Category Archives: postpartum depression

Changing the World – Want in?

In the four years I’ve been doing this work, there’s one word I’ve heard uttered in response to the question “Why aren’t you in therapy/seeing a doctor/getting help?”

MONEY.

These moms, these mothers stranded in the darkness, so lost that many of them are sure suicide is the only way out, are stopped from getting help because they can’t AFFORD IT. They’re just above the line for assistance. Or their assistance ran out because they’re past 8weeks postpartum (which, by the way, is when most Medicaid for pregnant mothers runs out and ALSO when Postpartum manifests) Or the state they live in (I’m looking at YOU, South Carolina) classifies Postpartum Depression as an EXCLUSIONARY condition within the Department of Mental Health, cutting them off from assistance for therapy and other treatment options after Medicaid runs out.

MONEY, people.

It’s killing our mothers. Impairing their ability to recover. To function. To fully parent their children. To fully be themselves. It’s leaving them desperate and out in the cold without a warm hand to hold. It’s hurting our children’s chances at a successful life. Did you know that when you treat a postpartum mother successfully, her CHILDREN have a better chance at growing up and not developing issues with mental health? Weissman et al in 2006 treated 151 depressed mother/child pairs. Of the mothers treated, 33% of the children improved their behavior. Only 12% did not. This is not just a mom issue. This is a SOCIETAL issue. True mental health care starts with Moms. And we, as a society, are ignoring them.

It needs to stop.

In Karen Kleiman’s book, Therapy & The Postpartum Woman, there’s a bold yet tragic statement made not too far into the book in regards to finances and therapy: “There is no easy solution for this barrier to treatment.”

As women, we explain away why we can’t afford to spend money on our own wellness. We can’t afford to miss work. We have bills to pay. Our kids need this or that. The family needs this. I have to ask my husband first. The house.. the car… the …. this… that… STOP. Just stop.

YOU ARE WORTH IT.

And if you truly can’t afford the care, if you don’t have insurance, if the therapist doesn’t take insurance and the sliding scale doesn’t work with your realistic budget, if the therapist doesn’t have a sliding scale – I have a solution. But I am going to need a hell of a lot of help to make it become a reality. Postpartum women deserve a voice. They deserve to have it heard by a trained and knowledgeable professional so they can recover and live life with their children, their loved ones, and themselves to the fullest.

Will you help me?

I have a dream.

A non-profit which helps women pay therapy bills. Helps to alleviate medication costs. Possibly childcare so they CAN go to their appointments. For therapists and professionals to participate in this network, they would be required to maintain certification in regards to Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders. Guaranteed knowledgeable professionals and financial assistance? We can do this.

This is  idea has been marinating for quite some time now. Not too long ago, I had a discussion with a dear friend of mine. She can’t go to therapy because of the cost. Because it costs to see the doctor. It costs to see the therapist. It costs for the case manager. She can’t afford it. Won’t go on meds because she can’t afford the return visit and would have to go off cold-turkey after just one month until she could afford to go again. She’s applied for assistance but someone is dragging their feet. She’s not postpartum but she’s stuck in limbo and struggling like hell just to stay afloat. It’s not right.

I can’t keep this idea to myself any longer. It’s time to set it free. To make it a reality.

Beyond the above idea, I don’t have a plan. I don’t know where to start. I need help. I need people knowledgeable about setting up non-profits. I need people knowledgeable about medical billing and how we would even begin to provide assistance. Fund-raising. Research. The whole nine yards. I need volunteers. I need professionals familiar with mental health willing to serve on an advisory board. On a board. If you can’t help directly, share this post with someone who might be able to help. Or with someone who knows someone – make this viral. Postpartum women deserve to not have to add “worried about cost” to their concerns.

I can’t do this alone. But together we can drastically change the landscape of hope for women with Postpartum Depression. We can make recovery a reality for so many.

Are you in?

Let’s talk.

Let’s do this.

