Tag Archives: postpartum depression

Just Talking Tuesday: On PPD, Work, & Motherhood

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This week’s #PPDChat focused on PPD, work, & Motherhood.

Turns out it was quite the hot topic as both chats were very lively.

Guilt was a primary theme. Seems that nasty Guilt monster has infused himself into every aspect of Postpartum Depression. I hate that little bastard. I know you do too.

Guilt for leaving your children behind. Guilt for not wanting to be a stay at home mom. Guilt for not trusting others to care for your child so you could work.

And jealous guilt when your significant other did the lions share of the childcare because you were at work.

Like I said, I hate that little bastard.

One of the biggest issues I saw come up was that if, as an American, you may use up your Maternity Leave before baby even gets here. Then you’re forced to go back to work. Or, as was pointed out by another chatter, What if you’re the only one who can perform your job and it’s required you be there? Yup. No Maternity leave. FMLA? GREAT in theory. But crappy in execution because honestly – who can really afford to take 12 weeks off without pay? And if the company you work for has less than 50 employees? Screwed because they’re not beholden to FMLA.

One mom made an excellent point to consider when decided whether or not to disclose your diagnosis to your boss. She suggests you disclose ASAP so that all your appointments, etc, are covered by ADA. I would strongly recommend this avenue of protection. Especially if you are concerned about losing your job over required therapy appointments.

Don’t even get me started about Pumping Breastmilk at work. Oy. That needs to be a chat unto itself!

Some folks made it late to last night’s chat so I’m blogging the same topic today in order to give those who were unable to make the chat a forum in which to share, ask, and offer advice to other working moms also struggling with Postpartum Depression.

I hope several of you will comment. I am not a working mom. I worked before the kids and am looking to rejoin the work force (slowly) as I am finally in a space where I can handle the added responsibilities. I’m both excited and nervous. There is one thing I do know though, when I do return to work, it will absolutely have something to do with helping Postpartum families. Anything else would just suck. I am so not interested in going back to mediocrity and frustration. THIS is what I am meant to do with my life.

So… let’s get to Just Talkin!

Need to vent about work? Have a story to share? Did you share your diagnosis? Yes? No? Why? Why not? How did the Guilt monster attack you? Have any advice for working moms struggling with PPD? Share it all right here!

 

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On the Ninth Day of Dismissmas: Nine ladies grinning

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On the ninth day of Dismissmas,

my true love sent to me

Nine ladies grinning,

Eight maids no longer nursing,

Seven sins a-lurking,

Six women a-denying,

Five hours of sleep,

Four Just Snap out of Its,

Three perfect babies,

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

Her skin is flawless, make-up covering any flaws, her clothes are ironed and pressed, her over-coat perfectly matches her shoes, her nails do too. Every strand of her hair is in it’s place and as you stare at her, you imagine everything in her home is in the right place as well. The stroller she pushes glows as if Angels themselves were guiding it along. She does not walk. She floats. In and out of your day dreams as you struggle to keep your own infant quietly in the stroller, your hair from slipping out of the 435th ponytail holder you’ve gone through this month because your two year old keeps flushing them down the toilet, and your yoga pants no longer pass as dress pants because they have been perma-stained with strained peaches. And make-up? HAH. Smeared Strawberry and black crayon streaks is more your speed these days.

What you DON’T see is that she swung by the pharmacy before she left the store. To pick up her anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. It’s tucked away deep in her designer diaper bag. In the zipper pouch so it won’t accidentally fall out. That perfected look? Possibly a result of aforementioned depression, anxiety, or even OCD. She’s a broken soul tucked away deep in the zippered pocket of a designer bag. On the outside it looks perfect but on the inside – Oh, on the inside – the seams are pulling out, the fabric has worn thin, and it’s on the verge of collapsing.

My point?

Looks are deceiving.

Just because a woman is smiling on the outside does not mean she is smiling on the inside. Don’t ever assume that a pulled-together woman is happy. She may feel EXACTLY LIKE YOU.

On the Eighth Day of Dismissmas: Eight Maids No longer a-nursing

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On the eighth day of Dismissmas,

Postpartum sent to me

Eight maids no longer nursing,

Seven sins a-lurking,

Six women a-denying,

Five hours of sleep,

Four Just Snap out of Its,

Three perfect babies,

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

Breastfeeding with Postpartum Depression. Many say it protects from the mere experience of a Postpartum Mood Disorder. Yet I hear over and over from so many women who ARE nursing and struggling. Then they are diagnosed and faced with this zinger:

“If you want to get better, you have to take these meds. And that means you have to stop breastfeeding.”

