Category Archives: infant

A Peek into the Darkness

Instead of posting an interview today, I want to share a piece of me with you. Yes, I know I’ve been doing that already but this is deeper and darker. You see, I found my journal from my first Postpartum experience. I shared a brief piece of this with a mom who contacted me the other day and it resonated so strongly with her and made me realize I need to share this openly. Keep in mind that I sought and was refused help at the three month mark – the first entry I share is from her 3 month birthday. So here goes.

July 26, 2004

Today is Allison’s 3 month birthday. I can’t believe we’ve made it 3 months. 1/4 of the way to a year. I’m still exclusively breastfeeding her. I’ve had to give her formula twice – once, the night she came home because she just wouldn’t take the breast, the second time she was being extremely fussy and wouldn’t eat. I couldn’t let my baby starve.

Wow. 3 months of life with a baby. And I am still feeling like I’ve been hit over the head with a frying pan. Sure there are glorious glimpses of normalcy and happiness but mostly I stare at the clutter, worry about our bills, get upset at the dogs for waiting until Alli has latched on to let me know they need to go O-U-T and they gotta go NOW. And Chris has had this kidney stone problem since she was about a month old. That’s been fun. He’ll be having surgery on Wednesday so now I’m worrying about that bill too.

In case you can’t tell, today was one of those days. I called my mom this morning. She answers the phone and asks if she can call me back. But the way she asks sounds like she’s crying. So I freak out and think something horrid has happened to my kid brother who’s in jail. Turns out it was just a laugh that I misinterpreted.

Then later today I’ve attempted to put Alli in her crib for a nap but she’s not napping – no – she’s screaming. And Chris flippantly comments (and I quote) “Geez, you’d think someone was killing her!” THANKS! I’m already having a hard enough time listening to her cry and now you go and put the very image I struggle every day to keep out at the very forefront of my mind. I rush through the rest of the dishes and go to comfort my crying daughter. She did eventually nap – in her swing for about 30 minutes. It gave me enough time to get caught up with Thank You notes. I had gotten just a little behind. Now we just need stamps. Gotta wait until we have a spare $7.40 though. Maybe next week.

Allison did get a couple of presents in the mail today. She got a cute little outfit from her great-aunt’s friend and two books from my deceased step-mother’s sister. There was a very touching note in the card stating that Grandpa Cam & Grandma Helen would have loved having a great grandaughter. I’m sure they know. This little girl has quite an army of angels looking out for her.

My hand is hurting from writing so much. I’d better go. Don’t know how much longer I’ll be awake for. I’m exhausted and my neck & shoulders are killing me. I’ll write again when I can. Thanks for listening.

July 30, 2004

I put my underwear on inside out this morning. Should have paid attention to that sign. It was a really shitty day emotionally. Alli and I did just fine for the most part – until lunch. We met Chris’ parents at Golden Dragon – and Greg & Cindy were there. GRRRRR. I was not in social butterfly mode and really not up to faking it. We sat down and then Mom offered to watch Alli while we got our food. I came back, set my blate down and went to get some soup. Mom’s sitting there talking to some friend of the family in my seat and doesn’t move so I can sit down and friggin eat. So she finally moves and I sit down. Of course Alli immediately starts to fuss and I have to soothe her with my right hand and try to eat with my left. ARGH. She got fussier and fussier. I had to leave after about 4 forkfuls. So I drive her home (she of course, FALLS ASLEEP halfway home) On the way home I was both relieved and pissed off. Relieved because she saved me from having to be social; pissed off because I didn’t get to eat. She woke up as soon as we got home and I fed her. Called my mom and cried. I was/am so completely emotionally exhausted that the prospect of a busy afternoon was absolutely overwhelming. Oh, and the doctor’s office called to reschedule my appt yet again on monday with the psychologist. So  told them that I just wanted to cancel the appt. Obviously they aren’t a reliable source of help for this sort of thing.

After I finished feeding Alli, Grandmama showed up. Once Chris and Mom got home, I just collasped. I ate, then I came into the bedroom and layed down.  I remember staring at the wall – just laying there trying to feel something – anything. I didn’t even go say goodbye to Grandmama. I didn’t have the strength. I think Chris is really starting realize how much of a toll all of this is taking on me. He let me sleep from 3-345p and then Alli needed to nurse.

The good part of this day was that once we put Alli to bed, we went and saw Spiderman II with Greg & Cindy. Was nice to get out and do something with other adults, even if it was just sitting in a dark theatre and watching a movie.

