Category Archives: mom

Sharing the Journey with my Mom!

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Happy May Day!

Today I am starting a series of interviews in honor of Mother’s Day. Interviews this month are focusing on Mothers of women who have suffered from Postpartum Depression. Up first is someone I am very happy to have the privilege of being close to and honoured that she agreed to be interviewd for my blog. My Mother is an intensely private person and yet it is because of her that I feel comfortable in being myself and reaching out to others. Raising three kids is no easy task (as I am discovering these days) and I am grateful that I have my mom to reach out to and certainly do not take that for granted. Thanks for all you have done for me over the years, Mom, and Thank you for your wonderful continued support in my life!

1) I know that you have a strong faith in God. How do you feel watching me go through Postpartum Depression and the subsequent growth I’ve experienced has affected your relationship with Him? Has it made it stronger?
 
   Having a close relationship with the Lord, has allowed me to let Him take care of  life situations. Through all the PPD that you have experienced His strength has given me just all the more reason to be thankful for the gift of patience and understanding. It has been amazing to look back just not at your journey but mine also and seeing the understanding of what and who God can be in our lives everyday.
    As far as a stronger relationship with God, every year I grow with Him in my life, His strength has always been the strongest for me, and His strength is always there.
  
2) When and how did you first realize something wasn’t quite right with me after Allison’s birth? What were some of the signs that didn’t sit well with you?
 
       Being the mother of three children myself, and that back when PPD was really just something that was not talked about or not even believed to have existed, my feelings of what you went through were really not in that place at that time. I can only understand after Allisons birth the constant calling to be reassured was a need for security from my point of view. Unfortunately because of the distance of living situations I only heard your feelings and immediately prayed and gave them  and your family to the Lord.
    
 3) I want to Thank You for your willingness to help so much after Charlotte’s birth when we were back and forth to the NICU. How hard was it for you to come down and help care for Allison while watching Chris and I go back and forth to Atlanta to visit our newborn daughter?
 
       This is a very easy question, I have always felt if I could be there for our children I would be. It comes back as your mom I knew that in my heart you would feel much better knowing I was there for you and your family. This particular time was when you started sharing more with me the emotional struggles because of Charlotte’s disability and also the understanding of the situation among all family members was new so there was quite a bit of distress.
 
4) You also dropped everything to come down when I was admitted to the hospital for PPD to help Chris with the girls. What were some of your thoughts as we went through that weekend?
 
     My immediate reaction when I read this question was one of I prayed! Next I knew because of what you, again had shared, the reasoning at this time was a medication issue. I will just say that the peace that God gave me is a big answer for this one. It was His strength not mine and His peace came  along with it.
 
5) How do you feel I am doing this time around with postpartum issues?
 
   You are more understanding, mainly because you are aware of what the problems can be. You still call a lot but I am seeing more of you sharing what the children are doing and the funny sayings, antics etc. I see a willingness to look outside “yourself” which in my opinion has helped you grow because
 its  allowed you to see how others in your life live. Your own relationship with the Lord has grown. That is a wonderful blessing!
 
 
6) What, if anything, have you learned from my postpartum experiences?
 
    I guess one of the biggest things I learned is that I do feel for all the mothers out there who had PPD and had no idea what was going on with their emotions.
Years ago when PPD was unknown and how so many of us have been affected and we kept asking is this normal?  To understand that as a society today we also no longer have families living close by and therefore the help that would once have been there has caused extra stress and therefore insecurities.
  
7) Do you feel that my motherhood has brought us closer?
 
    Yes and no. Yes, because of knowing that you care about my opinion and also seeing the relationship with our Lord growing. No, because of the distance of where we live keeps a lot of what we would share face to face out of the spectrum of our lives.
 
8 ) Have you done any research on your own into Postpartum Mood Disorders? If so, did what you find surprise you?
 
      I have done a bit but since at my age I am experiencing a lot of emotional changes in my own life I am giving it to the Lord who has been my strength when I have needed it. I am hardly ever surprised at much anymore. Emotions run the gamut, all over map.
 
