Monthly Archives: June 2010

A Note about #PPDChat today

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For those of you who regularly participate in #PPDChat at Twitter, there is the possibility of a technical difficulty with the 1pm chat today.

I’ve already seen my buddy Mr. Fail Whale (ie, the Whale that shows up when Twitter is Over Capacity) twice this morning. According to Twitter, “We’re seeing periodic high rates of errors on Twitter.”

As of right now, chat is scheduled as planned at 1pm. IF for some reason, Twitter goes down and we are unable to chat, please email me at ppdacceptance(@)gmail.com for an alternative chat site. And of course, there is chat again tonight at 830p EST. Hopefully Twitter will no longer be seeing high error rates this evening.

To all Dads supporting a Postpartum Mama: Thank You.

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To Dads who have supported a Postpartum Mama, this post is for you:

Remember

The day you came home from a really hard day at work and I shoved our screaming baby into your arms then ran away to hide in the bedroom?

or

The day I yelled and screamed at you for not putting a diaper on fast enough or something equally inane and insignificant?

or

THE day I curled up into a ball and cried and cried and cried then screamed and cried and beat up my pillow then wailed some more?

or

The day after when I could not even get out of bed and you brought me food and took care of the baby so I could rest?

or

The day you called the doctor’s office for me?

or

The day you walked with me through those doors to my doctor’s appointment?

or

The day you helped me through not wanting to take my medication because I shouldn’t have to take a pill just to be me?

or

The day you just sat and listened to me as I talked about my frustrations, fears, and hopes?

or

The day you held me as I cried because the bad days started outnumbering the good again?

or

The day we both saw the fog lift once again?

THANK YOU for being there for me through all of it. Even if I haven’t spoken those words yet, I will. One day. They’re in my heart right now. Stuck. Aching to come out. When I’m finally well enough, they will tumble all over themselves as they struggle to escape. And I will mean them with more depth than you will ever every know. The day the fog lifts will fill with radiant sunshine. Laughter will fill the air and we will both see the blessed life we have been given. We’ll never take anything for granted again.

THANK YOU for being my Rock as I fell. Thank you for being my solace as I healed. For that, You ROCK.

Whatever Wednesday: Anatomy of a Laugh

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Most new mothers will tell you about the first time their child laughed. Not giggled, not chuckled, but laughed from the depths of their very souls – a belly laugh jiggling on up just like that of Jolly Old Saint Nick. And they’ll do it with a grin full of reminiscent whimsy on their faces. Today it’s my turn.

Much of our second daughter’s life is composed of celebrating simple milestones on a delayed schedule. But it’s okay because this is our normal. We embrace this, celebrating each new achievement as they come. The bonus to the delay is that many of these milestones we get to really share with her which makes it even more special.

When she blew up a balloon for the first time – we were beside ourselves. When she blew out the candles on her own this past year as she turned four, I had to leave the room because I had tears threatening to break the dam of my perma-happy mama face. A little composition and I rejoined the party, laughing and downing cake with the best of them.

This past week, Charlotte developed an annoying habit. She over-laughs at everything. When I say over-laugh, I mean, over-laugh. Think a Seinfeld laugh track on speed and pumped up a zillion times past the highest volume of which your ears are capable. And she now over-laughs at the most inopportune moments at things which are not even funny. Now, Charlotte is a jokester. Her goal in life (and she’ll tell you this) is to make everyone laugh and smile. All.the.time! She is just not happy unless you are smiling, giggling, or tickling her. Then a glint in her eye sparkles and all is right in her little world. Course, snatching toys from her little brother (like she is no doubt doing right now because he is screaming) also makes her happy. We’re working on that one.

As many of my regular readers know, we have struggled with Charlotte’s speech development due to her cleft palate. She has greatly improved but we are still on an upward hill toward improving her speech. One of the sounds we struggle with are the “glottals.” Now for those of you who haven’t earned an unofficial Ph.D in speech therapy, I want you to put your hand on your throat and make a “guh guh guh” sound. Your “adams apple” should move and you should feel the sound vibrate at the very back of your throat. That is a glottal. Because of Charlotte’s cleft, she learned how to make several sounds by slamming her vocal cords shut instead of using her pharyngeal flap which is what helps make the glottal sound. It’s TOUGH to unlearn something your body has naturally adjusted to doing – it’d be a bit like learning how to walk all over again.

In researching for this post (I know, it’s a Whatever Wednesday. I’m supposed to ditch the research. But I like research), I tweeted Dr. Greene to ask him when a baby normally laughs first, making it clear I was asking about belly laughs. According to Dr. Greene (in 140 chars or less so be nice), “A: First laugh varies a lot. Some do by 2 mo. Most at least giggle by 3 mo. Evaluate if no belly laugh by 9 mo” Charlotte has always laughed. She was a happy baby. But her laugh was high-pitched as happens with most cleft babies as they lack the muscle control to make deep glottal sounds. Many cleft babies must learn how to make their glottal sounds later in life.

