Category Archives: toddlers

When it comes to toddlers, Silence is NOT Golden!

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Unless it’s at night when they’re supposed to be asleep, that is. Sudden silence eminating from the corner in which your toddler has been auspiciously romping around in is every toddler parent’s worst nightmare. For it is when we hear this silence that the hairs on the back of our neck rise up, the eyes we have developed in the back of our heads peer around in a hopeless attempt to evaluate the damage we will undoubtedly be facing in mere seconds. All of this happens in a fraction of a second as the world swirls to a slow stop around us and our mouths open to call out to our supposed angelic toddler who knows the difference between right and wrong but chooses to temporarily suspend this knowledge – sort of a pre-historic agnostic if you will. As your toddler rises up, your breath becomes trapped deep in your lungs, awaiting to see if it will be exhaled gently or hurled against the wall like a racquetball.

Most of the time at my house, it’s not exhaled gently. Today Charlotte had gotten ahold of the aqua-doodle pens (they were full), opened them, emptied them, and proceeded to chew on the caps. Not a huge problem except that the caps are a little small and she likes to put things COMPLETELY into her mouth. And of course, this happened while I was nursing Cameron so there I was, pinned to the couch by a 15lb three month old making vain attempts at getting Charlotte, who just turned two on Friday, to give me her new “toys.” It took me ten minutes, five of which was spent with Alli and Charlotte screaming and crying because I tried to get Alli to get them for me which is sometimes more successful – they have that toddler-sister bond and sometimes Charlotte will just hand things to Alli. Not this – oh NO! Not her new chew toys!

Like I said. Silence isn’t always golden but man, when it is – it REALLY is.

Good Mornin’

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I am sitting here hooked up to my pump – gotta leave sustenance for the little one while I’m gone on Friday. Can’t have him starving and screaming. That wouldn’t make anyone happy, now would it?

In an effort to get back into the blogging mood, I’m going to start posting whenever I can grab a second. So forgive me if this is overload at first but I’ve been out of practice for a bit – you know, with the birth of the baby and all.

I have to say that this time around things have been so much different. Being able to laugh and smile and play with Cameron without having to force myself to is refreshing. And I LOVE to pick him up and hold him right on my chest so that his heart is right over mine. I feel as if we are communicating and our hearts are one – it blows me away every time how powerful holding him that way can be for me. I NEVER felt that with either one of the girls. And yes, it does make me sad to think I didn’t really bond with the girls the way I am bonding with him BUT the girls are both happy and get plenty of love now and don’t seem to be scarred at all by that experience. Recently I’ve really been mourning the loss of bonding with Charlotte when she was an infant but lately she’s been very cuddly and huggy so it’s making up for it slowly.

Gotta run. I think I may try to crawl back into bed for a short bit. Pray that I made it!

A Dark Place

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Last night, I slid a little further towards that dark hole those of us who have had PPD know a little too well. I felt as if it reached out and grabbed me, sucking me down until only a glimmer of light remained. I called my husband in tears about 10 minutes before he got off work. Not only had Cameron been nursing non-stop, he had been spitting up non-stop. When I went to get him up, his sheet was drenched and so was he. I cleaned him up best I could – in between our one and a half year old running in and out of his room and not minding me at all. In addition, as I changed Cameron’s sheets, he vomited at least three times. Alli was a charmer all day yesterday. I can’t imagine how much worse things would have been had she been misbehaving too. I let myself get angry – angry about the Nyastatin, angry that Charlotte wasn’t listening, angry that every time I called the pizza place either Cameron or Charlotte would scream. I finally called my husband and had him call in our order for us. I had already started swirling downwards by that point though – way down – and I knew it – and part of me wanted to stop it yet another part of me wanted to submit. Once my husband called in our pizza order, fresh air seemed to surround me and things started to look up. I managed to cling to the side of the dark hole and not fall too far. Once I got the girls to bed, things started to calm down. Cameron was up until 1130 – spitting up and nursing, poor thing. But he did sleep in my arms for a bit and that was blissful. In fact, it’s what calmed me down the most. Well, that and knowing Chris was here to attend to anything else that might happen. I now had support here and that was a HUGE relief.

 Today, after Chris gets off work, I will be taking the car and going to get myself  a coffee and either picking up a few groceries or getting a NY Giants shirt. (Maybe both!) I told Chris I needed some time alone today to recover from yesterday and he quickly agreed. I am going to try and pump a little bit later – there’s already 3oz in the fridge but Cameron is a hungry baby in the afternoons so I need to try and leave more than he will need.

Even though I am having bad days, the good days have outnumbered them by far – and when I have a bad day, I am able to recognize that it is nothing more than that – a bad day. I am also able to balance that with a plan to improve the next day.

My husband shared something with me today. He found an interesting tip on the internet about achieving your goals. Take a blank index card. Write positive affirmations or notes to yourself on it. Carry it with you wherever you go – look at it as needed. I think I’m going to do that – after all, writing here has helped me tremendously. I can’t imagine what carrying little positive affirmations will do for me.

