Tag Archives: strength

Philippians 3:13

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This morning we had a pediatrician visit for both Cameron and Allison. Cameron’s appointment was his six month check-up and Alli’s was related to her continued rash behaviour.

Alli is being referred to a child psychologist for further testing/evaluation and I am very relieved. Perhaps this will finally shed some light on the underlying cause of her behaviour and lack of discipline acceptance.

Cameron, on the other hand, is suspected of Failure to Thrive. The pediatrician suggested I pump exclusively for a couple of days, giving him my breastmilk via bottle. I have a few reservations regarding that plan of action. First, exclusively bottlefeed and pump for TWO WHOLE DAYS? Pumping is not a good indicator of supply, bottlefeeding may confuse him, and frankly, after exclusively pumping for Charlotte for seven long months, I’m not so sure that I’m up for a second time around that block. I am also scared to start EP’ing as I fear I may end up doing that until he’s a year old, continuing to struggle to pump as well as get his weight gain in order. And what if I start and then try to go back to the breast and he refuses to go back? I can’t handle that all over again.

And so it is with a heavy heart filled with experience, fact, and love, I have decided to switch over to formula. A gradual transition to be sure but a difficult decision nonetheless. I know I will miss our nursing relationship but his health and growth as well as my mental stability are vastly more important than any potential benefit of breastmilk at this point. I fully anticipate a mourning period and will be keeping an eye on my mood as the prolactin production decreases as we wean. Deep in my heart I know this is the right decision for our family in order for us all to be happy and healthy.

It is at this time I am reminded of a wonderful bible verse –

Forgetting things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, this is wisdom. Philippians 3:13

This verse has become a constant reminder not to over-analyze every minute detail of what could have been done differently or where the train began to run off the tracks. To do this would be assigning ourselves to a dark pit of despair and that is not where we need to be now. We need to be front and center, in the light with the Lord so that we continue to shine and guide our children toward His glory. We will accept (once again) our new normal and adjust our lives accordingly so we may move forward full of prayer, wisdom, love, and strength. For at this time, there is nothing more we can do beyond this but wait on the Lord and trust in His infinite power and wisdom.

Chinese Officer Breastfeeds Quake Orphans

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I know the primary topic here is Postpartum Mood Disorders but this story is a heart tugger and an amazing tribute to the power of maternal instinct. I am awed by this officer’s strength in the face of such an enormous tragedy.

Here’s the story as it appeared at cnn.com:

JIANGYOU, China (CNN) — A Chinese police officer is being hailed as a hero after taking it upon herself to breast-feed several infants who were separated from their mothers or orphaned by China’s devastating earthquake.

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Police officer Jiang Xiaojuan, 29, was feeding nine babies at one point.

Officer Jiang Xiaojuan, 29, the mother of a 6-month-old boy, responded to the call of duty and the instincts of motherhood when the magnitude-7.9 quake struck on May 12.

“I am breast-feeding, so I can feed babies. I didn’t think of it much,” she said. “It is a mother’s reaction and a basic duty as a police officer to help.”

The death toll in the earthquake jumped Thursday to more than 51,000, and more than 29,000 are missing, according to government figures. Thousands of children have been orphaned; many others have mothers who simply can’t feed them.

At one point, Jiang was feeding nine babies.

“Some of the moms were injured; their fathers were dead … five of them were orphans. They’ve gone away to an orphanage now,” she said. Video Watch the officer care for babies »

She still feeds two babies, including Zhao Lyuyang, son of a woman who survived the quake but whose breast milk stopped flowing because of the traumatic conditions.

“We walked out of the mountains for a long time. I hadn’t eaten in days when I got here, and my milk was not enough,” said that mother, Zhao Zong Jun. “She saved my baby. I thank her so much. I can’t express how I feel.”

Liu Rong, another mother whose breast milk stopped in the trauma, was awed by Jiang’s kindness.

“I am so touched because she has her own baby, but she fed the disaster babies first,” Liu said. “If she hadn’t fed my son, he wouldn’t have had enough to eat.”

Jiang has became a celebrity, followed by local media and proclaimed on a newspaper front page as “China’s Mother No. 1.”

She’s embarrassed by the fuss.

“I think what I did was normal,” she said. “In a quake zone, many people do things for others. This was a small thing, not worth mentioning.”

There has been a huge outpouring of support from families who want to adopt babies orphaned by the quake. But that process takes time, and there are mouths to feed.

Jiang misses her own son, who’s being cared for through the emergency by in-laws in another town, but she is aware of the new connections she’s made.

“I feel about these kids I fed just like my own. I have a special feeling for them. They are babies in a disaster.”

