Tag Archives: PPD

Reflections of Shame

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A good friend of mine sent the following to me in an email and after reading it, I HAD to share it so I asked for her permission and it was granted, provided I remove any identifying phrases. This piece is very powerful and I sincerely hope that it speaks to some of you as much as it spoke to me.

I have the wonderful opportunity to be attending some marriage strengthening classes. As part of these classes we have started talking about shame. As we have started to do this and I have started my workbook, I realize I carry a lot of shame. So at this late hour when I can’t sleep I am coming to terms and releasing my shame.

I feel like I hide my real self and learned to do this at a young age. I hide my real self in many different ways, one of them by not expressing myself. So here goes.

I have an aunt whom I love very much and look up to a lot. In fact she is not too much older than me, and while she has some children older than mine 2 of her younger ones are about the same age as mine. Well she is very expressive and does not care what other people think. And I think people love her because of that. I know I do. I want to be more like her… anyway, onto the shame.

I feel shamed because of the fact that I suffered from Postpartum Depression. Many people have made me feel this way. I also feel shamed because of the alternative route I sought out to help me overcome it. I sought out alternative medicine because western medicine and I don’t get along very well. Some people have made me feel that I should have just been able to “snap out of, or Get over” my depression. Don’t you think I would have if I could have? I have a family member that no matter what I say or do feels that I have PPD yet again. I DON’T, I have not had issues with PPD this time. They feel though that I do because someone who had PPD said to them that once you have it you always will, and it will get worse with each child. I feel bad for this person who has suffered from PPD more than once. I also feel bad for my family member that refuses to see that I am not suffering. I think part of the reason that they feel this way is because they feel that I sought treatment from a source that was less than godly. I feel they worry about my very salvation.

I feel shamed because we are covered under state run medical plans. Most of those people who shame and judge me for this have never been a student, they never sought higher education and got married and worked in high paying jobs and some have had their wives work, and sent their children off.  I chose to stay home and raise my own children and we chose to have children before we graduated higher education. Because of this and because of the fact that NO employer will pay for medical insurance for a part time employee, we have state run medical coverage. I don’t enjoy being on state coverage and have had to suffer through some pretty horrible doctors because of it.

I have been made to feel shamed because my son has Sensory integration disorder and I sought out a diagnosis of this and I sought treatment for him. Well some people have told me that I should just let him be him and not try to fix him, and to let him grow out of it. I, on the other hand, wonder how a mother could stand by and watch their child suffer on a daily basis and do NOTHING about it. Yes I sought Occupational therapy for my son, sue me, I am the world’s worst mother.

I am currently working as a moderator of a support group for women suffering from PPD because no woman should be made to feel alone or shamed because she suffered after the birth of her child.

I also am currently seeking more help for my son as he has slipped in his progression since his release from OT. I am also doing this because other people see that he is different. In fact tonight at a party that we went to some one started talking to me about autism and the question arose if my son has been diagnosed with autism or not, because her grandson is autistic and she sees some behaviors in my son. Well this is the 4th person, three of them being professionals that have approached me without being asked for an opinon and talked to me about the possibility of my son having autism, at least in an extremely mild form. I am not seeking a diagnosis for him for any other reason than to help understand him more and help him to lead a full and productive life.

I will not stand shamed for these things anymore.

I will not stand shamed because I fought and recovered from PPD.

I will not stand shamed because I can not tolerate western medicine and thus seek holistic or alternative medicines.

I will not stand shamed because we live on help from the state, because it won’t be for forever and my husband is working and paying into the same system we are taking from.

I will not stand shamed because I am trying to find ways to help my son cope with life and live a full life for himself.

Sharing the Journey with Dan

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I first stumbled across Dan’s blog (LABAIRI) quite awhile back. I left a comment and he emailed me to thank me for my kind words. We’ve kept in touch here and there, mostly I read his Twitter updates. (I Twitter too – unxpctdblessing is my username there) A few weeks ago I asked him if he would be willing to do an interview as he is a dad who has PPD experience. Dan opened up and is very honest and forward with his answers. I sincerely hope you enjoy today’s interview as much as I did when I first received his reply!

Would you share with us your insight on your wife’s journey as she struggled with PPD?

