Tag Archives: postpartum depression

When a Blog Goes Silent

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I’ve been quiet this summer, save for a few posts here and there.

As I’ve blogged before, there has been a lot of change flowing through my life lately.

I’m still running #PPDChat but increasingly quiet on Facebook and Twitter as well. I haven’t had a video chat in what feels like weeks. Between visits with my kids, falling in love, and re-defining myself (again), there’s been a lot of time spent in my head and focusing on what’s really important to me these days – actually LIVING life.

In the dust though, I’ve been ignoring this place, this blog which kept me sane during my pregnancy with my third child and has allowed so many women to feel supported and less alone as they too navigate the trails of Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders.

I’m silent here because I’m not sure what to say in this space right now. I know that working with women through the Postpartum period is something I want to continue doing. But right now, I’m not sure how to fill this space, how to speak about Postpartum Mood Disorders when my experience and understanding of my experience has literally been redefined over a lot of internal re-evaluation over this past year.

Sure, I can discuss the latest news, issues, etc, but that’s what Katherine Stone over at Postpartum Progress is best at and I certainly don’t want to duplicate her work. What I do here is my thing – it’s filled with heart, compassion, understanding, and my goal is to put forth the feeling of the comfort of reading a letter from a girlfriend who GETS WHERE YOU ARE and can assure you that there’s a light at the end of your tunnel. I freeze when I don’t feel as if I am writing with all of my heart. I freeze if I am not giving things my all. I know what it’s like to not get support and don’t want to give you anything but my very best. Because when you’re hurting and lost in the vortex of a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder, you deserve NOTHING BUT THE BEST COMPASSION I CAN GIVE YOU.

Right now, as I let the dust settle (again), in my life, I hope you’ll be patient and understanding. Know you can find me on Twitter. Or if you aren’t on Twitter, go follow my FB  page and drop me a message there. Or email me. It may take me longer to get back to you via email though, so please be patient.

My words are somewhere out there, my passion is still burning deep inside me. It just needs a vacation as the scaffolding and remodeling continues within.

Here’s to looking forward to a grand re-opening and here’s to hoping that it’s right around the corner.

pantone

Dear Pantone 19-4305 Pirate Black: You are not Alone

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A few minutes ago, a member of #PPDChat shared this picture with me. You can find the original here.

I stared at it for a minute. Then I desperately wanted to reach out to the person who created this. To tell her that there’s no reason to continue to hide in the dark, in the black fog of Postpartum Depression.

I want to whisper to her that I am here, that she is not alone. To whisper that the claws of Postpartum Depression, yes, dipped in intense fear, are removable. There are those of us out here who understand what those claws feel like as they rip into our shoulders, our flesh, our hearts. As they shred our dreams and force us to create new ones from the ashes left behind.

Help is so close, and it will swirl around you just as the dark fog is swirling around you now. Except unlike the dark fog, the help lifts you up. It doesn’t drag you down or paralyze you in fear.

The help awaiting you buoys you up, above the fog, beyond the darkness. It’s out there, waiting for you to find it. Please, I urge you, take the first step and reach out. Further than this, email someone, talk to a professional, call Postpartum Support International. Find me on Twitter. Or email me.

You are not alone in the fear which has been your captor since July of 2011.  Make this year the year you find freedom.