Category Archives: mom

Queasy Day

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Cameron is changing positions – from tranverse lie to head down – he’s not quite all the way there but started the journey this morning around 750a as I was driving to therapy. His first move was startling and a bit painful. Now I’m just plain nauseated. He seems to be somewhat “stuck” although not painfully so, at a diagonal between my left ribs and my right pelvic bone. He is curving up around my belly button and I can feel his general position. OOOh… he just seriously pushed on my bladder – and it’s almost full. I’m trying to hold it b/c Alli has been totally silent for nearly an hour now. I think she’s sleeping and I really want to let her sleep. She needs it. Heck, I need it.

I am watching a very fascinating documentary about Abraham on the History Channel, called Children of Abraham. It examines Abraham’s role as a cornerstone of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. I love documentaries to begin with but this is the first one I’ve really been interested in watching to completion in a LONG time. Definitely worth a look.

I think I’m going to have to go use the restroom soon. Cameron seems set on pushing against my bladder. If this keeps up I will end up having an accident and that just wouldn’t be good. Just about nine weeks to go – and at least I’ll have my bladder back to myself, right? LOL.

Once all this is done and over with (by that I mean, giving birth and Cameron has finished nursing), I am getting a HUGE butterfly tattoo on the front of my left ankle with some morning glory vines wrapped all the way around. It will be a symbol of how much I’ve changed and of my freedom as a woman, in motherhood. And I wouldn’t have thought about doing this until a few months ago when Alli “stamped” the front of my ankle one day as we were playing in the floor. It didn’t fade for nearly two weeks – even with showers and scrubbing. The butterfly grew on me and I liked the way it looked – providing the inspiration. I hope to still be blogging when I get the tat – and I promise I will post pictures.

Ok, time to run. Cameron’s realllly pushing the envelope here – (and this envelope might just burst!)

I hereby dub thee Day of the Hundred Tantrums

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Today has already proven to be full of challenges. I am anxiously awaiting quiet time when I can get light some incense and fix myself a cup of hot tea!

Charlotte is down for a nap – she was up late last night as we went over to the in-law’s for Halloween. I tried to let her play but she kept throwing tantrum after tantrum. This momma doesn’t DO fussy so off to bed she went, where she is now quietly resting.

Our older daughter, Alli, also was full of tantrums this morning. So much so that she just spent about 30 minutes in her room. She is now in the floor playing independently with the arts and crafts stuff.

And the kicker is that I am out of meds. My husband and I are taking the same medication and due to a screw up at his doctor’s office, we’ve been sharing. However, I just got off the phone with our pharmacy and my meds were refilled yesterday so I’ll be able to take it this evening. On the up side, my Omega 3-6-9 showed up yesterday so I’m on that already as well. *deep breath*

I’ve got a teleconference call later too – at 1p so the girls will be eating lunch around 1130a to guarantee that I am able to get everything I need to get done by the time the call starts.

As long as I can remember to breathe deeply today, I should be ok.

Dear Katie,

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 You are not alone. You are not to blame. And you will be well with help. There are so many women across the nation and across the world who have been where you are – suffering alone, scared, anxiety ridden and filled with guilt that they are not being the “best” or “most perfect” mother that they can be. Motherhood isn’t easy for everyone. Even the moms who make it look easy have a hard time. But the good news is that it does get easier and it does get better. Some of us have to take it hour by hour or even minute by minute in the beginning. And some of us need more help than others to get through the early steps of motherhood. Through peer support and solid medical support we make it through. We survive the sheer desperation and panic of postpartum disorders and we make it through. And you know what? It makes us stronger. It makes us even more grateful for what we have, for every smile we witness, for every hug we receive. Because we remember when we couldn’t enjoy those times. I know you’re scared and frightened – there are people who can help you and want to help you on your journey to recovery.