Jenna suffered PPD with all three of our children. Each time was different, PPD isn’t the same for every woman – it’s not even the same for one woman! The second bought was the worst. It was just a dark time – so dark that there are moments during that year that Jenna and I don’t even remember. We look at pictures and have no idea the circumstances. The darkness was just overwhelming. Nothing was right and everything was difficult. She suffered a lot, and I was really at a loss at how I’d be able to help her through this.
What were some of the first signs you noticed that made you think things weren’t quite right?

During the first time around, we didn’t know this was even happening – only 5 years ago, but awareness has come a LONG way since then. But looking back I guess there was a huge lack of motivation to do anything from getting out of bed in the morning to get up in the middle of the night to feed our son. It seemed odd – but we thought that this must just be sheer exhaustion from Jenna also working part-time. Plus, during those first 8 months after Liam was born, our relationship was tanking. I remember thinking if this is what marriage is like after kids that I didn’t want any more of them. (You can laugh – we have three and another on the way from Ethiopia!)


How have you grown as a man and as a father as a result of PPD?

Wow, great question. As a father, PPD grew me up really fast. As Jenna had moments where she was unable to care for the kids as she would have liked, I had no choice but to step in and make it work. I wasn’t secure in my parenting skills by any stretch of the imagination (the first diaper I ever changed was Liam’s). But I loved my family more than life, and these times forced me to step up to the responsibility.

As a man, I know I am more sensitive to expectant and new mothers. I know how hard it can be. I know the hell that it can be on the family. I advocate for fathers to step up and care for their wives as this is the “for better or for worse” part of the vows we made before God. I’ve never been a “manly-man” with the barefoot and pregnant mentality, but this time reinforced that caring for our wives as Christ loves the church is the only way to make a marriage work. There is a lot of sacrifice to be made as a husband/father, with or without PPD. I’m definitely a better person for having been through this with Jenna.


How did your faith support you through your journey?

WOW. We couldn’t have done this without our faith. Almost without a doubt, without our faith we would never have made it through that first year after Liam. Those were really dark times. The Psalms were a great comfort as we journeyed though PPD. David talks so often of going through the valley and crying out to God for help. Those passages of lament gave words to the cry of our hearts, cries that found words difficult to come by. We also couldn’t have done this without our faith community. Especially after PPD was diagnosed and we could talk about it with some clarity, people brought us meals, they stayed with us and helped out wherever they could. The support structure our faith community gave us was invaluable and at least for me reaffirmed the beauty of the local church and the potential she has to do good in this world.


What do you love about being a father?

Coming home from work and having a little person scream “DADDY!” at the top of her lungs while running to give me a bear hug! Those moments make all of the bad ones disappear in seconds.

What lessons have you learned from PPD?

Hmm. What first comes to mind is that no one is immune from pain. I think we all figure that PPD (or anything else bad) won’t happen to us. Jenna had NEVER suffered any sort of depression before PPD. There were absolutely no warning signs on this one. We never prepared ourselves for the worst. Jenna and I had no plan for PPD when it happened, no safety net or plan b. As a result, we’re going through an adoption right now, which is going very well. But in the back of my mind, I’m preparing for what might go wrong – and there is plenty to go wrong in international adoptions. It’s given me a healthy dose of preparedness that I’d never had before.

Depression isn’t just a bad thing. I know, that sounds like an insane statement to make, but let me explain. Depression allows you for a time to see life, and perhaps embrace life, as it really is – broken and in desperate need of repair. As a result of PPD, I savor even the “just OK” times in life because I know how bad it can get.

People are good. Surrounding yourself with a support network is one of the best things you can do for PPD. Do this before you experience tragedy; experience the joys of community as well.

Share with us some of the ways you were able to participate in your wife’s recovery.

1. Realize that this is something that I can’t fix. Once that was cemented into my head, I was free to just be the best husband / father I could be.

2. Take over duties/chores. Taking away the stresses – cleaning, cooking, etc. – that I could seemed to free her mind to think about the kids. Along with this, I also had the freedom to flex my hours at work. I stayed home until the kids were fed and clothed. I was home for the bedtime routine and canceled my evening appointments. This isn’t easy, but this speaks VOLUMES to your wife – you’re making her a priority.

