Category Archives: toddlers

Sometimes God whispers at just the right time

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This morning I arose to a husband who hadn’t been to sleep because of his back pain, a screaming hungry baby, and two toddler girls who were extremely excited about going to church.

I didn’t want to go.

But they were beyond excited. Allison had told Charlotte that today was Sunday and that meant they got to go to Sunday School!

Chris certainly wasn’t going as he hadn’t been to sleep yet. The in-laws were out of town so we couldn’t ask them to pick up the girls. If we stayed home, the morning promised to be a difficult one.

So I went even though I didn’t want to go. I fixed breakfast, the girls and I ate, got the girls ready, got myself ready, and out the door we went. I arrived early and sat down next to some family friends and ended up talking with her about PPD. She shared with me about her experience and would you believe that 25 years ago, she had an AWESOME doctor who was caring and knowledgeable? I told her she was SO lucky to have that doctor in her life at that time. What a blessing!

Church Service started and after a few rounds of cleansing song, a soldier fresh from his 3rd tour of Iraq approached the stage to present the church with an American flag that had flown high in Iraq on his tour. There was not a dry eye in the house as we all stood to recognize his amazing service to our country. Agree with the war or not, there is no wavering in the military’s dedication to what this country stands for and I commend them all for their service.

The pastor began to preach and as he spoke, I found myself distracted, something that doesn’t really happen a lot to me at church because our pastor is awesome, as he was today. I flipped to the back of my bible and began to look for the word “depression” in the concordance and term glossary. I found it and began to read the bible verses quoted there. Once I was done, I returned my attention to the sermon, which focused on 1 John, chapters 1 and 2. Walking in the light with Jesus and focusing on the truth of the Word, and accepting forgiveness that Jesus so amazingly gave to us.

As the invitation was given, I felt an overwhelming urge to look towards the front. I saw a man who had gone forward and after the invitational song was over, our pastor shared with us what this man had shared. He had been struggling with Depression and wanted the Church to pray for him. We were led in closing prayer and dismissed.

Instead of leaving, I went against the crowd to the front of the Church. I knew God was guiding me forward. At the front of the church, I sat down, noticing an older woman in the second row just crying her heart out. I went over and asked her if she was his wife, she said she was. Telling her about my bout with depression (briefly) and letting her know that I volunteer to help women with depression, I asked their names and wrote them down so I could pray for them as they faced this together. I also wrote down all of my information and gave it to her with the instruction for her to call me or email anytime she needed to talk. I then sat with her until the men of the church were done praying for her husband, letting her know that she didn’t need to talk to me, that we could just sit there together quietly. I also spoke with her husband and let him know the same thing – and will be sending a book to the Church for him tomorrow. It’s a book that Tara Mock over at Out of the Valley recommended to me – New Light on Depression by David B. Biebel D. Min. & Harold G. Koenig, MD. It is not only medically valuable, but biblically valuable as well.

I don’t ask much of you, dear readers, but if you would lift this family in prayer, I know they would appreciate it greatly. I would appreciate it greatly.

Even when God whispers, I hear him. For this I stand amazed. It has been a long time and I have missed hearing His voice guide my actions.

Sharing the Journey with My Husband

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As I sit here having just read this interview, I am blown away by how far we have truly come since the birth of our first child. We have overcome so much and I know it is because neither one of us is afraid of staring adversity in the eye. Chris and I met November 2000 while we worked at the same company. We’ve been inseparable ever since, no matter what the storm brought to our world. Relying on each other’s strengths and shoring up each other’s weaknesses, we’ve managed to build an extremely strong marriage that has been tested time and again in the short six years of wedded partnership. And you know what? We’ve come out of each storm stronger and closer than before. There’s a quote by Louisa Alcott:  “I am not afraid of the storm for I am learning to sail my ship.” Together we are not afraid of the storm and have slowly begun to master sailing our ship through whatever mighty waves come our way. I hope you enjoy this honest and compassionate look into my PPD experience from my husband’s perspective.

