Over the course of the past two weeks, I have had some really well, just “karma” things happen.

First, a couple of weeks ago, a mom here in GA emailed me just to introduce herself. At the time I thought it was quite random but appreciated her honesty and willingness to share her story. I shared with her that only great things would come of us knowing each other now.

Lo and behold, this past Tuesday, I received an email from another family in GA who was in some serious need of support. And guess what? They live near the FIRST MOM who emailed me earlier!

Today I finally connected them and let me tell you what – knowing that this mom is getting precious peer support that is absolutely invaluable is an awesome feeling. I am so happy for her and so glad to be a part of her recovery. I am reminded every time that I help a Mom just why I am doing this – it’s not for me, it’s not for money (because there is none!), it’s knowing that someone else’s life has been improved and they now are able to avail themselves of the support they so desperately needed!

I don’t need a paycheck – just the good hearty satisfaction that comes from helping others!

So I spent the bulk of today at home – resting. I had therapy this morning at 8a but I like my therapist and look forward to going to my appointments. Gets me out of the house and it’s my alone time. LOL.

I even managed to squeeze in a nap this afternoon while the girls were napping. Here lately (with the exception of yesterday) I’ve been having a hard time napping – can’t seem to fall asleep during the day. May have something to do with going to bed so early. Who knows!

I did wake up with an excruciating headache but coffee during therapy seemed to help that dissipate rather quickly.

We talked today about my OB visit on Tuesday. So far I’ve been positive in the blog but to be completely honest, at Tuesday’s visit, I was mildly disappointed to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I was more excited than disappointed but I think hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the second time really made it sink in that there’s a BABY in there – I haven’t had much time to just sit and reflect on the pregnancy because everything has been so go go go since we found out (isn’t that life though?) And it’s kind of odd to me that I’ve got this nagging in the back of my head because I’ve always been the one lobbying for three kids and now – well – chris is more excited than I am. And I feel pressure to act like I’m happy but I’m really not 100% there yet. I have discussed this with Chris briefly. I even tried to tell him that if I *did* miscarry, I didn’t think I would be that heartbroken and he responded that I probably would be. Deep down I honestly believe that I wouldn’t be. I know the time will come when I will feel the baby move inside me and that’s when I’ll start to really get attached but for now when there’s really not any physical signs of pregnancy besides the nausea, it’s very very hard for me to think of myself as pregnant.

And Chris has been deadset on nothing negative being said about this pregnancy but hey, I can’t help that I feel this way and honestly, I just can’t keep it to myself anymore. And if one day, the child that I am now carrying reads this blog, hopefully by then I will have explained to him/her well enough what Postpartum Depression is and how it can affect mothers that he/she will understand that it was not his/her fault AT ALL.

I am also still on somewhat of a news blackout – as the recent events with the mother in Texas and now the wrestler have really gotten me a little edgier than usual. When the Texas story hit the news, I was ok at first but did end up having an intrusive thought that week. I KNOW it was triggered by the story and it was only one thought. But now that the wrestler thing is all over the news and my husband is fascinated by it, he’s been telling me all the details. I finally told him last night that I had had an intrusive thought after the Texas story and didn’t really care to hear the details about the wrestler and poor his family’s demise. My heart and prayers go out to both families that have been so terribly marred by these tragedies. There is nothing I can do about those specific tragedies but what I CAN do is continue my work with postpartum women and families and hopefully help them find the help, relief, understanding, and compassion that they so sorely need.

The last two days have been miserable!

I can at least still eat and haven’t yacked just yet… today was the closest I came to that miserable line. I ALMOST had to run to the bathroom. ALMOST.

C’mon Ms. morning Sickness.. this just ain’t fair… I’m just three weeks shy of my second trimester here. PLEASE PLEASE be nice and be kind – and don’t make me rewind my dinner!

Forgot to mention that my OB this pregnancy is very ok with me staying on my current med. He knows the risk factor of relapse and that there really aren’t any major studies that state severe harm to the fetus related to the current med I’m on. So thankfully I’ll already have the meds and don’t have to worry about suddenly going off them. He pretty much told Chris and I that this is our pregnancy and he’s just here to guide us when necessary. I absolutely LOVE how laid back he is – he mentioned that most providers would even make me take the Glucose Tolerance Test at this point due to a prior episode with Gestational Diabetes during my first pregnancy – and he was cool with me opting out of that one and just doing the standard 24 – 28week test. I am thrilled about that because anyone who’s ever done a GTT knows how horrible that stuff tastes! UGH! And if you can get out of doing it more than once in your pregnancy – you better believe I’m taking that option! (I didn’t have GD with my second pregnancy, BTW, which is why I felt comfortable opting out) I feel confident that he will really respect my wishes and won’t try to promote some weird personal belief on the pregnancy. Where was this guy during my first two pregnancies?!?!?!?!

This past thursday, May 31st, we had our first OB visit for this pregnancy. You know, the fun one – where they poke, prod, have you pee in a cup, and do other very uncomfortable things to check on the baby’s progress. I am SO glad that’s behind us!

We are indeed as pregnant as we thought we were so we were correct in the day of conception. Of course the OB’s office insists on adding those two weeks so when I went I was 8wks 3d pregnant according to u/s measurements. Which means my due date is Dec 28. That’d be nice – having the baby this year instead of next year – would LOVE the extra money but hey, the baby will get here when he/she is supposed to! And the u/s only showed one lil’ babe thank goodness. My husband is the son of a fraternal twin and his grandfather was a twin so while not a huge risk, still something we both worry about whenever we get pregnant.

This pregnancy is still very surreal to me – not sure if it’s because my days are full with the other two or if it’s because I just don’t have any major pregnancy symptoms like I did with Charlotte and Alli. I’m very active now – mentally and physically. We started doing stroller rides about three weeks ago after breakfast and I have to say that I feel great. I’ve actually lost weight so far instead of gained – and if you knew the way I was eating, you’d know what a miraculous statement that is! I have to eat ALL the time to keep away the Queasy tummy syndrome. For added fun, both dogs have had the diarrhea/vomit thing now – poor things. The second dog, Maggie, isn’t doing too well. She stays in her crate during the day because frankly, vomit and poop are about the only things that make me want to vomit. I don’t know how I manage to change the girls – I just do! And if the dogs go, chris has to clean it up when he gets home, hence, why maggie is in her crate. I’m making her some rice with chicken using chicken broth as the liquid. She’s not eating and I’m starting to worry about her. Hopefully she’ll start to eat today. (It’s day 3 of her being sick, day 2 of not eating)

My mom gets back from Ireland today so I get to chat with her either this evening or tomorrow. I’m hoping she just rests when she gets in and doesn’t bother calling because I know she’s exhausted. I’m a bit jealous she got to go – maybe one of these days I’ll get to go too! I joke with Chris that if U2 ever plays a farewell tour and has a date in Ireland, I’m going no matter how I have to get there. I’ll swim the Atlantic if I have to! LOL! (I doubt I’d make it!)

Gotta run, the rice is finished and Charlotte’s bottle is warmed up. And mommy needs a nap.