Chris is asleep next to me at the moment and our legs are intertwined. Well, they were. He just moved. I love him so much. I hate that he has to see me go through this but I’m also glad he’s the one I’m with – I know he will do anything to help and I really need that right now.

I’m pretty tired and my back and neck are still pretty sore. I better go to sleep – it’s the only time I don’t feel the pain.

Maternal & Child Comprehensive Center: My Dream

As I have grown and continue to grow in my knowledge and support of women and families struggling with Postpartum Mood Disorders, so has a dream of mine. And right now, it is just that – a dream. One day I hope it will become reality. This dream would be realized in the founding of an all inclusive Maternal and Child Services Center.

The Center would be non-profit to allow for sliding scale fees so that no woman or family would have to be turned away. Women of childbearing age would be accepted – intake would consist of consultation with a Nutritionist, a Case Manager to aid in Mental Health, and of course, an OB or Nurse Midwife. Once pregnant, monthly visits with the OB or NM would continue until the eighth month of pregnancy with special appointments with the Nutritionist and Case Manager scheduled every three months or more often as needed. Doulas would also be available. Childcare would also be provided on site to remove the stress of finding child-care for appointments from the mother or family’s life. We would have on-site birthing and recovery as well as Postpartum Cottages for in-patient psychiatric care – homes where a Postpartum Doula and nurses would work round the clock as the family stayed together to recover – rather than being torn apart. Days for Postpartum Care would include therapy for both mom and dad as well as joint parenting classes. At night, Dinner would be a joint effort amongst all patients – creating socialization opportunities for confidence to bloom again in this area.

We would also offer on-site Pediatric Care with Pediatricians trained to recognize signs and symptoms in both mother and child of Postpartum Mood Disorders. Children would be eligible for this care until age twelve.

Regular support for breastfeeding, formula feeding, loss of breastfeeding relationship, infant loss, miscarriage, special needs infants, Postpartum Mood Disorders in both mothers and fathers as well as classes on infant massage, yoga, and other alternative treatment options for soothing stress in families with young children would also be available.

Overall, the primary staff would consist of a Center Director, Social Workers, Psychiatrist, OBs, Nurse Midwives, Lactation Consultants and Counselors, Doulas, Nurses, Nutritionists, Peer Support Specialists, Pediatricians and Childcare Specialists.

During the Childbearing years, it is of utmost importance women take care of themselves, their bodies, and their families. This Center would enable them to do so by informing and empowering them of their options as well as providing quality comprehensive care for every aspect of their lives during this time, something all women deserve to have access to, no matter what their social or financial standing.

Seeking Spanish Language & Cultural Resources

Stephanie Morales, the co-Coordinator for PSI’s Spanish Language Warmline is currently seeking appropriate Spanish language resources for women and families. Please forward any resources you may know of to Stephanie via email.

It is wonderful when the caller calls but we need to offer them sound, culturally and linguistically appropriate services in their geographical area.

Please do not hesitate to contact Stephanie with any questions or concerns you might have. If you speak Spanish and are also interested in volunteering with PSI for the Spanish Warmline, feel free to contact Stephanie as well.

Sharing the Journey with Susan Dowd-Stone

As the immediate past President of Postpartum Support International, Susan continues to be committed to supporting women with Postpartum Mood Disorders through advocacy and treatment. Susan has been very encouraging towards the beginnings of my work and advocacy with Postpartum Mood Disorders which has been very meaningful to me. As President of PSI, she was aided in the development of a series of PSA’s with CBS that highlighted increased awareness of PPMD’s and has also been very active in support for The MOTHER’S Act. She maintains a private practice, Blue Sky Consulting as well as a website, Perinatal Pro.  Thank you for all your hard work and for being such an influential voice for so many women, Susan. We are fortunate to have such a wonderfully compassionate ally!

Susan, along with Alexis Menken, have put together a wonderful book, Perinatal and Postpartum Disorders: Perspectives and Treatment Guide for the Health Care Practitioner. This book offers a major resource for healthcare professionals, mental health professionals, and medical, nursing, psychology, and social work students who will be confronting this problem in their practices. The contributions, by renowned experts, fill a glaring gap in the knowledge professionals need in order to successfully manage maternal mental health. Click here to order.

Tell us a little about yourself – just who IS Susan Dowd Stone when she’s not advocating for women and families struggling with Postpartum Mood Disorders?

