Category Archives: sleep

Sleep patterns of infants with depressed Mothers differs

"sleep like a baby" by peasap @ flickr

"sleep like a baby" by peasap @ flickr

According to a study published today in the May 1 issue of the journal SLEEP, the patterns of sleep differ depending on Mom’s depression or lack there of. The overall amount of sleep seems to be the same but infants with non-depressed mothers sleep longer at night (up to 97 minutes to be precise) and also seem to sleep for longer periods during the day.

Infants of depressed moms seem to wake more often .

Researchers hypothesize that this is related to the stress hormone, cortisol. When mom is pregnant and stressed, more cortisol crosses the placenta. And if you’re depressed postpartum, that plays a role as well.

Now before you freak out and think that your child’s sleep patterns are wrecked for life here, the lead author, Roseanne Armitage, MD, has news for you. The “damage” may be reversible.

“We do think that we could develop a behavioral and environmental intervention to improve entrainment of sleep and circadian rhythms in the high risk infants,” said Armitage. “However, whether it is maternal hormones that “cause” the sleep problems in infants is not yet known. It could genetic, hormonal, or both. Regardless of the cause, they may still be modifiable since brain regulation is very plastic and responsive in childhood.”

If you’d like to read more about this study, click here.

Now, breathe a little sigh of relief. See? the fact that baby isn’t sleeping ISN’T because you’re not doing something right or wrong. It’s not because there’s something wrong with your baby. It’s hormonal. Totally out of your control. I don’t know about you, but I am always able to put things into a better perspective when I understand the explanation behind them.

Frankly, this explains a LOT.

It explains why my first daughter never wanted to sleep for very long and why she wouldn’t sleep a lot at night. It also explains why our second daughter did the same thing. And last but not least, because I did not have PPD with our third, it explains why he’s such an amazing sleeper and has been from the start. Thank GOD it wasn’t me (or baby)! Phew!

What a week!

Monday was Charlotte’s cleft repair, pharyngoplasty surgery, and ear tubes.

Tuesday morning she got the nasal tube they put in to aid in breathing removed. Then she ate. And ate some more. And drank.

So we were discharged Tuesday afternoon.

She stopped eating Wednesday morning. Stopped talking by the middle of the day. She was also refusing all medication and foods.

We were instructed to return to the hospital.

So we did.

And there we stayed until yesterday morning when her appetite and fluid intake finally picked up enough to make me feel comfortable with bringing her back home.

Our stay was riddled with issues.

The first issue was failure to get written consent for her ear tube surgery. The surgeon took the time to track down where the breakdown in communication happened and did apologize to us but then just a few sentences later admitted that post-consent happens quite a bit in her practice with her adults. Yeah. We’re SO not going back to see her.

Second issue arose during our return to the hospital. The ER had a hard time getting ahold of Charlotte’s doctor to approve admission even though we had been instructed to return by them. We arrived at the ER at 830p but did not get a room until nearly 2a Thursday morning.

Third issue was our day nurse on Thursday. She was a bit flighty and had a propensity for over-explaining things and failed to be prompt in her attention to us. My daughter’s med pump went off repeatedly as did her fluid pump with no response from her whatsoever. She was apologetic and spent some time trying to kiss Charlotte’s behind but I had the nurse replaced. It’s not my kid you have to impress, lady.

Fourth and fifth issue happened on Friday.

Fourth: A tech walked into our room and asked if I wanted to give Charlotte a bath. I said that I did. So she got everything ready and decided we needed to give Charlotte a sponge bath in bed. We had Charlotte lean back over a bowl of water and wiped her hair down. The tech realized she didn’t have water to rinse with so she went and got some while I tried to keep Charlotte calm and still. The tech returned with the water and began to pour it on Charlotte’s head. Charlotte screamed. I reached up and felt the water. It was absolutely scalding. I immediately told the tech to stop and get out of our room. The water she had gotten was entirely too hot! She acted surprised and I had to ask her several times to leave the room. I asked our nurse to make sure she was not allowed back in our room. I didn’t see her again during our stay.

Fifth: At about 1p the phone in our room rang. I answered. It was a prank call. I hung up. They of course, redialed. I was very unsettled (they said horribly mean and rude things to me) and called our nurse. He came right away and handled the situation beautifully. Unplugged our phone and had our phone number changed. A report was filed.

