Tag Archives: postpartum depression

Sharpen those keyboards and use those phones!

Leave a reply

Ladies! (And gentlemen!)

Get those advocate attitudes revving!

The MOTHER’S Act is set to see action THIS WEEK in the Senate.

So pick up your phone, email your Senator. Let them know that supporting the MOTHER’S Act is a brave first step towards battling this illness that affects thousands of American Families each year. Give these families a voice!

Here’s a clip from what Susan Dowd Stone, immediate past President of PSI has to say:

Today, America’s mothers, infants and families have reason to be encouraged and to reach out to their state senators to again request their support of The Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act in its final push to passage.YOU HAVE BEEN HEARD and this morning, Majority Leader Reid introduced a package of bills called Advance America’s Priorities Act which now includes The Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act. Senators Robert Menendez (NJ) and Richard Durbin (IL) have been working very hard with Majority Leader Harry Reid and Chairman Edward Kennedy to pass this legislation.
These initiatives will be considered over the next week.

Your renewed advocacy and attention is especially welcome RIGHT NOW! We need to continue make it deafeningly clear how important this bill is to women and families all across America.  The online petition in support of The Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act has been reintroduced and we invite your signature and call to your state senators office. If you wish to write a personal letter, this would also offer welcome support. By clicking on this link you will be connected to the petition and information on how you can reach your senator and sign the petition.  http://capwiz.com/ndmda/issues/alert/?alertid=11668371

We are almost there!! After years of unfathomable and needless suffering, American women may finally get the relief offered through increased research into the causes of perinatal mood disorders, better education of healthcare professionals to identify and treat these disorders, and grants for programs and services to help women to recovery. Thanks for the tremendous efforts which have brought us to this point and your steadfast participation in this final effort.

Sharing the Journey with My Husband

Leave a reply

As I sit here having just read this interview, I am blown away by how far we have truly come since the birth of our first child. We have overcome so much and I know it is because neither one of us is afraid of staring adversity in the eye. Chris and I met November 2000 while we worked at the same company. We’ve been inseparable ever since, no matter what the storm brought to our world. Relying on each other’s strengths and shoring up each other’s weaknesses, we’ve managed to build an extremely strong marriage that has been tested time and again in the short six years of wedded partnership. And you know what? We’ve come out of each storm stronger and closer than before. There’s a quote by Louisa Alcott:  “I am not afraid of the storm for I am learning to sail my ship.” Together we are not afraid of the storm and have slowly begun to master sailing our ship through whatever mighty waves come our way. I hope you enjoy this honest and compassionate look into my PPD experience from my husband’s perspective.

Would you share your experience of watching the woman you love suffer from Postpartum Depression? What were some of the emotions you went through as you watched me spiral downward and what was the hardest part for you?

Wow, thats tough. I guess it is hard because I have blocked that out of my mind. I think the best way to answer that question is to just explain what PPD looks like from the outside from the perspective of someone who is uneducated in the signs, because that is where I was when it all began. Honestly I really didn’t know what to think. All I knew is that the woman that I married and loved was gone. You were reclusive and moody most of the time. All I really wanted to do is just tell you to snap out of it, and I think that I did a couple of times. I thought you had become lazy and selfish. I knew something was wrong, but I thought it was more of a problem with lack of motivation and lack of discipline. It made me angry. After our second daughter was born, I had educated myself. I found that even though I got frustrated with you, I understood. I probably didn’t show it all the time, because I had my own stresses going on with sixty hour work weeks and the hospitalization of our daughter. The hardest part of it all though was watching you hurt. I just wanted so bad for you to be happy and it just didn’t seem to happen.

Looking back, would you agree that the lack of diagnosis/treatment of my first episode compounded my second episode?

Definitely. I actually believe that it just carried over into the second pregnancy. You never really recovered from the first episode. It wasn’t until nearly a year after the birth of Charlotte that I even began to recognize you as the same woman that I married.

