Category Archives: Whatever Wednesday

Whatever Wednesday: Yankee Drawl Y’all

To listen to me read this post and hear what I’m talking about, click here:

I have a strange accent. Very strange.

Sometimes there’s no accent.

Sometimes it’s southern, sometimes yankee, sometimes midwestern.

I also have the ability to morph into different accents without thinking. What does this mean? I once pissed off two Irish exchange students in college because after spending 45 minutes with them, I started talking like them unintentionally. You should have heard me after spending time with the African exchange students from London, Madagascar, and the Ivory Coast. And heaven help me if I watch Bridget Jones’ Diary, Dangerous Liasions, Steel Magnolias, or Crocodile Dundee one too many times.

Also – if I spend too much time on the phone with my mom or my cousin, both from the midwest, I sound a bit, well, midwestern.

I was born in New Jersey. Lived there until I was 13. Then moved to Virginia for the 7-12th grades. Spent college in Southern Georgia where I dropped my Yankee accent real quick like because the Good ol’ GA boys didn’t much like it. I now live in Northeast Georgia and have for the past 10 years. I have now adapted to the Southern Accent. For the most part.

My dad was born in New Jersey. Lived there until he was in his 40’s. No, he doesn’t sound like Joe Pesci. In fact, he doesn’t have much of an accent at all. Not to me, at least.

My mom is from Michigan. She’s got that Midwest thing going on.

And me?

I’m a bit mangled. Possibly even completely mangled.

In college, while working at a local movie theatre, they had a blast getting me to say everything on the refreshment menu which ended and/or had an “er” sound in it.

I realized I am incapable of saying ButterFinger as spelled. It comes out more like “ButtahFinguh.”

What gets really fun is when I mash several accents in one sentence.

Like tonight.

Tonight I told my almost 3yo son to “Getcha hayand outa yuh diapuh.”

Yeh.

Um.

The first half of the sentence sounded very southern. The last half? Notsomuch.

And then there’s the famous argument about how I say Dawg, water, quarter, and car. My parents even make fun of me for the way I say Water. That says a lot.

Car often slides out as Cah. But here lately it’s been very midwestern. Not sure how to spell that but there is an overemphasis on the A. Maybe I’ll just call in tomorrow and read the post so y’all (see!) can hear how I talk. Yeh, that’s what I’ll do!

Oh, and heaven help you if I’m mad. I sound like Rosie Perez meets Paula Deen these days. It scares the crap out of me.

I don’t change my accent to appear wishy-washy. It’s just something I have done my whole life. It’s just me.

So if you ain’t gonna spend a quartah to get me a buttahfinguh and some wadduh, then fine. Bless your heart but you best be fixing to get in your cah and leave me alone he-uh in Dawg country, y’all.

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Whatever Wednesday: Five million reasons to hate pink

This post has been mulling in my head for the past week and a half.

Before I get started, let me say that I have lost several family members to cancer, including an Aunt to Breast Cancer when I was a mere five years old. In fact, it was her death that would be the first of many. I lost a second cousin to cancer, a Great Aunt, two Grandmothers and Grandfather, and I lost a very dear first cousin to suicide when it was discovered his Hodgkins lymphoma had returned. While I have not battled cancer myself, I have known all too well the heartache and power with which it heartlessly rips through families.

Pink sucks. It’s sucked since I was about seven. My parents decided to repaint my room and, in a stroke of brilliance, decided to let me pick the color. At the time, I was mad about pink. I chose a hot pink. They tried to talk me out of it by telling me my WHOLE room would be that color. But, as the insistent child, up it went. You know how hard it is to not look at the bottle of Pepto Bismol on the antacid aisle at the pharmacy? Imagine a WHOLE room lined with those bottles. Yeap. That? Was my childhood bedroom. It left me scarred for life. In fact, I am convinced having girls and having pink explode all over my life is some sort of cruel cosmic joke.

That bedroom was in New Jersey. I spent the better part of my childhood there. My first grandmother died on Thanksgiving Day, 1988. I remember our parents shuffling all of us into their bedroom to sit us down on their bed as they told us she had lost her battle with Ovarian Cancer. At first I blinked, then I wept, wailed, and then? Then I had to suck it up to go to our OTHER grandparent’s house for Thanksgiving festivities.