I don’t tell you all of this to complain. I’m telling you all of this to stand strong. I got flustered only twice during our stays. The first was immediately after surgery when we had to hold Charlotte down as the anestethia worked its way out of her system. She was angry, confused, and frustrated. Kept pulling at her IV, her nose, and wanted to be done with all of the pain. I admit that I cried. It took four hours for her to finally calm down.

The second time was when we got prank called. I was very very scared. I didn’t know if it was someone from inside the hospital or outside. I felt very vulnerable and afraid. I even had a plan in place if someone we did not know were to burst into our room. But nothing came of it and I was able to get back to sleep within the hour.

I am glad this past week is behind us.

On a positive note, Charlotte’s speech is ALREADY improved. She’s saying words that we can now understand a lot more often. There are sounds she struggled with before that she is now making with seemingly no effort. We still have quite a bit of work ahead of us but for now, we’re miles away from where we were this time last week.

Last night was rough but I have hopes tonight won’t be as bad. I think she’s got some night terrors and trauma residuals going on as a result of spending the week at the hospital. Teething tablets and a night light finally helped her go to sleep on her own last night but she spent the bulk of the evening in the living room with me. We’re going to have her return to school so her mind will have other things to focus on as well to help leave the memories of this past week behind.

Sharing the Journey with Tara Mock

Tara has been a true source of inspiration for me through my advocacy journey. Her strength, faith, and dedication to supporting other women has made me examine my own work and my increasing awareness of the role my faith and God held in my experience with Postpartum OCD and my subsequent passion for advocacy. I often refer women to her website when they are in need of faith-based support. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed getting to know her and have connected with another wonderful Christian PPD supporter – Sue McRoberts – through Tara. Thank you, Tara for all you do for Moms who are still on that dark path. Thank you for showing them the way Out of the Valley.

valley2

Share a little bit of yourself with us. Who IS Tara Mock as a woman?

I am a formerly-shy-now-outspoken woman who loves Jesus dearly, my husband 0428whole-heartedly, and my children with everything I have.  I am a pianist and an avid reader.  I can have a sarcastic sense of humor, but I love to laugh and believe the best memories are those with lots of laughter and smiles.  I hate pickles with a deep and abiding passion, but will eat chocolate with anything.  I love to have dinner and/or coffee (I prefer hot chocolate) with my girlfriends.  They are so precious to me, so encouraging and wise, and as a mom of young children, I love that.  I’m not sure what I would do without them!

You’ve walked the dark path of Postpartum Depression. Share with us what that was like.

In one word –  horrid.  I would not wish what I went through on my worst enemies. PPD hit me hard and fast in the week after my son’s birth.  I was in a lot of physical pain to begin with and then my emotions began to snowball, running the gamut:  sadness, anger, apathy, despair, hopelessness, frustration, to eventually suicidal.  That terrified me and it was then, and through the encouragement of my pastor’s wife, that I told my doctor.  Even after that, those crisis days were not over and I still had another couple of weeks to trudge through – including a hospitalization, suicide watch, meds, 24-hour care by a nurse-friend, and lots of sleep.  In the subsequent days and weeks and months, I gradually learned how to care for my son and gain new confidence as a mother, with my eyes towards hope for the future. There were good days and there were bad days, but when the good started outnumbering the bad, I knew I was getting better.  It was about nine or ten months from the time of his birth before I really felt like I had my feet on solid ground and out of that valley.
How did your faith affect your experience and recovery?

Greatly.  My Christian faith is who I am, but with this experience I initially felt like I had been “kicked while down.”  We had gone through infertility treatments to even conceive this baby, my husband had been laid off on the very day we found out I was pregnant, and I was very angry that PPD was happening to me after all that.  I repeatedly asked God “Why?  Isn’t it enough what I’ve been through already?”  But I learned that I also could not get through it without Him.  I clung to encouraging Scriptures with everything I had, even taping them on note cards around my house.   Unfortunately, there were Christian friends who said well-meaning but hurtful things (pray more, just be grateful, etc.), but working past that and learning what the Bible really says helped me grow so much.  I hated going through PPD, but I can also say that I am grateful for the experience and for who it made me today.  (Please know that it is ok if you do not feel the same way!)
At what point did you decide to become an advocate and source of support for other women who are struggling with a Postpartum Mood Disorder?