You recognized my PP OCD the second time around well before I was able to admit there was a problem. In fact, you even made the call to my OB’s office for initial treatment. What were some of the warning signs that alerted you to the beginnings of this episode?

You had become anti-social. You were sad most of the time. You did a lot of cleaning, and please don’t take this the wrong way because you really are a great housewife, but neither one of us is Mary Poppins when it comes to keeping the house clean. What really tipped me off though was that you just didn’t seem well. You wanted to sleep a lot and you also seemed to snap very easily at the smallest things.

My hospitalization absolutely frightened me but ultimately became the turning point in my recovery. Would you share your memories and feelings surrounding my hospitalization?

Honestly, I was scared to death as well. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was working sixty hour work weeks with a two year old and newborn at home and I didn’t know how I was going to take care of them. And how would I juggle having to make the hour drive back and forth to the hospital that you were in to bring you the things that you would need and to get milk for Charlotte? I didn’t know how long you would be there. I was really scared. I was also concerned for you. I love you and didn’t want to see you hurting. I was also thankful for the fact that you were getting the help you needed. When you called me at work and told me that you were having intrusive thoughts, I couldn’t get home fast enough. Who knows what the outcome would have been had you not gone to the hospital that day? That thought still crosses my mind today. I am so grateful that you understood the severity of your problem and took the help that was given to you. I think it all goes back to education.

We worked very hard together to prevent PPD after Cameron’s birth. What were some of the differences in how we approached the postpartum period this time around?

Well, I know that you took antidepressants during your pregnancy, but we also had a set of written guidelines as to what to look for and for how we would respond if certain events took place. We tried to educate (there’s that word again) our families about the signs to look for and also what were the right and wrong things to say and do in the event that PPD reared it’s head again. During your second bout with PPD I really think that we were better educated, but our families were not. This caused a lot of tension and strife. With the whole family knowing what to look for, it helped make everyone sympathetic to the situation. Boy do I wish we had that in place when in the throes of your second episode.

What is the biggest lesson you feel you’ve learned from my PP OCD episodes?

I always viewed mental illness as something that happened to other people. I viewed people with mental illness as weird or abnormal. The biggest thing I learned is that mental illness can strike anyone, at any time. I suffer from ADHD, depression and anxiety and would have never sought help with my issues had I not educated myself about yours.

What has it been like to watch me grow from mother suffering from PPD to the PPD Advocate I am today?

First I would like to say how proud I am of you. You have turned adversity into triumph. I have been amazed at the transformation. Most people just take their hard knocks and then move on, but you have taken up a cause and have made a difference in other peoples lives. I am inspired and in awe. I love you and encourage to keep up the great work that you are doing.

Share with us what you find to be most challenging about fatherhood. The Least challenging.

I have always been a rather impatient person. Fatherhood is teaching me patience. That is a challenge since I tend to want instant results. Maybe that is just the ADHD in me. Kids sort of move at their own pace, and I have learned that they are learning all along the way. To rush them along is not only detrimental to their growth and development, but it is also unfair to steal those learning experiences away from them. The least challenging is loving those precious kids. I just can’t seem to get enough of them and can’t give enough hugs and kisses. That is not a challenge at all.

How important do you feel it is to hold onto a sense of self once you become a parent? What are some ways a father can provide some much needed alone time?

You must know who you are before you can help someone else, namely your children, discover who they are. The best way to do that is to have some “me time”. It is very difficult to get when you are a parent between diaper changes and cleaning mud (or other mud like substances) off the walls, but is essential. Sometimes I will stay up late to get some alone time or will go to the store. Don’t forget though that you and your spouse need some time together too. Also, it is ok to ask your wife to take the kids for a few hours while you go get some coffee. Just remember though that you need to provide her with that same luxury as well. Ask the Grandparents to take the kids too. Even if it is just for an hour or two, you and your spouse can have a nice dinner or just go home and work on some of those household projects that you have on your “honey do” list.