3. I went with her to her first PPD group meeting. I wanted to show my support, even if it was just driving her to the wellness center so she didn’t feel like she’d get lost. Along with this, I made her being able to go to PPD group a priority. I rearranged my schedule, took appointments out of my schedule, etc. To make that happen.

4. I made every effort to help her start Life After Baby, the support group she started at our church – helping design web images, fliers, etc. She has since graduated from the group herself, but the group will still meet with new leadership this coming year.

Let’s face it. Parenting is not easy. What are some of your most difficult daily parenting challenges?

We now have three kids. Jenna’s pretty much recovered from her third trip through PPD (this hasn’t been the worst, just the longest – Addi is 2). Daily challenges: navigating the kids through the best friends/worst enemy phase of being siblings. They can turn on a dime, and helping them work through the worst enemy side of that coin is not easy. Finding alone time with each of the kids and making sure that each is getting a good amount of personal attention. And I guess that last challenge would be more on the marriage side of things, but making sure that Jenna and I don’t lose touch in the process of caring for the kids. It’s easy to focus everything on them and give the leftovers to each other. We’ve got to make each other a priority!


Shameless plug time. Tell us about your blog and why you started it.

My blog: labairi (or life as best as I remember it) was started basically as an outlet for me to write my thoughts on life. I’m an avid journal writer, and figured I’d put that to good use for the world to read–No grand ambitions, just a guy and his thoughts. It’s definitely evolved in the past three years as I’ve allowed myself to become more transparent with what’s actually going on sharing our journey and my thoughts on PPD as well as my own bouts with depression and anxiety. Since starting the blog, it’s been amazing to see what being transparent can do. I’ve connected and helped several PPD dads and family members helping them walk through some of the worst moments. I’ve been able to read books on fatherhood sent to me by authors. And I’ve just met some incredibly cool people that encourage me to be a better person. My blog is sometimes serious, sometimes fun, but always real.


And last but not least – if you had a chance to share one piece of advice with an expectant father (new or experienced), what would it be?

Embrace every moment good and bad, you can’t get them back. Choose your family above your golf game and if you can help it, your work life. You may make less money, but in the long run you’ll be investing in something that lasts for eternity.

Sharing the Journey with Alison

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Alison has been a regular reader here at Sharing the Journey for quite some time. Over the past few weeks we’ve really gotten to chatting off blog and I asked her to share her story with you. A mother of two who bucked the odds with her second child (quite unexpected) and also faced high risks during the same pregnancy, she is now working on a counseling degree in order to help other women struggling with PPD. Her story is an inspiration and I am honored to share it with you here. (By the way, if you like what she has to say and want to keep up with her, Alison has her own blog, Mountain Mama)

Would you share your PPD Story?

I’m not completely sure where it starts. I guess there’s a chance I could have had mild PPD with my son, our first child, in 2005 but I’m not really sure. I went back to work pretty quickly and I was surrounded by family and friends when our son was born. We were living with my parents waiting for our house to be done and we had visitors probably every weekend and sometimes during the week, as well. I remember having a few break downs but other than that it was nothing like when our daughter was born.

I think I was depressed even before we conceived our daughter and found out about being pregnant. I was dealing with major medical issues and we had been told that we were infertile, most likely not able to have more kids any time soon. I began radiation and after the first dose, and a number of negative pregnancy tests- including a blood test, we found out we were expecting. That set off an extremely high risk pregnancy as well as a premature birth. I was in doctor’s office’s at least once a week and I was on high doses of medication. We found out about halfway through the pregnancy that the medication I was taking was slowly strangling the baby. I was taken off my medication and within two weeks put on strict bed rest- with a two year old at home.

Our daughter was born about 5.5 weeks early and was pretty perfect! My time in the hospital was ok. My mom spent time with me when she wasn’t watching our son and our neighbors stopped by. That was the extent of our visitors and I think that’s where the real part of depression started to kick in. Plus, I still had my medical condition to deal with and all of the hormones. I felt like there should have been more attention paid, by my family and friends, to the fact that really we had just given birth to a miracle baby. That really upset me.
As the weeks went by I became more and more sad and reluctant to do anything. I was just completely out of it. It was easier to let my son watch TV all day and lay on the couch than it was actually get up and do anything. I remember one night being at my parents’ house and my father and uncle were arguing on the phone about care for my grandfather, who was sick. My father said something to my uncle to effect of, “Well, do you want to put him in handcuffs and drag him to a nursing home?!?”