Would you share your experience of watching the woman you love suffer from Postpartum Depression? What were some of the emotions you went through as you watched me spiral downward and what was the hardest part for you?

Wow, thats tough. I guess it is hard because I have blocked that out of my mind. I think the best way to answer that question is to just explain what PPD looks like from the outside from the perspective of someone who is uneducated in the signs, because that is where I was when it all began. Honestly I really didn’t know what to think. All I knew is that the woman that I married and loved was gone. You were reclusive and moody most of the time. All I really wanted to do is just tell you to snap out of it, and I think that I did a couple of times. I thought you had become lazy and selfish. I knew something was wrong, but I thought it was more of a problem with lack of motivation and lack of discipline. It made me angry. After our second daughter was born, I had educated myself. I found that even though I got frustrated with you, I understood. I probably didn’t show it all the time, because I had my own stresses going on with sixty hour work weeks and the hospitalization of our daughter. The hardest part of it all though was watching you hurt. I just wanted so bad for you to be happy and it just didn’t seem to happen.

Looking back, would you agree that the lack of diagnosis/treatment of my first episode compounded my second episode?

Definitely. I actually believe that it just carried over into the second pregnancy. You never really recovered from the first episode. It wasn’t until nearly a year after the birth of Charlotte that I even began to recognize you as the same woman that I married.

You recognized my PP OCD the second time around well before I was able to admit there was a problem. In fact, you even made the call to my OB’s office for initial treatment. What were some of the warning signs that alerted you to the beginnings of this episode?

You had become anti-social. You were sad most of the time. You did a lot of cleaning, and please don’t take this the wrong way because you really are a great housewife, but neither one of us is Mary Poppins when it comes to keeping the house clean. What really tipped me off though was that you just didn’t seem well. You wanted to sleep a lot and you also seemed to snap very easily at the smallest things.

My hospitalization absolutely frightened me but ultimately became the turning point in my recovery. Would you share your memories and feelings surrounding my hospitalization?

Honestly, I was scared to death as well. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was working sixty hour work weeks with a two year old and newborn at home and I didn’t know how I was going to take care of them. And how would I juggle having to make the hour drive back and forth to the hospital that you were in to bring you the things that you would need and to get milk for Charlotte? I didn’t know how long you would be there. I was really scared. I was also concerned for you. I love you and didn’t want to see you hurting. I was also thankful for the fact that you were getting the help you needed. When you called me at work and told me that you were having intrusive thoughts, I couldn’t get home fast enough. Who knows what the outcome would have been had you not gone to the hospital that day? That thought still crosses my mind today. I am so grateful that you understood the severity of your problem and took the help that was given to you. I think it all goes back to education.

We worked very hard together to prevent PPD after Cameron’s birth. What were some of the differences in how we approached the postpartum period this time around?

Well, I know that you took antidepressants during your pregnancy, but we also had a set of written guidelines as to what to look for and for how we would respond if certain events took place. We tried to educate (there’s that word again) our families about the signs to look for and also what were the right and wrong things to say and do in the event that PPD reared it’s head again. During your second bout with PPD I really think that we were better educated, but our families were not. This caused a lot of tension and strife. With the whole family knowing what to look for, it helped make everyone sympathetic to the situation. Boy do I wish we had that in place when in the throes of your second episode.

What is the biggest lesson you feel you’ve learned from my PP OCD episodes?

I always viewed mental illness as something that happened to other people. I viewed people with mental illness as weird or abnormal. The biggest thing I learned is that mental illness can strike anyone, at any time. I suffer from ADHD, depression and anxiety and would have never sought help with my issues had I not educated myself about yours.

What has it been like to watch me grow from mother suffering from PPD to the PPD Advocate I am today?

First I would like to say how proud I am of you. You have turned adversity into triumph. I have been amazed at the transformation. Most people just take their hard knocks and then move on, but you have taken up a cause and have made a difference in other peoples lives. I am inspired and in awe. I love you and encourage to keep up the great work that you are doing.

