(Today’s topic based on today’s post, “Just a Pothole” by Amber Koter-Puline at Beyond Postpartum. Thanks, Amber!)
Hey y’all! This will be a short yet important post. I’m in the car on my way to the circus in Atlanta with the family. I planned to blog last night but fell asleep on the couch after watching Grey’s. Woke up long enough to crawl into bed. So here I am. Blogging from my phone at 70mph. Don’t worry. I’m not driving.
Some of you may have older children in the home when Postpartum strikes. They already have a lot to deal with when a baby joins the family. Their role in the family may change from only child to oldest child from youngest to middle child and so on. Issues of jealousy may enter the picture as a result.
Then Postpartum strikes.
Older children may react in one of two primary ways:
- Self-blame for parental depression
- Projected blame onto their new sibling for the cause of parental depression
The most important thing kids need to hear is that a parent’s depression is NOT their fault.
I know that’s hard to do when you’re in the midst of hell. We did not talk with our oldest before my Postpartum experience with our second. I had Postpartum with our oldest as well.
We did talk to our daughters about what might happen with Mommy after she had their brother though. We drove home that it was not anyone’s fault…. not theirs, not their brother’s, not daddy’s, not mommy’s. Then, as a family, we brainstormed ways they could help Mommy if she got sad or angry after baby arrived. My oldest planned to tickle Postpartum Depression into oblivion.
Thankfully I did not have Postpartum after the birth of our son. But our daughters knew how to help mommy and would even ask how I was feeling. I think they were looking for an excuse to tickle me!!!
Bottom line: Talk to your kids. Use language appropriate for their age. Answer their questions in an age appropriate manner. Reinforce that Postpartum is not anyone’s fault. Reassure them that Mommy or Daddy will get well. Recruit family members to take older siblings out to do activities and keep their schedule as normal as possible.
Depression affects the entire family but with careful planning your family can come through with flying colors.