Category Archives: motherhood

Sharing the Journey with Cheryl Jazzar

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I have recently had the delightful pleasure of getting to know Cheryl personally. We saw the play BIRTH together (THANK YOU CHERYL!) and have been involved in a movement to get a support network going here in the State of Georgia. Cheryl is a warm, caring, and passionate woman and reminds me quite a bit of myself in that respect. Her dedication to helping others along the journey is amazing and runs deep. She is also passionate about natural remedies and very knowledgeable. If she doesn’t know, rest assured that she will find out! Cheryl – you truly are an awesome woman and YOU ROCK! Readers, I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this interview as much as I have enjoyed getting to know Cheryl!

Would you share with us what led you to help women with Postpartum Issues? What drives your passion?

In 1994 I suffered a psychotic break when my first child was just over one year old. I was hospitalized for six weeks over the holidays and lost everything dear to me, including my marriage and my baby. When I remarried and had another child five years later I experienced a severe, lethargic depression a few months after delivery. The self care I used was so quick and effective, I realized I had something valuable to share with others.

You started a state-wide Postpartum Network in OK. What was that experience like and what advice would you give for others wanting to do similar work?

The experience was the most empowering time of my life. I learned it is true that one person can make a difference in the world. I was part of a team of women, though. None of this work should be attempted single-handedly. It takes all kinds of women to reach all kinds of women.

Early on I attended a nursing conference focusing on Native American’s health issues. I heard Wilma Mankiller, former Chief of the Cherokee Tribe speak at that event. She said, “Leadership is not standing behind a podium, telling other people what to do. Leadership is walking in the direction of your goals and working your plans. When you do that, other people will join you.”

That is exactly what happened for us in Oklahoma. We simply walked the path and we were blessed richly along the way for our efforts. There is no doubt in my mind how much our God cares for women. He provided opportunities, human resources, ideas, organizational collaboration, money- everything needed in perfect timing.

We started with two women who cared for moms and walked along the path we felt made the most sense. We learned from the wisdom of many others. Our little group grew to include over twenty organizations, linked together to care for families.

More important than position, education or even basic skills is having a heart for other women. A desire to help others is truly all that is needed to be very highly effective in this work.

For you, what is the most challenging aspect of motherhood? The Least?

For me the most challenging aspect has been laying down my own life and desires for my children. I am a dyed-in-the-wool feminist AND a Christian, homeschooling mom of four, two teens included! Reconciling those two parts of myself has not been easy. I came to realize that Motherhood is a gift to be cherished. It is not a given that we will be able maintain that gift and do a good job, especially if we are conflicted.

Now, managing those two parts of me is the least challenging. I realize being a strong, successful woman can entail being a dynamite mom first. Women are the emotional caretakers of the family. What an important position we hold!

I have a beautiful family and I am able to serve women. What more could a girl want ;0) ?

What do you do to feed your soul when you have time to yourself?

I have a shamelessly one-track mind. I learn more about perinatal mood issues and support more women. That fills me to the extent that I don’t really ‘need’ anything else. I do love a good bath with magnesium salts and a book on PMDs. But, with four kids, just going to the grocery store alone feeds my soul!

I’ve been to the spa once, does that count???
What makes you smile?

The fact that going to the grocery store alone is so awesome! No, looking my kids in the eye on a daily basis is such a gift to me. I can’t believe I actually get to have them grow up with me as their teacher. Homeschooling means I get to put my hands on my kids everyday and intimately know what’s in their heads. After losing access to my first child through mental illness, this is a great and cherished gift for our family.

Though all my kids make me smile, my first daughter takes the cake. She is 16 now and spends 8 weeks per year with my family in Atlanta. I was terrified my kids would be like the teen I was, but honestly, teenagers are boatloads of fun. Both our teenagers just crack us up and remind us how to really live in reckless abandon.

Just being a parent gives us permission to rediscover the joys of our youth. I see my kids as permission to swing at the park and do all sorts of other messy, fun things I would not do so otherwise.
Your approach towards PPD treatment is very holistic and nutrition based. Would you share with us some of what’s worked for you, what you’ve seen work for others, and a few resources at which women and families can find additional information?