Share with us what you find to be most challenging about fatherhood. The Least challenging.

I have always been a rather impatient person. Fatherhood is teaching me patience. That is a challenge since I tend to want instant results. Maybe that is just the ADHD in me. Kids sort of move at their own pace, and I have learned that they are learning all along the way. To rush them along is not only detrimental to their growth and development, but it is also unfair to steal those learning experiences away from them. The least challenging is loving those precious kids. I just can’t seem to get enough of them and can’t give enough hugs and kisses. That is not a challenge at all.

How important do you feel it is to hold onto a sense of self once you become a parent? What are some ways a father can provide some much needed alone time?

You must know who you are before you can help someone else, namely your children, discover who they are. The best way to do that is to have some “me time”. It is very difficult to get when you are a parent between diaper changes and cleaning mud (or other mud like substances) off the walls, but is essential. Sometimes I will stay up late to get some alone time or will go to the store. Don’t forget though that you and your spouse need some time together too. Also, it is ok to ask your wife to take the kids for a few hours while you go get some coffee. Just remember though that you need to provide her with that same luxury as well. Ask the Grandparents to take the kids too. Even if it is just for an hour or two, you and your spouse can have a nice dinner or just go home and work on some of those household projects that you have on your “honey do” list.

And last but not least, if you had one piece of advice to give an expectant father (new or experienced), what would it be?

Educate, educate and when it’s all through educate some more. You can never fully prepare yourself for everything that fatherhood throws at you, but knowing some of what to expect takes a lot of the anxiety away and relieves a lot of the stress on you and your spouses relationship

Grace Award

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Grace Award Badge

Darren Bernhardt, of TheStarPhoenix.com is honored for his story, “Child care necessary for support groups,” in which he reports on the loss of child care for a Saskatoon (CA) Postpartum Support Group. Darren’s writing dignifies and honors the journey these moms take as they struggle to overcome such a difficult times in their lives.Thank you Darren, for respecting these families and the program that supports them during this time.

Philippians 3:13

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This morning we had a pediatrician visit for both Cameron and Allison. Cameron’s appointment was his six month check-up and Alli’s was related to her continued rash behaviour.

Alli is being referred to a child psychologist for further testing/evaluation and I am very relieved. Perhaps this will finally shed some light on the underlying cause of her behaviour and lack of discipline acceptance.

Cameron, on the other hand, is suspected of Failure to Thrive. The pediatrician suggested I pump exclusively for a couple of days, giving him my breastmilk via bottle. I have a few reservations regarding that plan of action. First, exclusively bottlefeed and pump for TWO WHOLE DAYS? Pumping is not a good indicator of supply, bottlefeeding may confuse him, and frankly, after exclusively pumping for Charlotte for seven long months, I’m not so sure that I’m up for a second time around that block. I am also scared to start EP’ing as I fear I may end up doing that until he’s a year old, continuing to struggle to pump as well as get his weight gain in order. And what if I start and then try to go back to the breast and he refuses to go back? I can’t handle that all over again.

And so it is with a heavy heart filled with experience, fact, and love, I have decided to switch over to formula. A gradual transition to be sure but a difficult decision nonetheless. I know I will miss our nursing relationship but his health and growth as well as my mental stability are vastly more important than any potential benefit of breastmilk at this point. I fully anticipate a mourning period and will be keeping an eye on my mood as the prolactin production decreases as we wean. Deep in my heart I know this is the right decision for our family in order for us all to be happy and healthy.

It is at this time I am reminded of a wonderful bible verse –

Forgetting things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, this is wisdom. Philippians 3:13

This verse has become a constant reminder not to over-analyze every minute detail of what could have been done differently or where the train began to run off the tracks. To do this would be assigning ourselves to a dark pit of despair and that is not where we need to be now. We need to be front and center, in the light with the Lord so that we continue to shine and guide our children toward His glory. We will accept (once again) our new normal and adjust our lives accordingly so we may move forward full of prayer, wisdom, love, and strength. For at this time, there is nothing more we can do beyond this but wait on the Lord and trust in His infinite power and wisdom.