A Closer Look at Charlotte Perkins Gilman

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Charlotte Perkins Gilman

 

Why write about Charlotte Perkins Gilman at a blog about Postpartum Depression you might ask. She suffered a near nervous breakdown after the birth of her first child, leading her to author The Yellow Wallpaper, an intense short story about a woman’s treatment during a nervous breakdown, a story that one led a Boston Physician to state in The Transcript that “Such a story ought not to be written, he said; it was enough to drive anyone mad to read it.” Possibly so, but a physician from Kansas also wrote that “it was the best description of incipient insanity he had ever seen, and–begging my pardon–had I been there?” (Perkins Gilman)

Sadly, her nervous breakdown led to divorce and leaving her daughter in the custody of her ex-husband. Turning to writing as a way of earning money,  Gilman eventually found herself as a spokesperson regarding “women’s perspectives on work and family.” Perkins Gilman believed that men and women should share household duties and particularly that women should be taught to be economically independent from a very early age (DeGrazia, Jodi), a topic she focused on in her work, Women and Economics, penned in 1898.

The Yellow Wallpaper has been a favorite story of mine since first read, love at first words. I identified with the main character well before experiencing motherhood and my own brush with insanity shortly thereafter. Perkins Gilman did an exquisite job of breathing a realistic insanity into her main character as well as exposing the mental health diagnoses and “cures” of the day for what they truly were – sadly insufficient and ignorant of treating the illness and instead closeting away those who suffered in hopes of recovery or at least not be part of mainstream society and  therefore remain to be a “figment” of one’s imagination, the dark family secret.

In 1887, Perkins Gilman sought treatment for continuous nervous breakdown from the best kThe Yellow Wallpapernown nervous specialist in the country. The rest cure applied and she responded well physically; however, the physician then declared all was well; sending her home with “solemn advice to ‘live as domestic a life as far as possible,’ to ‘have but two hours’ intellectual life a day,’ and ‘never to touch pen, brush, or pencil again’ ” for the remainder of her days. Gilman then writes regarding the effectiveness of this advice, saying “I went home and obeyed those directions for some three months, and came so near the borderline of utter mental ruin that I could see over.” (Perkins Gilman)

Engaging the help of a close friend and gathering what strength she had left, Perkins Gilman picked up her artistic work again and began to recover, finding strength within her work and “ultimately recovering some measure of power.” This experience is what led her to write The Yellow Wallpaper. Perkins Gilman admits to embellishments, stating she “never had hallucinations or objections to my mural decorations”. Written as a celebration of return to her success, her true motivation behind sharing her story, albeit in a fictional world, lay within the hope of saving others from her fate of mistreatment and the nearly paralyzing insanity following soon after.

In Perkin Gilman’s own words regarding her authorship of The Yellow Wallpaper, she states:

It has, to my knowledge, saved one woman from a similar fate–so terrifying her family that they let her out into normal activity and she recovered.

 But the best result is this. Many years later I was told that the great specialist had admitted to friends of his that he had altered his treatment of neurasthenia since reading The Yellow Wallpaper.

 It was not intended to drive people crazy, but to save people from being driven crazy, and it worked.

The number one reason I hear when women have chosen to share their experience with a Postpartum Mood Disorder is the hope that it will provide comfort to another as she travels down the same road. It is with the same spirit Perkins Gilman penned The Yellow Wallpaper that I share my story. Recovery is a hard road and sometimes a lonely road. I said from the very beginning of reaching out to others with a helping hand that if I could help even one woman, it would all be worth it.

The screaming, the agony, the tears, the lifting of the fog – it would all begin to somehow make sense and instead of continuing to drag me down, it would lift me up. The fog did not begin to lift until I reached out for help and found it – drenching myself in the stories of others who had been where I no longer wanted to be and read with new understanding and an intensity I had never known before just how they were able to escape the depths of depression and reach the light, breathing in sweet fresh air again.

Determined to shine a light on the path for those behind me and around me, I dove full force into sharing my story. Every time I shared my experiences with a woman who believed she had no hope left and found herself ashamed of her condition and witnessed what an impact my openness and vulnerability had on her, I knew supporting Mothers was my calling.

So I write about Charlotte Perkins Gilman in order to better explain my mission here at this blog and in life. I refuse to let another woman suffer alone and in silence. Not on my watch.

Sharing the Journey with Arlene Pellicane

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Arlene is a co-blogger with Sue McRoberts at Totally New Moms. Today I am posting her interview. She is passionate, strong, and truly carries a desire to help others take the best care of the body God gave them the best way possible.

Arlene Pellicane

1)  When did you become a Christian and what has helped to solidify or sustain your faith over the years?

I grew up going to Catholic church, but when I was in elementary school, my family started going to a Assembly of God church.  I accepted Christ as my personal Savior around 6th grade.  I remember feeling the love of God whenever I walked into the church as a child. 
 
2) What do you find to be most challenging about Motherhood? The least?