And last but not least, if you had one piece of advice to give an expectant father (new or experienced), what would it be?

Educate, educate and when it’s all through educate some more. You can never fully prepare yourself for everything that fatherhood throws at you, but knowing some of what to expect takes a lot of the anxiety away and relieves a lot of the stress on you and your spouses relationship

Grace Award

Leave a reply

Grace Award Badge

Darren Bernhardt, of TheStarPhoenix.com is honored for his story, “Child care necessary for support groups,” in which he reports on the loss of child care for a Saskatoon (CA) Postpartum Support Group. Darren’s writing dignifies and honors the journey these moms take as they struggle to overcome such a difficult times in their lives.Thank you Darren, for respecting these families and the program that supports them during this time.

Sharing the Journey with Karen Kleiman

2 Replies

Yes, I know this month’s interviews are dedicated to moms of women with PPD but I am just so excited about this interview that I just had to put it up!

If you’ve been following this blog from the beginning (and thank you if you have!), you know that Karen’s book, What am I thinking? Having a Baby after Postpartum Depression was what I grabbed immediately after the positive pregnancy test. It was that very book that led to the inspiration for this blog so in a way, this is coming full circle for me because it was about this time last year that I found out I was pregnant.

Karen runs The Postpartum Stress Center in PA and her website and books are the first places I will send a new mom or family member. She’s got her stuff together and in my opinion has some of the best straightforward advice and information for women and their families! I am so honoured to be sharing this with you and even more honoured that Karen agreed to do the interview. Thanks Karen for all your hard work! Keep it up!

 

What led you to specialize in women’s issues?

To steal a line from my new book, “Ever since I was a young child, I wanted to be a mother.”  I remember playing with dolls and always taking on the role of the perfect mother.  I remember proudly asserting to my own mother, “when I grow up, I’m going to be a mother!”  After studying to be a therapist and then, becoming a mother myself, it felt natural to narrow my professional focus to women and their unique needs.

How did the idea for The Postpartum Stress Center come about and what brought it to fruition?

When my children were born, twenty plus years ago, I went back to work part-time as a social worker and trained to be a lactation consultant so I could connect with new mothers when I wasn’t working.  That experience provided one of my earliest exposures to the emotional upheaval of new motherhood.  Women started telling me how bad they were feeling.  (As you can imagine, if you can talk to a stranger about your nipples, you can talk about anything!)  I wasn’t sure if it was because I was a therapist or because they were so overwhelmed, it didn’t matter who was on the other end of the phone, but either way, I became aware of how many women weren’t feeling good after they had their babies.  Some felt bad about their babies, some felt bad about their marriages, some felt bad about them selves.  The common themes were: lack of support, exhaustion, and chronic worry. 

So when I went into private practice, I started studying postpartum depression to better understand what some of these women might be experiencing.   It didn’t take long for me to realize that most of these women were falling through the cracks of the medical community, remember, this was twenty four years ago.  No one was talking about postpartum depression like they do today.  As my practice developed and I started treating more and more women with depression, it was apparent how insufficient the healthcare system was in response to this great need.  This is when my clinical practice evolved into the next phase which included psycho-education, trainings, in-services, and writing, in order to enhance the community’s understanding and promote optimal treatment options.

As a mother yourself, what has been most challenging? Least challenging?

As much as I hate to admit it… this Empty Nest thing… I don’t love it.  It’s funny, I often think to myself how fortunate I am to have such a loving husband (twenty five years with me cannot be easy!), a fabulous career and all kinds of wonderful things to fill my days.  Still, it’s hard not to have the kids here.  Both are close enough to home, but, it’s not the same.

Least challenging?  Laughing with and about my kids.  You know that feeling that a new mother gets when she hears her baby belly laugh for the first time?  It’s like you want to stop the whole world and tell everyone to listen to this exquisite sound, as if no one had ever heard a baby laugh before!  Nothing in the world feels better than hearing your baby belly laugh.  And when the baby is 15 years old, or 21, or 24?  It feels exactly the same way.  It’s magical.