There were a series of events that solidified my resolve to become an advocate for women going through what I went through.  First, on my first Mother’s Day, the one I had longed for for quite a few years, I went to a local bookstore to purchase Brooke Shields’ new book, Down Came the Rain – it had just been released.  The lady behind the counter started commenting on my son, mentioned she had a baby the same age then started to tell me how she could not understand how anyone who had had a baby could be sad.  I was stunned.  Here I was purchasing a book about PPD and she could not put two and two together that I might be hurting?  I mumbled something about that it had happened to me and thankyouverymuchgoodbye.  I cried all the way home.   (Not to worry, I went back the next day and spoke with the manager about that employee.)  Second, the argument between Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise was a highlight in the news sometime around then and I was angry at the sheer ignorance that some people had about this illness as well as the fact that this Hollywood figure was spreading so much misinformation.  Third, I was part of an online Christian group and some lady (or two, I do not recall) had a discussion about the Brooke Shields book and began degrading her and what she went through.  I took it very personally because I was going through it as well – and these were fellow Christians.  Ouch!  The misinformation out there was stunning – I had just encountered it three times in a short time span.  I decided then and there to not be ashamed of my story, to share it and not hide it, and to encourage other women also sick with PPD.  That was the beginning….  I then began to search for Christian resources for this illness and at the time, there were none.  (Now, there are a few and the number is growing quite quickly, yea!!!)  After my son’s first birthday, I felt led to fill the gap – to provide a non-denominational Christian ministry for women, their families, and churches to know how to deal with Postpartum Mood Disorders.  Thus was born the (currently) online ministry, Out of the Valley Ministries, Inc.

You have two beautiful children. Did you experience PPD with both? If not, what do you think made the difference?

Thank you!  With my daughter, I experienced a small amount of anxiety, but overall the experience was remarkably better with no real recurrence of PPD.  We planned very, very carefully for her birth.  The planning itself was therapy, helping me feel like I had some control, whereas I felt I had none when I had PPD with my son. Medications were discussed with my doctor.  I had a therapist I could call if needed.  I had a schedule of family and friends to be here with me for at least six weeks.  My husband was insistent that sleep be my first priority (sleep deprivation being a huge trigger for me) and he was so wonderful in making sure that I got that.  I had a self-care plan in place for my return home to minimize anxiety.  I had the same doctor as I did for my son’s birth and amazingly, the same nurse who was there for our childbirth education classes, my son’s delivery, and who cared for me when I had PPD  – she was standing there when I walked into the birth center in labor with my daughter.  What a blessing!! She knew me and exactly how to take care of me.  As much as I had it under control, that told me that God had it in His hands as well.  I believe prayer and the pro-active approach we took to minimize/prevent a recurrence of PPD was really key.
Self-care is of the utmost importance on this road called Motherhood. What do you do to make sure you are taken care of on a daily basis?

Not enough! I make sure to always put the kids in their rooms for quiet time/nap time in the middle of the day – whether they sleep or play.  This gives me the mental break and quiet moment I need to get through the rest of the day. I treat myself to a cup of tea and either a book, my favorite blogs, or catch up on a favorite TV show. The days that I am able to have a quiet moment to read my Bible and pray are definitely my better days, but doing that consistently, especially when kids like to get up at 6am is difficult!   Staying in touch with the rest of the world is important for me as well – the internet is a wonderful thing to a mom with young children!  Being a pianist, music is ingrained in my soul.  If things are getting stressful around here, I know I can put on some music and my mood can change that quickly.  I love that!
List three things that made you laugh today.

Ah, great question!  I laughed when my son came up to me and said, “I love you wotsa-wotsa-wotsa-wotsa!”  (Translation:  I love you lots and lots and lots and lots!)   And my little girl makes me laugh all the time – especially when she grins and says “I did it!” for something she shouldn’t have done.  I have to hide my laugh then!
What have you found to be the most challenging about parenting? The least challenging?

The least challenging?  When the kids are actually asleep.  The most challenging?  When they are awake.  Some days we just have no idea how to handle this or that behavior, and other days we are just amazed at what great kids they are.
Tell us a little about Out of The Valley and how it has continued to grow. When you started out, did you envision it growing as much as it has?