Postpartum Depression & Faith: There will be a day

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le-TG4sRRiQ]

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting…

(lyrics sourced here)

For more than a few months now, I’ve comforted several women struggling with Postpartum Depression who have also found themselves struggling with fitting their experience into the constraints of their Christian faith. Over the past few years, stories shared with me have ranged from uplifting and powerful to heartbreaking when the church has literally turned their back on a woman as she struggles with the very real condition of a Postpartum Mood Disorder. These experiences have led me to write this post today for World Mental Health Day. Please start the video above as you read…it adds a powerful aspect to the post.

Pray Harder

Depressed? Christian? PRAY HARDER. Fall to your knees. Lie prostrate on the ground. Weep. Wail. Gnash your teeth. Live for Him and nothing else. Beg for mercy. Pray. Read your Bible. Lean on Him. He’ll save you. You’re not leaning hard enough on God. There’s nothing wrong with you beyond a distorted and failed relationship with God. Don’t believe in a psychiatric diagnosis. It’s malarky. Your faith isn’t strong enough and that’s why you’re struggling.

If I had a dollar for every woman who has ever shared any of the above anecdotes with me? I’d be rich. Okay, well, maybe not rich but I’d be able to afford Starbucks for quite awhile. Yes, falling away from God may cause issues in your life but a psychiatric disorder after childbirth is NOT one of those. Hell, a mental health issue period is not one of them. There is no shame in a diagnosis. Not to shame them for taking medicine. Not to shame them for admitting to struggle.

Jesus walked the Earth to love those who were lost. As Christians, we are to follow in His example. To love people WHERE THEY ARE. Not to judge them. Not to guilt them into shame. Not to further add to their already overburdened lives. But to Love. To relieve their burden. To help. To accept. To LOVE.

The Bible is filled with people who struggled with depression for a number of reasons…. Cain, Abraham, Jonah, Job, King Saul, Jeremiah, David, Paul… and God still loved them. He guided them out of their darkness and into their light. Now granted, they didn’t have Xanax or Prozac back then, but God still loved them WHERE THEY WERE. They were provided for during their recovery.

I don’t view my episodes of Postpartum OCD as punishment. Instead, it is a point in my life during which I learned a lot about the depth of my strength and about the grace of God. I learned to lean harder on Him, not because I had sinned, but because He was there. I learned how to pray, not because I had forgotten, but because He was there. I learned how to live for Him, not because I had failed, but because through living for Him, I found solace and hope. In Him, I found hope, solace, and love.

God creates us in His image and knows what our life holds well before we do. He loves us even when we don’t love Him back. He knows where and if our path returns to Him even if we do not. When I first struggled with Postpartum OCD, my path was far away from God. But through my experience, I found my way back to Him. I crawled up into His lap much as an exhausted child does at the end of the day with a parent. I rested my weary body and soul in Him so that I might heal. He did not judge me. He accepted me. Did not question my past. Forgave it. Loved me just as he did before.

I hope against hope that one day, within the faith community as a whole, there WILL be a day when all will be accepted equally. When those of us with mental health struggles will not be told we can solve it with simply praying harder. That we will not be told medications are evil. That there will be a day when, instead, we will be loved, accepted, cherished, and given a place we can rest as we heal.

There will be a day.

But to get to that day?

We must not let our voices be silenced. We must speak up. We must share. We must tear down the stigma of mental illness within the Church. Within the walls of our faith. We must refuse to accept the judgment of those in the Church against us. We must rise up and love them even when they do not love us. It won’t be easy. It won’t make our journey less difficult. But one day, for someone, somewhere, it will lighten their load. It will make a difference in the life of someone else. And one day? It might make a difference in yours too.

There WILL be a day… “with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears.”

(If you are a woman of faith struggling with a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder, please visit Out of the Valley Ministries. I would also highly recommend picking up a copy of The Lifter of My Head: How God Sustained me through Postpartum Depression by Sue McRoberts.)

