Monthly Archives: December 2015

Why We Need to Shout

medic-708125_640When I go to the gym to hit the pool (which hasn’t been as often as it needs to be at all lately), there is a gigantic sign explaining CPR methods for children and adults on the wall of the pool room.

Defibrillators in schools and malls. Emergency phones on the highway every few miles. Emergency numbers on signs everywhere for you to contact the police if anything goes wrong. Call. Text. Instructions on where to go and what to do if a fire breaks out. Fire extinguishers.

But.

No signs explaining what to do if someone is suicidal.

No numbers of hotlines or therapists or psychiatrists plastered in public places commanding us to call them for emergencies.

No emergency break glass here in case of mental health crisis.

These things – they are not part of our society. They are there, lurking, in the background, but they are not mandated to be part of our everyday scenery. Things we whisper about to other people when we need them because heaven forbid we talk about them out loud.

Breathing – that’s important. Of course it is, you say, because without breath, you die.

BUT.

Without life, you die.

And when things get really really really bad because of our mental health and we feel all alone? We die inside. For us, we have no life and for some of us, death is the ONLY WAY OUT.

We don’t reach out because it’s difficult. We stay silent because THE WORLD TELLS US TO. It tells us that we are selfish. That we are capable of snapping out of it. That we should be happy and therefore we should just BE HAPPY DAMMIT and stop being depressed because it’s a fucking luxury. As if being depressed is something I’d rather be doing than oh, I don’t know, anything else?

What if.

What if, right NEXT TO THE SIGNS EXPLAINING CPR, there were signs explaining MENTAL HEALTH FIRST AID? WHAT IF right under the #77 to reach the state police, there was a shorthand number to text if we were feeling vulnerable emotionally and struggling with a severe mental health episode?

WHAT IF WE MADE MENTAL HEALTH JUST AS NORMAL AS PHYSICAL HEALTH?

I’m tired of the bullshit. I’m tired of the stigma. I’m TIRED OF LOSING MOTHERS BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT OR ASSOCIATE WITH MOMS WHO AREN’T HAPPY.

WE can do better.

We NEED TO DO BETTER.

We can’t do it alone. We shouldn’t do it alone. We are raising up. We are casting a wider net. It’s still not where it needs to be – and we need your help. We need those who don’t battle our demons to speak up. To not let us flounder. To check on us when we begin to creep back under the covers.

It’s okay to not be okay but it’s not okay to not be okay alone. Reach out. Even if it’s just to a loved one or a trusted friend. YOU are worth it. We are ALL worth it.

Things you can do every day to help combat the stigma of living with mental illness:

Speak up. Share your story. Be honest about how you are feeling and the challenges you face.

Ask businesses you frequent if you can share promotional/supportive materials from organizations such as Postpartum Progress, Postpartum Support International, and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Make mental health support accessible.

Share posts from various organizations battling for increased mental health awareness via social media. I am constantly sharing Lifeline’s posts on both FB and Twitter. Why? Because someday, it may just save a life. Suicide is not a bad word – it’s an emergency.

Get trained in Mental Health First Aid. Heck, make a day of it with friends. The more you know…. (Find a class here)

Bottom line – live your life in a mindful way of others and their feelings. Of course, keep your own in check as well, but you never know just how far a smile at a stranger might go one day.

In the meantime, visit MHA’s Screening site. Share the graphic below. Let people know they’re not alone.

Depression Screen pic

#PPDChat 12.21.15: Mindful Holidays

ppdchat 12-21-15Just a quick and casual chat tonight before everyone dives into the holiday craze for the next two weeks.

We’ll be chatting about ways to keep your sanity, how to deal with nosy relatives, how to manage social responsibility and yet keep your boundaries intact.

Hope you will join us this evening.

See you at 9pm ET on Twitter!

so·lil·o·quy

light-bulb-517345_640Breathe. In. Out. Repeat. Breathe. Breathe.

You are bigger than this. This will pass. You have been through worse, he says. You will get through this. We will get through this, he says, holding my hand and kissing my cheek, his deep brown eyes full of love and worry, his brow furrowed.

My chest tenses. Body twitches. Legs bounce up and down involuntarily. Fingers play an invisible piano, my breath keeps tempo. Breathe slower, stupid. Breathe.

Swallowed whole by darkness. Sinking, sinking, sinking until the sunshine is a million miles away and murky mud slithers all over my body. Carried away from happy, just like that.

Breathe. Just breathe. Look up. Hold on. Breathe.

You have been here before. You have been further down before. You can do this.

I don’t want to.

I don’t want to.

I can’t… shut up. Can’t isn’t in your vocabulary. You are better than this. Bigger than this. Hold on. You CAN do this.

Light. Turn on the light. Take your medicine. Take the other one too. Talk. Reach out. Distract. Breathe.

Baby steps.

Lose yourself in something that is allegedly happy. Laugh and joke even though it feels like the most antithetical thing you can possibly do at the moment. Smile. Fake it if you have to. But move forward. Climb out of the muck toward the sun. Toward the hands. Toward him. Toward HIM. Toward love. Choose. Breathe.

Bake. Create. Eat. Give in to the minuscule joy surrounding you. Let go of expectations. Walk your talk. I don’t want to. Frown. Sink. Mumble incoherently out of frustration.

Smile. Laugh. Twitch. Eat. Sink. Smile. Laugh. Twitch. Sleep.

Repeat until you are out of the muck.

“Are we there yet?” your brain asks. I’m tired, it says.

Almost, you answer. We got this, we got this. He’s got you. HE’S got you – through Him you can do ALL things. HE will carry you. Let Him.

But don’t stop doing what you are doing. Breathe. Eat. Smile. Meds. Light. Distract. Repeat.

Find the funny everywhere. Fight until the fog fades. Fight until the light is bright. Until the laughter is real. Until your twitching stops. Fight. Breathe. REPEAT.

Inhale. Exhale as the light breaks through the clouds intermittently. Smile.

You got this.

#PPDChat 12.07.15: When Disaster Strikes

PPDChat 12-07015It’s been a rough month.

So much has happened. So many lives lost, so many of us not knowing how to respond but knowing that we are affected by what has occurred, even if it doesn’t directly touch our lives. It still winds its way into our hearts, our minds, and it toys with us as we go through our daily lives.

Monday’s chat is open to all – not just moms or families struggling with Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders. This touches all of us.

We’ll be talking about how to protect our mental well being in the face of a crisis, how to support someone who is struggling as a result of a crisis, and how to talk to your kids about it. Most importantly, however, we will be providing a safe politics non-solution focused space for people to simple exhale and let their feelings flow. That said – we will not be discussing anything political or any solutions to the situations which have occurred over the past month. Just us, our feelings, how they’ve affected our daily living, and how to move toward processing them and making a difference in our lives and those around us. That’s it.

I sincerely hope you will join me on Monday evening at 9pm for this very important chat. See you then.