Any idea how detrimental hearing that phrase can be for a mom for whom breastfeeding is the ONLY thing going right? You might as well take the last shred of mothering she’s doing right, stomp on it, set it on fire, hose it down, and toss it in the dumpster out back.

As I sat in my first OB’s office, my daughter screaming as I confessed to him my darkest emotions, he had the cajones to ask me, “How important is breastfeeding to you?” The old me merely sat there, jaw agape. The me from today would read him the riot act and tell him he needed to get on the computer to Google a few things, call a few numbers, and find a successful way to treat me AND preserve my breastfeeding relationship with my daughter in the process. What a difference nearly 7 years will make in the life of a woman, eh?

There are indeed medications you can take which are safe for nursing. But if you choose to take psychiatric medications while breastfeeding, let your Pediatrician know so he/she can then monitor the well-being of your child for any potential side-effects.

If you prefer to not take medications, there are med-free therapy options such as herbal remedies, therapy, light therapy, and a myriad of other resources. If you are further interested in these options, email me at mypostpartumvoice (@) gmail.com with a request. I would be happy to get you in touch via email with some women who have beat Postpartum without medication. It IS possible.

There are also these additional online resources:

Kathleen Kendall-Tackett’s PPD page: http://uppitysciencechick.com/postpartum-depression.html

Postpartum Support International: http://www.postpartum.net

Karen Kleiman’s site: http://www.postpartumstress.com (here’s the direct link to Kleiman’s “Is Breast always Best” article: http://postpartumstress.com/pages/breast_best.html)

KellyMom PPD page: http://kellymom.com/ppd/index.html

Thomas Hale/Texas Tech Health & Sciences Infant Risk website: http://www.infantrisk.org/ (includes a helpline open M-F from 8a-5p) They have tabs for breastfeeding and depression.

Know this – you do NOT have to stop nursing just because you are depressed. Make the best decision for you. If you need to stop, that’s fine. Do not let anyone judge you for using Formula. It’s there for a reason. But if nursing is the only saving grace in your Motherhood journey, don’t let anyone steal that from you unless they have a damned good reason and can prove it beyond the shadow of a doubt.

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On the Seventh day of Dismissmas: Seven Sins a-lurking

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On the seventh day of Dismissmas,

Postpartum sent to me

Seven sins a-lurking,

Six women a-denying,

Five hours of sleep,

Four Just Snap out of Its,

Three perfect babies,

Two depressed parents,

And a wailing mess in a pear tree.

 

 

“I’m a bad mother.”

“I’ve done something horribly wrong. I deserve this hell.”

“If only I pray for forgiveness, this will all go away.”

Postpartum Depression strikes 1 in 8 new mothers. Regardless of their faith, tenacity, past behavior, current status, income, support, marital status, etc. No one is immune. We do not appear before a judge and jury to be sentenced with Postpartum Depression as retribution for past transgressions. It does not happen that way.

You do not have Postpartum Depression because you said the wrong thing to Aunt Irma last year at the family Christmas party. You do not have Postpartum Depression because you had bad thoughts about your unborn child during pregnancy. Yes, depression during pregnancy does lead to a higher risk of Postpartum depression but it is not BECAUSE of those thoughts – it is not punishment for them.

Bottom line?

Postpartum Depression is SO not your fault.

Postpartum Voice of the Week: Life as we knew it

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Background "hand tag" stock photo from http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1241062

 

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

Winston Churchill

If ever there were a post to embody the sentiment expressed by Sir Winston Churchill, this would be the one.

Seemingly trapped in a fox hole with guilt bombs convening on her very position, this author gets honest and raw about her experience. She begins to dream of death just to get some rest from all the guilt swirling around her. To make matters worse, her fox hole begins to crumble around her.

“I had heard whisperings of “Mothers Guilt”. I never knew what it meant. I thought it went along the lines of “my kid will need therapy because of me!” – but I never thought of Mothers Guilt being a 24 hours a day 7 days a week guilt thing.”

For many, many, many Postpartum mothers, guilt IS a persistent factor in our experience. We are sometimes swallowed whole by guilt even beyond the already difficult symptoms of Anxiety, OCD, Depression, or Psychosis. Guilt exacerbates the pain we carry inside our heart. We have an adorable child. A healthy child. A child who is very much wanted and loved. And yet… yet.. here we are. Trapped. In hell. With guilt bombs firing at us from every direction. It’s our Normandy beach.

Now go. Read this week’s Postpartum Voice of the Week.

Don’t forget to submit your own posts for consideration. You have until Tuesday night!

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