I blog for World Mental Health Day

Giving up BACON for Mothers & Babies

Bacon Sacrifice Campaign for Postpartum Progress

To donate via credit card:

DonateNow

To donate via paypal, click on over to Postpartum Progress.

A simple wish for @yaelsaar

Every so often, you meet someone. Not necessarily in person in this day and age, but still. You meet them. You get to know them. They’re full of passion, fun, love, compassion, drive, intelligence, wit, and everything else which makes other people awesome. Pretty soon they’re a part of your life. How or why you met fades into the background. Their presence is something for which you are grateful on a daily basis. If you’re lucky, you also get to see this person make a lasting difference in the lives of others because they’re also not afraid to dive into the deep end when others are struggling regardless of what’s going on with them in their own personal lives. Yet, even though they do this, they also keep themselves in the forefront, somehow miraculously balancing self-care with care for others.

A person like this is someone you NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED.

I met someone exactly like this about a year ago, I think. (Remember, I said how or why you met fades into the background? That applies here.)

Her name is Yael. And she is quite possibly one of the most amazing and beautiful souls I have ever had the pleasure to meet. We’ve not met in person but I know one day we will and it will be awesome.

You see, Yael has this heart. This heart which carries her through every day and never quits. This heart which truly loves everyone in her life more than she could ever possibly tell you. And she lets her love spill out of her into you without hesitation. Through her website. Through her calls. Through her tweets. Through HER. Yael is an angel on Earth sent to bless the rest of us with light and love. There really are no words to explain properly the magnitude of her effect on the mothers she helps. On those to whom she reaches out on a daily basis.

Yael, I hope today, your 40th birthday, is filled with as much joy, light, and love as you bring to those of us who are fortunate to call you friend. You deserve nothing less, my dear dear friend.

Healing through sharing

Notable tweets from the 09.05.11 #PPDChat.

