Category Archives: women

Dear Katie,

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 You are not alone. You are not to blame. And you will be well with help. There are so many women across the nation and across the world who have been where you are – suffering alone, scared, anxiety ridden and filled with guilt that they are not being the “best” or “most perfect” mother that they can be. Motherhood isn’t easy for everyone. Even the moms who make it look easy have a hard time. But the good news is that it does get easier and it does get better. Some of us have to take it hour by hour or even minute by minute in the beginning. And some of us need more help than others to get through the early steps of motherhood. Through peer support and solid medical support we make it through. We survive the sheer desperation and panic of postpartum disorders and we make it through. And you know what? It makes us stronger. It makes us even more grateful for what we have, for every smile we witness, for every hug we receive. Because we remember when we couldn’t enjoy those times. I know you’re scared and frightened – there are people who can help you and want to help you on your journey to recovery.

When I suffered from Postpartum OCD, I couldn’t enjoy my children. I didn’t want to laugh or smile. I wanted them to go away and I would get angry with them for the smallest thing. Several times I thought about running away. But where to? And if I left, would I really solve my problems? At the time I thought I would. And then I came crashing down – and landed in the hospital for treatment. I slept the whole weekend and my medication was changed. I also started to reach out for peer support which helped me immensely. Through contact with women in the local birthing network, Jane Honikman, and starting talk therapy, I slowly started to dig my way out of the deep dark hole I had fallen into. And I eventually got to the top. I won’t lie – it was hard work. And by no stretch of the imagination am I who I used to be. I have changed. For the better I think. But I had others to help me and to rely on. And now I pay it forward by helping other women.

I want you to know that you have been in my prayers since I first heard of your disappearance. I have been praying for you and your precious family. I pray that you are safe and alive. I pray that you will return to your two precious boys and your loving husband soon. I know they miss you terribly. Katie, if there’s a chance you are reading this, know that there are a lot of caring and concerned people praying for your safe return home. Know that we do not blame you and we all want to help you in any way that we can. You can do this – you are NOT alone!

Warmest,

Lauren

A successful night off

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Ended up going to Red Lobster for dinner with Grandmom. YUM. We had a great dinner, great conversation, and I picked up some Ben & Jerry’s S’mores ice cream for my movie night. Of course, the DVD player didn’t work so I ended up watching the tail end of “What women want” and then “Hitch” on TNT. Good mindless romantic movies. Lil’ Bit, one of the in-law’s dogs cuddled with me the whole time which was nice. I’m so used to being around dogs I think it would have been a bit odd for there not to be dogs there.

I finally started the bedtime process around 1030p – got into bed to go to sleep around 11p and didn’t wake up for the day until 10a! Even then I didn’t pop right out of bed – just kind of laid there for a short bit and then got up to take the dogs out. I went to Panera and got some hot cocoa and a cinnamon crunch bagel w/hazelnut cream cheese spread and took it back to the house to eat. Took my time and then packed up and went grocery shopping before finally returning home. All in all, it was a pretty nice weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed the mindless relaxation.

The girls and I ran some errands yesterday as I have access to MIL’s car this week (well, until tomorrow). I also took a nap yesterday afternoon as the rain lulled me to sleep. We live in Georgia, which if you’ve been watching the news, is now a major disaster area due to drought and seeing rain was nice. Driving in it – not so nice – people here seem to think that rain gives them permission to drive like idiots. But that’s a whole ‘nother post. 

Looking forward to my night OFF

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I have to say that I am really looking forward to my evening off. And I mean COMPLETELY off. No husband, no kids, no nothing. Well, there will be the two dogs over at the in-laws house but really – I’ll just have to let them out tonight and feed them in the morning. That doesn’t count.

I am about to go pack and then shower – taking advantage of our new massage setting – then get ready to head on out. I am not taking my computer or anything PPD related with me. And I am packing my very nice nightgown set that my mom bought me for my birthday. It’s to be worn for my hospital stay once I have the baby but I have been wearing it here and there – just to pamper myself. And all moms deserve to be pampered!

I washed my body pillow and case this morning. I can’t be without it and it desperately needed to be washed. I can’t wait to sleep in a nice big comfy bed and not have an alarm clock shriek me into consciousness. So looking forward to a quiet morning!