The following year, our other grandmother was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. She lost her battle not long after her diagnosis if memory serves correctly. We had moved to Virginia. One night, I screamed, cried, and wailed to God. I didn’t understand why He had to take both of my grandmothers so close together. I begged him for her to heal. I begged Him to let us keep her. I can still feel those tears on my cheek, the screams as they wrenched from deep within me and swirled upwards through my throat and out of my lips up to God.

I was in New Jersey with my father when she passed away. My Grandfather (the one married to my grandmother who died from Ovarian Cancer), let me stay up late that night. I watched Arsenio Hall for the first time. I was barely a teenager.

Somehow I managed to get through the next few years without experiencing another death. And then. Then.

1998.

On March 15, 1998, my dad’s father lost his battle with the same cancer his wife had battled – Colon. Just 19 days prior, my other grandfather had died from complications with Diabetes and Myasthenia Gravis. I had nothing to give. I had panic attacks for the first time in my life. I was physically wracked with grief and would literally wail and thrash myself to a blackout or sleep for months. I had no normal left.

My cousin’s suicide was not long before the deaths of my grandfathers. I had never known someone who had killed themselves before my cousin. I felt angry. I felt left behind. But at the same time, I understood. I knew he felt trapped, scared, and had no desire to fight back against a disease he had already fought so vigorously. The battle had been lost before it even started. I forgave him.

But I have digressed.

Two weekends ago, on Sunday Night Football, the Giants were playing. As a huge Giants fan, I turned on the game.

And there… there on the FOOTBALL Field….

was PINK.

Not on the cheerleaders. ON THE PLAYERS.

DUDE.

What the eff???

Eli? Pink? For real? How much of a bump in pay did they give you to put that crap on???

I am so sorry, but Pink should be the LAST color I see on the football field.

The football field is for men. Muscled men who tackle each other effortlessly yet violently to the ground. Men who throw the pigskin across several yards in search of a touchdown. Mud covered men, manly men. NOT men who wear pink. Those men? Belong on the golf course. NOT on the gridiron.

Want to know how much the NFL spent on “pinking” up the players?

$5,000,000.

That’s right. FIVE MILLLION Dollars. Just so we would see the color pink and gain some “breast cancer” awareness. (Yanno, just in case we missed the giant Pepto Bismol bottle of pink which has splattered over every single last product Americans buy these days)

Five Million dollars spent on chin straps, shoes, gloves but NOT on actual research.

Five Million dollars to spread the cancer of Pink to the one sacred place American men had left. Do you seriously think American men are going to see their favorite players in pink and then go home to remind their wives, sisters, mothers, aunts, etc, to feel their boobies because they might get cancer? Or do you think it will make THEM think twice about getting breast cancer themselves? NO.

(It’s been pointed out to me that the gear the players are wearing will be auctioned off with the proceeds going to the American Cancer Society and Team Charities. Which makes it a little more bearable but I still maintain my original viewpoint which is that PINK has no place on the football field)

What about all the other products carrying pink? Chips. EGGS. Yes, EGGS, Apparel, anything you can possibly imagine. And this one really takes the cake – Purina Cat Chow Cat Nap for the Cure. Seriously??? REALLY??????

What if you spent the money you pay out for a $70 water bottle DIRECTLY on research? What could we do then?

What about all the other types of cancer out there? Are we forgetting them? Remember all those relatives I lost to cancer? Only ONE of them succumbed to Breast Cancer. Where’s the Ovarian Cancer ribbon? The Colon Cancer ribbon? Or Hodgkins Lymphoma ribbon?

Here’s something else to think about – it’s totally cool to “Walk for the Cure” and have team names like “Save the Ta-Ta’s” but heaven forbid we try to “Walk for Breastfeedng” with team names like “Eat from the Ta-Ta’s” as women tromped through the streets whilst nursing their wee babes? Can you IMAGINE the uproar??

Why is it only okay to talk about breasts if they have cancer or are being sexualized?

What’s wrong with us?

What’s wrong with us that we can’t even donate to a good cause without expecting something in return? Has American society become that gluttonous? That callous and numb? What happened to good old-fashioned caring? For the good of it?

When the hell did it become necessary to pink-wash American products?

You know it’s only a matter of time before we’re drinking out of beer bottles shaped like boobs (okay, so the men would like that), while dressed head to toe in pink, living in pink houses, driving pink cars, and watching Pink-tinted TV’s, right?

It’s a Pink world. We just live here.

Pink?

Is the new cancer.

And it’s terminal.