Writing your story allows you to reflect on your experience and bring your story into physical existence. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
When you do decide to share, be authentic. Be real. Be unapologetically you. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
Deciding when and how to share is up to you. Don’t let anyone force you into sharing YOUR story. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
Speaking in front of 200+ strangers 3 years after suffering from postpartum psychosis was the most cathartic thing I’ve ever done. #PPDchat
heathercoleman
September 6, 2011
@isalwayssick I find that each time I tell the story, it gets easier. It doesn’t own me, I own it. #PPDchat
heathercoleman
September 6, 2011
@unxpctdblessing – That temptation to toss an infant through a window is more common than many mothers realize… #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
@unxpctdblessing – When I told a friend that I was tempted to throw the baby through a window for a moment too, she cried. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
@unxpctdblessing – and I told her "You’re not alone. A lot of moms feel that way, but you didn’t act on it. THAT’S what matters!" #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
Thoughts and actions are NOT the same. Thoughts are simply thoughts, and nothing more. Thoughts do not make you a bad person. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
I’ve seen mothers burst into tears when they hear they aren’t evil, horrible mothers b/c of how they were feeling. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
That realization comes from hearing someone else say "I felt that way too" #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
@isalwayssick So important for moms to know they are NOT evil for feeling depressed/anxious/etc #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
There’s a level of societal and personal expectation we place on ourselves. When we fail to live up to it, I think #PPD hits hard. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
…knowing that those expectations are pure crap & that other moms struggle too helps so much. Share your story when you can. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
My OCD was very hard to control pp. I am supermom! Did someone forget to tell me she doesn’t really exist. I can’t do it all! #ppdchat
zumbafitmom
September 6, 2011
@DrBeckerSchutte my dh found it reassuring to talk to ppl IRL and find out how prevalent it was #ppdchat
signingcharity
September 6, 2011
@signingcharity Oh, being a partner to someone with depression, especially PPD, is no cakewalk. They need support too! #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
#PPD can happen to anyone! It’s just important to get help and talk it out with someone you can trust. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
@unxpctdblessing @xtina_morrison Agree. Getting help is not an admission that you can’t cope – it’s you being realistic w ur situ #ppdchat
notjustaboutwee
September 6, 2011
@unxpctdblessing Yup. No one really wants to hear the bad, they just want to be polite I wrote a post on my ability to say I’m fine #PPDchat
ToBreatheAgain
September 6, 2011
Because other moms who have been through it can help you fight the shame and self-loathing that wells up. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
The hardest conversation is the one in which we admit we’re not okay to loved ones and friends. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
@unxpctdblessing I think the hardest convo is with yourself. Admitting you’re struggling & in pain & being honest w yourself. #ppdchat
notjustaboutwee
September 6, 2011
Just talking to other mothers has helped #ppdchat
kate_leigh_
September 6, 2011
I kept trying to deny it, after talking with other mothers I knew it was time to pay attention to what was going on #ppdchat
kate_leigh_
September 6, 2011
@isalwayssick "I’m fine" and "I’m okay" are two red-flag codes for me. They’re what we say when we don’t feel safe. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
I share my story at every childbirth class I teach. I want women to know it’s real & it’s okay to ask & get help. #ppdchat
zumbafitmom
September 6, 2011
It’s important to surround yourself with people who care about you and will support you as you heal. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
Sharing our scary stories with others creates community while connecting all of us on the deepest level. #ppdchat
yaelsaar
September 5, 2011
I think so often that oh how I wish I had Twitter when I was #ttc & when I had #ppd! I felt so alone, especially with the latter. #ppdchat
beantownkate
September 5, 2011
I remember how scared I was the first time I talked about my anger in a group. And how much lighter I felt afterwards. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
Naming the fear is a start, but it takes concrete support (therapist, pastor, family, friends) to step in & create healing. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
I’m still guarded about what I say even anonymously. But this time around I think I’ve been more open overall. #PPDchat
mammacockatoo
September 6, 2011
@g8trgirl828 Ill be honest. Im not sure I can "go there" to write worst w/o being in therapy AND having real life support system. #ppdchat
callamery
September 5, 2011
I think that sharing is a huge piece of healing-a support group was what pulled me through the darkest time. #PPDChat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 5, 2011
Esp. since another round of friends seems to be having babies & I want them to know they don’t have to hide if something is "off" #PPDchat
mammacockatoo
September 6, 2011
I guess 1 fear is always not knowing who to trust with our sharing. If we don’t trust ourselves, how do we know who else to trust? #PPDchat
mammacockatoo
September 6, 2011
They’re not quite the same, the different kinds of screaming. One traps us in guilt, one gets us toward free. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
my motto is it’s better to look good then feel good but the lie is wearing me out I fear being exposed #ppdchat
xtina_morrison
September 6, 2011
When I was in the dark, I had to find people who were safe to tell that I was in the dark, then I could begin to look for light. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
When I was lost in the darkness, all I wanted was to talk to another mom. To know i was going to be okay and wasn’t abnormal. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
I drove to a friend’s house when she admitted having #PPD. I shared my story w/ her, & she said it made a huge difference. #PPDChat
isalwayssick
September 6, 2011
nobody has a clue what I’m feeling because I’m lying Smiles on the outside Screaming inside #ppdchat
xtina_morrison
September 6, 2011
@xtina_morrison I know sometimes you have to put on a good face. But think how much it helps you when other moms don’t pretend. #ppdchat
story3girl
September 6, 2011
@xtina_morrison I think we’re all afraid of being exposed. There are so many expectations on us, from inside & outside. #ppdchat
DrBeckerSchutte
September 6, 2011
@xtina_morrison It’s hard to admit we’re not okay. But an absolute necessity toward healing. #ppdchat
unxpctdblessing
September 6, 2011
I know that when things got bad, I found some PPD moms’ blogs, and they really saved me. Which is why I want to write now. #ppdchat
story3girl
September 6, 2011