#PPDChat Topic: Is it Postpartum Depression? Helping a struggling parent
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Tag Archives: postpartum depression
A simple wish for @yaelsaar
Every so often, you meet someone. Not necessarily in person in this day and age, but still. You meet them. You get to know them. They’re full of passion, fun, love, compassion, drive, intelligence, wit, and everything else which makes other people awesome. Pretty soon they’re a part of your life. How or why you met fades into the background. Their presence is something for which you are grateful on a daily basis. If you’re lucky, you also get to see this person make a lasting difference in the lives of others because they’re also not afraid to dive into the deep end when others are struggling regardless of what’s going on with them in their own personal lives. Yet, even though they do this, they also keep themselves in the forefront, somehow miraculously balancing self-care with care for others.
A person like this is someone you NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED.
I met someone exactly like this about a year ago, I think. (Remember, I said how or why you met fades into the background? That applies here.)
Her name is Yael. And she is quite possibly one of the most amazing and beautiful souls I have ever had the pleasure to meet. We’ve not met in person but I know one day we will and it will be awesome.
You see, Yael has this heart. This heart which carries her through every day and never quits. This heart which truly loves everyone in her life more than she could ever possibly tell you. And she lets her love spill out of her into you without hesitation. Through her website. Through her calls. Through her tweets. Through HER. Yael is an angel on Earth sent to bless the rest of us with light and love. There really are no words to explain properly the magnitude of her effect on the mothers she helps. On those to whom she reaches out on a daily basis.
Yael, I hope today, your 40th birthday, is filled with as much joy, light, and love as you bring to those of us who are fortunate to call you friend. You deserve nothing less, my dear dear friend.
Dear Abby downplays potential Antepartum depression
Yesterday, a letter to Dear Abby from a woman seven months pregnant received an alarming response. This mom-to-be states she never wanted to be pregnant. She goes on to share her inability to find any websites for women like her – only websites filled with women cooing over their bellies, etc. Her husband reacted negatively when she shared with him her emotions regarding the pregnancy. Mom-to-be is frustrated, doesn’t want to be pregnant, and flat out asks Dear Abby if there is something wrong with her.
Dear Abby responds:
“No, there’s nothing “wrong” with you. You’re just not particularly maternal.”
Um.
What?
Now, I realize all women are not maternal. It’s okay to not be maternal. However. There’s a difference between non-maternal and a mood disorder. There’s also great potential for this situation to not resolve itself without solid professional help.
To Abby’s credit, she does recommend the mom discuss her emotions with her OB to ensure she’s not suffering from pre-partum depression. But then she goes on to share something very alarming with this new mother. “When your baby arrives, I’m sure you will fall in love with him or her as many other women have.”
Sighs.
Oh Abby.
Not familiar with the research showing Ante-partum depression as a risk factor for Postpartum Mood Disorders?
What about the risk factor of unplanned pregnancies on Ante-partum and Postpartum Mood Disorders?
Not familiar with mothers who do NOT connect with their infants at birth or months afterward?
I’m all for providing hope. But to be unrealistic about it is downright irresponsible. Perhaps this mother will fall in love with her infant. But she may not. And now she, along with millions of other mothers in her situation who read this piece, are pinning their hopes on a potential unrealistic outcome which will only cause their guilt and shame to increase when they DON’T fall in love with their infants. No resources were provided. Nothing other than “Talk to your OB.” What if her OB is an idiot? What if he/she dismisses this mother’s concerns just as you have? This mother, and MILLIONS others like her are now left with only your words and those annoying cooing websites for cheery moms.
Postpartum Support International is a great place to turn to for support for Ante-partum depression. There are also several blogs with invaluable posts and insight into ante-partum depression. There’s also #PPDChat on Twitter for instant support regardless of where you’re at in your pregnancy or postpartum.
Thankfully, we’re talking more and more about this. Not nearly as much as we need to but it’s a burgeoning topic. Pregnancy does not always equal a glowing mama. Sometimes it equals a sad/anxious mama. It’s okay. You’re not alone. There is hope. There is help. If only Dear Abby had been responsible enough to provide some for this mom. Instead, she jots off a quick unresearched response which leaves her out in the cold.
Way to go, Abby. Way to go.
Healing through sharing
Notable tweets from the 09.05.11 #PPDChat.
