Category Archives: public awareness

Media Sensationalism, AOL, and Postpartum Mood Disorders

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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Oh, hey.

You’re here. Excellent.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.

Why am I counting? You’ll find out in a bit. For now, just go with it.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.

In the United States, from October 2008 through October 2009, 4,148,000 live babies were born.

The statistical rate of Postpartum Mood Disorder is up to 20% of all new mothers. And by new, I mean just gave birth, not first time mom. Postpartum Mood Disorder is one of those fabulous non-discriminating kinda things which will walk up to anyone and cold cock them for no reason at all. Regardless of how well prepared said person may be. It’s kinda like getting mugged. Repeatedly.

This means that from October 2008 – October 2009, approximately 829,600 new mothers more than likely struggled with a Postpartum Mood Disorder at some level. This means 2 out of every 10 moms struggled with a Postpartum Mood Disorder (hence, the counting).

There is no data which tells us how many of those 829,600 mothers sought help.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.

I have been in the trenches with Postpartum Mood Disorders since 2004. You see, I had a very horrible episode of Postpartum OCD after the birth of my first daughter. After her birth, vicious thoughts swirled about in my head. Visions too. Instead of enjoying my brand new baby’s time here, I was swallowed whole with anxiety, shoved into fight mode to protect her from myself, and left thinking the whole world was out to get me because they knew how much I sucked at this whole motherhood thing.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.

For the record? I did the right thing. I called my doctor and made an appointment. I had to take my daughter with me because my husband was unable to get off work. So off we went, into the wild blue yonder where this thing called Help lived. We arrived, waltzed through the front door and signed my name with a flourish because dammit, we were there to do the right thing.

Only my doctor was not there to do the right thing.

He was there to judge me. To inform me that all my hormones had slid magically back into their little slots at 4 weeks postpartum and there was nothing wrong with me.

Whaaaa????

Wait a second.

I JUST handed you a scale. On which I answered YES to having thoughts of harming myself AND my child. And YOU, a trained medical professional, are dismissing this? Did I miss something here? I am no professional but.. uh… um…. really?

THEN… oh then… the icing:

“How important is breastfeeding to you?” he asked, quite seriously as he peered at me from behind his large and imposing wooden desk as my daughter screamed her head off to be nursed beside me.

I should have gotten her out of her car seat and started to nurse right then and there. But I didn’t. Shock slacked my jaw and curled my mouth into a grin. This “professional” clearly did not have the capacity to help me. I smiled my way right out of the appointment and drove home with tears sliding down my face. You see, the Internet had told me just what to do – to go seek help. To make an appointment with my doctor. The Internet had said nothing about what to do when you are shot down by your doctor.

So there I was……driving baby, me, and my shattered heart all the way home. Alone. Isolated. Abandoned. Scared as hell.

Never before in my life had I experienced a hell quite like the one in which I now found myself mired. Never before had I, a perfectly normal person prior to giving birth to my daughter, given any thought to harming another person. NEVER. And the day on which I discovered my pregnancy? There was no way I would have ever thought that less than three months after giving birth I would want to go back in time so I would never get pregnant. I wanted to run, hide, make this new me go away.

In what state did all of this take place?

South.Frigging.Carolina.

Just a couple of hours away from Orangeburg and less than 45 minutes away from where Susan Smith, well, you know.

Let me tell you a bit about rural South Carolina.

There is nothing in rural South Carolina. Small towns there are devoid of much of anything. Residents in these towns are intent on keeping outsiders out and insiders in. We barely made any friends while there. The town in which we lived seemed to have some sort of an addiction problem as most wandered around mindlessly. The poverty level? Wow. We were on the high end of the scale for living because we: Rented a HOUSE instead of a trailer and owned TWO cars instead of one or none at all. The house we rented was tiny. But that didn’t matter. We were considered to be upper class in the town despite the fact that we were just squeaking by on my husband’s salary as a restaurant manager.

In this town, there lived a family everyone knew to avoid. They didn’t have running water so they never bathed which made them reek to high heaven. If you were fortunate enough to be at the local Wal-mart or Bi-Lo when they were, you learned to walk to the other side of the store if you saw them coming.

High School graduates were also hard to come by as well. Many young people had to go to work early to help support the family. They worked at whatever they could find – sometimes driving long distances for good jobs. Even then it was hard to get good work because the jobs in the city were very picky if you lived too far away. Understandable concern but it really does put a crimp on improving your life when you are living in the middle of nowhere and cannot afford a move into the city until you get a better job which of course, you can’t get because you live too far away. It is a very vicious cycle.

Oh, and the Klan had a central PUBLIC meeting location.