An empty nester, I enjoy teaching and clinical social work. I am ardently involved in the promotion of animal assisted therapy, i.e. exploring and demonstrating the curative powers of our animal companions in therapeutic settings. Through associations with Angels on a Leash and The Delta Society I have initiated and helped sustain AAT programs in hospitals. After the death of my canine partner,I began facilitating a pet bereavement program on a volunteer basis and writing a column on pet loss for the Animal Companion Magazine. Deeply mourning the loss of companion animals is sometimes viewed askance leading to another form of disenfranchised grief. Currently I evaluate teams of handlers and animals for hospital work and live with 3 spoiled dogs and a husband who completely enables this.

I see many human parallels in maternal animal behavior which has broadened my understanding of birth trauma. For example, I watched a show on HBO called “Weeping Camel” about a mother camel who had an excruciating breach birth. When her baby was born after two agonizing days, she rejected it. The movie focused on frantic efforts to effect that maternal infant bond, seemingly to no avail. Finally a shaman was called in to play soothing music while the baby was again brought to his mother. The moment of reunification was deeply moving. Yet, when human mothers suffer greatly during pregnancy, the birth process or its aftermath, we unrealistically maintain expectations of immediate maternal bonding and bliss.

How did you get involved in advocating for women and families struggling with PMD’s?

As a social worker in the Department of Psychiatry at Hackensack University Medical Center, I was charged with guiding the hospital’s implementation of the emerging, but not yet passed, NJ PPD legislative mandates. We initiated a free mother baby support group and invited every mother who gave birth at HUMC to attend. In addition, we developed a postpartum depression psychotherapy program for women identified or diagnosed with a perinatal mood disorder. As the programs facilitator I became more involved in the process and developed awareness of my own isolating experience with the illness, never acknowledged and never treated. I then became involved in a specialty peer group, was recruited by PSI to be their conference chair and then their president. The legislative work continues and I believe we will prevail.

Postpartum Mood Disorders are receiving more and more press coverage these days. Recognition and even treatment options have come a long way but in your opinion, what else needs to happen to improve the current atmosphere and attitude towards these disorders?

We need to spread the message that these are MEDICAL ILLNESSES with true biological underpinnings. It neither signifies weakness or strength if a woman does or does not develop a pregnancy related mood disorder. These disorders have no association to a woman’s character.  Such stigma is crippling to progress understanding and obscures our ability to appropriately respond. The only time we can surely associate character with PPD is through acknowledgement  of the tremendous bravery and courage it takes each woman to reach out and accept needed help.

We often encourage mothers to remember to take time for themselves. What is it that YOU do to recharge your batteries?

Top of the list is spending time with my “baby” girl Julia now 29. Like any proud mom, being in her presence brings incomparable joy which keeps me buzzed long after our lunches or conversations have ended.She’s a  an intelligent hard working entertainment news executive who retains her grace and tender heart. My husband and I hike, read and sometimes just watch the sky. We are easily entertained by simple pleasures.

I find great solace and restoration in nature and try to practice Mindfulness when stressed.  I am captivated by hummingbirds. Their population peaks in August when the babies start coming to the feeders; they do not know fear and will perch a foot away and watch you intently, a truly magical exchange. It reminds me that fear is a learned response. Their long migration every fall to Mexico and return to their same home each spring is profoundly wondrous natural mystery.

I am always interested in new and different therapies used in treating PMD’s. Would you share a little bit with us about EMDR as a type of therapy? What is the basic idea behind this therapy and who would typically benefit from it the most?

EMDR can be a powerful adjunct to psycho dynamic or CBT oriented therapy. It is an empirically validated treatment with solid research to support its application in trauma, but its mechanisms are not entirely understood. Theory postulates that stimulation of eye movement “loosens” traumatic memories held either by the body without conscious awareness, or stored in our brains’s trauma sector (the amygdala) where their reactivation can be stimulated by sights sound and smells associated with the original trauma. This may cause the victim to feel as if they are re experiencing the event and its accompanying feelings of terror and helplessness.

EMDR seems to enhance the conscious processing of such memories allowing analysis and sometimes rapid resolution of troubling symptoms when managed in a secure safe environment. EMDR is especially helpful in supporting recovery from PTSD including war and other disasters. Offered prior to  infant delivery it can help increase levels of tolerance and acceptance in  women who have suffered physical or sexual abuse in the past, or who are fearful about delivery. In addition, it can be helpful in the postpartum for women who have had traumatic birth experiences and are “stuck” in an endless loop of traumatic recollection.

I also use EMDR to “install” positive associations between achievement of new skills and feelings of mastery. As interpersonal challenges often accompany new motherhood, many women are motivated to choose different behavioral options to better parent their child. This offers mothers and clinicians alike a unique therapeutic opportunity to remediate long standing issues.

