Tag Archives: postpartum depression

On the Third day of Dismissmass: Three Healthy Babies

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On the third day of Dismissmas,

Postpartum sent to me

Three perfect babies

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

 

How many of you have heard (or thought) this zinger: “But the baby’s perfectly healthy. Why on earth are you sad?”

As a mother of two children who were born perfectly healthy and one who was born with a cleft palate and needed major surgery at just 9 days old to help her breathe and eat, I know what it is like to be on both sides that statement.

Yes, having a child with additional needs is hard. But just because baby is perfectly healthy does not mean that Mama is going to be happy after giving birth. There are a whole host of reasons for mom not to be happy. Thyroid, Anemia, Vitamin D deficiency, history of personal or family psychiatric illness, perceived trauma during the childbirth experience, hormones that are now all out of whack and not shifting back into place properly, financial stress, moving, life decisions, etc.

Those who say things like “Baby’s healthy. You shouldn’t be sad” have never been depressed after the birth of a child. It happens. It’s real. And it is absolutely not yours OR the baby’s fault.

The next time someone says that to you – respond with this: “You’re healthy too. Why aren’t you helping me get healthy too?”

Then snap a picture. Trust me. It’ll be a Kodak moment for sure.

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Just Talking Tuesday: The Elephant in the Room

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There may be an elephant in your marriage or relationship if you have been diagnosed with a Postpartum Mood Disorder.

Maybe you do not want to talk about it.

Maybe he does not want to talk about it.

You are both scared.

You are scared you might be permanently broken.

He is worried he has lost the woman he married.

Fear is a powerful motivator. Sometimes it leads us in the wrong direction. It can leave us away from those we love and the support we need.

So we grow silent with each other. Short, rude, snide. Judgmental, even.

With each other and quite possibly even with our children.

Silence is nothing more than taking your problems and shoving them in a pressure cooker. Eventually it will explode. Explosions are messy, non-discriminatory, and only serve to create additional trauma for you and those who love you.

Humans are not telepathic. If you need help, ask for it. Accept it. Don’t judge or nag how the person helping is doing the task. Unless the manner in which they are doing the task will harm someone, sit back and enjoy the break.

Your loved ones cannot help you heal unless you share with them what is really going on. There may be reasons for you to keep it to yourself – maybe they would judge instead of help. If their response is negative then revisit the relationship after you have healed. Right now, you need to focus on you.

Don’t keep your feelings to yourself because your husband has been at work all day and deserves to come home to a happy home. You’ve been working all day too. Instead, take 10-15 minutes to check in with each other when he gets home. You get 5 minutes, he gets 5 minutes. If you can take longer, do so. But while the other person is talking, you do nothing but listen. No talking back or interrupting.

Another great suggestion from @notsuperjustmom at Twitter is to hold hands if you feel a fight suddenly coming on. You can’t fight if you’re holding hands.

Have you talked about the elephant in the room? Has it been successful? What strategies have worked for you? Is your elephant still stifling your relationship? What challenges do you face? Share with us. Someone may have a suggestion that might just work for you.

Let’s get to just talkin’!!!!

5 Postpartum Survival Tips from a Zombie Apocalypse

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Zombie: [zom-bee] n. 1. a person who is or appears to be lifeless, apathetic, or totally lacking in independent judgment; automaton

Who among us has not at one time or another felt as if we were a Zombie? Going through life trapped in repetitive motions, functioning because we had to instead of so desiring to function? Come on.. raise your hands!

New mothers are at particular risk for this – new dads too!

Bringing a little creature into your life is enough to suck the very life blood from your own veins. It’s as if you’ve been infected – it’s your very own Baby Apocalypse!

Nursing, feeding, crying, fussing, playing, mixed up nights and days, toss in a Postpartum Mood Disorder for good measure and you’re totally screwed in no time.

Just as with Zombies, many humans have their own theories about Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders. Some people believe they exist. Others don’t think they exist at all. Those who do believe in PMAD’s are likely to prepare for a second round with them while those who do not believe in them choose not to prepare at all. It’s this population I worry about the most.