Yes. I created WellPostpartumWeblog (www.wellpostpartum.com) to do just this- to provide information on this topic. When I had PPD, I used 1500 mg of calcium, 1000 mg of magnesium, sublingual b-complex vitamins, 2 grams (2000 mg) of Omega-3’s and natural progesterone cream daily. Even though I am not a doctor, I have shared this information with hundreds of other women who have chosen this approach and found their PPD and PP anxiety symptoms also turned around rapidly. Now I am focusing on what complementary treatments can help with more severe reactions. I found that natural progesterone works best for anxiety reactions. I am in the process of compiling data on the use of bio-identical hormones.
What would you say is the number one lesson you’ve learned from PPD?

The number one lesson is that we are in crisis. Many American women have no idea how to care for themselves after childbirth- we are so cut off from cultural traditions and common sense. When I read “The Scientification of Love” a light-bulb came on for me. I realized why natural birth is so important.

Education is power. For women, we do not seek ‘power over’ someone, but ‘power WITH’ others. Helping each other to become more aware is the very reason women are so wonderful and special. Women’s organizations can operate from this premise and everyone wins, which I think answers the next question.
How does it feel to be helping other moms during a time of need?

Win/win is a great goal that brings deeply fulfilling feelings, no matter what capacity we serve in.

Would you share a bit of information from your book with us? Why would it be important for a new mama to read this?

Yes, but my first written work was one chapter in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Health. My full chapter is available at http://wellpostpartum.com/?s=101.

Most moms don’t realize they have treatment options and up to half of women will not seek help at all due to concerns over being medicated. It is important that women realize their baby is built on nutrition taken from their own bodies. The vitamins, minerals, amino acids, fats and enzymes that go into growing a baby are also VITAL in the postpartum period for the mother’s emotional well being and hormone balance.
And last but not least, if you had a chance to give an expectant mother (new or experienced) just ONE piece of advice, what would it be and why?

Realize your true place in the world. The Dalai Lama came to Atlanta recently and pointed out his most important aspects of a peaceful world. His first point was on the importance and influence of Mothers. He said the most important thing we, as a race, can do to promote peace in the world is to care for mothers.

What he realizes is that women are the origin of life. In partnership with the divine, it is our bodies that house the genesis of new human life on this planet. That awesome responsibility needs to exist in a place of honor. When we realize that, we are more able to ask for and receive the care we deserve during our reproductive years.

Yes, new mothers are fragile. They are fragile for a reason. If our goal is to clean the house, go to the salon, prepare meals and go back to work looking like the perfect specimen, focus is taken off the important task of bonding with the baby. We can learn to respect the true purpose for our fragility during the perinatal period- that we are better able to relate to new the new life before us. Nurturing ourselves nurtures that new life.

Birth: A Play by Karen Brody

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EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA NEEDS TO SEE THIS PLAY.

EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA NEEDS TO SEE THIS PLAY.

And yes, every woman SHOULD see this play. With their husbands and family members. This play is amazingly honest, straightforward, and touching. I had the honor of seeing this play in Atlanta Saturday night with a friend of mine, Cheryl Jazzar. (You’ll get to know her on Thursday!) We thoroughly enjoyed the performance and the panel discussion afterward. Want to giggle? We saw it at the Push Push Theatre in Decatur. I know, right?

I related to so many of the characters. My birth experiences have all been so different – with Alli it was very un-informed, very non-consensual, very traumatic. Charlotte’s birth was long, no pain meds for 24 hours, and I was truly exhausted when finally I got to hold her. Cameron – well, I was induced with him, five hours from beginning to finish and yes, I had an epidural for all three of them. But I do not feel the need to justify my decisions to anyone. These are MY BIRTHS, no apology or explanation needed. And this is precisely what BIRTH is about. Reclaiming Birth for ourselves. OUR BODY. OUR DECISION. No rushing by doctors, no being TOLD what we will do during delivery – what happened to the home birth? What happened to being surrounded by a caring community of knowledgeable women as you bring your baby into the world? When did we lose sight of this and graduate to giving birth in the hospital? Whatever happened to the beauty and power that lies within the act of BIRTH? If these questions are ones you have often wondered about, see BIRTH. If you can’t see BIRTH, read it.

You can also read Karen Brody’s blog here.

Sue McRoberts on 100 Huntley Street!