 

(If you MUST go Pink, please check out Think Before You Pink Postcards. At LEAST try be responsible about it)

 

 

Whatever Wednesday: BlogHer in New York City? I’d rather be in Austin, TX!

I have to pack for my flight on Friday. It’s the first flight I have taken in over ten years. I am a little nervous. But I am a whole lot excited.

For the first time since I started advocating for and supporting families through Postpartum Depression, I get to meet a family I have only chatted with via email and Facebook.

And I am not doing it at BlogHer. (insert gasp and sucking of teeth here)

Nope, I am heading Southwest when every other respectable blogger is heading up to NYC!

I will be attending a Golf Tournament held by Luminant Technologies down in Austin, TX. This tournament is a fundraiser for Postpartum Support International. Why are they holding it? A year ago, one of the Diversity Council Board members’ daughter had some issues with a Postpartum Mood Disorder. He sought out information and support. Through an email group I belong to, he ended up with me! This fundraiser is his way of saying “Thank You.” If that’s not absolutely humbling……

I promise to take pictures. More than likely I’ll be doing some live tweeting too.

So that’s it. Short and sweet. Yet oh so powerful and meaningful.

I will not be at BlogHer because I am going to TEXAS for Postpartum Mood Disorder Fundraiser.

I think the blogosphere will forgive me.

Whatever Wednesday: Sweet Pain Relief

For close to a month, I have struggled with a toothache in my lower right molar.

I went through a full 10 day course of Antibiotics.

The toothache calmed down.

Then the bastard had the cajones to check back in to see how things were going. Ppppth. Thoughtful but oh so not necessary.

Last Wednesday, I visited the ER in a desperate attempt to kick it’s arse.

Antibiotics and prescription pain medicine. Sweet relief, right?

Wrong.

This bastard was here to stay.

I spent all day Wednesday and Thursday in bed. I threw up. I managed to eat. I wanted to cling to the ceiling and never come back down.

Friday I had to force myself to help with our yard sale efforts.

By Saturday morning, I was exhausted. Yet I made it until nearly 11am until I had to call it quits and collapse into bed, once again, defeated by a tooth.

Sunday morning we skipped church. I felt great for most of the day, only taking Extra Strength Tylenol. I stayed out of bed. Finally! I had turned a corner! Hope began to creep into my heart.

By Sunday night, hope skipped town and Hell all too happily took it’s place.

Monday morning found me writhing in bed, eyes rolling into the back of my head, shuddering, clenching my hands into fists which nearly drew blood, crying out to God to make the pain stop. Even after administering the maximum dose of pain medication. I wished for unconsciousness.

My husband got on the phone with our church, the local walk-in dentist,  managed to snag me an appointment with a local dentist recommended by our church later that afternoon.

By my appointment, I found myself again in the throes of wicked pain. Wicked, wicked, wicked pain. I prayed for the pain of my first labor – and that’s saying a lot – my first labor was Pit riddled with a non-working epi. Nasty stuff, people, nasty!

The dentist examined me, made a phone call, and scheduled me for extraction the next morning. He also wrote new prescriptions for me, including an anti-nausea med. God bless him.

Tuesday morning, I practically skipped over to his office to get this bad boy removed.

The dentist who extracted my tooth was amazing. Course, the Nitrous Oxide and damned fine Novocaine (which didn’t wear off for another 6 hours or so) helped.

I sit here with a gaping hole in my mouth. Sure, it hurts. A little.

What was the cost for all of this to me?

Absolutely nada.

And that folks, is the miracle.

God is good.

Whatever Wednesday: A Voting Apology

Just yesterday here in Georgia, there was a Primary Election. All sorts of offices are up for grabs.

Governor, a Senate seat, Insurance Commissioner, Lieutenant Governor, and a myriad of other state level and local offices.

I did not vote.

Bad me.

If you think I am proud of this, please, you are judging me way to quickly. I am not bragging here.

I did not vote because I was not educated enough about the field of candidates and their stance on the issues. I believe an uniformed voter is more dangerous than a non-voter.

Voting is sacred. It one of the most important responsibilities of an American citizen. We owe it to each other to be educated, informed, and to exhibit these qualities at the poll when we cast our vote. I did not do my homework. I did not show up at the test. I flunked. I apologize from the depths of my very American soul. Seriously.

I promise to brush up on my candidates to make an informed decision the next time around. I would urge you to do the same as well.

Because if Bubbles the Chimp ends up in office, I’m so looking at you.