| “ | Writing your story allows you to reflect on your experience and bring your story into physical existence. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | When you do decide to share, be authentic. Be real. Be unapologetically you. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | Deciding when and how to share is up to you. Don’t let anyone force you into sharing YOUR story. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | Speaking in front of 200+ strangers 3 years after suffering from postpartum psychosis was the most cathartic thing I’ve ever done. #PPDchat | |||
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| “ | @isalwayssick I find that each time I tell the story, it gets easier. It doesn’t own me, I own it. #PPDchat | |||
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| “ | @unxpctdblessing – That temptation to toss an infant through a window is more common than many mothers realize… #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | @unxpctdblessing – When I told a friend that I was tempted to throw the baby through a window for a moment too, she cried. #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | @unxpctdblessing – and I told her "You’re not alone. A lot of moms feel that way, but you didn’t act on it. THAT’S what matters!" #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | Thoughts and actions are NOT the same. Thoughts are simply thoughts, and nothing more. Thoughts do not make you a bad person. #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | I’ve seen mothers burst into tears when they hear they aren’t evil, horrible mothers b/c of how they were feeling. #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | That realization comes from hearing someone else say "I felt that way too" #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | @isalwayssick So important for moms to know they are NOT evil for feeling depressed/anxious/etc #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | There’s a level of societal and personal expectation we place on ourselves. When we fail to live up to it, I think #PPD hits hard. #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | …knowing that those expectations are pure crap & that other moms struggle too helps so much. Share your story when you can. #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | My OCD was very hard to control pp. I am supermom! Did someone forget to tell me she doesn’t really exist. I can’t do it all! #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | @DrBeckerSchutte my dh found it reassuring to talk to ppl IRL and find out how prevalent it was #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | @signingcharity Oh, being a partner to someone with depression, especially PPD, is no cakewalk. They need support too! #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | #PPD can happen to anyone! It’s just important to get help and talk it out with someone you can trust. #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | @unxpctdblessing @xtina_morrison Agree. Getting help is not an admission that you can’t cope – it’s you being realistic w ur situ #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | @unxpctdblessing Yup. No one really wants to hear the bad, they just want to be polite I wrote a post on my ability to say I’m fine #PPDchat | |||
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| “ | Because other moms who have been through it can help you fight the shame and self-loathing that wells up. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | The hardest conversation is the one in which we admit we’re not okay to loved ones and friends. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | @unxpctdblessing I think the hardest convo is with yourself. Admitting you’re struggling & in pain & being honest w yourself. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | Just talking to other mothers has helped #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | I kept trying to deny it, after talking with other mothers I knew it was time to pay attention to what was going on #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | @isalwayssick "I’m fine" and "I’m okay" are two red-flag codes for me. They’re what we say when we don’t feel safe. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | I share my story at every childbirth class I teach. I want women to know it’s real & it’s okay to ask & get help. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | It’s important to surround yourself with people who care about you and will support you as you heal. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | Sharing our scary stories with others creates community while connecting all of us on the deepest level. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | I think so often that oh how I wish I had Twitter when I was #ttc & when I had #ppd! I felt so alone, especially with the latter. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | I remember how scared I was the first time I talked about my anger in a group. And how much lighter I felt afterwards. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | Naming the fear is a start, but it takes concrete support (therapist, pastor, family, friends) to step in & create healing. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | I’m still guarded about what I say even anonymously. But this time around I think I’ve been more open overall. #PPDchat | |||
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| “ | @g8trgirl828 Ill be honest. Im not sure I can "go there" to write worst w/o being in therapy AND having real life support system. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | I think that sharing is a huge piece of healing-a support group was what pulled me through the darkest time. #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | Esp. since another round of friends seems to be having babies & I want them to know they don’t have to hide if something is "off" #PPDchat | |||
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| “ | I guess 1 fear is always not knowing who to trust with our sharing. If we don’t trust ourselves, how do we know who else to trust? #PPDchat | |||
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| “ | They’re not quite the same, the different kinds of screaming. One traps us in guilt, one gets us toward free. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | my motto is it’s better to look good then feel good but the lie is wearing me out I fear being exposed #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | When I was in the dark, I had to find people who were safe to tell that I was in the dark, then I could begin to look for light. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | When I was lost in the darkness, all I wanted was to talk to another mom. To know i was going to be okay and wasn’t abnormal. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | I drove to a friend’s house when she admitted having #PPD. I shared my story w/ her, & she said it made a huge difference. #PPDChat | |||
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| “ | nobody has a clue what I’m feeling because I’m lying Smiles on the outside Screaming inside #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | @xtina_morrison I know sometimes you have to put on a good face. But think how much it helps you when other moms don’t pretend. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | @xtina_morrison I think we’re all afraid of being exposed. There are so many expectations on us, from inside & outside. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | @xtina_morrison It’s hard to admit we’re not okay. But an absolute necessity toward healing. #ppdchat | |||
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| “ | I know that when things got bad, I found some PPD moms’ blogs, and they really saved me. Which is why I want to write now. #ppdchat | |||
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A few tips for emergency preparedness for Mental Health
With Hurricane Irene bearing down on the East Coast of the United States, it’s important to also remember to prepare for your mental health if disaster were to strike. Much of the Eastern Seaboard will be closing down as the storm continues along it’s current path.
While making your preparations don’t forget to include your mental health issues.
- Check your prescriptions. Make sure they’re filled or you have at least a two week supply left. See if you can get your pharmacy to refill early for you if you’re close to low. Or call your doctor’s office and see if you can get samples to get you through.
- If you have to take your meds with food, make sure you have non-perishable similar food available to you. MAOI’s, remember, require a specific diet. Watch what you have available to you in case of power outage and be sure it won’t interact with your medicine.
- Write down and keep with all your important paper work the name of your prescribing physician and/or therapist. Check with both offices to see what the availability will be during the storm. Write this down along with their contact information. Also be sure to write down any emergency contact information for the office as well.
Disasters of any kind can be triggering. In addition to gathering necessary survival supplies, plan for some non-tech self-care as well. You’ll need to make sure that in the midst of the stress of the situation you have a space in which you can breathe and feel safe. Self-care is at the center of survival.
Need to know how to prepare for a hurricane? Click here for a great guide.
Stay safe out there and don’t forget to plan ahead for your mental health and well-being as well.