How has becoming a mother changed you?

Motherhood has inspired all that I do, most of what I say, and much of who I am.

What activity refreshes you the most when you’ve had a rough day?

I love coming home and sitting on the deck with my husband after a day’s work; surrounded by flowers, birds, dogs, good food, and lots of laughs.  It is actually essential to my well-being.  I get very cranky if I don’t laugh.

In your opinion, what aspect of motherhood should be celebrated the most?

I don’t think there is any aspect of motherhood that can be singled out to be celebrated.  I truly think all mothers, as well as fathers, always do the best they can at any given moment.   Women need to stop comparing themselves to others; they need to try to quiet the critical voice inside their own heads and believe in themselves.  Mothers need to learn to celebrate their own accomplishments, big and small, and realize the greatness in all that they do.  If they wait for appreciation from others, they will, undoubtedly, be disappointed and disillusioned.

What led you to write The Postpartum Husband?

After working with the postpartum population for some time, I began to realize that husbands were often kept out of the treatment loop.   As more and more partners were joining our sessions, I became aware of their enormous influence on the recovery process.  Not only did they need information and support, but their presence and their connection to the process made a significant difference in how women recovered.

Your book, What Am I Thinking?: Having a Baby After Postpartum Depression, was what I grabbed when I got my positive pregnancy result for Cameron and it really helped me to put a positive spin on my pregnancy – inspired this blog, actually. What went into the authorship of this book and why would you recommend it to women who are facing either a decision about pregnancy or an unexpected pregnancy after experiencing a Postpartum Mood Disorder?

Well as you know, the decision to get pregnant after experiencing a previous postpartum mood disorder is a difficult one.  In my practice, I have seen that women will feel more confident, more in control and less anxious if they have information.  The information gathered from a previous experience of depression can arm a woman with details that can help her learn a great deal about herself.  It has been shown that preparing for the postpartum period by fortifying her resources can reduce the likelihood of a full-blown depression.

  As with all the books I have written, the women I see in my practice have literally led the way.  They tell me what they need to know, which is how I determine what should be addressed.  Postpartum women have taught me what I know and what I need to teach others.  I’m so glad to hear my book helped support you through your pregnancy and postpartum period!  And it inspired this blog?  What a sweet thing to say.  I think this blog is such a fabulous idea and I’m certain it has offered much support to women going through similar circumstances.

 I hope you don’t mind me plugging my newest book which is due out this September.  “Therapy and the Postpartum Woman: Notes on Healing Postpartum Depression for Clinicians and the Women Who Seek their Help” (Routledge, 2008 ) will be a nice companion book for women with PPD who are either in therapy or considering therapy. 

Any sage advice for families currently experiencing issues with a Postpartum Mood disorder? What steps should they take to help Mom get better?  

Talk to her.  Sit with her.  Stay close to her.  Tolerate her anxiety and ambivalence.  Encourage her to contact her healthcare practitioner.  If she doesn’t, make sure she knows you will do that with her or for her.   Do not assume she is fine if she says she is.  Stay connected to the process.  Do what needs to be done to enable her to sleep, eat, rest and get out for fresh air.  Remind her she is loved and no matter how long this takes, you will be there.  Tell her she will not always feel this way. 

If there was one piece of advice you could give to an expectant mother (new or experienced), what would it be and why would this be important for her to hear? 

An expectant mother is at a turning point in her life.  She knows that no matter how things unfold, her life will never be the same.  This can be experienced with great anticipation or with great anxiety.  Either way, it is best to prepare by being mindful and attentive; to her own needs, to those of her partner and to those of her marriage.
 
For women who may be symptomatic during or after their pregnancy, I am reminded of a wonderful quote by Emory Austin:

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart.  Sing anyway.”