And yes, you read that right.

Bottom line here – South Carolina has problems. A lot of problems. Many states do but never before in my life had I witnessed a perfect storm – poverty, ignorance, and a lack of support for its residents.

Since I have left, there has been the development of a Postpartum Coalition there. I’ve been asked to speak at their annual conference in October 2011. I am really looking forward to coming full circle with my experience and helping to educate providers and citizens alike in a state which so desperately needs raised awareness of Postpartum Mood Disorders.

Why did I just walk you through all of that history?

Earlier this week, a mother in South Carolina was arrested for the deaths of her two toddler sons. According to news articles, she was unemployed, frustrated, and had some heated words with her mother the night before the incident. This mother has since confessed to her actions and is now in jail facing court and charges.

For some reason, various members of the media have dragged the idea of this mother having Postpartum Depression into the Speculation surrounding her case. Now, Dr. Arlene Huysman, author of The Postpartum Effect, an excellent book which examines why mothers kill, postulates that Susan Smith and others may struggle with something called Progressive Postpartum Depression.

Here’s how she describes it on page 43 (empasis mine):

“The mother with progressive postpartum depression (PPPD), however, does NOT recover without treatment. She merely experiences a hiatus until her next episode. Subsequent episodes are very often triggered by rejections, separations, and losses, and recur throughout the woman’s life. Usually the next episode is worse than the last. If this pattern goes unchecked, the mother will spiral into a cycle of illness that can destroy her life and her family.

When a mother is in the grip of this disease in its most serious form, she passes beyond reason. In the place of the capable woman is one full of dread, rage, and confusion. She feels unloved and unlovable and loses her ability to distinguish right from wrong. She may hear voices in her head and be listening to them rather than the voices of her family. This is not a symptom of schizophrenia, but rather a reflection of her own obsessive thinking. Death may become a preoccupation. She is in the throes of what feels like an unending despair.”

Yesterday, (Please do not click on the following link if you are still struggling as it may be triggering.) AOL News contributor, David Lohr, published an article about this South Carolina mother at AOL News. In the original version, he included a quote from criminal profiler Pat Brown. Ms. Brown, based out of Washington DC, has been featured in many outlets including CNN, Court TV, and various other sources. Makes perfect sense to get a quote from a criminal profiler for a case involving well, crime.

But David Lohr and AOL news made an egregious error in their publication of the quote by Ms. Brown. AOL news has since removed the quote from the story and appended the story with an editor’s note to this effect. Ms. Brown has gone on the defensive in regards to a very public and viral outburst by many of the women I am proud to blog and tweet with on a daily basis.

The offensive quote:

“Most women who suffer depression after their children are born are suffering from post-how-did-I-get-stuck-with-this-kid, this body, this life? They may be depressed, but it is their situation and their psychopathic personality that brings them to kill their children, and not some chemical malfunction.”

If most women were truly suffering from “post-how-did-I-get-stuck-with-this-kid, this body, this life” then all we would need is a personal trainer or plastic surgeon, a nanny, and a million dollars to effectively change our stars. Oh wait – speaking of stars, don’t celebs have this too? Bryce Dallas Howard had it. Miranda Kerr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Brooke Shields, Marie Osmond, and many others. Granted, they did not kill their children but they still struggled (even severely) with Postpartum Mood Disorders. And they had access to all the help in the world.

Postpartum Mood Disorders do not just strike poor down on their luck moms.

Postpartum Mood Disorders are NOT the only possible explanation for filicide.

Postpartum Mood Disorders may not be definitively caused by a hormonal or “chemical malfunction” but study after study shows there are differing rates of various hormones of women struggling with PMD’s. Researchers have not yet defined what this means yet but I suspect that with sustained research we will get closer to answers each and every day.

The ignorance of Ms. Pat Brown in making such a sweeping statement in regards to an entire population of struggling moms is highly irresponsible. With her reach and popularity as a commentator for several national shows including the Today Show, the CBS Early Show, Larry King, Inside Edition, Nancy Grace, Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell, Joy Behar, and America’s Most Wanted as well as featured on the Court TV show I, Detective, it frightens me to hear her make such a grandiose and untrue statement. The possibility that a hurting mother somewhere may have read her statement and then dismissed her own issues scares the hell out of me.

We, mothers who have struggled with Postpartum Mood Disorders, have issue enough with gathering strength to make that first call for help. We become convinced we are bad mothers. That we have failed and will never get better. We talk ourselves down even further the rabbit hole into which we tripped after we gave birth to children we love more than life itself.