And I lost it. The argument upset me but all of a sudden everything was just so overwhelming. I had two kids. I was living in a place that was away from everyone and everything I loved. And I felt very alone.

My husband was wonderful. We were not nursing and he would get up with the baby and feed her. He was great with our son. He was doing all that he could to support me but he was lost, too. My parents were unbelievably helpful, especially my mom. I had the support it was just hard. I knew in that moment, sitting on the floor of my parents’ living room crying as I put my newborn in her car seat, that something was very wrong.

I was seeing my doctor for a four week check up and I decided to talk with her about it. We talked about my depression and the crying and sadness and feeling overwhelmed. We talked about PPD and the likelihood that I was experiencing it full on and then she recommended talk therapy and prescribed and anti-depressant for me. I was apprehensive about the medication but filled the script anyway. I began therapy and my therapist came to the same diagnosis, PPD. I found that I was more comfortable in therapy without the medication than with it. I talked with my doctor again and I tapered off the meds and continued in therapy. I terminated therapy due to insurance problems but I had accomplished a great deal while there. I learned coping mechanisms. I talked out many of my issues and I was able to lay a lot of it on the table! I still have my days where I’m depressed and get down and just don’t want to do anything or be with anyone but it is nothing as it was before. I worry about the idea of having another baby and being confronted with the PPD again but I know, and my family knows, how to recognize it and help me through it.

How has experiencing PPD changed your life?

Immensely. There is so much that I never realized about PPD before this experience. I never realized how much it can affect the lives of everyone around you, not just the individual. I never realized how debilitating it can be. I never realized how absolutely scary it can be!

As a result of my PPD and getting help for it I’ve decided that I want to dedicate my career, my counseling career, to working with women and families who are dealing with PPD as well as pregnancy, fertility and other postpartum issues.

Having lived with the disease I have learned how to recognize it and help others. I have learned how to be more compassionate and understanding. And I have learned how cope with it and get through it and come out stronger.

What effect did your PPD have on your husband? How did he handle things?

I think it scared my husband. He didn’t know how to handle it. Once I began getting help for it I think he felt as if a weight had been taken off his shoulders. He saw me suffering and dealing with these emotions and had no idea how to deal with them or his own. I think it was hard to see it especially during a time when I should have been ecstatic to have a new baby.I saw the full effect of the entire experience on him months later. He came home from work and shared a story with me about one of his co-workers. This co-worker and his wife had just had a little girl about two months earlier and his wife was having a really hard time. Her emotions were all over board and she would go from happy high times to very low, angry, depressed, jealous times. My husband happened to witness a phone call between his co worker and his wife where this man became really angry and ended up hanging up on his wife. My husband stepped in and asked if he was OK, did he want to talk, etc. His co worker went on to talk about how since the baby had come his wife was “crazy”. She was either crying or angry all the time, jealous of silly things, and really just unhappy and unmotivated. Pat, my husband, asked if she had talked to a doctor or anything like that since the baby was born because it sounded very much like the beginnings of what we had been through after our daughter. Pat talked to his co worker about recognizing that it’s really hard on his wife when she’s home all day with the baby and dealing with recovering and healing and getting hormones “and crap” in check and he’s at work. Pat later found out that his co worker’s wife had decided to start seeing a therapist and they were talking a lot more. She had needed someone to talk with about her feelings after the baby was born. I really saw that Pat had understood everything that had happened at that point when he reached out to help a friend who was in the same place that he had one been.

What is your favorite thing about being a mother?

It has to be the smiles and the laughs. When my kids smile at me and laugh, it makes everything else take a back seat. Knowing that those smiles and laughter came from love and from my husband and I is just so special. Watching them experience things that create smiles and laughter is incredible, too. Every single day they discover something new and exciting and every day there is more to find joy in. I think that is just so special.

What do you find most challenging in motherhood?

