haven’t. FUCK. Who the hell am I???” Yeah. That session rocked my world.

Do I know who I am now?

Yeah, sorta, kinda, okay, maybe not but sorta…um… what was the question? I’ll be figuring out who I am until the second I take my last breath because I believe every experience, every exchange, changes us to a certain extent. Maybe not to our core (although there are those type of experiences out there – trust me – I’ve had a few) but they change us ever so slightly.

For the first time in years, and I do mean, in YEARS, I am comfortable in my own skin. I am comfortable in my own head, in my own soul. I’ve hit the trifecta and baby, can’t nobody stop the trifecta.

The best part of all of this? I’m with someone now who loves me for ME, supports me, and is happy to just BE himself with me. Seriously, y’all.. this is the hollywood ending. I’m not gonna lie and say it’s not work, because it is – but when it’s honest, compassionate, filled with trust, and adorned with love – it’s a hollywood ending even if there is a lot of behind the scenes work.

All that hell I’ve been through makes it worth that much more.

I’m growing bolder in lifting the veil off the person I’ve become over the past two years, figuring out how to translate it all into words which sit on a page (or the Interwebz). Like a giant glacier, I am thawing in the ever-warming world, water oozing into a waiting and welcoming ocean.

I may not be perfect, but I’m me.

And in the words of Amy Poehler (via Tina Fey via Schmutzie’s blog):

“I don’t fucking care if you don’t like it.”
Because I’m done bending over and making people happy just because that’s what the world expects me to do – I’ve never been very good at it anyway.
Besides.
As Laura Thatcher Ulrich once stated, “Well-behaved women seldom make history.”

Just Talkin’ Tuesday: Breastfeeding & PPD – What Advice Would You Give?

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justtalkingtuesdaybuttonBreastfeeding is such a rocky road for those of us who struggle with a Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorder, isn’t it?

We worry if it’s not going right. We worry about being put on meds. We worry if our babies are getting enough, we worry what people will think if we stop, we measure, we pump, we wonder about working, supply, the additional frustration of it all can really wear us down. Sure, a lot of our concern is the same as a mom who isn’t struggling with a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder but we also have to worry about how it’s affecting our PMAD or how it will affect baby if we decide to take meds.

I’ve been invited to participate in a telesummit with an organization focusing on encouraging breastfeeding mothers to take care of themselves properly. Of course they want to encourage and foster the breastfeeding relationship but you and I both know that sometimes, it doesn’t work out when a PMAD hops aboard the Motherhood train. Before agreeing to participate, I asked if they would be open to discussing the possibility that breastfeeding doesn’t go well if a PMAD shows up. They were very open to it, happily.

This is where you come in – of course I can share my own experiences and talk about how I know it’s gone for others in the past, but I’d really like to have the community chime in with their tales and share what worked for them, what didn’t work for them, and how to deal with the issues that crop up when it doesn’t work (because that guilt is like no other!) well.

Breastfeeding is one of two things when you have a PMAD, the one thing that’s going right, or the one thing that’s really exacerbating the issues at hand. I always advise mothers to do what’s best for THEM and their situation – and above all else, put their mental well-being ahead of themselves.

If you have any practical tips, ideas, stories, etc, to share, please post them in the comments. Tips on how to talk with your partner, doctor, a lactation consultant, etc, would be particularly welcome.

Can’t wait to hear from y’all!

Happy Third Birthday, Text4Baby!

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partner button_300x250When Text4Baby first came on the scene, I was very excited. Here was a service that offered moms, for free, information about their infants and motherhood which would come straight to their phones. No signing into email or having to go to a website, just sign up for the service and BAM. Valuable information about your baby comes right to your phone. What’s really cool is that Text4Baby includes information about Postpartum Depression as well!

They turn three this month and I am thrilled to wish them a Happy Third Birthday! Text4Baby has grown quite a bit from a small service to a network of over 900 partners.

Here are a few wonderful facts about Text4Baby:

  • Text4baby is a free service that delivers three text messages a week to pregnant women and moms with children up to 1 year old. The text messages are timed to the mother’s due date or the age of her child.
  • A recent study by GW found that moms who used text4baby were “nearly three times more likely to believe that they were prepared to be new mothers”
  • A study by UC San Diego found that 63.1% of women reported that text4baby helped them remember an appointment or immunization that they or their child needed; 75.4% reported that text4baby messages informed them of medical warning signs they did not know; 71.3% reported talking to their doctor about a topic that they read on a text4baby message.
  • Text4baby is a collaboration of 900 partners. A comprehensive list can be found here.
  • 95% of women who use text4baby would refer the service to a friend

I haven’t used Text4Baby as when they began, my youngest was just a little over two years old so I was out of the target audience range.

As the founder of #PPDChat (which also turns 3 this year, incidentally – in May!), I am all for any technology which helps provide solid information and support to moms. Text4Baby does just that!