Moms with Postpartum Depression are NOT:

Bad Mothers

Mourning the loss of our previous supermodel body

Tragically sad because now we have a little person stuck with us

Moms with Postpartum Depression ARE:

Madly in love with their children

Good moms who want to heal

Desperate to find reliable help

I can’t even begin to fathom the damage this statement has made. I have had more mothers tell me they are a bad mom because they are sad. It’s not supposed to be like this. I’m supposed to be happy. I don’t love my son, daughter, husband, etc. What is wrong with me? The confusion, angst, sorrow, frustration, guilt, all adds to their journey with a Postpartum Mood Disorder. Then if they are unable to find the help they need (like me), they are left to their own devices for recovery. Unfortunately, some of us never find the right help and are not surrounded by empowering people who can lift them up and guide them toward recovery.

If you are struggling with a Postpartum Mood Disorder or hurting, sad, upset, and thinking of harming yourself or others, PLEASE reach out for help. If it’s after the birth of a child, you can call Postpartum Support International at 1-800-944-4PPD. Volunteers check the messages on a daily basis (I’m one of them and these ladies are DEDICATED. We will get you in touch with someone in your area who can help you). If you need urgent help, please go to the nearest ER. If you’re feeling suicidal, you can call 1-800-273-TALK anytime of the day, even at 2am on a Sunday.

I remember that sense of isolation. The need to reach out and talk with someone who has been there and done that was overpowering. The desperation I felt in my incapacity to locate professional help. I tried for four days before I broke down to call my doctor. I hung up as soon as the automation came on the line. Have you ever tried to admit to someone that things are NOT okay when you are supposed to be at your happiest, especially according to Johnson & Johnson? It is one of the hardest things in the world to do. Hands down.

Fittingly, Jennifer Lopez’s Let’s Get Loud just came on Pandora as I’m wrapping this up.

I thank everyone out there who got LOUD yesterday to let AOL, Pat Brown, and David Lohr know how wrong they were.

AOL, you need to apologize. The quote should never have been published to begin with.

Pat? I challenge you to read Dr. Huysman’s book, The Postpartum Effect if you have not already. It’s available at Amazon. Hell, I might just mail you a copy. Anyone else want to flood her office with copies? It’s about $15 or so. If that wouldn’t get her attention…..

And David Lohr, the next time you need a quote about something related to Postpartum Depression? Try Postpartum Support International. I believe they know a thing or two about Postpartum Mood Disorders.

Whatever Wednesday: Climbing on my Soapbox for @Daddyfiles

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I know it’s Wednesday. And I know I usually do a fluff post. But today I’m pissed. It’s been a tough day. One thing after another seems to be headed in the wrong direction. So I went for a drive in the sunshine, AC up high, music on blast (until I drove out into the boonies and lost cell signal which meant no more Pandora until I rediscovered civilization.) I returned home refreshed and in need of chocolate. Then hubs took the girls out, Cameron is still in bed, so I’m sitting here on my laptop, tweeting, reading, watching videos, just hanging out.

Stop reading here if you are fragile. Go watch an awesome Natasha Bedingfield video instead!

Remember a few days ago when I gave an award to Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles on Twitter)?

Well, this past Monday he and his wife went to a clinic.

You see, their baby, at 15 weeks along, was diagnosed with Sirenomelia or Mermaid’s Syndrome. There’s a 1 in 100,000 occurrence of this particular syndrome.  Their baby’s case was terminal and they faced a decision, one NO parent should ever have to face. Aaron & MJ moved forward with a decision to terminate the pregnancy, their hearts breaking and mourning this very loved little life ending much too early.

As they drove up to the clinic, protesters with signs welcomed them. People who screamed horrible things at them. People convinced they were making a difference in this world.

All they achieved was to make this world an uglier, darker place for two very hurting people in the midst of their own private hell.

Why?

Because they judge every single person walking through the doors of that clinic the SAME EXACT WAY.

We can’t do that. We just cannot do that at all.

Everybody is different. We are all wired differently, we have different circumstances, levels of support, education, understanding, choices, etc. Not everyone who walks through the front door of a clinic at which they perform abortions is someone unprepared to take responsibility for the life which they have created with another human being. And even if they are – abortion is a tough thing to handle emotionally, regardless of the reason behind the procedure. Studies show women who have had an abortion are already at a higher risk for depression than women who have not. Let’s compound that with a mother facing the stillbirth of a wanted and LOVED child who is dying inside of her and add another layer of the trauma of protesters screaming at her as her heart breaks into a thousand pieces while she walks through those doors, shall we? It’s enough to make ME want to have words with the protesters.

Want to know the best way to change people’s minds and hearts?

It’s a huge secret.

I don’t know if I should tell you.