Out of the Valley Ministries is primarily an online ministry – I share articles and Scriptures to encourage ladies who are hurting, help churches and loved ones help those who are sick, as well as list a wealth of resources.  On my blog, I try to list practical self-care tips, include music that encouraged me, and write devotional-type pieces to encourage the hurting mom, and have recently begun to feature stories and testimonies of survivors.  Periodically, I may share my story on the blog or other information that is of the utmost importance in the PPD world.  Yours (Sharing the Journey) and Katherine Stone’s (Postpartum Progress) among others do such a great job at keeping us updated on the news that I feel no need to duplicate the information, but to rather write from a self-care perspective.  That growth has come as I have learned about and gotten to know the many wonderful people advocating for postpartum mood disorders, as well as gotten better at managing my website and finding a niche that fits me as a person.  I love seeing how God has used this ministry to touch women’s lives – and women that I had no idea that it helped until recently.  That blesses my socks off!  It made what I went through worth every second.
And last but not least, if you had the opportunity to share one piece of advice about PMD’s with an expectant mother, (new or experienced), what would you tell them?

Just one?  Gosh, Lauren, you know how to ask the hard questions!  Some days you will need to take it one breath at a time, and others five minutes at a time, but eventually the whole day will be beautiful and full of hope.  You WILL walk out of this valley, and know that God is with you the entire time!

Sharing the Journey with Michael Puline

A couple of weeks ago, we shared the journey with Amber Koter-Puline. Today we’ll get her husband’s point of view. It’s important to include dad in the postpartum experience because his support is invaluable to recovery. I want to thank Michael from the depths of my heart for sharing his story so openly and for supporting Amber so wonderfully during such a difficult experience. I hope this provides invaluable insight for new or expecting fathers who may either find themselves in a similar situation or know someone who is already there.

What makes you tick? Tell us a little bit about who you are!

I enjoy business – specifically the retail real estate business.  I enjoy all aspects of my business.  I spend a good portion of my time dedicated to being successful in my work so that I can provide for my family.  I also enjoy spending time training Gracie jiu jitsu; its something that I have always wanted to get into before but didn’t have the opportunity.  When we moved to Atlanta and I found a place to train and I immediately began.  I am a morning person!  I like to get up very early before others to accomplish things.  I am generally waiting for the gym to open at 4:45am when I arrive.   Sometimes they let us in early.  On nights that I am not at jiu jitsu, I play the guitar and enjoy spending time with my family.

You’ve walked the dark path of Postpartum Depression with your wife. Share with us what it was like to watch the woman you loved seemingly slip away into a dark shell.

It was awful.  I saw a highly motivated and capable person become so helpless and undergo such a radical change.  It is almost as if you no longer know the person.  They are someone else.  It was very difficult for me because I didn’t really believe it was happening.  I thought that it would go away on its own.  But, when Amber came to me and recognized that she was in need of professional help I knew that it was serious.  It was  very difficult to deal with.  I had to change my work schedule and Amber had to even come with me to work some days.  It was almost as if she had regressed mentally to a 4 year old.  She had to be at my side almost 24-7.  You can’t believe it until you experience it.

How did your faith support you through Amber’s recovery?

It helped in many ways.  One of the biggest was seeing the outpouring of help from our church community.  Even people who we did not expect to come through for us came and truly tried to make a difference in our lives and help us with this difficult situation.  As a result of having gone through this, my faith has grown stronger and I can now see why God chose this to happen to my wife.

What has it been like to see your wife take something so painful and turn it into such a point of strength and grace?

It has been really nice. I know she enjoys it. Anytime you go through a challenge and are able to transform it into a positive aspect of others lives I believe it is the ultimate blessing you can receive.  Amber has done this.  She has put her heart and soul into a blog, website, communicating with others, and constantly trying to reach out and help others. It is very commendable. I love her for it. It feels really good to know that she wants to help others. She took the situation, transformed it, and is giving it back to God by helping others. It’s the only way to live.

Did PPD affect your marriage? If so, how?

Yes, in many ways. It has changed our plans for future children (we had previously wanted a larger family.) We had to change our schedules and had to change the dynamics of our child-rearing than we had previously planned. You see, Amber and I had initially thought about having several children, however when she went through such a severe PPMD it really changed her desire and made her feel as if she could never handle more than one child, as she could barely physically and emotionally handle this one. As she had continued to get better, I believe her opinion continues to change slightly. For the first 3 or 4 months I had to do the lion’s share of the night-time wakings, because she needed to rest. At first I think I resented her for it, but now I think it helped me to build an irreplaceable bond with my son. While it was difficult at the time, I am very much thankful for the opportunity to do that because the benefits clearly outweigh the sacrifice I made. Hey, whats a few hours sleep for a guy who gets up at 4:30am anyways? I think as a result we take specific time in our day to better ourselves- praying together, reading and discussing books together, etc. We truly want each other to grow and develop everyday as individuals and parents. We are much more committed to each other. Not just to having our marriage be ok or something we endure, but to flourish. It also changed how we now interact. We have a different relationship. It’s much stronger.
Fathers need to remember not to lose themselves in the process of parenting. What is it that you do to just hang out and be a “guy”?