9) What is your opinion on how open I am about my experiences and my determination to help other women not suffer alone?
 
       This, is one area I can say I am proud of you that you have taken it upon yourself to let others see and hear about what you have gone through. A beginning, yes, for knowing you have ” kept” a part of yourself and I know as your children grow you will hold onto yourself so when you are older you will know who you are.
 
10) Any advice for other mothers whose daughters are struggling with a Postpartum Mood Disorder?
 
    As you have shared many times already, keep the communication lines open. There will be plenty of times when as a parent you really have a hard time dealing with communication but I have found it the best way to help is to listen and learn and also just be there even if you have nothing to say. I have always shared with my children that if you ask I will give you my opinion, but you do not have to take it. There are so many resources out there now and some of the best advice I can give is to get all the advice you can from all possible places and then make an informed decision. Prayer for my family has always been an answer, God opens the doors to show me the right decision to make!  As a parent of someone who has PPD, just give love unconditionally!

The Little Things

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This morning for breakfast, I had a muffin delivered and unwrapped by a three foot tall princess in a beautiful purple gown. That muffin was the best muffin I’ve ever eaten!

I am so blessed to be able to appreciate the little things each and every day in spite of all that is going on.

Speaking of everything that’s been going on, Chris has achieved 30 days of sobriety. Today marks day 31. He has been going to two meetings a week now and we have been doing devotionals and praying together each night. We have no secrets from each other and frankly, I’m relieved everything is out in the open which I know is one of the reasons I am doing so well with everything.

I bought Chris a cross necklace for his 30 day mark. I’m so proud of him.

Daily Perinatal Mood Disorders Fact

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Defining the Differences:

Baby “blues”: fleeting periods of sadness and mood swings immediately after giving birth. Typically goes away within two weeks or less. Risk rate is 80% of all new mothers.

Postpartum Depression: Continued and deeper feelings of sadness and mood swings. Other symptoms may possibly include increased irritability, decreased appetite, inability to sleep, intrusive thoughts, increased anxiety. Risk rate is 10-15% of all new mothers, regardless of how many children she has.

Postpartum Psychosis: Onset is fast and can include delusions, hallucinations, inability to make any decisions, hearing voices. If suspected, the mother needs to be hospitalized immediately and not left alone until she is under professional care. This is rare, every 1 in 1000 women are at risk for developing this and a family history of bipolar or schizophrenia raise the risk even higher.

Sharing the Journey with Jane Honikman

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Jane Honikman was one of the first people I reached out to while  researching PPD support groups prior to starting my own. She very graciously sent me her books and even included a handwritten note of support (which I still have!)
And that’s the kind of woman Jane is… caring, understanding, compassionate, everything a mother with PPD would ever want to find in their time of desperation and need. She truly embodies what PSI stands for and I consider it to be a true honor to post this interview. I emailed Jane the questions a couple of days in advance but the interview was conducted via phone. The following is what I managed to capture so “listen” in and I hope you enjoy what Jane has to say.

 

 1) In your book, I’m Listening: A Guide to Supporting Postpartum Families, you mention the practice of Mothering the Mother. How important is this concept and why do you think this practice has vastly disappeared from our society?
I think what people have done is found subsitutes because immediate family is not as available as it has been in the past due to geographic separation. My generation subsituted friendship as mothering. We need to be more vocal about the need for mothering the mother and more organizational about it. Mothering is the essence of life – we can’t do anything alone, life is all about connection and partnerships.

 2) What did you find (and continue to find) to be most challenging about Motherhood? The least?

 The most challenging aspect of motherhood is keeping communication flowing. Making sure you are able to make your own wants known and yet listening at the same time to the needs of those around you. I feel that finding a balance between these is the key to successful communication.

 The least challenging is falling in love with your children.

3) How did you develop the Postpartum Mantra (You are not alone, You are not to blame, You will be well with help)?