Haven’t decided if I am going to go to the cell phone store this evening after dinner or not. Guess it’ll depend on how energentic I feel after dinner. I do need to grab a few movies to take with me – otherwise it’ll be Rambo if I want to watch something. I’m thinking something like Seven Years in Tibet or maybe even something hopelessly hilarious like There’s Something About Mary (that is, if I can find them). I may even splurge on a pint of ice cream for myself…. we’re tight in the budget department this week, so again, haven’t decided yet. For that matter, I haven’t decided where we’re going for dinner – although I am strongly leaning towards Red Lobster. I am suffering from a fierce seafood craving.

Gotta run, it’s nearly 3p here and Chris will be getting off soon. I need to be ready when he gets home to race to the car and be outta here!

Putting on the Brakes Part II

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I found a sample of a prenatal vitamin yesterday that has Omega 3’s  built in so I took it last night. I have felt much calmer today and Alli’s behaviour has much improved as well. Not sure if that’s a huge coincidence or not.

I did call my OB’s office but they never returned (to be fair, I wasn’t able to call until late this afternoon). I will try to call them again tomorrow. As far as I know it’s ok to take Omega 3.6.9 during pregnancy but I still like to check with my physician’s office.

I plan on taking the rest of the prenatal samples in the meantime – until I get a response from my doctor’s office. I have therapy in the morning as well so I will certainly be discussing all of this with my therapist.

And yes, I am also using my online support network right now too. I think having a rest plan in place for this weekend is reassuring for me too. I am SO looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday. I talked to Alli about that today – she hates surprises where someone is going to be gone so we talk to her about them ahead of time. I told her that if she was good, daddy would give her a surprise from me on Saturday night at bedtime. She liked that idea until she decided she wanted two surprises and I told her there was only going to be one – enter thrown fit number one. I think she’s sleepy – her behaviour tends to be worse in the evening if it’s going to be bad.

The In-laws may be coming to pick her up tomorrow afternoon so we’ll see if that has any effect on her or if it was merely a coincidence that she suddenly started misbehaving after the last time they got her. I’m hoping for the coincidence.

Exit TiVo KidZone

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Those three words are becoming almost as precious to me as “I love you.”

I’ll tell you why. It’s because when I click on those three words, I am reclaiming the TiVo for myself. It means the girls are down to quiet time and it’s now MOMMY time. Of course, the TV is still on Noggin when I go to live TV but that changes pretty quickly. Usually I put a movie on in the background and work on PPD stuff. Today I’m taking it slow. Have a few emails to send but as far as that’s concerned, I’m not doing a lot today. I’m going to continue to enjoy the slower pace.

This morning the girls and I went outside after breakfast and played. Charlotte swung and Alli wandered about playing with dead limbs from trees, pretending they were a little family. She also had a lot of fun throwing pine straw about. The funny story with Alli happened yesterday afternoon when Chris and I took the girls outside to play after quiet time.

Alli was swinging and all of the sudden she let out this really loud MMMMOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yeah, typical three year old stuff, right? It gets funnier – the goats at the farm across the street ANSWERED her! So she changed her moo to a baaaaaa and for a good four or five minutes, she and the goats were “talking” to each other. Chris and I just lost it and Alli thought it was great. I LOVE that we live somewhere that she can experience stuff like that. Just love it.

Today Charlotte was the funny one – she would put both arms up in the air while swinging and squeal – like she was trying to say “wheeeee!” What I really get a kick out of is when she gives the sign for “more” while swinging. That’s just TOO precious.

As for my weekend, it was a huge success and I feel mentally rested. I kicked off the weekend with my therapy session and by 11a, I was OFF. At first it was weird to not be doing PPD stuff but eventually I just sat back and enjoyed things. I watched Nothing to Lose and took a nap Friday afternoon. Alli got out of her room while I was napping and ravaged the kitchen. Destroyed a $10 bottle of pure vanilla extract, poured out all the flower, brown sugar, soy sauce, large pearl tapioca, etc. It was a MESS. The only good thing that came out of it was her having to stay in her room for the rest of the afternoon which meant I got more time to myself. I was disappointed though – I had planned on taking the girls outside after quiet time. Saturday wasn’t much more of a success with Alli or Charlotte – both were fussy and whiny. And Alli ended up having to spend Sat afternoon in her room as well. She was much better on Sunday and so far so good today as well. We didn’t make it to Kid Nation last Thursday night due to misbehaviour as well. So as long as her behaviour stays on the up and up today, we’ll be watching it tonight.

I’m gonna run now and take a nap while I can. Hopefully no one gets out and does anything messy while I’m resting!