Everything…can I use that as my answer? I don’t think, for me, it’s balancing work and kids and family and school. I think it’s the constancy of it all. It never stops. I never get to not be mom. Yeah, I can go out to dinner or a movie with Pat or with friends. Yes, I can hire a babysitter and do something. But there never comes a point where I will not be mom. I have other roles and other parts to my identity but I am always mom. I’m not saying I’m unhappy about that but I think that sometimes the enormity of always being mom can be a lot. It’s wonderful. But sometimes I just want my kids to forget the word mommy for 5 minutes.

Taking time for ourselves is one of the most invaluable gifts. What do you do with time you have to yourself?

Time for myself is a precious commodity. Lately, I’ve been much more conscious of taking serious time for myself where I don’t do work or classwork but try and do something that I actually enjoy. I try to exercise. I’ll go to the movies by myself, which is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be! I’ll go and see friends that I normally would have to take the kids with me to see. I’ll go for a walk. Or really I’ll just go to the supermarket or Target and wander around. Just getting out of the house or even on another floor separate from the kids gives me the time I need.

Based on your experience with PPD, do you have any suggestions for improvements to the way things were handled with your case? In your opinion, should anything have been done differently?
Oh YES! I live in NJ and while I think we have made great strides to help those suffering with PPD we are no where even close to getting it right!! I was given a questionnaire within 24 hours of giving birth that was supposed to evaluate my depression. It was a joke!! Things like that should be handed out at the baby’s weight check or at an OB visit or even mailed to the patient. My hospital had no problem sending me a survey about their care performance, they should be able to send out one about depression and PPD. I wish that someone had come to talk with me in the hospital. I’m talking about a professional counselor. I understand that PPD symptoms don’t really show up for at least one to two weeks, if at all, but I feel like if I had been educated about it I would have felt more comfortable with it. Even to hand out fliers or a fact sheet. Just something to let me know the warning signs. Something I could give to my parents and husband to let them know what to look for. I just think there needs to be more education and awareness to rid our society of the stigma and also to help women and families understand that they are not alone and it’s OK to ask for help!

Do you feel that because of your experience those around you are now more educated regarding PPD? Any plans to help other women in need in the future?

Yes, absolutely. See the second answer for more details on my plans!:)

Here’s a chance for a shameless plug. Tell us all about your blog!

My blog is not so much about PPD but about me being a mom and all that comes along with it! It’s www.mommountain.blogspot.com and it’s really a chronicle of my life with two kids, working full time and getting my counseling degree. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s sad, sometimes it makes you think and sometimes it’s me just venting. It has been a great outlet for my thoughts and feelings and has really helped me to express myself in ways that I never thought I could. It was a great piece of my therapy that has definitely helped me continue to get better.

If you had a chance to give an expecting mom (new or experienced) one piece of advice, what would it be and why?

Questions like this are so hard for me. I’m not sure. I guess it would be to do your very best to see the positive and the light in the situation. Ask for help and when it’s offered, and you’re comfortable with it, take it. We do not have to be supermoms. Motherhood is not about doing it alone and making it happen on our own. It was more than just us making us mothers and now we need to realize that getting support from those around us is still just as important and necessary.

Sharing the Journey with ME!

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Here’s a twist on the typical Thursday Interview fare around here.

I asked my husband to email me 10 questions. He sent 11. I figured it was only fair to allow him to interview me being that he was kind enough to do the same.

Enjoy getting to know me even better!

Tell me about the first time that you thought you might be suffering from PPD. How did you cope with it?

We were living in South Carolina and miles away from any family or support when our first daughter was born. Just a few months prior to her birth I discovered the online community at iVillage.com and became quite active there as I did not have any friends or family nearby and was practically bedridden due to severe pelvic misalignment issues. Allison’s birth was quite the traumatic experience (the doctor is very lucky I had a moment of sanity and decided NOT to kick him) and no one really seemed to offer any help after she was born. It was kind of an in and out experience, which, unfortunately, is the norm nowadays.