When I suffered from Postpartum OCD, I couldn’t enjoy my children. I didn’t want to laugh or smile. I wanted them to go away and I would get angry with them for the smallest thing. Several times I thought about running away. But where to? And if I left, would I really solve my problems? At the time I thought I would. And then I came crashing down – and landed in the hospital for treatment. I slept the whole weekend and my medication was changed. I also started to reach out for peer support which helped me immensely. Through contact with women in the local birthing network, Jane Honikman, and starting talk therapy, I slowly started to dig my way out of the deep dark hole I had fallen into. And I eventually got to the top. I won’t lie – it was hard work. And by no stretch of the imagination am I who I used to be. I have changed. For the better I think. But I had others to help me and to rely on. And now I pay it forward by helping other women.

I want you to know that you have been in my prayers since I first heard of your disappearance. I have been praying for you and your precious family. I pray that you are safe and alive. I pray that you will return to your two precious boys and your loving husband soon. I know they miss you terribly. Katie, if there’s a chance you are reading this, know that there are a lot of caring and concerned people praying for your safe return home. Know that we do not blame you and we all want to help you in any way that we can. You can do this – you are NOT alone!

Warmest,

Lauren

A successful night off

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Ended up going to Red Lobster for dinner with Grandmom. YUM. We had a great dinner, great conversation, and I picked up some Ben & Jerry’s S’mores ice cream for my movie night. Of course, the DVD player didn’t work so I ended up watching the tail end of “What women want” and then “Hitch” on TNT. Good mindless romantic movies. Lil’ Bit, one of the in-law’s dogs cuddled with me the whole time which was nice. I’m so used to being around dogs I think it would have been a bit odd for there not to be dogs there.

I finally started the bedtime process around 1030p – got into bed to go to sleep around 11p and didn’t wake up for the day until 10a! Even then I didn’t pop right out of bed – just kind of laid there for a short bit and then got up to take the dogs out. I went to Panera and got some hot cocoa and a cinnamon crunch bagel w/hazelnut cream cheese spread and took it back to the house to eat. Took my time and then packed up and went grocery shopping before finally returning home. All in all, it was a pretty nice weekend and I thoroughly enjoyed the mindless relaxation.

The girls and I ran some errands yesterday as I have access to MIL’s car this week (well, until tomorrow). I also took a nap yesterday afternoon as the rain lulled me to sleep. We live in Georgia, which if you’ve been watching the news, is now a major disaster area due to drought and seeing rain was nice. Driving in it – not so nice – people here seem to think that rain gives them permission to drive like idiots. But that’s a whole ‘nother post. 

Looking forward to my night OFF

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I have to say that I am really looking forward to my evening off. And I mean COMPLETELY off. No husband, no kids, no nothing. Well, there will be the two dogs over at the in-laws house but really – I’ll just have to let them out tonight and feed them in the morning. That doesn’t count.

I am about to go pack and then shower – taking advantage of our new massage setting – then get ready to head on out. I am not taking my computer or anything PPD related with me. And I am packing my very nice nightgown set that my mom bought me for my birthday. It’s to be worn for my hospital stay once I have the baby but I have been wearing it here and there – just to pamper myself. And all moms deserve to be pampered!

I washed my body pillow and case this morning. I can’t be without it and it desperately needed to be washed. I can’t wait to sleep in a nice big comfy bed and not have an alarm clock shriek me into consciousness. So looking forward to a quiet morning!

Haven’t decided if I am going to go to the cell phone store this evening after dinner or not. Guess it’ll depend on how energentic I feel after dinner. I do need to grab a few movies to take with me – otherwise it’ll be Rambo if I want to watch something. I’m thinking something like Seven Years in Tibet or maybe even something hopelessly hilarious like There’s Something About Mary (that is, if I can find them). I may even splurge on a pint of ice cream for myself…. we’re tight in the budget department this week, so again, haven’t decided yet. For that matter, I haven’t decided where we’re going for dinner – although I am strongly leaning towards Red Lobster. I am suffering from a fierce seafood craving.

Gotta run, it’s nearly 3p here and Chris will be getting off soon. I need to be ready when he gets home to race to the car and be outta here!