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Sue McRoberts, author of The Lifter of My Head: How God Sustained Me through Postpartum Depression, appeared this past Friday on 100 Huntley Street, the flagship program for the Canadian Crossroads Christian Communications, Inc. Their Friday program is women centered and entitled 100 Huntley Street Full Circle. The format is a live, open discussion focused on current news and matters of the heart.

You can see Sue’s appearance by clicking here.

A Sort of Fairytale

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About a month ago, Jess Banas, online Coordinator for PSI and a good friend of mine sent this story she wrote. In the madness that is everyday life with toddlers and babies, I stored it away and have just now rediscovered this gem of a story. I sincerely hope that you enjoy reading this as much as I did!

Once Upon A Time…

The queen of a small kingdom gave birth to what she was sure was a perfect child!! One beautiful Spring day, the lovely new mother decided to take her new family for a walk through the countryside and show her subjects the Angel that had been given to her.

Suddenly, the sky grew grey and a storm overpowered the small caravan. They were forced into “The Forest of Despair”…the queen’s caravan was overturned and she became separated from her family. Panicking, the queen ran deeper and deeper into the forest until she tripped over an exposed root and collapsed in a heap of fear and inconsolable sadness…She was LOST!!! Held captive by the forest’s gnarled roots and tangled branches, the queen began to cry in great heaving sobs, her tears landing on the dead leaves of the forest floor.

As her tears fell, one of the fairies of the forest floor awakened. She saw the beautiful queen weeping and said, “Do not despair! Those roots are holding you down. Move your feet and follow me! I will show you the way home!”, but the queen could not hear the fairy, for she was being infected by the roots of despair and the roots were making her very sick. The roots were filling her head with thoughts of utter hopelessness…Telling her she was not worthy…that she would never be home…and that no one would miss her. Not even her husband or her baby.

The fairy saw that the roots were infecting the queen’s thoughts, so the little fairy glowed brightly and shouted, “Heed not the words of your mind, for they are not the truth. You are infected by the roots of despair! Move your feet and follow me! I will show you the way home.” the queen heard the little fairy, but did not believe her word’s because the roots of despair held her tight in their grasp. The determined little fairy only glowed brighter and flew down to the forest floor, calling out to her friends, “Sisters awake! Our queen needs us!” until one by one, all of the fairies awoke.

The fairies saw that the queen was imprisoned, so they all glowed as brightly as they could and shouted in unison, “DO NOT DESPAIR!! THOSE ROOTS ARE HOLDING YOU DOWN! HEED NOT THEIR WORDS, BUT MOVE YOUR FEET AND FOLLOW US!! WE WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY HOME!!”, until finally the queen, warmed by the intense glow from the fairies, was able to move her feet and get up.

Now the queen was still a long way from home and far from healed. The path was terrifying and full of twists and turns and her mind was still full of the root’s poison. The trail seemed to constantly switch back and forth from path to path, and twice the fairies had to backtrack from a dead end…but the fairies were constant and true, even when the queen faltered and stumbled…they NEVER left her side, but only glowed brighter and brighter still…guiding her and holding onto hope for her when the queen felt all hope was lost…until one day the queen came HOME!!

But alas, as she neared her kingdom she saw it was not what she and once known it to be. The countryside had fallen into poverty since her absence and her castle was in desperate need of repair. The queen was shocked and asked the fairies, “What do I do?”, to which the fairies replied, “How do you FEEL, dear queen?” The queen was quiet for quite sometime…suddenly realizing that not only was she well…she was STRONG AGAIN!! She had traveled a road fraught with much danger and hairpin turns, but now she was whole, confident, stronger than ever before, and filled with HOPE!! No her kingdom was not what it once was, but what was important was not the kingdom’s changes…it was the changes in her! She knew without a doubt that she could rebuild her kingdom and her life to BETTER than it was!! Hugging her family tightly to her breast, she knew that the worst was finally over.

That evening, as the sun was setting in the golden mountains, the queen said a tearful goodbye to her friends, the fairies. The queen had to know just one more thing, “Why did all of you help me? I am no one, just the insignificant queen of a tiny kingdom…who am I that all of you would help me so faithfully?” Suddenly, the fairies all twinkled and in the glimmer of the sun’s setting rays, the fairies were gone…in their place stood nine clanswomen of all shapes, sizes, and ages.