Once we got her home, the first thing that happened was an employee of yours stopping by the house with her son who was sick and sneezing. He proceeded to touch all of the baby stuff and I totally freaked out. At the time I did not see this as the beginning but the level of anxiety I felt that day took a very long time to dissipate. I really started to sink lower when you went back to work and remember standing over Alli’s crib and apologizing to her because I had no idea what to say to her. I thought she was judging me for not knowing how to be a good mommy. I was also very upset with myself because motherhood was what I wanted – even more than being a wife – I grew up wanting to be a mommy more than anything and here I was, finally a mom, and felt I was failing.

I realized it might be PPD through the online community at iVillage and reading things other women had posted. At three months postpartum and after some serious soul searching, I finally made an appointment with my OB. I was tired of the intrusive thoughts, the anxiety, the anger, I was tired of not being myself. So I went online, took a screening test and scored severely depressed having answered the questions about self-harm and harming my infant with a yes. I took this to my OB and he refused to acknowledge the possibility of PPD but did admit something was going on – PPD, no – because I was more than 6 weeks PP and my “hormones should be back to normal by now” Calm down now – it gets worse. Alli was screaming to be nursed as we discussed things (crying is my WORST trigger) and my OB brazenly asked how important it was to continue breastfeeding. What he said next shocked me. He refused to medicate me because I refused to quit nursing. His precise words were that I refused to stop nursing for trial therapy. I have my medical records to prove it. Because I was clean, had applied make-up, and was well-spoken, I couldn’t be depressed. Because I didn’t “look” the part, that couldn’t be what was wrong with me. He admitted something was going on but refused to admit that it was PPD. I was referred to the in-house counselor but they kept changing my appointment which made things worse so I refused to go and canceled my appointment.

Just two months later we moved back to Georgia and things started to improve because we were able to leave Alli with your parents and I started to get some time to myself. I thought I was recovered but sadly we discovered after I gave birth to Charlotte that I had not and things were worse than ever.

After giving birth to three children, how did your pregnancies differ in relation to your PPD experiences?

My first pregnancy was the easiest but I think all Moms say that – after all, you don’t have other little ones to chase around or keep up with. My first round of PPD was also mild compared to the second time around.

The second pregnancy was a bit easier physically because I knew what to expect but harder in the aspect that I had a toddler to run around after which is the last thing you feel like doing when your stomach is revolting against well, the world. The postpartum period after Charlotte’s birth was the most intense – her cleft palate, my depression and subsequent hospitalization, her multiple surgeries, Alli’s terrible two’s, your stressful and exhaustive job, pumping full time for Charlotte… you name it, there wasn’t a roadblock we didn’t face. But we made it through, clutching the bar holding us down into the roller coaster until our knuckles were transparent.

Honestly, how supportive was I when you were going through such a terrible time? What do you wish I had done differently?

Wow. Hard question. I think you were as supportive as you could be given the existential circumstances of each situation (no support system, birth defect & NICU, unexpected pregnancy), the information available to you at the time, and the irritability that you were constantly ducking from me. I am sure you probably felt as if you were walking on eggshells most of the time, not knowing if the next word out of your mouth would set off an “episode.”

Knowing what we now know as a couple about PPD, obviously there are some things we would have done differently like gone for a second opinion, pushed for better treatment, worked together instead of drifting apart into our own worlds which I think led to the path on which we found ourselves after Charlotte’s birth. I wasn’t able to be there for you and you felt as you couldn’t show any emotion when all I wanted was for you to show something – to let know that I wasn’t alone in feeling so lost about her cleft palate and the NICU stay. Of course I didn’t say this to you – I expected you to read my mind and got pissed when you didn’t. That’s just not fair at all (and is hallmark behavior of a postpartum woman)

Overall, you did a great job keeping us together as a family even if it meant putting on a show for me and for everyone else. As for having done something differently, hindsight is 20/20 and there’s nothing we can do to change our past behavior. I believe strongly that our marriage can now withstand anything anyone wishes to toss our way. We’ve certainly been through quite a bit in six short years.

You have certainly turned some very tragic events into ammunition to help other women fight PPD? How have your PPD experiences helped you help others?

I have found my inner strength, beauty, and grace as a result of the darkness of PPD. The same strength with which I battled my own PPD energizes me each and everyday to help other women who are in the same place I used to be. I will NOT let another woman suffer alone if there is anything I can do to change that for her. Each day I wake up with the goal of helping at least one woman. Small contribution but it goes back to a quote I fell in love with while in college by Ghandi: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

What role has your faith and belief in God played in your battles with PPD?

