Category Archives: Perinatal Mood Disorders

I Love Email Surprises

Today, I had just finished checking my email and answering all of my messages. Sometimes that’s a daunting task because i have several email addresses, luckily I’ve streamlined them into just two addresses but still, that’s a LOT of email. And my PPD addresses have been very busy today. After I was done checking and responding, I logged out, and surfed the web for a few minutes – reading up on how to properly cook tapioca pudding from scratch. (Yes, another craving!) Locating a recipe I actually had all the ingredients for, I read forth. Upon completion, something told me to go and check my ppd address again. And when I did, I had a surprise.

A woman I helped at the beginning of the year had written me not only to thank me but to let me know how she was doing now. For privacy reasons, I can’t give you details, but she is doing well. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that email meant to me. I couldn’t even begin to tell her! I had been really thinking about her lately and wondering how she was doing so her email was well-timed.

So, I have now officially achieved the goal I set out with. Successfully helping at least one woman. Doesn’t mean I’m quitting (I don’t EVER see that happening!), just means I’ve got to come up with another goal. Any ideas?

Facing Your Giant

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This was the title of our church’s sermon this morning. We hadn’t been to church in awhile due to Chris being sick, both of us being exhausted, yada yada yada… I know, excuses, I  excuses!

 This sermon focused on the battle between…yup, you guessed it…. David and Goliath. (Which if you’re curious, can be found in 1 Sam Chapt. 17, and yes, I remembered that all on my own! I’m impressed!)

As the preacher was talking, I thought of this past year and how many Giants I’ve overcome –

  • PP OCD
  • Discovering our daughter’s cleft palate & PRS diagnoses
  • Surviving her surgeries & NICU Stay
  • Starting a PPD Support Group
  • Unexpected Pregnancy
  • Husband’s Car Wreck & Ankle injury

And I am still here. Kicking, and HAPPY. Thriving in my new normal, in fact. You know who I have to thank for that? GOD. Early on, I handed everything to Him and He has shown me just how well He can care for me. He truly carried us through this past year because there is just no other explanation. Yes, I had to do a lot of climbing too, but he was there with me – my Coach, my Support, my Strength.

This past year and a half has been one of the hardest years of my life. But it’s also been a year and a half of strength and growth – I have grown and matured more this past year than ever before in my life. And it’s all because, just like David, I put my trust in God and let him handle everything. I truly learned how to hand things to God – something my mom has been trying to get me to do for ages now… but I had to learn on my own. Not only have I learned a truly worthy lesson, but I am passing the strength I found onto others because I feel that God is calling me to do just that. And I know it is because God is in my heart and at the heart of my PPD work that everything has happened the way it has – PACE continues to thrive, I continue to help women, and I have a peace within my heart that only God could create.

Things with PACE and my PPD work have just fallen into place and I attribute that as a sign from God that what I am doing is right and just. Speaking of that, PACE’s website was just reviewed and accepted by www.psychcentral.com, one of the oldest and most reliable mental health resource sites on the web, run by mental health professionals. Again, just a sign that I am finally walking the right path.

Praise God for His Strength, His Blessings, and His Love. Without it, I would not have survived this past year… and be thriving – in life, marriage, motherhood – and my PPD work. HE is to be honoured in all that I do!

Out of Season Craving…

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Earlier today, I had a craving for some She-Crab Soup, a Charleston, SC classic soup. It’s absolutely delicious. That craving went away as soon as I discovered the canned brand I buy when I can’t get it fresh in Charleston (which is, well, rare), is owned by Castleburry’s which if you remember, had a HUGE issue with botulism in their canned foods this past year. In fact, some of their cans started to explode due to the high levels. Yeah. Not only am I not up for a severe case of the tummy yuckies, I don’t think it would be too good for Cameron. So buh bye She-Crab Soup craving.

I’ve replaced that craving though – now I want some Egg Nog. Problem is, it’s September. Nowhere NEAR Christmas. And I highly doubt I will find Egg Nog at any self-respecting grocery store at this time of year.

*lightbulb*HEY… wait a sec… I have a mix in the kitchen – and milk.

