Category Archives: Perinatal Mood Disorders

Busy Busy Busy

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Wow. I had no idea that three kids would keep me so busy. I mean, I knew it would up the ante but good gracious!

Amazingly we have a family routine already and Cameron is barely a month old. Cameron on the other hand is blissfully ignorant of this routine to a certain degree as this past weekend we had a marathon nursing session that lasted 48 hours. I couldn’t put him down without him screaming – he wouldn’t take the paci either. Only Mama! I think the ring stayed on one hand the whole weekend because it was pointless to keep switching it with him nursing so much. The thrush has pretty much disappeared – now if we could just get his diaper rash to clear up! It is looking much better than it did which is a positive. He’s also got the hang of latch and nursing is going much better. No more sore nipples, especially after this weekend. Thank GOODNESS because frankly, I don’t know if I could have taken the pain if it had lasted much longer!

Cameron had his first bouncer experience today. He really seemed to like it which is good – we’re trying to get him used to not being held as much so he’ll sleep in his bed. As it is now, he pretty much will only sleep on us (read: ME) and as soon as we put him down, he cries. We put a little angle pillow in his bed that we used with Charlotte and it seems to help some so I can’t help but wonder if there’s a bit of reflux going on. If there is, it’s mild as he really doesn’t spit up a lot anymore.

Charlotte has gotten to be quite vocal and is now the loudest of the three. An amazing accomplishment. Alli started dance lessons last week and seemed to really enjoy herself. We have to help her with her criss-cross applesauce sitting (aka indian style) for circle time at class. I think we’ll work on that tomorrow and Wednesday before her next class.

On a general life note, our only car died. It’s at the shop having a new engine put in as I type. I don’t know when we’ll get it back. We were planning on buying a mini-van with our tax refund and still are but the price will have to be a bit lower than we were planning on being that we now have to pay for the car to be repaired. Life. It DOES come at you fast!

Have a couple of new Allisonisms to share and both are from today. (She’s on point today!) This morning one of the dogs had an accident in the house and when Alli saw it she cried out, “POOP on the loose!” Good thing I wasn’t drinking something otherwise it would have spewed all over the place. The second one was later after Charlotte went down for quiet time. Cameron was lying on the boppy as I prepared to nurse. Alli was patting him on the head and telling him to just wait cuz mommy was getting ready to feed him. I let down my top and out toppled my breast and my brilliant 3 year old announced: “Your Food has arrived!” Again, thank GOD no liquid was involved.

Emotionally I am still intact, still on meds, no more anxiety or intrusive thoughts. I cried yesterday morning for a brief moment due to frustration with Cameron being fussy and not wanting to latch on. I was able to quickly calm myself down though. I did start back on the Omega 3.6.9’s this past weekend BUT quickly discovered I cannot take them while nursing Cameron just yet. He suddenly started to spit up quite a bit – almost projectile like and in large amounts. The Omega’s were the only new thing I had introduced to my system so to be safe, I quit taking them and he’s stopped spitting up.

Chris worked in the kitchen yesterday – cleaning, doing dishes, and taking out the trash. I am eternally grateful. I wish I could get caught up on the laundry though. I am so behind – SO SO SO behind. We have piles of clothes on the back porch that we pick through. So sad yet unfortunately a fact of life right now.

I think I might try and lie down on the couch to get a quick snooze in before everyone starts getting up around three. (And this is one part of the schedule Cameron IS familiar with. I’ve already got him napping at the same time as Charlotte. Wooohooo!) I keep taking it day by day knowing that eventually it does get easier.

Gotta run, Daughter Princess has asked me to dance with her. How on EARTH can I refuse an adorable Cinderally princess with a froggy towl draped over her head?

Nursing Ring

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butterfly-ring.jpg

I have a habit when I’m nursing. I use a ring to keep up with what side I need to start on at the next feeding. With Alli, I used one of Chris’ rings. With Charlotte, well, I double pumped for her so no need for a ring. This time around I decided to treat myself to a new ring, one with symbolism. I ended up purchasing a silver butterfly ring and have been using it for a couple of days now.

A butterfly signifies growth and freedom, something I want to be reminded of all the time and when I’m constantly moving the ring or even looking at my hands, I am reminded of how far I’ve come since Motherhood first crashed into my life and I am amazed at how much differently I’m handling things this time around. I finally feel that I am the Mother I always dreamed of being and it is an amazingly empowering rush of emotion. Some days I can’t believe how strong I really am!

Bye Bye Thrush!

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We are still medicating but the patches on Cameron’s tongue have dissipated and our nursing sessions are less painful. I am faithfully changing my nursing pads and using the vinegar solution a couple of times a day. We’ve added lotrimin to the mix for poor Cameron’s diaper rash. Hopefully things will continue to improve.

Cameron goes on Monday for his PKU retest. Still no explanation as to why it is needed because the office was busy when Chris called to schedule. I’m not even worrying about it anymore. Not going to until I have to….no need to add extra stress to an already full plate.