One which Jesus himself exemplified for us so many years ago.

LOVE.

Really – when Jesus was hanging out with the immoral sinners – the thieves, the bandits, the dregs of society – do you think he made up protest signs and stood outside the local bar? Nope. He just walked in and loved on them. Didn’t judge them, just plopped down next to them and started to listen to them talk. Occasionally, He talked back. But mostly He listened.

Try it some time.

The results might just shock you.

But as for Aaron and his wife, he went outside and talked to the protesters after she was called back into surgery. (link to his blog post about the experience. He includes video of the confrontation.)

He handled himself very well.

As for the protesters – beyond “I’m sorry, we didn’t know,” they did not have much of a leg to stand on despite their repeated attempts to find one.

You go, Aaron. Well said, well said indeed.

Thank you, GMA & Dr. Louann Brizendine for honestly discussing Postpartum Depression & Psychosis

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Earlier today, I watched a video of the disappearance of seven-year old Kyron Horman. It’s a sad story. Please don’t visit the link if you’re fragile and sensitive to tragic news.

The current speculation is that the step-mom struggled with Postpartum Depression or Psychosis and may be responsible for Kyron’s disappearance. Usually I get frustrated when I hear this because more often than not, the misinformation quickly follows. Psychosis symptoms get swamped in with those of Postpartum Depression and vice versa. The line is blurred and women with Postpartum Depression are automatically compared to Andrea Yates and other sensationalized cases of Psychosis. It gets me so angry.

GMA’s story involved the interview of a specialist, Dr. LouAnne Brizendine, author of The Female Brain. She blew me away. (Interview Link. Please don’t click if fragile!)

Not only did the GMA correspondent ask a lot of the right questions but Dr. LouAnne Brizendine clarified perfectly the differences between Postpartum Depression and Psychosis. The GMA correspondent followed up by asking if the Step-mom would even be suffering from Psychosis still as her baby is 19 months old now. Someone did their homework.

So thank you, GMA.

Thank you, Dr. LouAnne Brizendine.

THANK YOU for honestly discussing Postpartum Depression and Psychosis. Thank you for not lumping them together, for not sensationalizing them but for clarifying the differences, for calmly and rationally discussing this latest speculation.

My only caveat with this story is that the speculation has evolved to this point because of the Mom experiencing Postpartum Depression. And that is certainly not GMA nor Dr. Brizendine’s responsibility.

Granted, PPD and especially Psychosis take time from which to heal but just because a Mom has suffered does not mean they are prone to go off the handle at any second. I sincerely hope Kyron is found. I hope his stepmother had nothing to do with his disappearance. Please don’t judge her because she has this history – she did not choose this. It chose her. And we have no idea how it was treated, how her family supported her, etc. Frankly, at this point, I’m sure she’s not doing well with this added stress and attention. My prayers go out to the Horman family as they pray and wait for Kyron’s return.

Humbled: Seems I inspired a PSI Fundraiser in TX

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Back in August, there was an email to a Postpartum Mental Illness group of which I am a member. This email stood out. It was from a Dad. He sounded desperate. His daughter was struggling with Postpartum Depression. His words echoed with concern and worry.

Despite that I was at Wal-Mart, on my cell phone, and had screaming kids in the backseat, something told me to respond right then and there. My husband was with me and I asked him to drive so I could respond. By now, he was very used to this scenario.

In responding to this Dad, I identified myself as a Postpartum Support International Coordinator and offered to email off group with him. We began to email privately within 24 hours. He opened up completely to me and I referred him to Coordinators in TX but let him know I would remain available for any questions he had as the situation proceeded.We continued to email back and forth for a few months. At one point, I had not heard from him in a few weeks and he popped into my head so I emailed him to see how things were going. This is the way things went between us.

This father was James Stanley.

Turns out he’s on the Diversity Council for Luminant Technologies, a subsidiary of one of the largest Energy Companies in Texas.

So moved by my compassion, James approached Luminant Technologies about a fundraiser for PSI.

It’s in August.

I have been oh so humbled by all of this. I did nothing beyond what I do every day and what I wished someone had done for me. James told me this fundraiser is the least he could do. It’s SO much more though. So very much more.

Each day, I arise with thankfulness in my heart for having made it so far. I wake with a simple goal – to help just one mom or family understand or get help with a Postpartum Mood Disorder. Since I’ve started reaching out, I have never failed. This is a daily goal I never intend to lose.

You can read his story at Postpartum Progress.

I’ll be in Texas for the golf tournament.

The best part? I get to meet James and his wife. And THANK him for his very compassionate heart.