Ok, bye. 😉

P.S. 30 minutes later and craving has been satisfied. The real thing would have been better but hey, I’ll take what I can get – especially when living in an SEC town and a craving hits on a Game Day! (and the game just ended)

Reflections so far…

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I will unabashedly admit my freaking out at the first positive pregnancy test. And even more freaking out at the second one, in between which I freaked out because I almost knocked my pee into the sink. Now I would like to say THANK YOU to Karen Kleiman – her book, What Am I Thinking: Having a Baby after Postpartum Depression, definitively put things into perspective for me. In fact, I would go so far as to say it is BECAUSE of that book you are reading this blog right now.

I will also admit that early on, I hoped for a miscarriage, which is extremely difficult for me to type. I had no clue how we were going to handle another babe – the finances, the potential of PPD, my physical reaction to pregnancy. So far, we’re doing ok. Chris just got a raise at work and is intensely focusing on starting his own business, a personal technology consulting business. He LOVES to press buttons so this is perfect for him. I’m still a bit on edge about the potential of PPD but keep reminding myself I am in a much better place now than I was with either of the prior pregnancies, I have a huge support network in place – heck, this time last year, it was just God, me, my husband, meds, and a barely 6 month old with a new palate and I was still pumping breastmilk. (Course, God being there was HUGE!) And now, I have email in my inbox from Karen Kleiman (who stumbled across my site and is now referring HER clients to my blog…I appreciate it!), Jane Honikman (founder of PSI), and Pec Indman (co-author of Beyond the Blues w/Shoshanna Bennett), Katherine Stone of Postpartum Progress, Tara Mock of Outofthevalley.org, and access to ALL of the PSI Coordinators across the globe!  And I am eternally grateful to some local folks too – to the President of Nuci’s Space, Linda Phillips – for granting me not only meeting space for the women I help, but for helping me connect with my current therapist. I truly owe Linda quite a bit. I have been just dumbfounded at how far I’ve come in just 12 months. I know the possibility of falling is there – but I  am resting easy knowing what I know, educating my family and local support about what to watch for, how to help, etc. Hopefully I won’t fall as far this time – heck, hopefully I won’t fall at all! What a wonderful gift that would be indeed!

 And last but not least, my thoughts have truly shifted these past couple of weeks – and I am now seeing this baby as a gift – a reward, even, for having survived what I have in the past 19 months. I am truly relearning to trust in God and walk with Him. Still can’t quote bible verses off the top of my head – don’t think I ever will be able to do that (I bite at memorization), but my heart has finally found peace with all of this and I am hoping to continue within this peace and truly enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. This morning after Chris woke up, I laid on my back for a few moments and Cameron (baby) was right at my belly button. I poked him and he kicked/hit back. We played for a few minutes until he decided he didn’t want to be poked anymore and relocated. I knew even in early pregnancy that once i connected with the baby like I did this morning, I would be ok and everything would make sense. Thing is – I was wrong – it happened BEFORE…and that experience served to make our bond stronger.

I can’t wait to meet little Cameron!

Today is Italian day!

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I will be starting up the Italian cooking shortly after the girls go down for quiet time. I can’t wait… I bought ricotta yesterday, don’t really feel up to making it from scratch. I also made sure to buy some parm. we’ve been out and it’s been killing me to eat pasta without parm! And no, I am not Italian – I just grew up in New Jersey – on the east coast and well, there’s a LOT of italian restaurants there and I was raised on the stuff! I could eat Italian all day if given the opportunity. YUM YUM YUM! Bring on the garlic!

As far as my mood, it’s been weird lately. Up and down – Chris has been a little off too though. Don’t know if it’s the weather or what – it FINALLY started to rain. I think my mood can be attributed to being stuck at home all day. The past week I’ve been queasy too so I’m sure that hasn’t helped – and then there’s the whole pelvic pain thing. I’m feeling kind of BLAH. I think tomorrow morning after breakfast, I’ll put the girls into the stroller and we’ll go for a walk. I don’t know how far we’ll walk – probably not that far considering my pelvic pain, but who knows, maybe it will help. Wait a sec – I’ve got PT in the morning. So probably not the best idea to do tomorrow morning. Just have to wait and see.

Ok, OUCH. Alli just cannonballed a beanie baby poodle at me. Can I say OUCH again??? OUCH! She’s now whining and fussing b/c she’s in time out. I warned her not to throw it hard and she failed to listen. Typical three year old, right? *sighs & rubs chin* Beanie Babies are lethal weapons!