One-two punch

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Punch No. 1:

I’d been hoping Cameron and I would avoid thrush; that our sore nursing sessions were due to his tight frenulum but alas; yesterday morning he had white spots on his tongue that I could NOT wipe away. So I put in a call to his ped, my OB, and we started our medicine last night. He’s on Nystatin after every feed and I took Diflucan yesterday with another dose to follow on Saturday. I am also using a vinegar solution on my nipples (it’s supposed to change the pH level and make things rather uncomfortable for yeast) as well as changing my nursing pads at every feeding. We bought Medela microwavable sterilization bags and I have Medela sterilization wipes as well and also had hubby pick up a couple more paci’s. Yesterday was really rough with Cameron – he pretty much nursed from 9pm Tuesday evening until 9pm or so last night. I seemed to be the ONLY comfort for him. Ah, the joys of breastfeeding! (I am SO grateful I can do it this time around though – so so grateful. To read what I went through with Charlotte, go here)

Punch No. 2:

Cameron’s ped’s office called Chris this morning and left a message that they need to do his PKU test again. Ugh. From what I’ve read, PKU is rare but requires very close watch on diet, etc. 1 in 10,000 people have it and retesting is more common than thought and *usually* comes out negative even with a previous positive or borderline of the newborn screening that is done at birth. I know typing I seem calm but I am a little worried because it’d just be one more thing I’d have to worry about and frankly, I don’t need anything else to worry about. I keep telling myself not to worry about it unless I need to – but putting that into practice is SO much harder than it sounds, especially when it comes to your own family! Chris is going to call the ped’s office back and find out why they need to retest and schedule the retest for tomorrow. Those of you who believe in the power of prayer as I do, please send some up for us.

Emotionally I am doing ok, considering. I’ve had a couple of intrusive thoughts but they’ve been so fleeting I couldn’t even tell you what they were about. And today I noticed some OC behaviour but it was after I found out about the need to retest for PKU so I’m pretty sure it’s related to that stress. As long as things don’t get worse and I stay on the same path I’m on now, I’ll be ok. Chris has been checking in on me, as have my mother and his mom has also been asking how I’ve been doing. Alli asked me a few days after I had been home when I was going to get sad. I laughed at her and said that hopefully I wouldn’t get sad this time around. We’ve been having wonderful ladies from the Newborn Ministry at our church delivering meals and their timing has been perfect – one of the meals was delivered yesterday and  I was SO grateful for a delicious hot meal that I hadn’t cooked! We are somewhat developing a routine but as with everything involving children, it’s flexible with little changes here and there day to day. Although I must say, I am impressed by the fact that I can get up with Cameron while he’s nursing, not break the latch, take Alli potty, and return to the couch with him still latched on; oblivious to the fact that he just traversed the house with me. Guess that’s my trick this time around. With Alli, it was eating spaghetti left handed while nursing and not dropping a single smidge of sauce. With Charlotte – well – it was pumping and getting her to nurse at all; even if just for a few seconds.

Gotta run, time for Cameron to nurse.

Grabbing a second

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I had hoped to write a rather funny and eloquent first post about life with Cameron but alas, I am lacking in both the funny and eloquent departments at the moment. I’m lucky I even have a second to post!

Things have been hectic but going well.

Cameron and I had some nursing issues at first but I think we’re getting past them. He has a tight frenulum but the ped doesn’t want to clip because it’s not interfering with swallowing or weight gain. (Um doc, how about my nipples? It’s KILLING THEM!) I had purchased some reusable nursing pads but have since tossed them because they were sticking to my nipples and undoing any healing progress every time I nursed! (OUCH!) So until I get ahold of some nice comfy SOFT flannel nursing pads, I’m using Lansinoh disposables.

Alli and Charlotte are adjusting well. Yesterday was the worst day yet with both of them acting out but we muddled through. Charlotte’s got her back molars coming in right now so that’s lots of fun. Christmas however is a great time to add a little one to the family because the other children are blissfully distracted by all the new toys!

Now onto the important part – my emotions.

So far, so good. I am still on my med and doing well. I know it’s still early but already I am feeling so much different than I did after the birth of our two girls. The first day home alone, Cameron started crying during a diaper change and I actually laughed at him and told him it would be ok, mommy would be done in a second. Now, had that been two years ago, I would have started to freak out, anxiety would have kicked in and I would have rushed to finish and get him nursing. But instead I took my time, laughed, and everything was ok. I AM HAPPY! I could sit here with him in my arms and just get lost. We have had several moments like that actually – sheer blissful mommy and baby moments. And I have been grateful for all of them – I am not taking any of this for granted – no, I am drinking it in and loving every second of it. Of course part of me is wondering if this is too good to be true and if this happiness will last – but only a small part. I sincerely hope that small little part is wrong.