Rearranging schedules around naptimes.  Yes, I’m the parent who says, “I’m sorry.  That time won’t work because my baby will be napping.”  I’d like to be more flexible but it’s just no fun being out with a cranky baby!  And long plane rides – yikes!  The least challenging is reading stories and having fun with my kids.   

(My note – I do the SAME thing – if it’s nap time, it’s not happening! Naps are not sacrificed unless it’s an absolute emergency!)

3) How has becoming a Mother changed you?

Has it strengthened your faith in God?

Being a mom has been the greatest joy of my life.  We had trouble conceiving, so when we had our first child Ethan, he was our miracle.  Then we lost a baby girl at 26 weeks and that really taught me to trust in the Lord with all my heart.  On what would have been our baby’s due date, I found out I was pregnant again.  We rejoice in God’s blessing and healing touch in our lives.  My children have taught me so much.  Motherhood certainly puts your patience and strength to the test. 
 
4) In your opinion, what aspect of Motherhood should be most celebrated?

Celebrate the honor and privilege of training a child for life.  Before having children, people would say sarcastically, “Oh, your life will never be the same” – as in, enjoy your life now because you’re going to hate the next 18 years.  That is what Zig Ziglar might call, “stinking thinking!”  We didn’t want to hear those kind of remarks.  Yes, motherhood has changed my life forever – for the better! 
 
5) I viewed an online video piece in which you spoke about your daughter, Angel Rose and was impressed by the strength with which you told your story. Is there any advice from your experience you would share with other mothers who one day may face a similar situation?

When difficulties enter your life, walk through those dark days with an open hand and heart towards God.  Cry out to Him to strengthen and comfort you and He will.  On the contrary, if you clench your fist and say, “Why did you allow this to happen to me?” it hardens your heart and slows down the healing process.  There’s a song by Steven Curtis Chapman titled “Miracle of the Moment” that says, “And if it brings you tears, then taste them as they fall, let them soften your heart.”  When you allow the sorrows of life to soften your heart, you will someday look back upon that sorrow with a sweetness that can only come through Christ. 
 
6) What do you do to spoil yourself when you have time away from the kids?

Go to the outlet mall.  I love shopping for bargains and it’s hard to really look through those sales racks and try on clothes with a baby and toddler.  Or watch a chick flick like Sense and Sensibility.   
 
7) What is your number one not-so-healthy food to spend your calories on?

Ice cream!  At our local grocery store, you can buy 2 gallons for $6 – that spells trouble!  We do this on special occasions like birthdays, usually choosing Cookies and Cream and Chocolate Moose Tracks which is chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks and fudge.  I am a sucker for chocolate!
 
8) When did your website, Losing Weight After Baby begin to take shape?

I’ve always wanted to write a book but wasn’t sure what the book would be about.  After having 3 pregnancies in 3 years in my 30s, my friends were asking how I got back into shape.  I began to journal about it and the idea for the book was born, Losing Weight After Baby: 31 Days to a New You.  The book is made up of 31 daily readings that any busy mom can read to get motivated and encouraged about shedding those pregnancy pounds.  The website was born out of the book which hopefully will published in the next year or so. 
 
The website http://www.losingweightafterbaby.com features more than 60 articles and a free weekly podcast, Losing Weight After Baby.  Soon, I’ll be adding will be free videos and mini eBooks in the online store. 
 
 
9) How did the idea for your joint blog, Totally New Moms with Sue McRoberts and Rebecca Ingram Powell come to fruition?

I saw Rebecca’s book, Baby Boot Camp, and I wanted to know more about her experience with getting it published.  I emailed her with a few questions.  She kindly responded and it was a God connection!  She and Sue have been so terrific to blog with. 
 
10)  If there was one piece of advice you could give to an expectant mother (new or experienced), what would it be and why would this be important for her to hear?

Champion your children and expect the very best from them.  Give your children a good name to live up to.  Let your children overhear you saying things like, “I am so proud of my son.  He is learning how to share,” instead of “My son is driving me crazy!”  They will rise to your level of expectation. 

The Hand of God

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The direction of our lives took a sharp left turn this past weekend. The following post was written last night and I sent it to my husband for approval prior to posting it today. I am prefacing it with the response he sent me regarding the post.

 Though this post is intensely more personal than I expected it to be, I believe that you should post it. I have nothing to hide anymore. I only hope that someone else can learn from my mistakes so that they don’t have to go through this horrible experience. Thank you for being there for me and also for your willingness to help others at the expense of your own privacy. You are an amazing, strong, and beautiful woman. Even though I haven’t really shown it much lately, I love you and respect you. I am actually excited to see what wonderful work God is going to do in our lives and our marriage in the coming days.
 