Raised Christian and having given my heart to the Lord at the tender age of 6, I had fallen away from the Lord and had really not been close with him for quite some time when Alli was born. I started to pray more and continued with this throughout my pregnancy with Charlotte. After Charlotte’s birth, I could feel His presence and let myself lean on Him although not as much as I should have, looking back. God knew he wasn’t done with me yet so He sent us Cameron to show me how much of a miracle He was capable of making. And He made a cute one!

When I first started helping others with PPD, I was uncomfortable talking about faith and God. Now it’s one of the easiest things to talk about. God has truly taken me into his Arms and blessed me. And I figure – if Jesus died for our sins, what a small price PPD is compared to His sacrifice. It’s taken me nearly four years of intense growth and molding to come to that conclusion and is not something I have come to believe lightly. My faith is stronger than ever and is still growing.

On the other side of the coin, have your PPD experiences affected your faith? How?

My PPD experiences have certainly brought me closer to God. I have come to realize that He has big plans for me and I have learned to quietly listen to his voice and truly lean on Him during times of need. In fact, if I start to worry now, I instantly pray rather than let it spiral out of control. I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am for all the growth He has allowed in my life over the past few years!

Life can be busy. Ours certainly is. You are a mother of three, homemaker, PPD advocate and wife. It almost seems impossible what you do. So I have to know, how do you do it?

I have no idea. If you figure it out, let me know.

Seriously though – I grew up watching (and helping) my mother around the house. She was a Stay at home mom too and I picked up a lot of tips from her too. I still call every day (HI MOM) well, almost every day as I’m much busier now and she gives me lots and lots of tips.

A lot of the PPD work I do is online so I can do bits and pieces here and there. I’ve also got the housework down to a science and can have that going while I’m working on PPD stuff in the living room.

One rule I’m working on is that when the girls are awake, I am all theirs unless I have to cook or clean. Even then I try to get them involved so they don’t feel left out or get them playing with play-doh at the dining room table so they’ll at least be having fun. I love my times with the girls as it’s what keeps me sane – well, along with time with you too!

What do you find most challenging about motherhood?

It never ends. My mom has a cartoon on her fridge at her house that I would LOVE to have – a census worker is at the door and a woman is standing there. She is saying, “Work? I just wake up and there it is.” I am never off – I am on call 24/7. Just today I was mother, nurse, friend, poopy cleaner, fan fixer, chef, linguist, wife, writer, brain-stormer, dishwasher, laundry lady, pie maker, dog walker, hand-holder, singer, and most importantly, ME.

What is your favorite thing about motherhood?

Bedtime.

Seriously though – I would have to go with getting the kids to laugh and have a good time. There is NOTHING more heartwarming and uplifting than allowing myself to be a total kid right along with them. I know this is not something you’ve seen terribly often but I’m working on it. At least I’m singing more in front of you more, right?

And last, but not least. What is it like being married to such a hunk and amazing man?

I’ll let you know when that happens. 😉

It’s like the way the Earth smells right after an afternoon rain shower. No matter how many times you experience it, it’s always new, refreshing, and uplifting even though the storm that brought you there may have been the most difficult storm you’ve ever experienced.

Tech Free for PPD Weekend

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Ok folks, here’s the absolutely official announcement for this weekend!

Based on a dare from my husband to survive just Sunday with no computer access (and phone only access on my PDA), I have decided that if I can’t actively support women and families struggling with PDA (um, yeah – I’m really gonna make it here, folks!), er, PPD, I’m going to passively support them.

I’m going Tech Free for PPD this weekend! I’m asking you to donate up to $1 to PSI for every hour that I’m tech free. (That’s a maximum of $48 if I last the entire weekend)

A donation post with a direct link to PSI’s donation page will be posted here Friday night and if I do well, you won’t hear from me until Monday. I may have my husband update with how well (or poorly) I’m doing.

Feel free to grab the logo and join in if you’d like – the more the merrier. We can all commiserate on Monday when we finally get our toys back. LOL.

Oh yeah, and if you blog, PLEASE pass on the word about this – I know it’s short notice, but hey, a dare is a dare, right?