According to the post at Postpartum Progress, here’s how you can help sponsor this event:

Luminant’s Sandow/Three Oaks Diversity Advisory Council 2nd Annual Charity Golf Tournament will be held Saturday, August 7th at the Golf Club Star Ranch in Hutto, TX (near Austin).  The entry fee is $75 per player and $300 per team if you register by July 27th.  The entry fee includes lunch, golf cart, range balls and drink coupons.  Mulligans can also be purchased.  Prizes will be awarded to top finishers, and random drawings will be made for additional winners.  To learn more or to register, click here.  You can also contact Debi Mikulencak at 512-446-8992.

To help Luminant support PSI, your company can help sponsor this event.  There is a wide variety of sponsorship options.  To learn more, click here.

Also, we welcome assistance from PSI supporters who would like to donate a gift certificate or gift card from a national chain for use as auction items or prizes at the golf tournament.

James – Thank YOU, sir, for your dedication and compassionate heart. You have humbled me.

And thank you, God, for putting the two of us together. You have truly blessed this in every way possible.

Postpartum Voice of the Week: The Outdoor Wife speaks up about Postpartum Depression

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There has been some recent chatter between bloggers about Postpartum Depression. The focus? Whether or not some Mommy bloggers really do have a Postpartum Mood Disorder or if they were clambering onto the newest “trendy” wagon. (This should explain my post, “Are PMD’s the new Jimmy Chu’s?”) A few other bloggers have also chimed in on this topic. Of all the responses I read, the one by The Outdoor Wife struck a chord with me, which is why I have chosen her as this week’s Postpartum Voice.

The Outdoor Wife does not usually blog about Postpartum Depression. In fact, when she was struggling, she barely told anyone about the battle she fought. Her response is absolutely amazing and worth the read. Not only does she describe her experience but she includes tips on what you can do to help someone going through Postpartum Depression. Thank you, for chiming in on such an important subject!

Here’s a snippet of her post. You can continue reading by going here.

Now, I’ll offer what I know to be true in my own personal experience:

One of, if not the most overwhelming, feeling that comes with PPD is guilt. It’s perpetuated by the lack of sleep, irritability, loss of interest in favorite activities, detachment from the child, feelings of hopelessness and just general sadness. In my own experience, I wasn’t over-the-moon happy when Rowan was first born. In my mind, I believed I should have been… so the guilt crept in. Before I knew it, it had me completely incapacitated with irrational feelings of worthlessness. This led to suicidal thoughts and I danced a razor-thin edge of acting on those thoughts.

The key (in my experience) to understanding PPD as opposed to dissatisfaction with motherhood, or even just the baby blues, is the word “irrational.” I knew that something much more serious was happening when I was having irrational thoughts of killing myself, believing that my son and husband would be better off without me around. Now, as a person who has never struggled with depression or mental health issues of any kind, this was indeed an irrational thought process for someone like me… leading to an accurate diagnosis of postpartum depression.

Another thing that’s crucial to understand about postpartum depression is that for many women, it feels like we’re being attacked at random moments. It is not abnormal for a woman suffering from PPD to tell you what a great afternoon she had with her child, then literally 10 minutes later, be crying uncontrollably in a heaping mess on the floor, wracked with guilt, sadness, or even uncontrollable rage. PPD for many is not a 24/7 feeling. So, to translate this into the blogging world, that means that when one post is a glowing picture of their child and how much they love them and the next is how they have feelings of inflicting harm on aforementioned child, THAT is PPD, my friends. It’s not trying to cover it up. It’s not pretending that everything’s okay. Sometimes, there are okay moments! But the not-okay moments are crippling at best. And its in those hard, broken moments that the small victories are passed off as insignificant. Are you beginning to see the battle that’s being fought here? There is no rhyme or reason to postpartum depression, it seems. It strikes at will and sometimes, it’s all we can do to keep standing when it does.

The next thing I want to talk about is coping and healing. This is where everyone has an opinion and everyone is always happy to give it freely. Every woman copes with postpartum depression differently. For me, I played my cards pretty close to the chest. I can count on almost one hand how many people knew about my struggle. We didn’t even tell our immediate family! It’s not because I was ashamed, or that we didn’t trust them with the knowledge, but simply because it’s what I needed, personally. I knew that I needed a small community of people around me, who could come be WITH me in the flesh. I knew that answering questions about my depression on the phone every time I talked to my family would be too much. I knew that writing about it for the world to see was not something that would benefit me or my healing process. My goal was to separate myself from the depression, to see it as “other” or outside of myself. Something that I could look at objectively in the good moments and put plans into place for the bad moments. If I was asked about it every five minutes, I wouldn’t have been able to do that.