As the week progressed, Charlotte’s laugh slammed into me much like a mad seal barking at an intruder. Then last night I had an epiphany.

Charlotte, through her mad seal barking, has been practicing her glottals.

And by George, she’s really and truly BELLY LAUGHING.

For the FIRST.TIME.EVER.

Do you hear me?

My baby, at FOUR YEARS OLD, is finally belly laughing.

“What a sweet, wonderful moment when the belly laughter comes!” Dr. Greene commented in response to why I needed the research.

Yes indeed. A Sweet, WONDERFUL, and AMAZING Moment.

Belly Laugh away, sweet Charlotte.

I promise if I ask you to stop it will be with love, gratefulness, and a warm heart.

And because Mommy has a headache and is fresh out of Excedrin.

Just Talkin’ Tuesday: How do I survive relapse?

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Original blank stock art uploaded by enimal @ www.sxc.hu

Over the past month or so I’ve heard a lot from several of you about relapse. What is it? What if I get stuck in it? How do I know it’s relapse? How do I get out? Is it like Quicksand? Will I get sucked in further if I struggle? Should I just stay calm? Am I down for the count if this happens? What do I do???? HELP!

Relapse sucks.

It just sucks.

It sucks the life out of you all over again, sucks your progress down the tubes, it just – well, sucks. There’s no nicer way to put it, frankly.

What is relapse?

Relapse is when you begin to show signs and symptoms of how you were feeling at the very beginning and these issues begin to interfere with daily living for more than a couple of weeks with no sign of decreasing. These signs and symptoms are set off by a myriad of things – something happening very similarly to what something that happened around the time of your child’s birth, re-visiting the hospital at which something traumatic related to the birth or immediately after the birth occurred, any situation increasing stress to a level at which you’re not ready to cope, or an unknown trigger.

How do I know it’s relapse?

I cannot tell you for sure. But chances are if you’ve had a whole bunch of good days and then wham! You’re two weeks into a string of bad days, chances are you may have a relapse episode on your hands. Think about when this pattern started. Did something happen at the beginning of this that may have triggered it? Moving? New Daycare? New Job? Loss of Job? Financial issues? Difficult news about a loved one?

How do I get out of relapse?

The same way you got out before – complying with your prescribed course of treatment, whatever that may be, and being open with your doctor about what’s going on in your life right now. If you relapse, it’s a good idea to get all your levels tested again – Iron, Thyroid, and Vitamin D. Even if you did not experience issues initially, it’s a good idea to rule them out again. Be sure to be open and honest with your care provider. They are at the mercy of what you share and to be treated successfully, they are relying on you to paint a clear picture of what’s going on as YOU know YOU best.

Is it like Quicksand? Will I get sucked in further if I struggle?

Yes and no. You’ll go further if you struggle against your prescribed course of treatment and remain a non-participant in your recovery. But if you turn and fight like the strong courageous woman I know you are, you’ll escape pretty quickly. (Halle Barry once said on Oprah that the repeat visits to depression valley were always easier because she had been there before and knew the way out. SAME principle applies here. Deep down you know your triggers, your flash-points, and you can control them. And even if you feel out of control, you’ve been here before and know what to do if you just let your body and mind relax.)

Am I down for the count if I relapse?

Absolutely not! Relapse is merely a detour on the way to Recovery. It can put you down for the count but ONLY if you let it do so. Once you decide to fight back though, Postpartum Depression does not stand a chance.

Let me put it to you this way – A caterpillar goes through hell to survive from the time it’s born. It eats, chews, grows, and then if it’s lucky enough, it builds a chrysalis. You know what it’s doing in the chrysalis? Morphing into a butterfly. A beautiful, gorgeous, amazing butterfly. Once that chrysalis pops open and the butterfly is set free, it can never go back. Sure, it can stop by and admire the now empty shell of its past life but it can never climb back into the original chrysalis. The SAME is true for you. You can never truly go back. We can only move forward and move with whatever bumps come our way. We choose to either make them into beautiful butterflies or remain a lowly caterpillar. The choice really is yours even if you can’t see it right now through all the fog.

So this is where I want to kick off the discussion. Have YOU had a relapse? A setback? How did you cope? What would you tell someone who is now relapsing to give them hope? What would you want to hear? Let’s get to Just Talkin’, ladies (and gents)!

Want to answer this on your own blog? Grab the button to the right! Just be sure to link back to this post so your readers can check out the comments here as well.