I hope you’ll join me in wishing an amazing service a Happy Birthday. May Text4Baby continue to grow and make a difference in the lives of mothers & babies!

I did not receive any compensation for this post. @Text4Baby approached me about writing a post and I happily accepted because I believe in what they do for new parents.

#PPDChat Topic 02.25.13: Outta Steam – Coping on the Hard Days

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ppdchat-02-25-13Motherhood, heck, parenthood period, doesn’t come loaded with sick days or days off when the going gets tough. No, we have to steel ourselves to push through it. Sometimes we soar right on through whatever is flung in our direction and then there are times when we feel we fail miserably.

It’s not easy.

With a Postpartum Mood Disorder on board, it gets even muckier. We barely have the energy to fight that in addition to taking care of our children, let alone tossing anything else on top of the flames. So how do you handle it when a tough day (or days) hits when you’re struggling? What if you get sick? What if everyone is sick? Or there’s an emergency family situation? Or..the list could go on.

Today’s chat will focus on these situations. Feel free to join us to vent, share tips, or just hang out. We don’t promise to instantly cheer you up or fix all the tough in your life, but after today’s chats over on Twitter, you’ll know you aren’t alone.

See you there!

 

 

Postpartum Depression is Too Important to Discuss on Twitter

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I get that my approach to Social Media and blogging isn’t exactly the most scientific. My roots are not in numbers, analytics, or ROI. While it’d be nice to be earning money at what I do, that’s not why I am here. I’m here to help people. Not to garner the most comments, followers, likes, retweets, etc.

Sure, it’s nice when you manage to get something to trend or have a really good day with retweets on Twitter, but bottom line? I am here to help moms and families struggling with Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders.

If that means I have a slow day at the blog or I don’t blog at all, I’m okay with that. Direct Messages on Twitter, text messages, or phone calls that help a Mom figure out her next step or help a Dad feel a little less scared are worth far more than any comments, retweets, favorites, or likes.

Hang on, folks. I’m still on my Social Media rampage.

It was brought to my attention tonight that a certain blog tweeted a link to a piece about a certain aspect of Postpartum Depression. My friend responded to them, saying she’d been there and articles like theirs wrecked her when she was in the midst of things. Their response?

“It would be best to leave your comment in the appropriate place. 140 characters isn’t good. Here you go —> (link redacted)”

Woman who hosts a weekly chat about Postpartum Depression twice every Monday says WHAAAAAA?!?!?!
It gets better…yes, yes it does. She responded to that tweet, and they then said (hold on…)

“It would help if you would discuss it – not on twitter w/ 140 characters. It really is that serious. Have a good night.”

Original Photo "Wise Owl" by Isolino @ flickr.com http://www.flickr.com/photos/isolino/6288990750/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Original Photo “Wise Owl” by Isolino @ flickr.com http://www.flickr.com/photos/isolino/6288990750/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Wise Owl says WHOOOOOO do you think you are?!?!

So… Postpartum Depression is far too serious to discuss on Twitter. But…

Every Monday I discuss it. For an hour. At 1pm and then again at 830pm ET. In 140 characters or less at a time. Most of my 100k tweets are thanks to tweets about Postpartum Depression, actually.

And during the entire week, women and families discuss Postpartum Depression on Twitter. In LESS than 140 characters. Postpartum Depression is not too important to discuss on Twitter. If anything, it’s far too important to NOT discuss on Twitter.

Comments are nice.

Page views are nice.

SEO helps you get both.

But if you put something out on a platform in addition to where the actual post is located? Be prepared to discuss it on that platform. If you’re not prepared to discuss it then you shouldn’t share it. Anywhere. You also shouldn’t sensationalize things which don’t need to be sensationalized. Don’t use a term just to garner more page views if you’re not going to be responsible with how you present said material.

Do no harm is a wonderful basic rule here. There have been several Postpartum related things I’ve chosen to not blog about simply because I know they would ultimately do more harm than good to my readers and the community I have fostered through #ppdchat. It’s not that I want to keep them in the dark, per-say, just that I know there are other sources they can get the information from should they choose. If, however, the information is incorrect or sensationalized, you better believe I’ll jump on it in a heartbeat to protect my community from being fed misinformation.

If you’re not ready to discuss it, there’s an easy solution for you. Don’t hit publish. If you do hit publish, there’s no reason at all to be rude to someone who initiates conversation with you because you’re putting it out on Social Media. Responding as this account did violates the guidelines of Social Media – being social. Own your site. Own the words at your site. You put them out there, you need to stand behind them boldly.

Also? If you’re not ready to discuss Postpartum Depression with a Mom who’s been through it and has legitimate concerns? Don’t hit publish either. It’s irresponsible and potentially harmful.