AP News Alert – First Ever Indoor Hurricane strikes Home in Rural GA.

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Rural GA, sometime last night – Odd Weather has struck again. This time, it struck inside a home. For the first time ever, an indoor hurricane is strongly suspected for the damage. Hurricane AlliChar is being blamed for a horrific trail of destruction.

The hurricane seemed to have started immediately outside the children’s bedroom, continued into the kitchen where it opened drawers, appliances, and even pulled items from packaging. The Hurricane then took a sharp left turn through the back door and appeared to have done the largest amount of damage in the bathroom, tossing magazines, toys, and other various sundries about.

Residents are in quite a state of shock but do plan to rebuild with a tremendous increase in property protection planned as a large part of their rebuilding efforts. An estimate of damage was not immediately available.

Funny thing is that I read at One Step Ahead’s website just yesterday day if your child is over 30in tall and 30 lbs, ditch the gate and be extra vigilant. Apparently “THEY” have NEVER met my kids.

I admit, I overslept this morning and did not get out of bed until shortly after eight. First mistake.

Second mistake – thinking the door alarm would be a deterrent. It was not. The beginning of the trail

In fact, we awoke to the biggest trail of toddler destruction we’ve ever seen. Someone alert FEMA. We need federal aid. I think there would have been less of a mess if a tornado or hurricane had ripped through.

Our two year old was in the floor blissfully shoveling Neopolitan Ice cream into her mouth with her hands. (Our four year old had gotten it out of the freezer by standing on a stool) Oh yeah, and most everything else that looked “cool and fun” was out of the freezer too – those long ice pops you can  buy in the huge box, fudge pops, italian ice bowls, yeah…. all in the floor. (I managed to recover the italian ice bowls – they hadn’t opened them yet – and the freezer pops, well, they’re impenatrable so they’re back in the freezer as well. The ice cream was an unfortunate victim as were the fudge pops.)

Our four year old was still digging through the freezer and had the refrigerator door open as well. The pantry door (which DOES have a latch on it) was open, a brand new box of cereal, a jug of juice, and the syrup had been removed. And the destruction continues

They had also gotten into the drawer container on the VERY top of a VERY TALL white shelf we have – removed one of the drawers, spilled grits everywhere and the rest of the packages – country gravy mix, roasted potato seasoning, onion ring coating, etc – were scattered about quite randomly.

A pink inkpad had also been wrought free from one of the drawers – they left a trail of little pink fingerprints all over the kitchen.

And no, I’m not even close to being finished.

It continues, Oh yes it does.

The trail led to the bathroom. They had gotten the hair clippers down (at least they didn’t figure out how to plug them in or we might have two very bald little girls right now)

There was poop on TOP of the toilet lid. Yes, on TOP. (and yes, I laughed when I saw this – I mean, seriously. On TOP???)

And it endsMagazines were strewn everywhere – my Nair strips were all over the place – again, imagine how funny THAT would have been! Two toddlers with Nair wax strips stuck to them… I’m giggling just thinking about the possibility!

Toilet paper had been intertwined with the mess – not much, just enough to make one frustrated. As if everything else hadn’t already gotten to us. Oh, and Chris’ tool box has been dragged in there as well. Thankfully we didn’t find anything IN the toilet as that has been known to happen.

Some sort of white powder – probably a gravy mix of some sort had been spilled in the bathroom right outside the shower. Chris commented about stepping out of the shower into the gravy mix and I retorted, “Well honey, that’s what you call INSTANT BREAKFAST!”

His response? “Yuck.”

The excuse we got for all of this mess? ?

“But Mommy, we just couldn’t be patient for breakfast anymore. We were hungry!”

(Nevermind the fact that we don’t usually EAT breakfast until about 830a every morning)

 

My final comment about all of this?

Thank GOD both Chris and I have the blessed ability to laugh at even the worst things. Because if we couldn’t – well, we both probably would have had several heart attacks by now.