A note on Cameron’s spitting up:  

Cameron’s pediatrician finally called in his Nyastatin prescription and he started it on Wednesday. Yesterday he spent most of the day spitting up and vomiting. I stopped the Nyastatin and will be using diluted Grapefruit Seed Extract instead. I have no intention of calling his pediatrician’s office because according to them, “Nyastatin shouldn’t make him spit up.” Um, well, it does, and no thanks to the nurse who actually told my husband “It shouldn’t make him spit up, just hold his mouth shut so it all stays in” Yes, we are writing a letter of complaint. Not only for that, but for the fact that we called the ped’s office on MONDAY about thrush and it took them until WEDNESDAY to call something in – and even then, they couldn’t remember what they were supposed to call in. UGH!

Busy Busy Busy

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Wow. I had no idea that three kids would keep me so busy. I mean, I knew it would up the ante but good gracious!

Amazingly we have a family routine already and Cameron is barely a month old. Cameron on the other hand is blissfully ignorant of this routine to a certain degree as this past weekend we had a marathon nursing session that lasted 48 hours. I couldn’t put him down without him screaming – he wouldn’t take the paci either. Only Mama! I think the ring stayed on one hand the whole weekend because it was pointless to keep switching it with him nursing so much. The thrush has pretty much disappeared – now if we could just get his diaper rash to clear up! It is looking much better than it did which is a positive. He’s also got the hang of latch and nursing is going much better. No more sore nipples, especially after this weekend. Thank GOODNESS because frankly, I don’t know if I could have taken the pain if it had lasted much longer!

Cameron had his first bouncer experience today. He really seemed to like it which is good – we’re trying to get him used to not being held as much so he’ll sleep in his bed. As it is now, he pretty much will only sleep on us (read: ME) and as soon as we put him down, he cries. We put a little angle pillow in his bed that we used with Charlotte and it seems to help some so I can’t help but wonder if there’s a bit of reflux going on. If there is, it’s mild as he really doesn’t spit up a lot anymore.

Charlotte has gotten to be quite vocal and is now the loudest of the three. An amazing accomplishment. Alli started dance lessons last week and seemed to really enjoy herself. We have to help her with her criss-cross applesauce sitting (aka indian style) for circle time at class. I think we’ll work on that tomorrow and Wednesday before her next class.

On a general life note, our only car died. It’s at the shop having a new engine put in as I type. I don’t know when we’ll get it back. We were planning on buying a mini-van with our tax refund and still are but the price will have to be a bit lower than we were planning on being that we now have to pay for the car to be repaired. Life. It DOES come at you fast!

Have a couple of new Allisonisms to share and both are from today. (She’s on point today!) This morning one of the dogs had an accident in the house and when Alli saw it she cried out, “POOP on the loose!” Good thing I wasn’t drinking something otherwise it would have spewed all over the place. The second one was later after Charlotte went down for quiet time. Cameron was lying on the boppy as I prepared to nurse. Alli was patting him on the head and telling him to just wait cuz mommy was getting ready to feed him. I let down my top and out toppled my breast and my brilliant 3 year old announced: “Your Food has arrived!” Again, thank GOD no liquid was involved.

Emotionally I am still intact, still on meds, no more anxiety or intrusive thoughts. I cried yesterday morning for a brief moment due to frustration with Cameron being fussy and not wanting to latch on. I was able to quickly calm myself down though. I did start back on the Omega 3.6.9’s this past weekend BUT quickly discovered I cannot take them while nursing Cameron just yet. He suddenly started to spit up quite a bit – almost projectile like and in large amounts. The Omega’s were the only new thing I had introduced to my system so to be safe, I quit taking them and he’s stopped spitting up.

Chris worked in the kitchen yesterday – cleaning, doing dishes, and taking out the trash. I am eternally grateful. I wish I could get caught up on the laundry though. I am so behind – SO SO SO behind. We have piles of clothes on the back porch that we pick through. So sad yet unfortunately a fact of life right now.

I think I might try and lie down on the couch to get a quick snooze in before everyone starts getting up around three. (And this is one part of the schedule Cameron IS familiar with. I’ve already got him napping at the same time as Charlotte. Wooohooo!) I keep taking it day by day knowing that eventually it does get easier.

Gotta run, Daughter Princess has asked me to dance with her. How on EARTH can I refuse an adorable Cinderally princess with a froggy towl draped over her head?

Brand New Day

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Tomorrow will be a brand new day.

It has to be.

It can’t be today.

It won’t be today. I won’t let it.

I can barely think straight, let alone well, yeah, think straight. See???

See what having kids does to your brain? Where was THAT commercial when we were growing up?

The commercial with the a calm, happy woman sitting in a room curled up on a perfect club chair, covered in a soft blanket, HOT tea sitting next to her, meditative music in the background….. The voice would have said : This is your life.

Then they would flash to toddlers destroying the room, climbing all over a frazzled woman in a t-shirt and yoga pants, yelling, screaming, crying, breaking things, banging on pots and pans? Then the voice would come on and say “This is your life with kids!”

Yeah.

I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THAT COMMERCIAL WAS! I COULD HAVE USED IT AS A WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously.

Oh I feel so much better now just having typed that out.

Today did end up getting better – Alli passed out on the love seat shortly after I posted – I laid down and managed to fall asleep and putting them to bed tonight went a LOT better than last night did by which I am greatly impressed. Yet still I sit here, watching Hot Shots Part Deux (for the moment) and unable to think straight. I know I will wind down eventually and sleep will help but I am just so frazzled. Gonna go now and continue to wind down. (And by the way, no longer wishing for labor… whatever that was earlier went away and hasn’t come back)