Love forever,
 
Chris

As I sit here, I am taking deep breaths and my hands are shaking as they hit these keys. What I am about to share with you is starting to truly sink in and I am thanking God that I am already in His Hands,  already on anti-depressants, surrounded by a powerful support system and have access to a wonderful therapist.

Saturday continued to be a very rough day and at nine p.m. that evening I went out to Borders to escape and breathe. I ordered a Honey Latte and meandered about the store, even purchased a few things. Once I left Borders, I headed over to Wal-mart because Chris had forgotten to pick up a can of air and I needed to pick up a few grocery items as well. I never made it to Wal-mart.

At precisely 10:00p.m., I rear-ended another vehicle just one intersection away from Wal-mart. This vehicle’s driver had slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a white pick up truck threatening to swerve in front of him. After having hit the brakes once, I slowed down with him, then the car sped back up and then slammed on his brakes again and I would have stopped had it been dry but with the wet road and light mist, my car slid into the rear of the other vehicle. I strongly believe the white pick up truck symbolized an angel even though it caused me to wreck my vehicle. The driver got out and asked if I had a cell phone and I did – I phoned the police and then Chris to let him know I had wrecked the car. He was understandably worried about my well-being. At the time I felt ok. However, by the time the police arrived and we moved the vehicles off the road, my fingertips and toes had started to tingle and feel a bit numb. I opted to go to the hospital even though I do not have health insurance right now. (In the process of getting Medicaid set back up) I was put in a C-collar and on a backboard.

As the EMS was taking my vitals, the police officer started to inform me that there were a few problems. He didn’t get past the first one which was that my tag was expired and had been expired since September 2007. My jaw dropped and I told the officer that my husband had taken care of the tag and that it had been paid, the decal was on my tag! There HAD to be a mistake. No, the officer said, it was not in the state of Georgia’s computer and my decal was fake. My blood pressure was 170 over 100 or so at the scene and they kept checking to make sure I didn’t have a history of high blood pressure. Upon arrival at the hospital I waited for ages to be seen and finally was cleared to be released. The diagnosis was strained neck (whiplash) and believe me, I was praying to God and thanking Him for letting me be there staring up at the lights. It could have been worse. God was with me the entire evening, holding me and comforting me. I felt his presence as soon as I hit the other vehicle. My in-laws had come to the hospital to be with me.

As I was discharged, I left the room only to see the police officer from the accident scene. He informed me that not only was my tag expired but that I did not have insurance. I grabbed onto my father in law to keep myself from falling. My mother in law sat me down. I feared what was coming next. The police officer had to take me to jail for not having insurance even though I believed I had insurance. He did not put handcuffs on me and was extremely apologetic the entire time. I was escorted to the local county jail and sat there for three hours while my in-laws got my prescriptions filled then got a transfer bond to get me out. The entire time I was sitting in jail, Psalm 40 and James Chapter 1 vs. 1-3. Of course, Psalm 40 kept repeating as the U2 song but hey, it’s almost word for word.  I did not return to home that evening. We all got back to their house at 5am and I slept until 7am.

I called my mom to tell her and she shrieked. I also called my therapist’s office and had a discussion with the therapist on call. My mother in law and I had a two hour conversation before I came home. When I finally came home I nursed Cameron and then sat down to talk with Chris. I talked for about three hours, I think. I truly lost track of time. He had informed his dad the night before that he had a drug problem and needed help. He admitted to me that he had been using for the past two years and spending nearly $100/month on his habit. He had lied to me about several financial items and the insurance had lapsed two months prior to my accident.

After our discussion, I had him bring me his wallet and I removed all of his debit and visa gift cards. I went through the bag he takes with him to work. I will continue to randomly check his belongings as well as randomly drug test him throughout the coming months. We also put together a Recovery Goal plan, starting with just one week at a time. I have given him until the end of April to be genuinely making forward progress with his recovery and if he has not been doing so, I will become a single parent because I refuse to stay in this situation and I refuse to raise my children in this situation. This week he is staying with his parents and took the day off yesterday to make phone calls to get his recovery started.

So far he has been doing everything we set up and I sincerely hope he continues on this path. Chris seems to be genuinely remorseful regarding his actions yet I am continuing to be cautious, understandably so.  As with any recovery path, there is forward movement and there is backward movement and as long as he is continually fighting for forward motion, we will be okay. The outcome and status of our marriage is in his hands as he will need to prove to me and not just tell me that he is doing better.

You will find that additional links will appear that provide information for addicts and their family while going through recovery. I am blogging this because my goal with this blog, while focusing on PPD, is ultimately about being honest regarding the human experience in relation to the response of emotions during times of trauma. In that vein, I feel that I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t share this experience with you. The direction of my blog is not changing; I will still primarily post regarding PPD however I will definitely update regarding this situation as there are changes to share. In the meantime, I could certainly use all the support and prayers that you can send our way.