A few things you need to know about fighting off a Postpartum Apocalypse:

1) Educate yourself. Get intimate with the signs and symptoms of all of the disorders on the spectrum. Know what it looks like to have Postpartum OCD vs. Posptartum Psychosis. What does Postpartum Depression look like to someone else? What about Postpartum Anxiety or BiPolar? Which one is an imperative medical emergency? (BTW, any of them are an imperative medical emergency IF mom is suicidal and/or threatening harm to others – but Postpartum Psychosis is ALWAYS a medical emergency!)

2) Pull together several sources of personal support. Just as in fending off Zombies, there is strength in numbers. Find a support group. For you, this may be your parents, your partner’s parents, leaders from your church or center of faith, a local support group specifically for Postpartum Mamas or you may find something online like the Online PPD Support Page, #PPDChat, or iVillage’s Postpartum & Pregnancy Depression Message Board. Build up your arsenal of support early. The stronger your support system is, the better chance you have at fighting back and getting ahead of the coming waves.

3) Call in the Army. Well, not literally. In your case, the Army will be your physicians, your Therapist, your Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Midwife, Herbalist, Pediatrician, IBCLC, anyone involved in care for YOU or your baby. These professionals are trained and know just how to zap that depression. If you have these folks on you stand a much better chance of really obliterating the Postpartum Zombification heading your way. If you need help locating an ever-growing group of knowldgeable professionals, let me know. I’ll be happy to help.

4) Don’t stay home. Get out. Get moving .Believe it or not, research was actually done in regards to a popular Zombie movie – Night of the Living Dead. Their conclusion? Quarantine was riskier than Offensive responsive behavior. I know, my jaw dropped too. Get out. Walk. Go to the library. The local track. A zoo, museum, local fitness center. I found out I can join a public county gym for just $60/year. Guess what I’ll be doing in January? Shaking my groove thing around their track, on their elliptical’s, and using their weight machines.

5) Be an active participant in your recovery. Simply sitting on a therapist’s couch or in their office will not heal you. Neither will staring at a bottle of prescription medication or herbal supplements. You have to share your thoughts, experiences with your healthcare professionals and close support people. Twiddling thumbs is not what gets the Zombies off the front porch. It lets them in them in the front door. You might as well serve Sweet Tea and Cocktail Weenies for crying out loud. Skipping this important step is not recommended at all.

With a little bit of preparation, you too can strengthen the your survival of and recovery from an attack of a Postpartum Mood Disorder.

We won’t leave you all alone out there. We promise.

(This post inspired via Twitter discussion with @BrerMatt and @herbadmother. I’d like to thank the poor innocent spider who may have lost his life at the hand of @herbadmother in order to lead us to this post.)

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Thrilled to be among Postpartum Progress’ Top 10 PPD Writers for 2010

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I’d like to thank the Academy…

but seriously.

First, Congratulations to all the other finalists along with me! There are some terrific writers in this group. I am honored to be among them.

Last year, Katherine sought out posts and writers on her own. (I was among the Top 10 last year as well so Thank You Katherine!)

This year, she asked for nominations from her readers.

Having made the Top 10 means at least one person (possibly more) nominated me.

Thank YOU. Thank you for reading. For sharing. For helping my Voice to be heard.

I’ve struggled this year with quite a bit, including writer’s block. The particular piece that landed me in the Top 10, my Graham Crackers & Peanut Butter series, really took it out of me. For the first time since I started blogging, I dug in and told my Postpartum story after the birth of my second daughter. I had shared the story after my first daughter several times. But never had I gone into such detail about the hell through which I went after the birth of our second daughter. To have it nominated and placed in the Top 10 means the world to me. I stepped off a ledge on which I had been desperately trapped for nearly four years in sharing my story.

Thank you to my readers for nominating that series.

Thank YOU, Katherine, for making it a finalist.

And Katherine? Thank YOU for putting yourself out there every day to ensure that our voices are heard, that we are listened to, empowered, and educated. You will always be my hero.