They said in unison, “We are the women of kingdom’s past and we are now known in our part of the world as the Clan of Nine…we represent those who were all once caught in the Forest of Despair and though many have been lost forever, many more of us made it out. When we joined this clan, we all vowed to help any who have fallen prey to the forest, turning into fairies upon giving our oath. We guide all who are lost until they are safely home. We wait in our great halls, hidden deep under the earth, until we are called upon. Someday, if you like, you can answer our call and help another queen who has fallen prey to the forest’s cruel disease. In the meantime, know that we will always be here should you ever need us again. We are now your sisters. You are now one of us.”

And as the queen waved goodbye to her sisters, happy tears flowing down her face she thought, “That day will be a GOOD one…indeed.”

Reflections of Shame

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A good friend of mine sent the following to me in an email and after reading it, I HAD to share it so I asked for her permission and it was granted, provided I remove any identifying phrases. This piece is very powerful and I sincerely hope that it speaks to some of you as much as it spoke to me.

I have the wonderful opportunity to be attending some marriage strengthening classes. As part of these classes we have started talking about shame. As we have started to do this and I have started my workbook, I realize I carry a lot of shame. So at this late hour when I can’t sleep I am coming to terms and releasing my shame.

I feel like I hide my real self and learned to do this at a young age. I hide my real self in many different ways, one of them by not expressing myself. So here goes.

I have an aunt whom I love very much and look up to a lot. In fact she is not too much older than me, and while she has some children older than mine 2 of her younger ones are about the same age as mine. Well she is very expressive and does not care what other people think. And I think people love her because of that. I know I do. I want to be more like her… anyway, onto the shame.

I feel shamed because of the fact that I suffered from Postpartum Depression. Many people have made me feel this way. I also feel shamed because of the alternative route I sought out to help me overcome it. I sought out alternative medicine because western medicine and I don’t get along very well. Some people have made me feel that I should have just been able to “snap out of, or Get over” my depression. Don’t you think I would have if I could have? I have a family member that no matter what I say or do feels that I have PPD yet again. I DON’T, I have not had issues with PPD this time. They feel though that I do because someone who had PPD said to them that once you have it you always will, and it will get worse with each child. I feel bad for this person who has suffered from PPD more than once. I also feel bad for my family member that refuses to see that I am not suffering. I think part of the reason that they feel this way is because they feel that I sought treatment from a source that was less than godly. I feel they worry about my very salvation.

I feel shamed because we are covered under state run medical plans. Most of those people who shame and judge me for this have never been a student, they never sought higher education and got married and worked in high paying jobs and some have had their wives work, and sent their children off.  I chose to stay home and raise my own children and we chose to have children before we graduated higher education. Because of this and because of the fact that NO employer will pay for medical insurance for a part time employee, we have state run medical coverage. I don’t enjoy being on state coverage and have had to suffer through some pretty horrible doctors because of it.

I have been made to feel shamed because my son has Sensory integration disorder and I sought out a diagnosis of this and I sought treatment for him. Well some people have told me that I should just let him be him and not try to fix him, and to let him grow out of it. I, on the other hand, wonder how a mother could stand by and watch their child suffer on a daily basis and do NOTHING about it. Yes I sought Occupational therapy for my son, sue me, I am the world’s worst mother.

I am currently working as a moderator of a support group for women suffering from PPD because no woman should be made to feel alone or shamed because she suffered after the birth of her child.

I also am currently seeking more help for my son as he has slipped in his progression since his release from OT. I am also doing this because other people see that he is different. In fact tonight at a party that we went to some one started talking to me about autism and the question arose if my son has been diagnosed with autism or not, because her grandson is autistic and she sees some behaviors in my son. Well this is the 4th person, three of them being professionals that have approached me without being asked for an opinon and talked to me about the possibility of my son having autism, at least in an extremely mild form. I am not seeking a diagnosis for him for any other reason than to help understand him more and help him to lead a full and productive life.

I will not stand shamed for these things anymore.

I will not stand shamed because I fought and recovered from PPD.

I will not stand shamed because I can not tolerate western medicine and thus seek holistic or alternative medicines.

I will not stand shamed because we live on help from the state, because it won’t be for forever and my husband is working and paying into the same system we are taking from.

I will not stand shamed because I am trying to find ways to help my son cope with life and live a full life for himself.