EMDR is not appropriate for women who are experiencing suicidal ideation, who evidence psychosis, or who are extremely anxious. It should always be offered within a supportive psychotherapy framework AFTER the mood has stabilized and works best in this context as an adjunct treatment to supportive therapy.

What is your philosophy regarding your approach to Postpartum Depression? How did you develop this philosophy?

First, that it is a medical illness with optimal recovery dependent on attention to biological, psychological AND social support issues.

Secondly,  NO TWO ILLNESSES or RECOVERY PLANS are alike. I am outraged when I hear someone discouraging a woman from doing what she, her doctor and her family feels will best help her recovery. The incredible guilt associated with these disorders is often unbearable, increasing and prolonging associated symptoms. Well meaning loved ones can make it worse by presenting comparisons and opinions which invalidate sufferers experience.

This philosophy was developed witnessing the agony of women who felt like failures if they were unable to live up to recovery or treatment expectations set forth by others – including practitioners!!! If one recovery plan is not working, we need a new plan… As one of my therapy icons Marsha Linehan of DBT fame says, clients don’t fail, but treatment can!!

What advice would you give to medical professionals who may come in contact with a mother who is depressed? What are some of the best things they could do for this mom? What should they not do?

If depression is identified at a medical visit, an immediate referral should be given for further assessment, along with respectful reassurance that the mother is “not alone, not to blame and with help she will be well!” (PSI’s motto). This simple early validation goes a long way to mediate a mother’s sense of fear, shame, failure and isolation.

Many medical practitioners do not want to be in the business of mental health as their training and practice may not have prepared them for this additional challenge. But developing a referral list of professionals with a specialty in maternal mental health is both doable and essential for obstetrical and pediatric practitioners. This could lead to greater likelihood of more rapid engagement in the recovery process.

No one should EVER say…”Don’t worry, You’ll get over it, this is normal, go home and enjoy your new baby!! Even if a physician has known their patient for 30 years, all bets are off when rapid emotional and hormonal shifts introduce new and powerful vulnerabilities. The moment for connection is then lost and the silent suffering resumes. Many solid homes that lasted through decades of natural wear and tear on the Texas coast couldn’t survive Hurricane Ike! But we don’t blame the builder!

I feel family support is essential to postpartum recovery. What can we do to foster family involvement in the recovery period?

While we are doing a better job of implementing social support for moms, how about support groups for partners? They often feel ignored in the process and may develop their own feelings of depression as dreams of parental bliss are challenged by a mystery illness claiming their partner while increasing their responsibilities. How about friends and family members who want to know WHAT TO DO. Women often ask me “Can you tell that to my husband, father, mother, sister??”  So I bring in the immediate circle who are often grateful for clear information about what is happening to their loved one and how to best support them.

Family and partners MUST be part of the recovery plan. The social work perspective tells us that without environmental (as well as psychological and biological) adjustments, stressors may continue which prolong the primary episode. My assessment always includes inquiry about what has always been important in this new mother’s life, what she has found comforting in the past. If she rates her spirituality at 10, we explore how to incorporate such options. It’s not just about focus on psychological dynamics, mothering skills and past and present relationships, but on reintroducing the uniquely individual environmental and emotional supports that make each woman’s life worth living.

What is it that you are most grateful for today?

The capacity to love and exchange ideas with others. Solid belief in God and country. Optimism.

And last but not least, if you had a chance to give an expectant mother (new or experienced) one piece of advice, what would you tell her?

Successfully parenting your child requires diligent attention to your own needs. Self care and self love are no longer optional and illusive concepts, but requirements of motherhood.

Did You Know?

Here’s a really interesting excerpt about the development of NY City’s first Maternity Clinic, founded in 1915 by the Women’s City Club of New York. You can read more here.

Infant and maternal morality were higher in the late-nineteenth-century United States than in most industrializing nations, and such deaths were more common in poor families than in elite ones. Higher American death rates were due in part to traditions of limited government that diminished the public sector’s responsibility for human health. Beginning in the 1890s, American women reformers began to fill this void in public health care by creating institutions that could serve the health needs of recent immigrants, especially women and children. Members of the Women’s City Club of New York advanced public health in a new direction by establishing New York City’s first maternity clinic to serve women’s pre-natal health needs in 1915. It offered preventive health care, childbirth nursing assistance, and postpartum care, as well as holding Mothers’ Club meetings where women could learn how to take care of their newborns. The Maternity Center became a model that representatives from many other cities studied as they grappled with extremely high maternal and infant mortality rates in the early twentieth century.