 When I started getting educated about this in the early 80’s – listening to what was being said through the grassroots & research, it was clear that there were three simple messages. I’ve always tried to take the complex and simplify it. A lot of advocates have used this concept for other purposes as well. I have been involved with self help in the 60’s and 70’s and those experiences fed into this mantra. Blaming and being well is something also used by Alcoholics Anonymous.

4) What advice would you give to partners and families of women with Postpartum Depression? What can they do to best help the mother?

 Hanging in there as with any illness -stay mindful that it is not the person’s fault, just like the person with cancer didn’t get it on their own. With any mental illness, when the behaviour changes and it is harsh and alienating, it is hardest because you don’t want to be there for them. Encourage them to get help and be there for them. Never give up on them or yourselves.

5) When you started PEP (Parents Educating Parents), what was the primary motivating factor?

 We were a group of girlfriends providing support to each other and realized we were motivated to share the support we were experiencing in our small group with all the families in our surrounding community.

 6) Has PSI’s success in supporting women and families with PPD experiences surprised you?

 No, I knew eventually it was a matter of staying committed and patient and given my previous experience of working in communities, I knew it would just take time. I always felt that this was the right thing to do.

It didn’t surprise me – it delights me.

7) What activity refreshes you the most when you’ve had a rough day?

 Most important to me is to not allow intrusions into family life. I will turn off the computer after five o’clock then go start dinner and focus on family. I also enjoy music and play the flute. Another thing that refreshes me is friendship, including my friendship with my husband.

8 ) As a woman who has experienced PPD, what has it been like to guide your children through their parenting experiences?

 We were very mindful and the absolute most important thing is the supportive stuff. Our oldest married someone who had no idea what depression was and the most important thing was finding a simple book (english was not his first language) for him to read to educate himself about this. Once he read about depression, it was amazing to see the light go on and see him grasping an understanding of depression. We focused on getting educated, increasing awareness, and providing a lot of mothering through the child-birthing process. I am grateful that there is improved support for my children’s generation because there certainly wasn’t the same level of support when I experienced PPD.

9) Any advice for other women who want to pay their experience forward and help women with PPD?

  Take care of yourself first. The issues will still be there but you absolutely must get yourself to a strong place first. Delegate, don’t do things alone. Set up an organization so you don’t have to go it alone.

10) If there was one piece of advice you could give to an expectant mother (new or experienced), what would it be and why would this be important for her to hear?

 Listen to your body and enjoy it…every pregnancy is different. You have to focus on staying well and get help when you need it – you can’t do this alone.

 

I’ll take my front yard over Calgon any day….

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After a particularly stressful weekend of Cameron screaming his way through it and the girls well, being toddlers, I made it a point to slow down today. You wouldn’t know it though because I did three loads of dishes and laundry (no, I didn’t FOLD the laundry.. that’s for tomorrow), cooked a wonderful rosemary dijon pork roast with carrot souffle, green beans, and stuffing. YUM. And for dessert, we made gum drops. (Jello cut into shapes and dusted with powdered sugar) See.. fun stuff!

After dinner, I decided to fix myself a cup of tea once I had finished cleaning up. Took the tea to the front porch and sat on our bench swing to watch Nature settle in for the evening. I am still breathless and amazed at everything I quietly witnessed.

Bees buzzed, birds chirped and called to one another, squirrels played tag in the gigantic pines, children down the road squealed in delight and called to one another, walkers strode by and bicyclists zoomed past. I watched the goats at the farm across the street scurry toward dinner and felt wind that was stirred up by two birds flying through our front porch. But the most captivating of all was a tiny brown creature with long ears and a twitching nose. A wild bunny rabbit sat in our front yard eating dinner. I sipped my tea slowly and watched as the bunny sniffed and chewed, occasionally stopping to scratch it’s ear. As he slipped away across the yard, he stopped to clean his face. Well-mannered little thing, I thought. The sun continued to slide down behind the trees, leaving an orange glow wrapped around the stand of pine trees in our yard. This glow illuminated all the flying insects and made them seem magical, almost surreal. And that my friends, is why I will take my front yard over Calgon any day!