Jiu Jitsu.  I train.  For me, jiu jitsu offers me the opportunity to escape.  Going to the gym is similar, but jiu jitsu provides me the one on one competition that drives me to do better every day.  I think one of the reasons I like it so much is that I wrestled as a child.  I always enjoyed wrestling and jiu jitsu is similar, but you wear a gi instead and the object is to submit an opponent vs. pin them.  Outside of that, I really like to watch football.  College, NFL, it doesn’t matter!  My wife will watch “our teams,” but can’t understand at all why I would watch other games.  For me, this is how I relax…sitting on the couch or in my chair, with a cold beer Sweetwater 420 (shameless local beer plug!) in my hand.  That’s my release.

3 things that made me laugh…

Telling others a story about how a rock hit my windshield.
My son saying “mango” as one of his first words.
Remembering when my wife saw a coyote walking down the middle of our street when she had PPD.  I asked her if it was real.  She replied, “I am crazy, but not THAT crazy!”  The next day we got a notice about a neighborhood coyote spotting.  :)

What do you find the most and least challenging about fatherhood?

Having patience with my son has been challenging.  I sell things…I am a salesman.  I have absolutely NO patience for anything and I don’t care to.  For me, patience was not important at all.  But now, with my son, I start to realize that there are times where it is needed.  I think that because my love for him is so strong I am able to be more patient and give him the attention that he needs.

I think just having fun with my son comes easily and naturally to me.  Ball, guitar, piano, wrestling, etc.  If there is one thing that I know how to do, it’s how to have fun!  I have spent my whole life enjoying every moment.  Get the fullest out of life.  I want to look back and say I wouldn’t have done anything differently.  It’s the only way to live.

Amber’s PPD Support means…

Alot to me because it means a lot to her.  I think it is important to her.  It helps her grow as a person and move past this terrible part of her life that occurred.

Advice…

This is REAL.  It can happen to anyone.  Don’t feel badly.  Don’t try to hide it.  Don’t ignore it.  Seek professional help right away.  Be more proactive in finding out how your spouse is feeling postpartum.  Ask her- Are you feeling overwhelmed?  Are you feeling depressed?  Can we go for a walk and talk?  Observe her.  Is she getting enough rest?  She is human, too.  She needs more than 2 hours of sleep a day.  Is she getting it?  You are much better off taking the necessary time off in the beginning to try to avoid a PPMD getting worse than to let it evolve untreated.  It will get worse before better.  In closing you’ll note that in the beginning it may be harder to detect, but easier to cure.  While left untreated, it will become VERY apparent and much more difficult to cure.  My suggestion is to be proactive.  It really can happen to your family.

Two Hours to finish a Smoothie?

My attempt at hiding Alli’s medicine in a smoothie failed miserably.

It took nearly two hours for her to finish the thing and if I had recorded the sounds she was making the entire time, you’d expect me to be announcing the birth of a child after it was all over. Seriously!

What the heck is going on here??? Why won’t my kid take her medicine? Chris says it’s because she’s got his discerning palate which means she’ll be a chef someday. I don’t care about someday, I told him. All I care about is that she take her medicine now so she can go back to school.

I just got off the phone with a very unfortunate nurse at my pediatrician’s office who’s first suggestion was to hid the medicine in some yogurt or pudding. Were you NOT listening to what I just told you about the friggin smoothie???  The medicine was hidden in blended layers of frozen blueberries, yogurt, banana, and blueberry juice. AND SHE KNEW IT WAS THERE!!!! Then the nurse brilliantly told me to hide it in some Sunny D. Listen here sweetheart, my kid’s got strep. I’m not giving her something as acidic as Sunny D. Correct me if I’m wrong but I believe that’d be a bit like rubbing salt in an open wound. And then Brilliant Nurse Idiot suggested I not let Alli see me put the medicine in whatever I’m hiding it in. Really? Oh My God. Thank YOU for that brilliant tip. I HADN’T THOUGHT OF THAT ONE!!!! The pediatrician is supposed to call me back. I think I got a bit too belligerent on the phone but I’m at my wit’s end, can ya blame me?

I want to go curl up in our bed and go to sleep.  I think I will right after the ped calls me back.

Anyone have a tracking number for that Cuervo?